Christmas at the Graff

by Kaylie Newell

  The nurse passed, and Jemma let out a breath. It was a strange feeling, waiting. Like her life had come to a grinding halt and the world around her had grown frail, like it might shatter with the slightest movement.

  Looking at her phone again, she blinked through blurry eyes. She’d called Justine half a dozen times, but hadn’t been able to reach her. The storm had knocked out power to half the county and was still going strong. The wind howled outside the second-floor hospital windows, and every few minutes, she’d turn and peer through the frosty glass to the parking lot below. It was a snow globe. Everything that should’ve had color was now completely white.

  “Jemma Banks?”

  She looked up at an older woman with glasses and wiry blonde hair.

  “I’m Janice, a cardiac floor volunteer,” she said, touching Jemma’s shoulder. “I just got word that your dad is resting in ICU. Doctor Mason would like to speak to you in waiting room three.”

  Jemma stared up at her, pressing the palms of her hands into her thighs. She still wore the dress from the night before, and her feet were cold, bordering on numb, in the strappy heels. But she hadn’t even noticed until right then.

  “Okay,” she said. “Thank you.”

  Janice looked toward the door, and then back down at Jemma. “I’ll let your young man know where you are.”

  The words, so sweet and motherly, hit Jemma like an arrow to the heart. What she wouldn’t give to have her own mom here now. Of course, her mother had hated Joe. Hated him more than Jemma had understood then. That hatred had blinded her, and made her do things Jemma was certain she wouldn’t have normally done. But as strongly as she felt about him, she would’ve come to the hospital for her daughter. She would’ve been a comfort and a constant presence. And maybe she would’ve found it in her heart to forgive her ex-husband someday. Just maybe.

  Jemma stood, her legs wobbly. She guessed it didn’t matter. It was all just speculation now, anyway. But she understood there would be a conscious choice from here on out about how she would remember her mom. And she knew she would think of her as the kind, loving person she’d known most of her life. As the woman who’d wanted her kids to be kind and loving, too. And not just that—forgiving.

  Jemma walked stoically beside Janice, the nice lady who smelled inexplicably, but appropriately, like peppermint, to the waiting room at the end of the hall.

  Once inside, Jemma sat and stared at the door, waiting for it to open. She wished EJ were here. She’d hold his hand and maybe tell him she loved him. Maybe she’d tell him that she wanted a relationship, that it might not work, but she wanted to try anyway.

  The thoughts moving across her mind were scattered but strong. She breathed deeply the antiseptic hospital scent, and remembered her first day stepping into her dad’s room. The first moment she’d laid eyes on EJ, the tall, handsome physical therapist who would end up changing the direction of her life in just a few short weeks. The first time she’d walked into the Graff, in all its majestic holiday glory, and how that had brought back so many feelings of happiness. The first words she’d spoken to Bob, the first bite of pasta she had the night she’d run into EJ on his bike. All the memories swirled like snowflakes behind her eyes, igniting her, waking her up, making her want more.

  And then, the door opened. A man in navy-blue scrubs walked in. A kind, handsome face. Much younger than she would’ve expected a surgeon to be.

  “Miss Banks?”

  Jemma sat forward. “Yes?”

  “I’m Doctor Mason,” he said, sitting opposite her. “I worked on your dad’s heart tonight.”

  Her dad’s heart. Jemma swallowed, tears stinging the backs of her eyes. Her dad’s heart had stopped working. He’d almost died. She’d almost lost him again.

  She clasped her hands together and wished again that EJ were here. “Thank you. Thank you so much.”

  The doctor frowned, and he looked older then. There were threads of silver throughout his hair that she must’ve missed before.

  “He had significant blockage. We did a quadruple bypass and repaired what we could.”

  “Thank you,” she said again, at a loss for words. They all seemed small and insignificant.

  “He’s resting, but he’s not out of the woods yet. The next forty-eight hours will be telling. There’s still a risk of infection and stroke. But after a few days, those go down significantly, and then we’ll see where we are. He was very lucky.”

