Roots of Indifferences

by Terri Ragsdale

  "No, Juan!" cried Victoria, as she hugged him even more tightly. "I didn't mean it that way. I love you, only you, regardless of the plans my family made a long time ago. I can't help that, but Grandfather Hinojosa's influence and power will destroy you. He will find you and have you killed. Having worked for Díaz, his word here in Monterrey is like a god’s; with all of the control he has in politics."

  "What do you think I'm doing here? I'm taking the risk of getting killed, right? I even took the time to come and talk to your father and explain to him what had happened. It was also an opportunity to see you and love you. My nights have been very lonely without you. This is all I think about, day and night." He cleaved to her tightly and changed the subject. He began playing with her hair. "Your hair is like the ray of sunlight that beams." He took a deep breath and blurted, "I can't live without you!"

  "Juan, I do love you, you know that, but I just can't leave with you now. I just can't see myself out on the battlefields, like a soldadera, dirty, without shelter, like a commoner. Our love will vanish very quickly under those conditions. You're asking for the impossible at this time."

  Juan's looked at the ground in desperation. "It's because you are used to the best things in life," he said sadly. "At this moment, I can only give you my love, nothing else. Perhaps you are right. I'm letting my passions run away with my mind. Just let me know when the right time comes, and I will come from the end of the world for you." He then immediately changed the subject again. "Do you remember Aquiles Serdan from Puebla?"

  "I've heard Papá talk about him occasionally."

  "Serdan and his whole family were killed by the damn Federalists because they were fighting for our cause. Your father will remember him from San Antonio. I was heartbroken. What a shame!"

  A chill wind arose, and Victoria covered herself with her cape. Juan noticed that she had started shaking. He hugged her and said, "Victoria, your hands are so cold and you're freezing. You'll have pneumonia. Let's get away from the wind, and hide near the stone walls."

  Juan took Victoria's hand, and both stepped out onto the dark road. Making sure the road was clear, they ran to the other side to the warm shelter of the high walls.

  "It's better here, no draft," Juan said, as he stretched himself out on the grassy ground.

  The moon had appeared once again from behind the dark, stormy clouds, allowing Victoria to view Juan's face. He had a large gash on the side of his face and on his forehead was a black and blue mark. She leaned over to touch his face, caressing it. "How did this happen?" she whispered.

  "On the road to the gold mines," Juan answered. "After dealing with the cursed Bandido Castillo, and giving him the money and the plans for your father. When I was coming down from the mountain, his group of bandidos ambushed me on the road to Monterrey. I was left for dead. They beat me and took the rest of the money I had in my pockets. A poor Indian family rescued me, took me in, fed me, and gave me herbs to heal my wounds. For two weeks, I lay on the floor under straw blankets, trying to recover my senses. I wanted to hurry back to the gold mines to help your father, but—you know the rest."

  "That doesn't change my love for you, Juan! What happened at my fiesta that made you leave in such a hurry without saying a word?"

  "It's your damn Aunt Emma. Pardon my words against her, but she gossiped to your grandparents about me—how I was paying too much attention to you, and that I was becoming very dangerous, especially if something happened to you."

  "Aunt Emma was the cause of all that! You are right, she is a damn witch!"

  "I promised your father that nothing had happened when we were out at the pond getting some fresh air. It was your grandfather that informed me to leave you alone. He said plans were being made for your future wedding with Ricardo Del Calderóne, and that it was best for me to leave. I felt like I was intruding. Your father had given me the money to take care of Castillo in the mountains, so I had no reason to stay any longer. My horse and belongings were brought for me to leave. It pleased your Tía Emma and your grandfather."

  Victoria was embarrassed and lowered her head, "I'm sorry, Juan," she said sincerely.

  He smiled. "Speaking of your fiesta, and the trouble I got into, giving you my gift. Was my gift at your fiesta not good enough for you?" he asked. "I don't see you wearing it."

