And Then I Turned Into a Mermaid

by Laura Kirkpatrick

  Molly was quite surprised how avid a student Eddie was. She had always had him pegged as the class clown, because he was so funny, but he actually paid close attention to everything Mr Li was saying.

  Right then, inspiration struck, and Molly came up with probably the funniest geography joke she’d ever thought of. Without Ada to share it with, she hastily scribbled it on a scrap of paper and handed it to Eddie of the Ears.

  Why do sharks only swim in saltwater?

  He shrugged with a half-smile. She scribbled furiously.

  Because pepper makes them sneeze.

  A smile quirked at the corners of Eddie’s lips, but he turned his attention back to the whiteboard, and his gaze remained there for the rest of the class. When the bell rang, he stayed behind to ask Mr Li something. Who knew the class clown was such a brainbox?

  Finally, it was lunch. Spotting Margot sitting alone in the dinner hall, Molly plonked herself down and sighed emphatically. ‘This day is rubbish.’

  Margot’s dark eyes were twinkling like they always were when she was up to mischief. ‘It’s about to get a whole lot better. Watch.’

  Margot gestured to the popular table, where Ada was about to chomp into her ketchup-slathered hotdog. She’d obviously switched from packed lunches so she could spend more time with Felicity and Penalty Pete. As she bit off a giant hunk, her face immediately flushed red and sweaty, and she coughed and spluttered and gasped.

  ‘What did you do?’ Molly muttered under her breath at a sniggering Margot.

  ‘Cayenne pepper in the ketchup.’

  ‘Margot!’

  ‘What?’ Tears of laughter were streaming down her freckled face, taking her black-winged eyeliner with them. ‘I don’t like how sneery she was about the shop, all right?’ She wiped her tears on Molly’s tie. ‘And I remembered how much she hates spicy stuff. Relax! It’s funny.’

  Frowning and adjusting her tie, Molly wasn’t sure if it was funny. Though, admittedly, watching Ada desperately swig from a carton of pineapple juice, shiny fringe stuck to her forehead with sweat, was rather satisfying. Especially since Felicity looked completely grossed out by the whole thing.

  But Molly didn’t want to sabotage her chances at making up with Ada, and besides, they had both been in the wrong.

  After lunch, Molly’s year group was forced to endure forty minutes of hockey on a cold, wet field. Although briefly concerned that the pouring rain might cause her to switch to schmermaid status, Molly’s fears turned out to be unfounded, and she managed to waste over half of the match applying a new grip to her beaten-up hockey stick. This was a regular tactic of hers, and there were currently at least seven grips layered up on the handle. Only a person with hands the size of oars could use it.

  Weak from lack of sleep, Molly found herself hanging around in the changing rooms long after everyone else had gone to afternoon break, trying to tame her frizzy mane.

  Spotting a pair of straighteners someone had left plugged in by the grotty mirrors, an idea struck her. Maybe if she could make herself look more glamorous, like Ada, then she’d stand a chance at making it with the Populars too. It had to be worth a shot.

  Fifteen minutes later, she’d just managed to wrangle her hair into something resembling a sleek ponytail, when Ada stalked into the changing rooms. She looked straight at the mirror, to where Molly stood adjusting her bobble. Molly’s heart leaped, but it was fleeting.

  ‘Why are you using my straighteners?’ Ada snapped, sniffing the air. ‘Oh, gross. You’ve made them stink of chip grease.’

  Molly stared at the ground. ‘Sorry.’

  Ada wrinkled her nose. ‘Might as well keep them. There’s no way I’m using them now.’

  Normally Molly would hurl an equally mean insult back at Ada, but today she was simply too tired, and Ada’s words stung. Her eyes filled with tears, and she sprinted from the changing rooms as fast as she could.

  Right into a giant puddle that had formed outside.

  The tingling started almost instantly. In a fit of panic, Molly tore off her coat and threw it over her legs just in time. Crying out involuntarily, she hit the ground hard as her tail flopped to life.

  Ada burst through the door. ‘I’m sorry, Mol– Oh my God, Molly! Are you OK?’

  ‘Flaganshmood,’ said Molly, through a mouthful of muddy puddle water.

  Ada dumped her sports kit on the wet tarmac and crouched down beside Molly. ‘Are you hurt? Here, let me help you up.’ She held out a hand, concern etched all over her face.