  She nodded, wiping her cheeks dry. He’d been lucky because EJ had been there. If it had just been her, she wouldn’t have known what to do. She’d taken CPR for a babysitting requirement when she’d been a pre-teen, but nothing after that. EJ was her hero, truly and completely.

  “When can I see him?” she asked.

  “You can go in now. He’s not conscious, but you can say hello. I don’t know if you’ve ever seen anyone just out of heart surgery, but it looks a little scary. There are a lot of tubes and wires, but it’s all normal, okay?”

  She liked this doctor. This surgeon who saved lives at Marietta General. He was a good person, she could tell.

  “Okay,” she said.

  EJ stood with Jemma outside Joe’s door in the ICU. Doctors and nurses walked quietly by, and family members filtered in and out of their loved one’s rooms. The mood was always heavy and somber on this wing, which was one of the reasons EJ had always tried to avoid it before. He worked outpatient for a reason. He liked treating people with injuries that would most likely heal. Injuries from being active. Some of the people in ICU didn’t get better, and the therapists who worked here knew and accepted that. It was a harder job in that respect, and EJ felt that reality sink to his bones as he listened to the muted activity around him.

  He put an arm around Jemma and leaned down to kiss the top of her head. She’d been crying when he’d come back with the coffee, and he’d spent the last ten minutes holding her while she settled. Besides her sister, Joe was all she had left. Despite things still being confusing for her, she and her dad had managed to rebuild some of their relationship in the time she’d been here, and EJ knew all that hung in the balance. She loved her father and was scared of losing him. And as much as she didn’t want to consider the thought, she didn’t want to lose him before she’d had a chance to tell him how she felt.

  She leaned against EJ’s chest, and he knew at that moment that he wanted more from Jemma Banks than just a few weeks of fun in Marietta. He wanted her to come back. But more importantly, he wanted her to come back to him. He wanted to take her snowboarding in the powder this storm would leave. He wanted to take her hiking up Copper Mountain in the spring when Montana woke from the winter. He wanted to show her his world and share it with her. For the first time in his life, he wanted someone beside him doing the things he loved the most.

  It was a dawning reality that made his chest constrict as she pulled away to look up at him.

  “I don’t know how to thank you,” she said. “You saved his life.”

  He shrugged, not wanting her to see how much those words affected him. He cared about Joe. A lot. Somewhere along the line, he’d become the father EJ never had. Even his last foster dad, as much as he’d taught him, hadn’t been able to break through the armor that EJ had built around himself. Joe had been a safe person to care for. He’d shown him that despite what EJ said outright, not everyone left, or let him down, or disappointed him. He was the first person. Maybe Jemma would be the second.

  Her eyes were red and puffy. Most of her makeup had long since worn off, and her hair, normally a mass of silken curls, hung in limp strands next to her face. And still, she was beautiful. Her pain only made her more tender.

  “You don’t have to go in now, you know,” he said, touching her face. “We can wait until he wakes up. It might be better.”

  She shook her head, and he could tell that nothing he said would make a difference. She was hurting, but she wasn’t a delicate flower, either. Jemma was a strong woman, even if she didn’t know
how strong quite yet.

  “I need to go now.”

  He nodded. “I get it.”

  Watching her a second longer, he opened the door.

  Chapter Nineteen

  The hospital cafeteria had great sundaes. Or, at least, that was what EJ kept telling her. They sat at a corner table in front of a particularly big window, big enough to see the snow falling as it continued to cover the sleepy streets of Marietta. But gently now, peacefully. It wasn’t dawn yet, but almost, and the lit wreaths hanging from every streetlamp created a magical effect. The little town felt like a painting, the snow bluish in the dusky light of pre-morning.

  EJ had made it back to the Graff to get her a change of clothes and some toiletries, so she felt almost human again even though she hadn’t slept in about thirty hours.