  Victoria's hand went to her chest. Her cape fell underneath her to the ground. She was wearing a high collared blouse. "I do have it. I'm wearing it now. I never take it off."

  "I don't see it. However, your neck deserves much better jewelry than a plain golden amulet. Your neck is made for fine stones, like rubies, emeralds, and diamonds fit for a royal queen. Your future husband will probably be giving you all of that. He has the money to be able to support your special rich needs." Juan rolled his eyes, and then repressed a smile, teasingly.

  His rebuke annoyed her. "I do wear it!" She said, teasing him as she gently unbuttoned her blouse to prove him wrong, not realizing that she was exposing more than she had meant to. Her uncovered chest lured him enticingly. The moon beamed down on her high, firm breasts with the amulet nestled between them.

  Touching the charm, and without warning, Juan was overcome by a pang of excitement. He reached for her, his hands on her breasts, feeling and caressing her.

  "Juan!" Victoria gasped, not wanting to let her passion overrule her. "I must go! I must leave!" She was trying hard to control her emotions, trying to think of letting go. "If father finds me out here, I'll be in trouble. I must go! No! Not now!"

  Juan's mouth stopped her from saying anymore; his sensual lips covered her mouth passionately and then moved to her breasts, kissed them, leaving her with an uncontrollable desire and emotion she had never felt before. His hands were on her legs, feeling and caressing.

  "I have waited for this moment for a long time," he utter, breathless, and kissed her again on her lips and then her breasts. Juan was a master artist in the game of love.

  Victoria's soul felt like it had left her body. Thrilled with a forbidden desire as the hour had become a feverish one, her heart was like a butterfly's wing. She was not fighting back anymore, and her body had gone limp, responding to his touch, letting go and welcoming him. Her own body sought him, arched fiercely toward him, without caring. It was hard to believe that within those moments the only thing existing was their own animal desire. She felt no cold, only his warm body. For almost an hour they lay on the ground, but it seemed like hours had passed. The world had come to a complete halt, spinning overhead above them. For the first time in Victoria's life, she had known what it was to be with a man, knowing that love was the most important thing.

  The time came when Juan had to leave, and he decided that Victoria needed to get back inside the hacienda. If the family found her and her cousin missing, there would be hell to pay. He reminded her that he would visit her at the convent when he wasn't fighting for Madero's cause. They savored one final, lingering kiss, and Juan left her with loving memories.

  For a moment, she had forgotten all about Felicia. Oh God, I must go and see about Felicia. Lord! May the saints pardon me! I must say a prayer to the Lady of Guadalupe, and many Ave Marias!

  It took all the strength Victoria could muster to slowly pick herself up, almost in a daze. Frazzled, she walked back to the hacienda's gates. She flung them open, then walked inside and closed them. Her whole body surged with strange sensations and emotions, as she began to fumble with her buttons and cover herself with the cape. Her breasts were aching with pain. Funny! She thought. The night that had been so cold now seemed warm. Perspiration dotted her forehead, and the chilly wind felt good against it. She did not realize that the adventurous night was not yet over.

  Approaching the pinos trees, Victoria heard a commotion coming from underneath the flowering bushes. She could hear voices but was not able to distinguish them from that distance. Felicia! She kept thinking. What is Felicia doing? Has father found her?

  The moon was partly shining as Victoria c
ame upon the scene. The same worker who had been whipped several weeks ago had Felicia on the ground, trying to rape her. The peón had her pinned down with his elbows and was between her legs on top of her. Felicia struggled and tried to scream, but one of his hands was covering her mouth.

  A cold hatred and ferociousness overcame Victoria. Looking around, she searched for something solid to cold-cock him with. She hurried toward the irrigation ditch and found piles of rocks. She could hear the peasant talking in raspy whispers and cursing Felicia. "You are a puta! Whore! The two of you are putas! Whores! Giving your bodies to the gringos and everyone else, why not me?" The smell of liquor was strong.