  As badly as Molly wanted to accept Ada’s olive branch, she couldn’t. What was it Melissa had said? About keeping her mermaidness a secret? ‘We can’t talk about that at school. Not ever, do you understand me? We could get in so much trouble!’

  Even Margot had seemed frightened about what could happen if they accidentally let word get out.

  Panic building in her chest, Molly pulled back as though Ada’s palm was carrying a fatal contagious disease. ‘No! Get away from me!’

  Ada’s face crumpled. ‘I’m so sorry, Mol. I shouldn’t have said –’

  Molly’s eyes filled with fresh tears. Pushing away her old best friend was as painful as the bruise blooming on her hip. She readjusted the coat to make sure it was fully covering her tail.

  ‘Please. Go away. Please.’

  Ada did, and Molly felt thoroughly miserable as she leopard-crawled away from the puddle and returned to the Land of the Footed.

  By the time her evening chippy shift rolled around, Molly’s eyes were stinging with exhaustion. Three bleak hours of handing out leaflets in lashing rain lay ahead of her, on a night when nobody in their right mind was out on the promenade.

  Molly yawned once again, fantasising about how good it would be to have a hot bath and curl up in her rickety bed with a cup of milky tea. When she got home, she’d even ask Minnie to climb in with her, and they could read some chapters of her latest library book together. All right, so it might be a bit of a squeeze if Minnie insisted on wearing her clompy jelly shoes, and brought along her full menagerie of stuffed animals. But it would be cosy to say the least.

  However, as so often happens with siblings, that night Minnie decided to be annoying instead of cute. Sopping wet and shivering, Molly arrived back at Kittiwake Keep to find her mum towel-drying Minnie’s long dark hair by the fireplace. Melissa and Margot were still cashing up in the shop, while Myla was studying upstairs despite the fact her A Levels weren’t until June.

  ‘Where was you last night?’ Minnie accused Molly the second she walked in.

  Molly froze. Mum had no idea the sisters had gone to a Clamdunk game. They weren’t supposed to be in the sea at all. And as airy-fairy as their mum was, she would probably lose it at the thought of her daughters putting themselves in danger just for a pointless sport like Clamdunk.

  ‘What are you talking about, silly?’ Molly said, trying to play it cool. ‘I was in bed.’

  ‘You wasn’t.’ Minnie shook her head violently, ruining the French plait Mum was attempting. ‘I had nightmare an’ I came looking. You wasn’t there. None of you was.’

  ‘Were,’ Mum corrected half-heartedly. She looked as exhausted as Molly felt. Her chest looked particularly bony, and the sight made Molly’s stomach twinge. It reminded her of the horrible days while Mum was enduring chemo, and could barely get out of bed, let alone eat.

  Molly slumped down into the oldest, squashiest armchair. The heat of the fire was delicious on her wet face. ‘Maybe that was part of your nightmare, scampi. Have you been eating cheese before bed again?’

  Frowning, Minnie mumbled, ‘Mumma, they wasn’t there. I swear they wasn’t.’

  ‘The pier was dead tonight,’ Molly interrupted, changing the subject to avoid this line of questioning. She didn’t want to get Margot in trouble, as much as Margot often deserved it. ‘Hardly anyone out.’

  ‘How can a pier die?’ Minnie asked sincerely, picking at a bit of dry skin on her thumb. ‘Did it have an-an-an-aneurism?
’

  ‘It’s a figure of . . . Never mind.’

  Looking worried, Minnie said, ‘We wouldn’t be able to bury the pier. It’s too big. We’d have to burn it like Granny.’

  It wasn’t funny, but it made Molly laugh anyway. It had been a long day.

  ‘Come on, toots.’ Arms heavy with fatigue, Mum tied up the braid as best she could and patted Minnie on the bum. ‘Time for bed.’

  Minnie did not take the news well. ‘Nooooo!’ she screamed at fever pitch. ‘I don’t want to! Please, Mummmaaaaaaa! Noooooo!’

  With her little sister shrill and hysterical, Molly felt the last of her patience wane. Kicking her sodden shoes into the corner of the room, she said to her mum, ‘I’m off for a bath.’

  ‘There’s no hot water. Minnie used it all. You’ll have to wait.’

  ‘OK. I’ll fill the kettle. Maybe boil Minnie’s head while I’m at it.’

