Roots of Indifferences

by Terri Ragsdale

  A cooler arctic wind from the north, called El Norte, had developed, leaving the climate during the day breezy and comfortable, but at night a warm blanket was needed. The mosquito swarms had decreased, and as the weather turned colder, mosquito nets were not in demand.

  The people of Spanish Acres were all in a joyous state of mind and began preparing for the coming event. The Singer foot-pedal sewing machines were in full use—two from Spanish Acres, and two that Emma had brought, along with her entourage of ten servants. All were busy making dresses and costumes for the great fiesta. Anxious and excited, they could hardly wait to wear their new clothes, shoes, and other attire. Invitations had been sent to important families from both sides of the border. The news that everyone was welcome spread from rancho to rancho like wildfire.

  Ten fat calves and seven hogs were slaughtered and left to drain for fourteen days. Later, three of the hogs were smoked with dry mesquite briquettes in the smokehouse; the others were used for the preparation of tamales. Other provisions were made to get the hacienda painted, with all of the barrels of paint brought from San Antonio. There would be enough to paint the entrance walls of the hacienda. The Don put Manuel and Yo-Yo in charge of that project. Arrangements were being made for those who would be sleeping in the guest quarters. Windows, rugs, and the woodwork were being cleaned, and the polishing of silverware and dusting off the massive house was left to Yolanda and Soledad.

  Emma was in charge of making and designing Victoria's gowns, including Felicia's and Doña Francisca's dresses, as well as the arrangement of the food and drink distribution. Large tables with white linens were placed in the patios and courtyards. Mamá Maria, Ophelia, Olivia and Emma's ten servants were busy making the nixtamal. Don Federico, who had thought of everything, surprised the women by buying five hand grinders, making it easier. The masa was made from the cooked soft corn and was ground, forming the dough for plain corn tortillas, enchiladas, or later be used for the most complicated food like tamales.

  The night preceding the big fiesta, wagons of men, women, and dozens of children began to infiltrate the grounds of Spanish Acres. The total estimate was about two hundred and perhaps more for the coming occasion. Don Federico had hired three different bands of musicians, who came on the night of November twenty-third. He had also invited a professional group of mariachis from Matamoros, Mexico, that would serenade Victoria at five o'clock in the morning with the beautiful song Las Mañanitas, The Dawn Serenade. This would automatically start the fiesta and would continue for the next two days. The musicians and their families were escorted to their quarters that had been arranged for them a week before.

  The night before the fiesta, Victoria's heart beat faster from the excitement. It was becoming very difficult for her to close her eyes, for the downstairs was all in a state of commotion. Tía Emma was in authority, giving orders to everyone, keeping the household in a total and utter state of confusion.

  "Buena’s noches, Niñas," said Mamá Maria, bringing a glass of warm milk to Victoria and Felicia, who were sharing the same bed. The warm milk would help them relax and sleep better. "Tomorrow will be here soon. I still have a lot of work to do," she said, sweating profusely and waving her hands and nodding her head. "The we'men will not be able to sleep tonight for we have to make the arroz con pollo, chicken with rice, the enchiladas, chicharrones, carnitas de puerco and those devils, the tamales. The menudo is already cooking."

  As the night fell, Victoria and Felicia talked and giggled into the wee hours of the morning. Victoria could not stop talking, especially about her feelings for Juan Alvarez.

  It seemed that the girls had just closed their eyes, when, like a dream, out of the darkness, was the sweet song being sung to Victoria from the courtyard below her bedroom window.

  The guitar music and the voices were sweet and very romantic:

  Estás son las Mañanitas These are the morning-songs

  Qué cantaba el Rey David that King David used to sing,

  Y a las muchachas bonitas and to the prettiest girls

  Cantamos así They were sung like this.

  (Coro) (Chorus)

  Despierta, mi bien, despierta! Awake, my love, awake!

  Mira qué ya amaneció Look, the dawn has already come!

  Ya las pajaritos cantan, Already the little birds are singing

  Ya la Luna se oculto. Already the moon has gone down.

