A Beautifully Foolish Endeavor

by Hank Green

  “Yes,” Carl replied. “Well, that does happen sometimes with larger queries. It will be back up shortly.”

  “So it was you,” I said, thinking of the internet outages in South Jersey.

  The survey always looked a little calculated to anyone who knew how the internet worked. We were collecting email addresses and also information about people. That would be valuable, even if we just wanted to sell them shirts. But it actually turned out to be a lot colder and more calculating than we intended it to be.

  We were able to segment people into groups and create different messages for each of them. People who were worried about their loved ones got one email; people who were worried about inequality got a different one.

  And then we took it a step further. April was able to create a list of the people who were most upset about each issue, and we created a private chat for them to organize. We tapped into some of my contacts from the Som to help moderate and mobilize them. They would try out new tweets and posts, promote each other’s ideas, like each other’s tweets, support each other emotionally, craft messages, and pile on when people were being extra idiotic about Altus.

  In less than a week, using only data from a survey, some trained moderators, and a superhuman AI analysis engine, we were political operatives. We were, in effect, organizing an army of social media accounts to affect public opinion, like the Russian government, except it was just two women in an apartment that they could not leave. And we did it all entirely in secret.

  PARTIAL TRANSCRIPT: STARTUP WATCH PODCAST WITH RANDALL BOLT

  Randall Bolt: Today we’re talking about Altus Laboratories, which has just made an announcement that is shaking up not just digital media, but the entire economy. Altus recently raised a couple billion dollars at a valuation of FIVE HUNDRED BILLION DOLLARS. A private company has never been this valuable before, and no company has ever grown this fast before! It took Facebook TWELVE YEARS to reach a five-hundred-billion-dollar valuation. Altus has done it in Less. Than. A. Year!

  But that’s old news! This new news is, I’ll be honest with you, not easy for an old fogey like me to understand. So, today we have on the podcast none other than Andy Skampt, friend of April May and early entrant to the Altus Premium Space.

  Andy, thank you for coming on the podcast today. First, how did you take it when you found out April was alive and well??

  Andy Skampt: I think, as you might expect, it was a shock, and also it was a huge relief. Good news for the world and, honestly, I’m just glad to have my friend back.

  RB: But that’s not what you’re here to talk about. What do you think of this new Altus announcement?

  AS: Well, if you’ll let me correct you, Altus has, in effect, made three massive announcements here, nearly simultaneously.

  RB: Correct away!

  AS: First, a broader opening of the Altus Premium Space to over a million people. Remember, just a few weeks ago the Premium Space was shrouded in mystery and only available to a select few people, myself included. A good bit has been said about the Premium Space, but as someone who has spent time there, I can guarantee you it really is world-changing.

  RB: Before you get to the second thing, just give me one way it is revolutionary.

  AS: Oh, well, that’s easy. Just imagine being able to literally learn how to play piano in your sleep. That’s not an exaggeration.

  RB: OK, yeah, I mean, those of us who haven’t used it hear stuff like that and we just assume that it’s more marketing. It’s too good to be true.

  AS: It’s not.

  RB: Well, this brings us to the second thing. The thing that I need you to explain to me because I don’t quite get why it’s such a big deal.

  AS: OK, well, you know that a number of private companies have wanted very much to have their own monetary systems decoupled from international systems.

  RB: Yes, and that’s always been folly. Governments don’t like it, and as we’ve seen with Bitcoin, it might be a wild investment, but it doesn’t function super well as a currency. It’s too easy to manipulate. Too volatile.

  AS: Well, here’s the thing: Right now, if you want to learn piano while you sleep, or really do anything besides make things yourself, you have to pay Altus. And you can only pay them in AltaCoin. And until this week, the only way to get AltaCoin was from Altus. They’ve created a bunch of it themselves. But there’s a limited supply, and so the value of the coins had been going up, so they’ve been getting more expensive and people are hoarding them.

  But now, Altus has opened up the ability to mine AltaCoin on your own, as long as you have a VR headset.

  RB: This is the thing I don’t get. To mine cryptocurrency, don’t you need fancy computers doing fancy math?

  AS: AltaCoin isn’t technically a cryptocurrency. Actually, it isn’t entirely clear what it is or what we should call it. But you can buy it on a market, or you can mine it inside of the Open Access Altus Space. Basically, you enter the Space and then select the mining protocol. You then just sleep, and in the morning, you see what you made.

  RB: So you just have to sleep and you can mine these coins?

  AS: That’s about the size of it. You mine a base amount per minute, but occasionally you will come across a full coin, which is, at this point, worth around fifty dollars. I hope that this is a way to help make the Altus Space more accessible because, right now, it is a platform that has a lot of power, and it should be available to more than just well-off folks like myself.

  RB: As long as you can afford an 8K headset.

  AS: Indeed. That is a real problem.

  RB: But that’s not it, there’s a third thing?

  AS: Yes. Now, this is a little weird, and I’ve not actually seen it put to use yet. But Altus has been capturing experiences and putting them up for sale on the Altus Premium Space since the beginning, but now, they say, with the help of a device . . . an expensive device . . . you can capture your own experiences and sell them yourself on their marketplace.