  For some reason, this only made Minnie cry harder.

  CHAPTER THIRTEEN

  Jack-in-the-Box

  By the time a new week rolled around, Molly and Ada still hadn’t made up. Every time Molly caught sight of her in the hallway, she was tagging along behind Felicity Davison, or ogling Penalty Pete as he licked his shin pads (or whatever football fanatics actually did to pass the time).

  Somehow, Ada was arriving early to all the classes she shared with Molly, and making sure she nabbed a seat by the popular guys in their own year – the likes of Conan and his cronies were starting to pay more attention to her now she hung out with Penalty Pete, and Ada was loving every second of it. It was as if they thought she held the key to Pete’s football skills.

  One afternoon in history, Molly managed to grab a seat next to Ada, but as soon as class started, Ada told Mr Hackney that she’d forgotten her glasses and couldn’t see the board. Someone up front switched with her. Miraculously, by the following day, when Molly sat away from her, Ada’s eyesight was back to eagle levels. The laser-eye-surgery fairy must have paid her a visit in the night.

  To make matters even worse, there were rumours that Fit Steve was now going out with Felicity Davison.

  Molly knew it was stupid to be upset, since she never really had a chance with him anyway, but she couldn’t help but feel disappointed. She had been crazy to imagine he might have chosen her over someone perfect and popular like Felicity, but it still felt like someone was clamping her heart in a tight fist whenever she thought about it. Maybe it felt so much worse because she didn’t have Ada to mope with.

  As usual, Molly’s sadness was spilling out into anger – mainly towards Felicity. How could Fit Steve have such terrible taste? Yes, Felicity was pretty and charming, but she was so mean about Molly’s family. Plus she had already had lip fillers, even though she was only fourteen. Her eager-to-please stepdad knew a dodgy guy who didn’t ask for ID, apparently. She looked like she’d gone mouth-first into a beehive during honey season.

  The dating rumours were confirmed one rainy afternoon break, when Molly walked in on Fit Steve and Felicity tongue-kissing behind the stage in the theatre. Molly had only ever been snogged by Minnie (who was trying to steal white chocolate directly from Molly’s cheeks) and so expected to feel jealous, but she strangely didn’t. It looked very wet and unpleasant.

  She did wonder how Fit Steve could be having a good time, when surely lip fillers were very firm and uncomfortable. It must be like snogging a kitchen table.

  In fairness, he did look glad for the distraction, and smiled awkwardly at Molly as she deposited the props back in the costume trunk. However, before Molly had even left, Felicity was back to clamping her wooden lips around his. It looked like a lamb feeding from a bottle.

  As upset as Molly was about the love of her life having his face sucked by another girl, she made herself feel better with the thought that she was well overdue for a blossoming. She’d witnessed the phenomenon when people randomly got really attractive over the space of one bank holiday weekend. That was surely going to happen to her soon. It was just a matter of time. Until then, she would simply focus on her razor-sharp wit and insight.

  ‘Goodbye, table-sucker,’ she said, as she left the theatre.

  On second thoughts, perhaps that wasn’t the hilarious joke she thought it was. Thankfully, neither of them seemed to hear her.

  Or possibly it was just that Fit Steve’s sense of humour was broken. At lunchtime the next day, Margot’s eyes had the prank-glisten, and Molly’s stomach sank. Was she targeting Ada yet again? But her troublesome sister had other ideas.

  ‘Listen,’ Margot whispered, casting a glance over at the popular table. Fit Steve and Penalty Pete were mid-rant about some sort of upcoming football clash. Ada and Felicity sat in stilted silence, picking at their lasagne and staring at their phones. Felicity’s other friends, Jenna and Briony, were nowhere to be seen.

  Margot pulled one half of Minnie’s old baby monitor out of her pocket, pressed the microphone button and started making a gurgly groaning noise into it, like a monster giving birth.

  When Molly looked back to the popular table, Fit Steve had stopped talking about Newcastle United’s new manager and was sitting stock-still, ears pricked up. He swung his head wildly from side to side, trying to find the source of the noise.

  Margot smirked and gestured to the monitor in her palm. ‘The other half’s stashed in his backpack. I’ve been driving him crazy with it all morning. His German teacher wasn’t overly impressed.’ She frowned in a German sort of manner. ‘Nicht gut, Herr Cox!’

