by Gail Haris
I walk over, and Landon pats the seat next to him. “Saved you a seat, sis!”
Sis. Wow, that’s still weird. I inhale and slowly exhale. I am Sarah Randall and that is my brother Landon Randall. Landon doesn’t seem to be uncomfortable around me in the slightest. He’s welcomed me with wide open arms and completely taken on the role as my brother. Should I call him ‘bro?’ I roll my eyes at myself for that ridiculous thought. I wouldn’t call him ‘bro’ even if I’d grown up with him all my life. I don’t think I would have anyways…
“I hope I’m not taking someone else’s spot.” I sit down, anyway.
“Actually, you are.” Eric leans his desk forward. “But, since I’m such a nice guy, I gladly gave up my seat.”
I smile at him, but when I turn around, I roll my eyes. I’m sure you’re a real gentleman. Landon snickers but doesn’t comment. Instead, he turns his attention to the guy sitting next to him. The teacher comes in, goes through roll call, welcomes me, and jumps right in on giving us a few vocabulary words to look up the meaning of and memorize by Friday.
Landon and I walk to our next and final class together, Chemistry. We enter the class, and he walks with me up to the teacher’s desk.
“Hey Mr. G. This is my sister, Sarah. She needs to get her book.”
Mr. Gargus is an elderly gentleman with kind blue eyes and hair that’s white as snow. He gives me a curt nod and turns around to grab a book from the shelf behind him. “Welcome, Sarah, welcome. I hope you are having a lovely first day. Let’s end it on a high note, yeah?”
He hands me the textbook, and Landon leads us to the desks at the front of the room. I’m a little surprised we are sitting in the front row.
He notices my confusion, and says, “Yeah I know, front row, but this is one of my favorite subjects. Also, Mr. G is awesome.”
A few people pat his shoulder or high five as they pass our table. Landon seems to be friends with literally everyone. Almost. Everyone except Noah.
Turns out Mr. Gargus is a fun and enthusiastic teacher. He makes jokes throughout the class and seems to have a friendship with all the students. Landon is outspoken in this class and chimes in throughout the hour. Those two make the class so entertaining that it takes me by surprise when the bell rings.
Landon tells me to go on to my locker and then meet him in the parking lot. I’m relieved to find out Melissa isn’t picking me up. I open my locker and find a cell phone. It’s not anything fancy. A small, simple, black phone. There is a folded piece of paper next to it. I open it and read; it’s a note from Noah informing me that this is a phone that works on a pre-paid card so I can text without the Randalls having any knowledge. I open the contacts app on the phone, and it has four names and numbers listed: Noah, Andrea, Brad, and Angie. My vision gets blurry and I wipe my eyes. I immediately click on Angie’s name and send a text asking if it’s really her. Then, I send a text to Noah thanking him. I get a response immediately from him:
Noah: No problem. Be careful. Keep this hidden & try not to waste ur mins.
Me: But how did you get this phone? And when?!
Noah: I got the idea during Art & texted Ma. It’s not that difficult to go to the store & purchase a Trac phone. She brght it to me & I slipped it in ur locker.
Me: How did you know which locker was mine?
Noah: Rmber what I said about wasting mins? UR doing it.
I decide not to respond since it would be a waste of minutes just to text “Ok.” I place my books in my bag and hide the phone in an interior pocket of my bag wrapped in Tara’s gym clothes.
I find Landon standing by his Jeep talking to some of his friends. Once I get in the passenger side, he tells everyone bye and hops in. We pull out of the parking lot, and he informs me the junior high is a ten-minute drive from here.
Landon sighs. “I know you probably see Noah as a friend...” Whoa! We’re jumping right into it, I guess. “…but you need to understand, his aunt ruined your life and ours. She kidnapped you from our neighborhood. Literally down the street. Do you know what that’s like, to grow up knowing that someone in your family had been kidnapped? I always wondered if the kidnapper would come back for me, too. I mean, they probably didn’t know about me since I hadn’t been born, but it’s still scary. Mom never stopped searching for you. She never gave up hope that you’d be safely returned. Sarah, we had no idea who took you and…” he takes a deep breath, and his face holds so much pain, “we are all so grateful that you weren’t hurt. You hear what happens in similar cases and, thank the good Lord you at least had a decent life.”
I haven’t really thought about what worry and grief this family has gone through. It’s still hard for me to see Cindy as a villain. An adoptive mother would be an easier pill to swallow. I think it’s time to finally read her journal tonight. A final goodbye. This might show me who she really was, no matter how badly I don’t want to accept any of this. I didn’t want to accept her death, but I finally am. I didn’t want to accept her as not my biological mother, but I’m trying. Am I? I haven’t been. Just like I haven’t accepted that she was my kidnapper. If I read the journal, in her own words, that she kidnapped me I’ll be forced to accept it. Right now, the Randalls are like long lost relatives taking me in due to the loss of my mother.
Landon interrupts my thoughts. “Don’t be upset if we want to keep you separated from them. Before all this, I thought Noah was a cool guy. I don’t trust him now. We’re still unsure what hand they had in all this. Maybe they really didn’t know. The police didn’t find anything, so most likely they really had no idea. If you were me, would you trust them?”
We pull the car up behind a black SUV to get in line to pick up Denise.
“If I were you? Probably not. As the person that actually did get kidnapped, I do trust him. I understand your side, Landon. But try to be patient with me. Will you explain to Melissa and Richard that I’m trying, but I need to adjust in my own time? I grew up with Cindy; she’s all I’ve ever known. I can’t remember anything as a one-year old. Noah is…a connection between both worlds. Funny thing is, I don’t even know him that well. It wasn’t like he was ever around while I was growing up. I saw him maybe two or three times as kids until…until the funeral. He was really there for me. And so far, I’ve been the most comfortable with him.” Landon grimaces. “I’m sorry. He did make my day a little easier.” I shrug. “And you did too, of course.” That brightens his face.
