by Ivy James
“Why? Because I wanted people to know how horribly he treated you? Now when they read his will and you’re not in it, they’ll know what kind of man he really was for denying his only child.”
“I got the mill house. It’s more than enough from a man I never knew.”
Her mother released a loud harrumph. “That broken-down pile of rocks and land is nothing compared to what he should’ve given you.”
Maybe she ought to feel more like her mother but she didn’t. Zacharias Bennington was simply a name to her, a man who’d given her something she hadn’t even realized she’d wanted at the time. “It’s my home and my future.”
The hat wobbled on her mother’s head. “And what about me? You think the salon keeps me warm? It’ll never be enough, not after I lost Jerry because of him. I love you. I’m not sorry I did what I did, because I had you, but Zacharias can never repay the pain he caused me.”
Shelby glanced at her mother and saw a sad, embittered woman. Too flamboyant, too loud, too everything—because she tried too hard. Shelby sat back, amazed she hadn’t realized it before now. Her mother behaved so over-the-top because she was desperate to be accepted by people, because she wanted respect. She didn’t realize that by acting this way, she lost more and more of the very things she wanted. “Then maybe you need to think about that. Maybe you need to work on building friendships and relationships that aren’t based on using people for what they can do for you. Mom, stop being so shallow and grow up.”
She glared at her mother and tried to remember the good times they’d shared. She was screwed up, yes. But not bad. And while Pat created the messes she always found herself in, it didn’t mean Shelby loved her any less. The saying was true, you could pick your friends but you couldn’t pick your family. “Look, think of it this way. Everyone in town will hear about today and clamor to the salon to get the gossip. You’re still going to be the center of attention and can tell your side. I hope throwing yourself on a coffin was worth it.” She pulled to a stop outside her mother’s house. “Goodbye, Mom.”
Her mother lifted her chin to a haughty angle but didn’t move.
Shelby glanced at her watch. “I have to get back to work.”
“I did us both a favor, Shelby Lynn. The news is out there, honey, and he’s to blame, not you.”
“I would’ve preferred my privacy.”
“You’re so ungrateful. Jerry left me because of all the things I did for you.”
“Dad left you because you rubbed your indiscretion in his face time and time again, demanding money from someone who made a mistake and just wanted to be left alone.” Was that how Luke would feel? Were she and the baby his mistake, one he felt honor-bound to marry and raise? You think?
“Why shouldn’t I use the opportunity to make our lives better? Any other man would’ve made a list of the things he wanted to buy with the money Zacharias owed us, but not Jerry.” Her mother’s mouth trembled and twisted, and fresh tears sparkled on her false eyelashes.
Shelby felt old, like her mother’s parent instead of the child.
“He worked so hard and I hated it. He was never home, and always so tired when he was. Why should Jerry have had to get up at the crack of dawn while Zacharias sat there in his daddy’s fancy office? He was willing to give Jerry the money to start a trucking company like he wanted.”
“Do you hear yourself at all? Dad didn’t want a handout. He wanted to do things for himself.”
“Yes, well, we’ve seen how well that’s worked out for him, haven’t we?”
“Dad’s not the one with the problem, you are.” Shelby scratched her arm and turned the air conditioner up a notch to cool her burning skin. “I love Dad for exactly who he is, not what he does.”
“So do I—I’m not ashamed of what Jerry does for a living, but is that why you spent more time at the Tulanes in their fancy house on top of the mountain than with us? Is that why you wanted Alan or Marilyn Tulane to drive you and Alex everywhere in their Mercedes and fancy cars instead of your own parents? You and Alex walked to the movies instead of letting me take you.”
“Because you always made a scene. Because you flirted with the boys our age. I stayed at their house because you and Dad were always fighting or getting a divorce or you were crying and freaking out.”
Her mother huffed and made a show of grabbing her purse. “Well, I’m so sorry my life embarrassed you when all I was doing was trying to make it better for us.” Pat grabbed the door handle and slid out of the car onto her stilettos. “I might make a scene or two every now and again but you know what? At least I haven’t turned to stone. I live my life, I confront my problems. I don’t hide from it or pretend it’ll go away or shut down like you. That’s something you get from your father—your real father!”
Chapter 10
SHELBY WAS RUNNING on nothing but grit and adrenaline by the time Friday rolled around. She’d spent the past week making mistake after mistake and paid the price for them each time. First she’d seated Mrs. Randolph by Ellen Spencer, Mr. Randolph’s recently discovered mistress. Mrs. Randolph was not pleased.
After that, she’d forgotten to schedule enough waitstaff to cover a business meeting taking place in the conference room and had to pitch in and help serve—leaving the food order for the wholesaler on her desk unapproved, which caused a serious lack of produce for the menu. Each time she thought she had things together, another wall would topple. All because Luke’s return was foremost in her mind. That, and the chat she’d had with Mr. Long as a result of her many fumbles.
