All Stars Fall

by Rachel Van Dyken

  “A lot, not a bit.” I laughed and took another fortifying swallow.

  “We decided we would be great friends.”

  “Joint decision?” I frowned as the alcohol got stuck in my throat and left a lingering burn.

  “After some explaining, yes.” She nodded slowly. “Though it’s Drew, so I’m sure reminding him what friendship means will be a daily necessity.”

  I barked out another laugh. “Yeah, good luck with that. When he sees something he wants…” I shrugged.

  “What about you?”

  That got my attention, and I jerked my head up and snorted. “Drew doesn’t want me like that, thank God.”

  Her eyes narrowed, she put down her drink and leaned over the counter. Her shirt was just low enough for me to see breasts; two perfect mounds that I wanted to cup, to kiss and suck and squeeze and…shit, what were we talking about again? “Not Drew, I’m talking about when you want something…do you just blindly pursue?”

  “Used to.” I gritted my teeth. “But that’s what I did with my ex, and look how that turned out.” I exhaled roughly, the final reminder released into the universe. I had been impulsive with her, impulsive with my heart, ready to just toss it at the first woman who I thought truly got me. And I was wrong, so very wrong. “Besides, I have three other people to think about, even if I wanted…” My voice fell as sadness flashed across her face. “You know what I mean. It’s not just me anymore. I have to think about them, what’s best for them, what’s best for us.”

  “That’s what I thought,” she said softly, looking away and finishing her drink like a champ. “Just so you know…” I watched her move around my kitchen like it was hers. “Your kids aren’t holding you back. At least from this position, the one I’m standing in, they seem to be the driving force behind everything you do.”

  The truth of it slammed into me. “Twenty-year-old me could make mistakes, and it was only about me. Thirty-one-year-old me has baggage that comes with him. Thirty-one-year-old me sees it reflected in my kids’ eyes. I get what you’re saying, they’re the driving force but also the reason I can’t—”

  “Right,” she finished. “Okay.” Another nod as she started to walk away.

  I grabbed her by the wrist and pulled her against me.

  Her eyes locked onto mine. “Is this where you tell me it’s not me, it’s you?”

  “This is where I tell you I wish I had met you in a different life.”

  “Funny.” She pulled away from me. “Since I was just thinking how lucky I am to meet you in this one.”

  Disappointment filled the room.

  Questions asked.

  Answers given.

  Choices made.

  And I had to wonder what would have happened had I told her the only thing I’ve been wanting to pursue for the last week and a half? Had been her heart.

  Chapter Fifteen

  Penelope

  I slept like crap.

  And it wasn’t the drink that did it.

  Nope, all signs pointed to the amazing guy that refused to let me in. Not that I’d asked, but I’d at least been wondering if we could go in that direction. I mean, we’d held hands, kissed. Oh God, now I sounded like a stupid teenager with her first crush.

  The point, I thought as I got out of bed that morning and put on my clothes to head into work, was that there were feelings. Big time feelings. And he’d looked pissed about Drew, but that was it.

  No, hey we kissed let’s talk about it.

  No, hey so I like holding hands but I swear it’s not a hand fetish.

  It’s a you fetish.

  Let’s get married and make sweet love and fill this house with our offspring!

  Okay, so he wasn’t going to say that, but he could at least say that there was something—anything.

  I mean, there was something there. I felt the way he looked at me, the way I looked at him, that kiss. I almost started fanning myself—people don’t just kiss people they hate. At least in my world. You kiss them because you want them, because you’re attracted, because something exists in time and space between two human bodies, two souls, that must be recognized.

  And although he kind of acknowledged it, I had been shut down so fast that my head spun.

  The more I thought about it, the angrier I became, until I realized I was stomping down the stairs into the living room.

  I quieted my steps and walked by the couch, only to stop and frown down at it.

  Trevor was sleeping.

  Remote in hand.

  TV on.

  And because the universe hates me, he chose that moment to open his eyes and stare up at me then fall to the floor. “Son of a bitch, you scared the shit out of me.”