  He sat across from her now, just as sleep deprived, but more gorgeous than ever. He wore a Patagonia vest and a black wool hat. His stubble had thickened overnight, looking like the beginnings of a sexy beard. Her heart fluttered and did stupid things when she stared at him too long, so she forced herself to look back out the window, wrapping her hands around her coffee cup just so she had something to do with them.

  They hadn’t talked much since leaving Joe’s room. Doctor Mason had been right—it had been a shock seeing him like that even though she’d been expecting it. Normally so robust, he’d looked pale and painfully still in the big, white bed. He’d had so many tubes sticking out of him that she’d been afraid to touch him at first, but after a minute, she had gathered herself enough to sit down and hold his hand. He hadn’t been conscious, but she’d told him she loved him anyway. That she forgave him for everything and she wanted to start over. She knew she’d tell him all this again when he woke up, but it was important to say it in the moment. She believed he could hear her, and she wanted to confess what lay in her heart.

  Now, sitting here with EJ, she was glad she had. It had been a long night with some complications with his heartbeat, and she knew from now on, she’d leave nothing for later. If she felt it, she was going to say it. Joe had left all those years ago, and it had created a massive hole in her world. But she’d learned from it, and she was continuing to learn from it. This was today’s lesson. And it was a big one.

  She looked back at EJ and smiled hesitantly. She had no idea what he was thinking where the two of them were concerned. He cared for her; she knew that. But did he feel as strongly as she did? He hadn’t brought it up. But then again, when would he? There hadn’t exactly been a good time these last few days.

  She licked her lips, trying to find the right words. I love you? I want to be with you? I hope you want to be with me? It would be so much easier if she lived in Marietta. The thought of anything long distance was daunting, even for a couple who’d been together a while.

  Taking a deep breath, she almost blurted something out, but stopped when she felt a hand on her shoulder. EJ looked up, and she immediately thought of Justine. Maybe she’d gotten her messages...maybe she’d come somehow...

  Jemma turned with her heart in her throat and looked up at the person standing behind her. But it wasn’t Justine.

  Elsie McGreggor from The Java Café stood there, wearing a heavy down coat that went all the way to her knees. She frowned, swiping her purple hat off to shake the snow out.

  “I heard about Joe,” she said. “I wanted to come and see if there was anything I could do.”

  Jemma’s disappointment was heavy, but short-lived. This was exactly why she loved Marietta so much. People looked out for each other.

  She stood and gave Elsie a hug. It was highly possible this woman would never know how much this visit meant to her.

  “I can’t believe you came in this weather,” Jemma said, pulling away to look at her.

  “Aww, it’s just a few flakes. Nothing my truck can’t handle.”

  EJ was next, giving Elsie a bear hug that lifted her off her feet. She laughed when he put her back down again.

  “I can’t be seen getting chummy with the competition,” she said. “You know that.”

  “I do. And that’s why I’m creating a scandal for next year.”

  “Well, that’s the other reason I came down. I couldn’t get you on the phone, EJ.”

  “What?”

  “The auction results...” Elsie casually inspected her nails, drawing it out.

  “What?” Jemma and EJ asked in unison.

  A man behind the deli counter looked over, curious.

  “I guess I can’t rib you anymore about being second best,” Elsie said. “You guys walked away with that title last night, and then some.”

  Jemma clapped her hands together. “No, we didn’t. Did we?”

  “Yes, you did. Care to guess how much your tree raised for the hospital?”

  “How much?” EJ asked.

  “Five-thousand dollars.”

  EJ and Jemma looked at each other.

  “Yeah,” Elsie continued. “I guess some lady from Bozeman was taken with it. She’s an animal lover.”

  “Five thousand...” EJ repeated.

  “Yup. Five grand. And that’s not even the best part. She also paid the adoption fee for every animal at the shelter.”

  Jemma stared at her.

  “It looks like all those fur babies might be going home for Christmas. The late news picked up the story, and the shelter’s website almost crashed this morning with messages from people wanting to put holds on pets until the roads are clear. It’s amazing, guys. The auction does a lot of good every year, but I think this one’s gonna go down as my favorite. One hundred percent.”