  Victoria instantly grabbed for her robe, stretching and yawning. She opened the French doors to the wide balcony of her bedroom and marveled at the beautiful courtyard filled with lanterns and the chill of the morning dawn. What a surprise, she thought. My parents went to a lot of trouble and used their time and money to get this all arranged. But it's too early in the morning to begin any function! In her exuberance and excitement, she had forgotten to put a ribbon on her hair, which was long and hanging down to her waistline. The lanterns throughout the hacienda were already lit, but the melody was sweet, romantic, and wonderful. Out in the jungle cacti, the singing was joined by the singing of the coyotes, as though even they were celebrating her Saint's day. She leaned over the balcony and smiled and waved to the men below. The singing continued:

  Las Mañanitas:

  Qué Linda esta la mañana, How beautiful is the morning

  En qué vengo a saludarte. As we come and waken you.

  Venimos todos con gusto… With God's early morning blessing

  Y placer a felicitarte. With pleasure, we sing to you.

  Felicia, still in bed, opened her eyes, moaned, and covered her head with a pillow. She rolled over, away from the bright light coming from the window.

  Taking Victoria by surprise, her parents, Tía Emma, Mamá Maria, and many of the servants entered her bedroom, and soon all were standing next to her on the balcony singing with the rest of the musicians below.

  "What a beautiful day this is going to be," cried, Emma. "What a lovely occasion! Every girl's parents should be able to afford their daughter's Saint's day. Felicia had hers two years ago. Those were wonderful moments." She then left the balcony, moved inside and began ordering Felicia to get out of bed. "I also need to get the twins up. They were sleeping in Fred's bedroom, and I will bet they didn't sleep a wink last night."

  "Hija," said Doña Francisca, who was still in her long robe with a white scarf around her head. "You will wear the long blue dress which reflects your beautiful eyes." She coughed. "Later on this evening, you'll wear the beautiful white gown that your Tía Emma made you." She began choking.

  "Sí, Mamá," Victoria answered softly.

  "Querida," Don Federico addressed his wife. "You need to get back to your bed and rest. Everything has been arranged. I don't want you to worry about anything. I want you rested and be beautiful for tonight." He turned to his daughter, "How lovely you'll be tonight. This evening you'll be the prettiest girl in the valley. You and Felicia get dressed, and we'll wait for you both downstairs. Breakfast is being fixed for the musicians. There are lots of surprises!"

  "Hija, I'll have Yolanda bring you girls some coffee, and later we will get the hot water for your baths and get your hair fixed." Mamá Maria smiled, eying the two girls.

  Don Federico and Doña Francisca departed the bedroom to take care of other guests. The Don was feeling better and glad to see the event coming to full fruition. But deep in his mind, he was still concerned about his sister, Josie. It would be a miracle if they could all be together at the fiesta. He realized it was difficult for her to leave her alcoholic, abusive husband, accepting the knowledge that at this time it was probably impossible. Still concerned about Tom White as well, he had sent word with one of his vaqueros to Harlingen, but their reply was that the old drunkard had left town. He was happy to see his wife slowly recovering and joyous to see Victoria bursting with happiness. Their last squabble had made him feel guilty, but with the fiesta, he was making it up to her.

  While Felicia was washing her face in a white flowered, porcelain basin, Victoria addressed Feli
cia with concern. "Do you think that Juan will be at my fiesta? Do you think he will come?"

  "I don't know," replied Felicia drying her face in her sweet timid, simple way. "I have never met him, but I'm dying to see if he is as good looking as you have described him. He sounds very romantic." Saying this, she fell on the bed with the towel on her face and continued talking under the towel. "I'd like to meet someone too, just to get away from home, away from my stepfather and my mother—especially, my stepfather. I would like to meet a handsome man with lots of money to support me, and someone who will be good to me and love me. I'm of age you know!"

  "Don't be silly, Felicia!" retorted Victoria, feeling giddy. "I want you to meet Juan and see how wonderful he truly is. You'll meet someone too, just like you have described, and it will probably be real soon."