  RB: You’re saying—correct me if I’m wrong—that I could buy this piece of equipment and then capture my brain’s experience of, say, recording a podcast, and then I could sell it and people would be able to . . . what exactly?

  AS: They’d basically experience this moment exactly as you are experiencing it. They’d get to think all of your same thoughts and feel what it’s like to be you.

  RB: If it’s all the same to you, I’d rather not.

  AS:

  RB: So, do you think, given these changes, that Altus is actually worth five hundred billion?

  AS: I’m not a banker, Randall, but my guess is Altus is worth a heck of a lot more than that.

  ANDY

  DAY FOUR OF NINETEEN

  What lesson did I learn from destroying my first real-feeling romantic relationship of . . . maybe my entire life? Nothing. Fuck it, I was an Altus hound now. I gave up my mission of trying to be universally liked and likable and got myself a brand-new brand.

  I was going to be the Altus Guy. People were going to look to me for opinions on Altus, and that was going to be good because then, when it was time for us to take them down or change them or make them not so evil, I would be in a position to have more influence. At least, that’s what I told myself.

  Every news outlet in the world was begging for experts on Altus. It had completely taken over Carl’s place in the center of cultural interest, and I was recognizable, reliable, and articulate. Robin had me booked on TV, radio, and podcasts whenever I wanted it.

  “Slainspotting?” Jason asked me as I walked in the door from doing an in-studio interview at a morning news show.

  “I’m so wiped right now,” I told him. We hadn’t recorded in two weeks.

  “Fuck you,” he said, and not in a nice way.

  “Jeez, sorry, man, it’s just been really busy.”
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  “Well, not for me.”

  “What do you mean?”

  He was fuming. I hadn’t really been paying much attention to him, but now that I took a look, he seemed in bad shape. Stubble, greasy hair, wearing an old unwashed graphic tee.

  “What’s going on?” I asked him.

  “He notices! Finally! Everyone, witness . . . Andy Skampt has noticed something that is not himself!”

  “Jesus, man, why are you being such a dick?”

  “Oh, I dunno, maybe because I got laid off two weeks ago along with like half of my coworkers and you haven’t, in that entire time, asked me how I’m doing.”

  “Shit, man,” I said, thinking about it.

  He wasn’t wrong. We’d talked, of course, but there had been the disaster with Bex, and April coming back, and all of the work with The Thread and Altus. I thought through all of that, and either it was stuff I couldn’t tell him or terrible excuses.

  “Jason, I’m sorry. You’re OK, though, right? Like you didn’t really need the money from that job.”

  He stood up from the chair at the kitchen table. “You know, you can be a really shitty person sometimes.” He grabbed his jacket and left our apartment, slamming the door behind him.

  I didn’t have time to deal with it. I sat down and opened my computer to look at The Thread.

  * * *

  —

  The only person in The Thread who had any idea that I was who I was, was still One, and they were spending more and more time talking with me.

  Twelve: What do you think about Altus?

  One: Oh, you know . . . I think they’re the inevitable manifestation of pure inhuman capitalism and I can see them someday having so much power that just the unintended consequences of their actions could have deeply devastating effects on society.

  Twelve: Oh, is that all.

  One: Lol. No, it’s to say nothing of what could be done with that power if it were used to intentionally control people.

  One: Are you comfortable with living this double life? It has to be unpleasant.

  Twelve: The opposite. I kinda love it.

  One: Tell me more about that.

  Twelve: I don’t think it’s entirely healthy, but it feels good. It feels good to be gathering credibility in secret. To have a plan no one knows about.

  One: A kind of power, then. You know things the rest of the world does not. A lie that no one could know you’re telling.

  Twelve: Yes, that. But also more than that. If you’re trying to live right and good and correct, it’s slow and complicated and scary. But if you just need to get something done, you can do whatever you want.

  A little while passed and One didn’t reply, so I added:

  Twelve: It doesn’t matter what people think of me. I am doing what is necessary, and if people hate me for it, it doesn’t matter.

  One: Your purpose changed.

  Twelve: What?

  One: Your purpose used to be to have people like you, and to have a positive effect on them. That’s paralyzing, because always people will hate someone as powerful as you. Always you’re going to hurt people accidentally. Now your purpose is the plan. Your purpose is to be a respected leader on the topic of Altus so you can turn your coat at the right moment.

  Twelve: Yeah, yes. That is definitely it. But also maybe not all of it. If we’re going to really look right into the darkness here, I think it’s important to recognize that I also like just being able to indulge in the power. Even if the new purpose is the thing that opened that door, on the other side of the door is an excuse to do exactly the thing that brings me the most power.

  April was definitely right that you can only pretend to be something for so long before you become it. And so I stood in the barrage of whatever backlash I got, more and more certain that I was doing the right thing. My plan lined up with my desires. But still, I sometimes felt the sting of my conscience.

  Shayla

  @Notshaylan

  I don’t understand how @AndySkampt can be so gung ho about Altus. There are a thousand reasons to be really wary and skeptical of that company and how they’re running things. This feels like a betrayal of everything you stand for. Or stood for, I guess.