  Jemma looked over at EJ. He’d put his hands in his pockets, the expression on his face undeniably happy.

  He looked back at her. “This year’s my favorite, too.”

  Elsie might not have caught the double meaning, but Jemma had.

  And it was all she could do not to fall into his arms.

  Joe’s hospital room was full of balloons, cards, and flowers. Everyone from former employees to friends from the Moose Lodge had either sent something, or had come by to visit. He was loved, respected, and considered an important part of the community, which should’ve made him a joyous man. And he was. To an extent.

  Jemma looked at him now, sitting up in bed, the color starting to come back to his face after almost three days of being in the ICU. He’d been moved to a regular room day before yesterday, and it looked like he might get to go home tomorrow, which was Christmas Eve. The thought made Jemma giddy, but she knew Joe couldn’t bring himself to be nearly as happy. Not without Justine in the picture.

  She’d called Jemma back as soon as the phone lines came back up, but she’d been short, only asking necessary questions and not offering to make the trip out. To finally make amends with their dad and grant him the forgiveness he so desperately craved.

  Jemma had tried to explain how good it felt to let her own anger go, and to now have an opportunity for a relationship with Joe. It wouldn’t be the same as when they’d been girls. But it would grow into what it was supposed to be, and she was grateful.

  All of this seemed lost on Justine, who was still too far gone to offer any kind of olive branch. Maybe she never would. But Jemma was sure of one thing, now more than ever. Her sister loved their dad, even if she wouldn’t come right out and admit it. Joe knew it, too. Deep down, he did. And that might have to be enough for now.

  Joe’s eyes were heavy. His bowling team had just left, and he’d managed to down half a turkey sandwich and some tomato soup for lunch. It was time for a nap.

  Jemma patted his leg and scooted her chair out to stand. “I think EJ and I will let you rest for a while, Dad.”

  EJ stood looking out the window. At the mention of his name, he turned.

  Joe’s eyes settled on her. But instead of a smile or a nod, he held his hand out for her to take.

  She settled back down and scooted up to his bed. “Everything okay?”

  His skin was dry and t
hin, but warm, and she relished the feeling of it on hers. He’d been so cold the other night. So still.

  He squeezed her fingers, but didn’t say anything right away. EJ watched from across the room. The moment felt strangely precious, and she coveted it for what it was. A chance to fix her past, a chance to build her future. She loved these two men, and the feeling had grown bigger, more beautiful than she could have ever imagined the day she stepped foot inside Marietta.

  She had no idea what would happen from here. She might end up hurt. Or she might end up happier than she’d been in a long time. The only way to tell for sure was to open her heart and let them both in.

  “Stay with me?” Joe said, his voice so soft she barely heard it. “Until I fall asleep?”

  It was a child’s request. A sweet, simple plea that filled her to the brim.

  “Of course, Dad. I’ll stay however long you need me to.”

  His eyes closed at that, a peacefulness settling over his wrinkled features. The heart monitor beeped steadily to the right, and his IV tube rubbed against her elbow.

  She heard EJ shift on his feet, and then Joe was asleep, breathing deeply and evenly, the sleep of someone who was comfortable for the first time in a while.

  Gently, she removed her hand from underneath his, and looked over at EJ, who was looking back. His eyes, normally the shade of blue seen on the outer edges of a frozen lake, were dark, holding none of the playfulness they usually did.

  She moved quietly, standing up slowly so as not to disturb her dad. And then she went to EJ, pressing herself against him with the ease of someone who was in love.

  He put his arms around her, and she felt safe and cared for. She’d thawed—she wasn’t the same girl anymore.

  They looked out the window. The storm had been fierce, but the people of Marietta had bounced back with characteristic resiliency, and were now out and about in four-wheel drives, some even trekking up and down the sidewalk in snowshoes and cross-country skis. After all, it was almost Christmas.