  "Not in the convent, I won't! But, who knows! I'm glad I'm not promised in an arranged marriage, like you. I have a choice. I will marry the man I fall in love with," replied Felicia, hastily putting on her long pink dress that Emma had just made her.

  "You're lucky," Victoria said. "You'll find someone real soon, I can sense it." Then there was a long silence in between the hassle of slips, lace panties, and shoes. Victoria, sitting in front of the mirror, had finished tying her hair back with a blue ribbon. She turned to face her cousin. "Felicia, I hate to ask you this. It's almost repulsive and a delicate question, but I've had it on my mind for a long time."

  "What? You can ask me anything." Felicia glanced over from her position on the edge of the bed, as she struggled with her stockings. "You know that," said the timid young girl.

  "Is your stepfather still—?"

  There was a pause and a long silence, as Felicia sat up. Then the answer came, soft and almost inaudible. "Yes!" replied Felicia, making a face and breaking down in tears and uttering a stomach-wrenching cry, concealing her face in her hands with the towel that was left lying on the bed. "I can't get away from him. I just don't even want to think about my situation at home. That's the reason I want to get away, as far as I can and go to school."

  "Is your stepfather coming to the fiesta?"

  "Yes! As far as I know. I'm going to ignore him as much as I can," she replied, sobbing again.

  "Does Tía Emma know about your situation? Does she have any idea?"

  "If I told my mother, she wouldn't believe me and would call me a liar, saying I'm making up the story, just to spite my stepfather. She knows I hate him. It would ruin her secure marriage for the three of us. A year ago, she discharged one of the young cleaning servants, because she'd accused my stepfather of molesting her. There was a big commotion. My stepfather, of course, denied everything, calling her a liar and a troublemaker. I suspect what she claimed was true because he wasn't hounding me within that period of time. I felt sorry for the young girl who was just trying to make a living with the little money my mother was giving her. Everything is being kept hush-hush. I'm so ashamed! It's so horrible! I can't explain it! My life is ruined forever! No decent man with any honor would have me," cried Felicia, feeling despicable, as uncontrollable tears ran down her face.

  Victoria found herself in a pickle, feeling guilty for bringing up the issue. She quickly rushed to hug her cousin. "Don't cry! Please don't cry. You know I love you, Felicia, and the rest of our family loves you too, my cousin and my best friend. You can stay here with me until we have to leave for school." Victoria sat on the bed, next to Felicia, consoling and reassuring her. "You don't need to go back to Mercedes City. We won't talk about it now, but we'll discuss it later. Just tell Tía Emma that you want to stay with me. It will give you an excuse to get away from that hungry sex-manic she's married to." She handed Felicia another clean towel to wipe her face. "I'm sorry I brought up this conversation. You know that I wouldn't say anything. It's our secret. Your stepfather knows what he has done and is doing and getting away with! I think that Mamá Maria suspects something of what is going on."

  "Do you think she knows?" Her words were muffled as she wiped her face and blew her nose.

  "Remember the first time he violated you? You must have been nine or ten years old. Your stepfather brought you to stay with me for the summer, and you had blood all over your white skirt. Remember that? Everyone thought you had started your monthly period. Later you told me what had happened, and not to tell anyone, how he stopped the buggy on the road while bringing you here and ordered you out into the undergrowth, followed you, and forced you to take your underclothes off. Of course, the rest is history, but remember, it was Mamá Maria that cleaned you up and comforted you. I guess it hurts the first time!" Victoria said, being inquisitive. "I want to know."

  "I guess if you love someone, it doesn't matter when you're making love, but when you are forced into it, it's worse. It hurts, and that's how a man knows that a woman is a virgin. You'll bleed!"

  "So that's why you were bleeding when Mamá Maria cleaned you up?" Making an ugly face, Victoria thought for a moment. "Doesn't sound fun to me," she said, exhaling in disgust.

  "It's been so long, I don't remember everything," replied Felicia, wiping her eyes.

  "Yes! That's how Mamá Maria knows. She has never said a word to your mother."