The club’s manager had called her into his private office last evening and, in no uncertain terms, he let her know that the club’s staff were expected to conduct themselves with professionalism and integrity both on the grounds and off. Then the man had surprised her by saying the phone calls he’d received about the incident that took place at the cemetery had been favorable in how she’d handled an obviously trying situation. She was distracted, yes, but in all the time she’d worked there she’d never made a mistake, which was why he was overlooking the past week and reminding her that sometimes work could be a blessing in that by concentrating on it she could leave her problems behind for a while.
Sitting there like a bug under a microscope, Shelby had known Luke’s parents, possibly even his grandmother and her friends, had been hard at work, making sure she kept her job. The Tulanes had even added a party booking to the mix, and declared they wanted Shelby to handle all the details for Ethan’s farewell gathering on Friday evening.
You should be grateful, not angry. But she was both. She was grateful that they watched out for her, but angry that they’d stepped in when she could have handled things herself, angry that her mother had caused a scene in the first place. She didn’t need their so-called help—or Luke’s. What was it with all their do-gooding ideas? Growing up around the Tulanes, she’d thought their acts of kindness had seemed larger than life, romantic or even heroic. But now? It was interference, pure and simple, and by requesting she handle the party, on top of their phone calls to Mr. Long, she felt indebted to them—and leery that she was going to have to face Luke at such a public event.
Shelby became obsessed with checking the time as evening approached. There was no sense in turning a bad situation into a nightmare. Why make everything worse by marrying? What could she say to get him to see that?
She stifled a yawn despite the turmoil of her thoughts. She could barely keep anything down because of the morning sickness, couldn’t sleep because of worrying about what her mother might do next, and dreaded Luke’s return. All she wanted was to get in her car and drive away.
You can’t go far on $2,786.23.
Yeah, well, if she were her mother’s daughter, she’d shock everyone by following in Pat’s footsteps and cause another scandal by withdrawing the loan money earmarked for her restaurant and skip town. But she was not her mom and every single penny would go to finish the mill house.
“I heard you’ve had a b
ad week,” a voice said behind her when she was on her way to the main dining room via the conference hallway.
Shelby gasped and turned. As though conjured by her thoughts, Luke stood in the doorway of the smallest meeting room. He looked rumpled after his long flight. His black hair was pushed back from his forehead, the length of it curled at his nape, and he wore a navy suit jacket that matched his eyes. Tired eyes, she noted. She wasn’t the only one who’d missed out on sleep this week. A niggle of guilt surfaced. Should she have called him back? “I didn’t expect you until later.”
“I pulled a couple all-nighters and bugged out early.” He snagged her hand and pulled her into the unoccupied conference room.
“Luke, what are you doing?”
“Checking to make sure you’ve taken care of yourself this week.”
“I’m fine.”
“You don’t look it. I can see how exhausted you are.”
“Gee, thanks for sparing my feelings.” Shelby dug in her heels in an effort to avoid the conversation.
Luke firmed his hold and lifted his other hand to her cheek. “You’re always beautiful, but you look ready to collapse.”
“So do you.”
“Nothing some sleep won’t fix. How do you feel?”
The tenderness in his expression tugged at her heart. “It’s been a long week.”
“Have you been sick the whole time?”
She heard someone approaching and bit back a gasp. “Move.” Surprising Luke, she put her hands on his chest and shoved him into the conference room far enough to close the door. She pressed her head to the wood panel and listened until the footsteps faded away.
Luke’s hands settled on her shoulders and turned her to face him. The lights were off but the late-afternoon sunlight streamed in the windows. Shelby’s stomach coiled tighter and tighter, and the weight on her chest made it difficult to breathe. Luke stood too close and things were such a mess and why did he have to smell so good? “I have to get back to work.”
“Not yet.”
“I’ve got a ton of things to do for Ethan’s party.”
“They’ll wait.”
“Mr. Long wasn’t happy with the stunt my mother pulled this week or my involvement in it when I had to go pick her up.” She left out the part about her screwups. Luke didn’t need to know everything.
“He won’t say a word.”
Because of her connection to the Tulanes? Who wanted to go through life like that? She wanted to stand on her own.
“Stop worrying. Long was out on the driving range overseeing a problem when I drove in. Looked like he’d be there a while.”
“Oh.”
“Shelby, we need to talk. I gave you space. I didn’t even grumble too much when you didn’t call me back all week. With everything that happened with your mother I tried to back off, but it’s time we deal with this.”
“We have nothing to say that hasn’t already been said. I’m not having this discussion now, especially not here.”
Luke placed a palm against the door by her head and leaned in close. “We have to give our baby the best life we can.”
“Exactly. Which is why it would be a mistake for us to get married and make each other miserable.” Why was he in her face? When had he become this…assertive? A part of her—that flutter inside her stomach she tried to ignore—would admit to liking this masculine, alpha side of him. But the woman in her who had to be in control was more than a little freaked.
“Like your parents?”
Unable to breathe, she sidestepped him and paced to the windows. On the patio below, the waitstaff set up the buffet tables while several of the ground crew wiped down chairs and cranked shade umbrellas to their fullest width. “Leave my family out of this. We want different things, Luke. It was only one night. Marriage would be a mistake and end in divorce. I wouldn’t want that.”