  I covered my face with my hands. “I’m sorry, I was just walking by and trying to figure out why you were sleeping on the couch and—”

  “I didn’t want to miss you.” He rubbed sleep from his eyes. “I was supposed to give you a car or a ride, remember, since Drew dropped you off?”

  “Well, yeah, but—”

  His eyes darkened. “Please tell me your plan wasn’t to walk two miles at five a.m., in the dark, with predators lurking?”

  I smiled. “There are no predators lurking, especially in a place that doesn’t even have Uber!” Predators. He was adorable. Wait, no, stop.

  He snorted. “You’re taking the Jeep, give me your keys and I’ll have Drew grab your car later. It’s the least he can do.”

  “Jeep?” I tried not to sound too excited as he shot me a pointed glance over his shoulder then walked over to the counter and handed me the keys.

  “Try not to crash it.”

  “Thanks, Dad.” I grinned.

  He glowered. “Not funny.”

  “Wasn’t trying to be funny.” I folded my arms and gave him a challenging glare.

  He pressed his hands down on my shoulders and then pulled me against him. My arms dropped to my sides. “I don’t know what I’m doing.”

  “Does anyone in life?”

  “I want—”

  “Daddy!” Malcom made his way into the kitchen rubbing his eyes. “Can I watch a movie?”

  “Sleep, I just want sleep,” he muttered under his breath. “No, buddy, you have to go to bed.”

  “I’m scared.”

  “Sleep with your brother.”

  Malcom’s bottom lip trembled a bit.

  “Hey!” I intervened. I hated his tears. “Why don’t you go sleep in my room a bit? I left the fireplace on, and my favorite bear’s in the bed guarding my things!”

  “You sleep with a bear?”

  “It protects me.” I winked. “I mean, you don’t have to, but there is a TV in there. Maybe after you sleep a few hours, Dad will let you watch?”

  “Yay! Dad, can I?”

  “Yeah.” He kissed the top of his head “Off you go.”

  Malcom ran full speed toward my bedroom, and part of me felt sad that I couldn’t stay home and cuddle with him while watching Sesame Street.

  His little hands and feet would be under the covers, limbs taking over the entire bed. Malcom slept like he was trying to use as much space as possible.

  My heart ached.

  Trevor shook his head in what looked like frustration. “I need to do something about their sleeping arrangements. Kid’s not sleeping. He keeps trying to sneak into Eric’s room.”

  “So let him,” I piped up in a strong voice. “They’re twins, and Malcom needs comfort. Honestly, putting them together might help Eric just as much as Malcolm. He’s hurting too. He just lashes out, whereas Malcom…”

  “Malcom has a tender heart.” Trevor took the words right out of my mouth.

  “Tender but still strong, just like his dad,” I said softly.

  Trevor reached for me.

  I stumbled back. “Okay, so I’ll just be heading to the garage now.”

  “Running away?” he taunted, looking deliciously sexy in no shirt and a low pair of track pants that hugged his hips.
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  I dangled the keys in the air. “I’ll try not to get a ticket.”

  “If you get a ticket in Seaside, I’ll be more impressed than pissed.”

  I flashed him a wide smile. “Thanks for this.”

  “Thanks for…” He stopped and then whispered, “…everything.”

  My throat clogged up a bit as I nodded, not trusting myself to speak without confessing how much I was falling for him and his family, and I quickly made my way to the garage and the waiting Jeep.

  He had brought three cars with him.

  I was taking one.

  And I was going to pretend it was normal.

  This was normal.

  Employer.

  Employee.

  I clicked the key fob to unlock the doors and let out a little gasp when I saw the caramel colored lush leather seats.

  It was normal to moan when getting into your employer’s car, um…right?

  I sighed and gripped the steering wheel just as the garage door went up. Trevor stood next to the door, waving me off.

  His friggin’ eight pack flexed for the world to see.

  Yup. Normal.