  Disoriented among the shadows of the trees, Victoria searched the rock pile and found the biggest rock that she could hold in her hand. Rushing to the scene, she hit the peón on the back of the head as hard as she could. He gave out a loud screech. He hollered profanities and staggered up from his position, holding the back of his head, and rushed toward Victoria, forgetting Felicia. Victoria wasted no time with her attacker. She plunged toward him and began throwing blows with the rock in her hand. She was not contented with one fierce blow, but gave him another one, as hard as the force of her will. She hit him again on his head and then again on his temple, hitting him again and again. Blood splattered all over his shirt until his body went limp and fell to the ground.

  "Stop it!" Felicia shouted from the ground and got up from her compromising position. "You've killed him!" she said and began crying hysterically in anguish. "Now what are we going to do?" They exchanged quick, horrifying glances.

  "God damn it, Felicia. Stop your crying now! This is horse feathers, bullshit! This man was going to rape you, and perhaps kill you later. What was I to do?" she said angrily, trying to catch her breath. "He deserves what he got! I have always protected you, haven't I?" Victoria's jaw was set and there was a cold savagery in her eyes, as she breathed hard.

  "This man is dead, and we have his soul to worry about. What are we going to do? How are we going to explain this?" said Felicia, feeling a sickening dread.

  "Bullshit feathers! Why to cry now! He is stone cold, graveyard dead! This peón knew all about us and knew what we were up to from the very beginning. Don't you think for one moment he wasn't going to blab about us to Grandfather and Papá? How ungrateful can you get?"

  "I don't know!" cried Felicia, as she wiped her tears with her cape. "I don't want to know!" She turned away, shaking. "All I know is that we have to get back quickly. Someone has surely missed us! We have been gone for a long time. What are we going to do? What are we going to do with the body? He's dead, I know he's dead, and we are responsible!" She bent over and began vomiting, then wiped her mouth with her cape.

  "Shut up and stop your damn crying for a minute! Someone will surely hear us and find out we've been gone, and we will have to explain what happened here," Victoria said harshly. "You can help me drag the body out into the road. Outside the gates, anything can happen out there. Who knows, bandidos could have attacked him, after all, he was such a good fellow, and got what he deserved! He was just doing his duty, guarding the hacienda."

  Felicia terrified, felt her blood grow cold. Still nauseated, she realized that Victoria's dark side would cause her to go to any length to get her way, even as far as killing a human being and not feeling any remorse. She was grateful that Victoria had protected her from devastating results, but killing someone was different. They would both pay for his soul and regret it later. Victoria seemed to have no compassion, and she was just sixteen years of age. Felicia hated the thought of what Victoria would become as she got older, with her nerves of steel, unafraid of the devil himself. It was true what the old bruja, Dona Adela had foretold. She had the roots of evil in her blood. How cruel life was! And now, she hoped that no one had missed them. They would have a lot of explaining to do if they got caught. They must hurry!

  CHAPTER 18

  El Colegio de Santa Maria was founded by the Spanish Franciscan monks in the seventeenth century and was situated in the high Sierra Madre Mountains, many kilómetros southwest of Monterrey. In charge was Mother Superior Maria Angelina. She greeted them dressed in a white, stiffly-starched wimple, looking like a giant penguin ready to put the students' noses to the grindstone.

  She addressed the crowd. "Here at this convent we exemplify discipline, and we require it!" She spoke between stained teeth, and her eyes peered over her bifocals. "Everyone, including the girls who are going to be educated, has to be up by six o'clock in the morning. There will be no exception, as they need to be at Mass by six-thirty. Later, the girls will all line up to be inspected for cleanliness, their fingernails, their hair, and so on. Each will be given special assignments to follow during the week. Nobody does the work of another, as each has her own responsibilities. The girls will be kept so busy that they will not have time to think of their families or loved ones. We specialize in etiquette and all fields of art, sewing, needlework from Europe, Central and South American hand embroidery."