  At the end of lunch, Margot found the baby monitor dumped at the top of the cafeteria bins. Molly found herself feeling a little disappointed. It would’ve been far funnier for Fit Steve to start messing with Margot in return, but he’d just thrown it away and continued to press his mouth against his wooden girlfriend.

  After suffering through biology, Molly traipsed down to the changing rooms to get ready for hockey. Again. Why were schools so obsessed with thwacking balls with wooden sticks? She hoped she’d be put in goal this time, so she could have a quick nap behind her helmet without anyone noticing.

  The sports hall was quarter of a mile away from the main school building, tucked down a wooded path. Dragging her limp plastic carrier bag of hand-me-down PE kit behind her, Molly was in a world of her own, fantasising about waxing off Felicity’s eyebrows.

  ‘Uh, hey . . .’ came a gravelly voice beside her.

  With a jolt, Molly looked up. Fit Steve, already in his gym shorts and blue polo shirt, scratched awkwardly at a scab on his elbow.

  ‘All right?’ he asked gruffly.

  Molly looked behind her. Surely the most popular guy in school wasn’t talking to her? Voluntarily? Of his own free will? With no battered sausages involved whatsoever?

  ‘Uh, yes. Why?’ In her shock and amazement, Molly realised she sounded a bit rude. ‘I mean. Yeah, I’m good thanks. How are you?’

  ‘I’m good.’ Fit Steve ran a hand through his hair, and Molly dragged her gaze away so she didn’t look like a lovestruck freak.

  Seriously, how was this happening? Had Fit Steve been robbed and he needed her assistance in calling the police? Had they both stumbled into some kind of alternate reality where extremely cool and attractive year ten boys willingly spent time with awkward year eight girls who also happened to be mermaids?

  Oh God. He was here about the baby monitor, wasn’t he? She was supposed to make Fit Steve think she was mature and cool, not a childish prankster!

  Thanks, Margot.

  After a strangely long pause, Fit Steve said slowly, ‘So . . . your mate, Ada. Er, yeah.’

  Molly nodded, keeping very cool and nonchalant, trying to copy Fit Steve’s relaxed manner. ‘Er, yeah. What about her?’

  ‘Penalty wants to ask her out.’

  Great. Molly fought back the scowl. ‘Good for Penalty. I hope he scores.’ She was very pleased with this pun, but Fit Steve didn’t seem to notice her comic genius.

  Fit Steve rubbed the back of
his neck. ‘You think you could ask her out for him?’

  Molly laughed, suddenly feeling like she was in primary school again. ‘Are you joking?’

  Fit Steve kicked a stone as they walked towards the sports hall. It skittered to the foot of a nearby tree. ‘Well, s’awkward, isn’t it? Asking people out.’

  ‘I guess so,’ Molly muttered, drawing on her vast experience of asking zero people out.

  She had meant she guessed it was awkward, but Fit Steve took it to mean she guessed she’d do it. ‘Thanks,’ he said. ‘You’re the best.’

  Molly smiled, her veins tingling pleasantly at the validation. ‘Mmmm. Sausages.’

  Sausages?

  Why, Molly? Why?

  Mortified to be ruining her one chance to impress Fit Steve, she racked her brain for ways to keep the conversation running.

  Quick, she thought, think of something hilarious!

  However, Molly had no idea what sort of thing year tens found funny. Boobs? Farts? Bananas?

  In the end, she just made a weird, wet lip-smacking noise as she tried to swallow the excess saliva forming in her mouth.

  ‘Anyway.’ Fit Steve waved to his friends up ahead, then turned to face her again. His deep brown eyes were warm and soft.

  The tingling in Molly’s veins intensified, beginning in the tips of her toes and spreading north –

  Oh. Oh, no.

  The swimming pool. Molly had been so busy focusing on Fit Steve that she hadn’t noticed how close they were to the building. Usually she looped around the long way to the sports hall to avoid it.

  And now she was transforming right in front of him.

  Panic gripped her. What was she going to do? What would happen if Fit Steve found out what she really was?

  Her family had been very clear: do not let humans see your tail. Under any circumstances.

  But then again, this might be the only time Fit Steve ever spoke to her. The only time! She couldn’t let it go to waste, could she? And she certainly couldn’t let the last word she said to him be sausages. Not again.

  ‘So, are you doing anything fun this weekend?’ she asked, right as her legs clamped together.