  I turned on the SUV and drove out of his million dollar beach house toward my job, with fresh tracks of his voice playing in the background. And his abs in my rearview mirror.

  So normal it was almost scary, right?

  Chapter Sixteen

  Trevor

  “Daaaaaaad,” Eric yelled as he bounded down the stairs. “Can I play some video games?”

  I was well on my fourth cup of coffee.

  It was about an hour until Penny was supposed to show up.

  And I felt like shit.

  Worse than shit.

  And as much as I wanted to blame it on the fact that I’d confused Penny and was mentally exhausted—I knew it was worse than that.

  I was getting sick.

  I never got sick.

  My hands were clammy as I lifted the mug to my lips and sipped, then I grimaced and nodded. “Yeah, buddy.”

  The next hour went by painfully slow, partially because I missed her even though I shouldn’t, and partially because the more seconds that passed the sicker I got, to the point that I finally lay on the couch next to Eric and told Malcom to keep an eye on Bella.

  My throat burned, and my body ached. I turned on my side, and the next thing I knew tiny hands were shaking me awake. “Is he dead?”

  “Let’s hope not,” Penny said with amusement in her voice. “Why don’t you guys go upstairs and wash your hands, and I’ll take you all out for lunch. How does that sound?”

  “Hooray!” They all let out little screams of excitement as if they’d been prisoners in their own home. I would have rolled my eyes had I had the energy.

  Cold fingertips pressed against my forehead. “Trevor?”

  “Penny.” I rasped her name. Damn she was pretty and I wasn’t even staring at her. I could feel her though, feel her beauty through her skin. Wait, was that even possible? “Penny?”

  “I’m here.” Something cold and wet hit my forehead. “I think you have a fever. I’m going to get you some Tylenol to bring it down, okay?”

  “So hot,” I grumbled and then gripped her wrist. “You feel cold.”

  “Because you’re sick,” she said softly. “I’m sorry I’m late. It was busy at the coffee shop, something about Adrenaline doing a free concert.”

  I snorted out a laugh. “We need music to do that.”

  “Well, you could use your old stuff, though I’m not sure how the rumor got started.”

  “You and Drew.” I might be delirious, but even I knew how easy it was to assume things, like the fact that she was out with Drew the night before and worked at a coffee shop that often had free mic night. “People like to draw conclusions. People are stupid, like his ego could even fit in that shit hole.”

  “Excuse me?”

  My eyes surged open, temples pounding, “Penny, no, not—that’s not what I—”

  “You think I work in a shit hole?” She stood and crossed her arms.

  No, I needed her to sit back down.

  To touch me with her fingertips.

  To talk to me and make me feel better.

  “I’m sick, I’m not thinking clearly.” I knew I was already screwed by the hurt expression on her face. “Penny, please.”

  “No,” she whispered, tears in her eyes. “You’re right, it’s better this way, better to know how you really feel. I’m the hired help, and I work in a shit hole.” Her smile was sad. “Kids, you ready?”

  “Penny, just wait—” I tried to sit up but my skull felt like it was on fire, and I winced and fell back.

  “I’m going to text your egotistical friend and let him know you can’t make it to the studio this afternoon, then I’m going to let your bandmates know that they need to pay their final respects.”

  “I’m sick, not dying.”

  She glared. “We’ll. See.”

  “You plan on killing me for insulting you?”

  “If the fever doesn’t get you then yes, it’s a huge possibility. You don’t have to be an asshole just because you’re sick, and just because you’re loaded doesn’t mean you get to make fun of where I work, got it?”

  “I think the neighbors even got it, could you please keep your voice down?” I saw three of her. Still beautiful, even as triplets. “Penny? Would you look at me?”

  “No. I’m pissed at you!”

  “Dad, what’s pissed mean?” Malcom bounded down the stairs followed by Bella and Eric, each of them looking at me expectantly. I groaned and pulled a throw-pillow over my head.

  “Who wants McDonald’s?” She clapped her hands. Loudly. The next thing I knew all of the kids were running out the door and she was sending me one last sad look over her shoulder.