  Mother Superior eyed the crowd and continued. "We have been very blessed with donations given to us from the very rich and wealthy landowners from the State of Nuevo León and were able to obtain several typewriters that will automatically be put to good use. All of our textbooks, especially Español, come from Spain, and we have the best training in all of Mexico. Each girl will be required to attend the medical ward in helping the sick, especially the very young and very old when they are not studying. We have many women and young girls, from the very poor, who come from far away to have their babies here. For those young girls that leave their little babies, the girls studying here are required to take care of them with the help of the attending nuns."

  She paused a moment before continuing. "Outside activity is only permitted on Saturdays and Sundays. If parents want the student to come home with them, they can, but their rooms have to be clean and in order. Permission to leave the premises is only by a signed order. By the time your daughter leaves this Colegio," snapped the pure figure of a virgin, "they will be perfect ladies of poise and refinement, ready to enter the social world and become women of grace and charm for their future husbands. I'm so very pleased that you chose our school for your daughter's training."

  Don Federico and Emma, sitting in the chapel audience, stood up, clapped and nodded. They seemed very pleased. Victoria will be well trained, and the Del Calderónes will be pleased and proud. She will become the very example of what a wife should be, thought Don Federico. All of the gracefulness that comes in the social world will be hers. He turned toward Victoria and noticed how lovely she looked this morning, with her navy gloves and matching hat—so appropriate with her light gray suit.

  Mother Superior rose from the back of her ancient, dark desk and came forward to shake Don Federico's and Emma's hands. "I'm so pleased to meet you, Senor Juelson, and thank you for the great contribution given to the convent. I promise you that it will be put to good use. We are so glad to have your daughter attend the school. I hear she will be marrying the son of the great General Del Calderóne after she finishes with her studies. How wonderful! The General occasionally visits our school and is very generous with his money."

  "My pleasure," answered Don Federico, very pleased. "Please write to me if there is anything I can do to make the school more productive, or if you have any questions regarding my daughter. Thank you for having us. We will be going back to Texas next week.

  For the next twenty-four months, Victoria and Felicia would learn reading and writing in Español, with the highest degree of all formal learning, which included: discipline in all formal manners of etiquette; formal writing of correspondence; code of behavior in proper speaking; formal dining and table-setting for guests; wearing proper clothing for the occasion; and so much more in protocol. The needlework and embroidery were not to her liking but were part of the curriculum. She would have preferred riding horses and being outdoors.

  To Victoria, Mother Superior resembled a tort
oise hiding her body beneath its hard, horny shell. She stood frozen and listened to all the commotion, as the many parents kissed their daughter's goodbye, expecting the best achievement from each of them. All were dressed in the newest fashion. From the far side of the room, she viewed the Montoya twins, Rosalinda and Rosa, who had come to her fiesta, kissing their mother and hugging their father. They waved and smiled, showing their large teeth to her from the distance. The word "discipline" kept ringing in Victoria's head. She was not used to that word, and it would be difficult to follow. The nuns running the convent meant business and would see that each girl did their chores and got an education.

  Victoria and Felicia were led into a long corridor of Mexican tile floors. Branches of dry bougainvillea vines hung tightly intertwined around the whitewashed, cement arches. Next to their dormitory, which both girls would share, was a small courtyard patio with a small statue of an angel pouring water from a fountain. In the middle of the landscape was a large statue of the Virgin Mary, surrounded by flowering bushes waiting to sprout at the first breath of spring. Toward the large chapel were many trees of alamos, sausos, and jacaranda. In the spring they would bear violet-colored flowers. Other trees nearby were árboles de cedro, a few Ahuehuete, and an abundance of castor-oil trees. All around the high arches on the grounds were bright red poinsettias standing a foot high and in full bloom. Out and beyond, were several small huts intermixed along the jungle of trees and bushes where the peóns lived and helped with the upkeep of the convent grounds and El Colegio. This was a village called cuadrillas, meaning small groups of buildings enclosed for their protection by six-foot limestone walls.