  "So she knows!" sobbed Felicia, clutching the towel between her fingers. "He hasn't stopped since then. He takes advantage of me, especially when Mother leaves the house," she whimpered.

  "You need to get away from him. Why don't you go shopping with Tía Emma when she goes out?"

  "I have sometimes, at the last moment, but my mother doesn't tell me what her plans are. She is so undecided and sometimes leaves the house without my knowing."

  "Well! What does he do? Where are the rest of the people in the household?" questioned Victoria, trying to find a solution to her cousin's problem.

  "He sends the boys to go and play with their friends outdoors. He instructs the servants to do their chores and orders me to go upstairs, and then he locks the bedroom door. He commands me to undress and enjoys seeing me take my garments off, one at a time," she continued through her tears. "He takes delight in seeing me without any clothes on and he fondles me. It's horrible! What's worse, is that he doesn't seem to be satisfied with doing it just once, but several times. It's rape every time because I'm not willing!" She stopped crying and looked up at Victoria and asked, "What makes you think Maria knows?" Her eyes were red and bloodshot.

  "The servants and Mamá Maria were in the kitchen at that time. They did not know that I was listening outside the hall, but I heard them talking in a concerned manner about you. Monthly periods don't start until about twelve years of age. And Mamá Maria thought it was very strange the way you were acting so terrified and scared. Of course, she wasn't about to tell my mother or Tía Emma, knowing how she hates your mother and the way she acts at any hint of impropriety."

  Victoria decided to change the disturbing subject. "Let's enjoy ourselves! Let's dress and look pretty. You look gorgeous in that new dress! Here, let me get some pink ribbons and put them in your hair. This is a happy occasion!" said Victoria. They heard someone coming up the stairs.

  Yolanda walked in with a large tray of fresh coffee, cups, cream, and sugar, and laid it on the dresser. "Breakfast is almost ready for you ladies. The musicians have just finished eating. Don Federico and the rest of the family guests are downstairs waiting for you, girls." She said it snobbishly and with an attitude, then turned and headed for the door, as the two girls ignored her and kept on talking.

  Pouring her coffee, Victoria changed the subject. "I'm glad that Ricardo and his stuck-up family are not joining us," she continued, wishing now that she had not brought up the dark secret about Felicia's stepfather. "We received a telegram two days ago that Ricardo was sick. My parents were disappointed. But I was happy! I really don't care to see Ricardo nor his stuffy family around my birthday."

  "I just don't understand you, Victoria!" exclaimed Felicia, still sitting on the edge of the bed. "According to my mother, the Del Calderónes are
very rich and very romantic people." She got up and began pouring coffee into a cup, with sugar and cream, and began drinking it, hoping that it would make her feel better. She continued, "They like to travel to Europe and South America, buying expensive furniture and beautiful gifts. Their lives are supposedly full of excitement with social gatherings all the time. To marry Ricardo sounds wonderful. I wish I had somebody to marry. Yes! He's older than you are, but he's more mature. Now that he's gotten his education in France, he'll be able to have a wonderful job, probably with the government, like his father. And who knows! One day he may be the next president of Mexico!"

  "Horse feathers, I'm not interested in politics! And I wouldn't make a good wife to a man who wants to pursue that career. I like the outdoors, being free, and not wearing those fancy dresses and jewelry. If you like him so much, then why don't you marry Ricardo? You're older than me."

  Felicia turned to catch Victoria's eyes. "I think you're crazy!" she said, and they began giggling.

  Throughout the course of the celebration, Victoria had received many lavish gifts and presents from her family, but she was not completely satisfied, nothing seemed to matter. Even with all the money and gifts, she felt empty. Something was missing, and she wouldn't be happy until she saw Juan. She couldn't wait to see his beautiful green eyes, and feel his arms around her, dancing, spinning her around the sala, to those wonderful Spanish and Mexican songs.

  The Revolution was becoming a bad nightmare; it was on everyone lips. For the moment, the only important thing now was her fiesta. And tonight, she would make the best of it.