“I don’t, either. But I also know the perfect way to prove to you that we’re more compatible than you think.”
The husky timbre of his voice made that little flutter go haywire. Her heart thudded in her chest and she was transported to that wonderful, horrible night. The words he’d growled into her ear while he held her close, the heat of his mouth and breath on her skin.
Luke stepped forward, his gaze sweeping her body from head to toe. Watching him look at her warmed her insides and made her want to believe him. Made her want to think she wasn’t a product of her upbringing and she could have the kind of life the Tulanes had. But how could she when she carried a boatload of emotional baggage from her screwed-up parents?
Shelby moved away, around the conference table, so that every step he took toward her matched one that would get her closer to the now unguarded door. “Stop. We’re not playing some stupid game of boss and secretary. Just stay there.”
His lips quirked up at the corners. “What are you so afraid of? That I’m wrong? Or that I’m right?”
She should have known Luke would behave this way. Maybe he’d always been the shy one, but they’d spent too much time together playing in the attic. She knew how stubborn he could be, how determined. “Luke, I’ll deal with this, okay? I don’t expect anything from you. Not marriage, not money—nothing.” Steel laced her words and a bitterness crept in that she couldn’t hold back. She didn’t want Luke tossing cash around like Zacharias Bennington and turning her into her mother.
“People are going to find out. What then?”
It would be a disaster and horrible. What adult woman accidentally got pregnant in this day and age? She’d probably be fired for cavorting with guests. Management frowned on that. But in her time off circling the want ads, maybe she could lie low and it would blow over? Shelby shook her head firmly back and forth. “What about it?”
“What kind of man would I be to walk away from you?”
A smart one? “I don’t care what other people think.” Liar.
“I don’t either. But I’m not walking away from my child or its mother. All you have to do is trust me. I’ll do my best to make you happy, to be a good husband. All you have to do is say yes.”
“No.”
Steam practically came out of his ears. “Why are you being so difficult? What about the baby? Do you care that it’s going to wonder why we’re not together? Why he or she wasn’t more important than our petty differences?”
Why their parents had married in the first place? “I’ll explain.”
A disgruntled rumble sounded in his chest. “How? What are you going to say to make life better? You had a single parent off and on for years. How’d it feel?”
Scary. Out of control. Didn’t he get it? Maybe she did owe him an explanation as to why she wouldn’t marry him, but she couldn’t tell him the truth. If she did, if she told him how scared and frightened and freaked-out marriage made her, if she told him she wanted to be loved but didn’t want to put herself out there and wind up a needy, clinging woman like her mother, he’d pour on the charm. And she’d fall for it, hook, line and sinker, even though she knew—she knew—they would all be better off if he just left her and the baby alone.
She could control what she did, but she’d never be able to control him or his actions. How could she protect a child against that when she couldn’t protect herself? “Marriage won’t solve our problems, Luke. If anything, it would magnify them.”
“Shelby, two months ago you couldn’t get close enough to me. Why can’t we go back to that?”
She felt her cheeks heat with an embarrassing glow. “I made a mistake.”
“Everything happens for a reason.”
“Not always. You want to know the real reason I slept with you?” Don’t say it, don’t tell him. What if he— “I slept with you because I was told I needed surgery. I—”
He straightened. “What kind of surgery?”
Her smile was wry. “The kind that ends all possibility of ever having children. The point is I needed someone and you were there. But make no mistake, Luke, it was just sex.”
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br /> “It made a baby,” he insisted softly. “Shelby, I’m going to tell my parents the news this weekend. I’d like it if—”
“What? Why?” She stared up at him in horror, too shocked to move when he slowly closed the distance between them once more.
This weekend? Couldn’t they wait a few weeks?
“My mother isn’t handling Ethan’s departure well. This will give her something positive to focus on. She’ll be thrilled.”
She snorted. “I seriously doubt that.”
“She will be. The longer we wait, the more likely it is that they’re going to find out another way.”
That was true, but didn’t he realize how crazy everyone was going to get once they knew? And her mother…Drama queens lived for stuff like this and there would be no avoiding her mother once she found out. Shelby needed more time, more space, more breathing room to come up with a plan. “If I don’t want to tell anyone about my baby—”
“Your baby? Where do I fit into this picture?”
Nowhere! “I don’t mean to hurt you.”
“You’re hurting yourself. You’re hurting the baby. Are you that afraid of having a real relationship?”
“I’m not afraid of anything.”
His hands fisted at his sides and a muscle ticked just beneath his left eye and in that second he looked formidable and so sexy her toes threatened to curl. Who knew Luke’s alpha side would turn her on?
“That’s a crock. Your parents really did a number on you, didn’t they?”
Just walk out and leave. What can he do? “As mad and upset with me as you are now, it will be worse when you wake up and realize I’m right. You think you’d be nice during a divorce? That we’d be civil? No one is. I’m doing us both a favor, Luke.”
“No, you’re shortchanging us both. You expect me to do the same thing to my baby that was done to you. You want me to go on with my life and not acknowledge its existence like Zacharias did?”