  1.8K replies 2.2K retweets 5.9K likes

  Rose

  @ARYWords

  .@AndySkampt went from thoughtful goober to Altus Fanboy in 0.5 seconds the moment a shiny object came by. Just goes to show, none of this is about actual principles, it’s just about preserving power.

  59 replies 390 retweets 659 likes

  Those tweets hurt because I wanted to shout at them that this was all part of the plan and that they were being mean to someone who really was on their side. And they got a lot of likes and shares. But they also hurt because they were right. I fucking loved the Altus Space.

  And then there was another category of tweet that stabbed me pretty deep. Here’s two versions of that one, one from each side:

  Gordon Bank

  @BLHGordon

  I love that @AndySkampt has finally freed himself from the spell of @AprilMaybeNot and become a huge fan of her toughest critic. She was always full of shit and it’s so obvious that he knows that now.

  200 replies 1.2K retweets 4.9K likes

  Blank

  @BlankenshipKansas

  Hey @AndySkampt, you want to ever say anything about the fact that you’re publicly promoting a product from a guy who basically killed your best friend? Or are you just going to be a complete coward instead.

  306 replies 5.5K retweets 10.7K likes

  Direct questions are the worst. Cops must know this—when someone asks you a question, it is really, really hard not to answer it. It’s even harder when people dig up old tweets and put them side by side with new ones and you can’t really explain the discrepancy. And then other people see the discrepancy and they start liking and retweeting and rephrasing. And they also see your silence, and your silence looks like an answer. It’s an extremely effective interrogation tactic, and most people eventually crack and make either a tearful apology or an enraged counterattack.

  This is why Twitter callouts tend to end so badly. Apology is never enough (and probably shouldn’t be), so you’re basically being asked to willingly give up power for no clear end. The best people actually do that. But the real shitfucks go on the offense, and then their communities get an infusion of victimhood narrative straight into their veins.

  Which is why my response to controversy had changed. Let’s go through these tweets.

  Shayla @Notshaylan

  Replying to @AndySkampt

  I don’t understand how @AndySkampt can be so gung ho about Altus. There are a thousand reasons to be really wary and skeptical of that company and how they’re running things. This feels like a betrayal of everything you stand for. Or stood for, I guess.

  Andy Skampt @AndySkampt

  @Notshaylan This is the greatest tool that has ever been made. This won’t just change how we learn, it will change how we understand each other. I’m betraying nothing.

  109 replies 392 retweets 1.3K likes

  Rose @ARYWords

  Replying to @Notshaylan

  .@AndySkampt went from thoughtful goober to Altus Fanboy in 0.5 seconds the moment a shiny object came by. Just goes to show, none of this is about actual principles, it’s just about preserving power.

  Andy Skampt @AndySkampt

  @ARYWords I know that the internet’s cycle is always to tear down things that attempt to build the world up, but you don’t have to be so mean about it.

  59 replies 483 retweets 1.3K likes

  Andy Skampt @AndySkampt

  Someone tell Gordon that being interested in the most important innovation since the written word is different from being a critic of my best friend.

  Gordon Bank @BLHGordon

  I love that @A
ndySkampt has finally freed himself from the spell of @AprilMaybeNot and become a huge fan of her toughest critic. She was always full of shit and it’s so obvious that he knows that now.

  598 replies 5.9K retweets 12.5K likes

  Andy Skampt @AndySkampt

  Look at this guy who thinks he understands my relationship with my best friend better than I do. Fuck off, Kenny.

  Blank @BlankenshipKansas

  Hey @AndySkampt, you want to ever say anything about the fact that you’re publicly promoting a product from a guy who basically killed your best friend? Or are you just going to be a complete coward instead.

  1.6K replies 15.9K retweets 131.8K likes

  That’s how you win. Don’t give an inch. Ever. Each of those tweets got more attention than they would have if I hadn’t replied to them, but by replying, I turned them into content to build my new audience.

  So yes, One was right. I had a new way of getting meaning now. I used to get meaning from having money and having people like me and also maybe being good and kind.

  I wanted people to understand that we are a trash fire of a species, but also most people are pretty cool.

  But that was done with. I didn’t want to help people anymore, as gross as that sounds. Altus was a new wave for me to surf, and it had the advantage of being part of a strategy to help make this big, hypothetical thing happen . . . to eliminate Altus. Also, engagement on my tweets was up 200 percent, and I was on news programs and podcasts every day.

  I could never have done it with my old purpose. Just a month before, when people were mad at me, I would do everything I could to diffuse it. I’d have long Twitter conversations with strangers just to try and understand the true source of a conflict. I’d listen way more than I talked.

  Now controversy was good. Drama was good. I wanted to be very clearly on the side of Altus, even if part of doing that authentically was maintaining some modicum of critique. Being liked seemed like some boring, sad, selfish thing from these new eyes. My goal now was to help control, or bring down, or (who knows!) maybe even someday be in charge of the most important invention in human history. Who cared if people fucking liked me.