  Sleep overtook me again.

  I dreamed of her smile.

  And then we were kissing, my tongue was in her mouth, and it was perfect. I pressed her against the fridge, things tumbled inside, I picked her up by the hips and mauled her, not realizing how soft her hair was or her skin. It was everything I wanted and knew I couldn’t have.

  “Is that for me?” Drew’s voice jolted me out of my slumber. I blinked up to see him hovering over me with a giant grin on his face and his phone pointed down south. “Because I feel like that breaks at least ten rules of friendship.”

  “Huh?”

  He pointed.

  I covered myself with the throw pillow. My head was still pounding, and the sound of tiny feet running around the house was nowhere to be found.

  I hated it.

  Just like I hated the fact that Penny had left pissed off.

  And now I was having arousing dreams about the off-limits nanny.

  Perfect.

  “I’m sick. Go away.” I waved him off.

  Instead, just like the plague, he stayed and plopped himself down on the couch across from me. “So your girl sounded upset when she called.”

  “She was supposed to text,” I grumbled, rubbing my temples with my fingertips. “Could we not do this right now?”

  “How’s she taste?”

  “The hell?” I looked up. “One more word and I’m going to impale you with my drumsticks.”

  “Ouch.” He grinned and spread his arms wide. “Where would our band be without me?”

  “At this point, I don’t really care.” I lay back down and kicked him with both feet.

  “Someone’s upset.” He sighed. “Look, the guys went to the studio, laid down some really good tracks, and worked on the two we were messing with yesterday. Career-wise we’re on top of things, you’re on top of things, but personally…”

  I groaned. “Personally, what?”

  “You’re a mess.”

  “Why are you here again?”

  “Pretty Penelope said if she came back and saw you sleeping she might suffocate you and she didn’t want to go to prison for murder. I’m here to save your life. You’re welcome.”
r />   A few beats of silence went by before I admitted, “I accidentally called the coffee shop she works at a shit hole.”

  Drew burst out laughing. “You’re an idiot.”

  “I’m delirious and exhausted, I have a fever, big difference,” I pointed out as I blindly reached for the glass of water that had been left on the coffee table, probably by Penny. Even in her anger, she was taking care of me.

  Damn it!

  “You gotta make it up to her.”

  “How am I supposed to do that?”

  “Hell if I know. I’ve never been in a committed relationship. The only girl I ever got close to is currently marrying one of our lead singers, so….”

  “Right.” We never talked about his past.

  The animosity between Drew and Will still existed like this disease that refused to fully leave the body, so we left it alone. At least they got along and could be friends again, as long as they didn’t talk about it.

  The drugs, the partying, the cheating.

  We kept it all under the rug where it belonged.

  Where, frankly, Drew protected it like a baby.

  He said if he let it out, it made it real.

  And he wasn’t sure he could handle his own truth.

  I didn’t blame him.

  I could barely tolerate mine.

  “Am I an asshole?” I asked, probably the wrong person, but whatever.

  “Not always,” he said with a shrug. “I would say you’re the least assholey of all of us. How’s that make you feel?”

  “Honestly, not well.” I groaned into my hands. “Because you’re a dick.”

  “Thanks, man.” Drew released a sinister laugh. “Look, she’s with the kids. In fact, they’ve been gone three hours, they went to Mc Donald’s then the aquarium. If you ask me, she deserves more money than whatever you’re paying her, plus her place is completely ruined. I stopped by today, and she isn’t moving back in, not for a long ass time.” He was quiet and then, “You’re loaded. What could you possibly do that would make this situation better for her? Easier?”

  “Uhhhhhh…” My mind drew a blank, but then I suggested, “Buy her a house?”

  “Sometimes I wonder why they call you the mature one,” Drew muttered. “No, dumbass, but you could treat her. Flowers aren’t something girls buy for themselves. Hell, you could even give her a raise and demand she go shopping, make her feel special, that’s all I’m saying.”