He remains quiet, even after Denise hops in the car. She doesn’t seem to notice his lack of conversation since she stays glued to her phone.
When we arrive at the house and are getting out of the car, Landon mumbles, “I’ll talk to them about giving you some time to adjust and about Noah. I can’t make any promises to sway them, but I do see where you’re coming from.”
I smile at him and joke, “Is that why you were so quiet? In deep thought over how messed up all this is?”
He chuckles, and all the humor is back in his eyes as he says, “I try not to get into too deep of thought. This is a messed-up situation, but at least we can say we don’t lead boring lives.”
He turns and walks on into the house. Before I make it to the door, Melissa comes skipping out and wraps me in a hug. “How was it? Come on! Come on! Let’s go sit in the kitchen.”
She keeps one arm around me and leads me into the kitchen. I sit at the table while she brings two glasses of water and sits down.
Denise grabs a snack out of the fridge and kisses Melissa on the cheek. “Catch up with you later, Mom!” She bounces off out of the room.
Landon is leaning against the counter chewing on an apple. He gives me a nod and mouths, “Tell the truth.”
Melissa turns around to look at Landon. “Come sit with us honey! I want to hear all about both of your days.”
He comes and gives her a kiss on the cheek. “Nah, I’m going to get started on homework. You two have a moment.”
The other two have left, so she gives me her full attention. “
Well?”
I take a sip of water and begin. “Well, um, it was good. I think I might’ve made some friends. One girl is on the soccer team and her name is Tara. Speaking of soccer, Coach asked me to join the school’s soccer team. I told her yeah.”
Melissa is so happy and excited for me. “Yay! Oh, that’s wonderful! We can go this afternoon and get your gear.”
I stare at her wide-eyed for a moment and inhale a deep breath. She is really excited, so much that she’s ready to jump and do anything. I almost feel bad that I hadn’t thought of her when I first heard the news. I smile and nod. I continue telling her about today’s events.
“Yeah, I need gym clothes. I didn’t know I’d be in P.E and had to borrow clothes from Tara.”
She laughs, “Oh no, but it worked out, huh? You not having clothes gave you two a reason to cross paths.”
She’s so happy, genuinely happy for me. Landon said to tell her about Noah, but I’m scared. I decide to go with an approach to paint Noah in the best light possible.
“I did meet one girl who was mean. She became very confrontational when I accidently sat in the wrong seat. It was Noah Wallace that made her leave me alone.”
I can’t read her face, so I have no idea how she’s taking this. I continue, “He probably wouldn’t have approached me otherwise. Please don’t be mad at him or call his parents. I was surprised to see him. Why didn’t you give me a heads up that he went to that school? Surely you had to know.”
She takes a deep breath and exhales. We sit there in a moment of silence. Finally, she speaks, “Yes, Sarah, I knew. Of course, I did. Part of me wanted to see how you would react to him. I wondered if you would be angry with them or if you would allow him to still be a part of your life. I shouldn’t be surprised that you’re not angry. After all, she raised you from an infant as her own. It’s not easy for me to accept that, and I still get angry thinking about it.”
I take her hand. “I’m trying to adjust. It’s a lot for me. Please be patient because I still haven’t fully grasped all of this. I don’t believe that the Wallaces were involved. Noah did make the day easier.”
She makes a disgusted face, so I hurry to finish. “Landon helped as well, but all of this is so new. I don’t even know Noah that well but he’s kind of middle ground between all this. I know you can’t understand but-”
“I get it. Or more like I’m trying to get it.” She puts her hands together. “If this will make it easier for you, then you can associate with Noah at school. Only, only, if you keep your contact with him to a minimum. I want you to make other friends. Don’t attach to Noah simply because you find him familiar or comfortable. Just like you’re trying, I’m trying. That’s all we can do, right? Be patient with me as well.”
She gives me another hug and then tells me it’s time for my appointment with Rita.
“Sarah. How was your first day at school? Tell me all the details.” Rita smiles.
“I’m on the soccer team.”
“And that’s something you did before, correct?”
“Yes.”
“Wonderful.” I nod and she tilts her head. “How does that make you feel?”
“I felt a part of something. I wasn’t Sarah or Olivia, new girl, kidnap victim, or any of that. I was just me. Part of a team.”
“I think this is going to be good for you. What else happened?”
“I saw Noah.”
“Noah, Cindy’s nephew Noah?” Rita raises her eyebrows.
“Yes.”
“And?”
“It was…confusing.”
“Tell me.”
“For one thing we’ve never had any kind of relationship, but through all this—he has been the one person I find comfort in.”
“Maybe because he is a bridge between your two worlds.”
“Maybe.”
“How do your parents feel?”
“Yeah, speaking of them. Melissa got me a new phone.”
“Really?”
“But she wiped my old one out before I had a chance to save my photos or contacts.”
“She did? And how does this make you feel?”
“Hurt. Angry.”
“Did you tell her how you felt?”
“Somewhat. I was upset and let her know.”
“Sarah. You’re building a foundation with your parents. You need to communicate your feelings.”
“It’s hard. I don’t know them. The two people I should know, I don’t.”
When we get home, Melissa asks for my help with supper. At supper, Landon talks everyone’s ear off. Melissa tells Richard that I’m going to be on the soccer team. He’s delighted for me. Denise brings up homecoming again, so we have plans to go shopping this weekend.
After supper, I help clean up with Denise.
“So…how was school?”
“Fine.” She sounds pained. I wait to see if she’s going to ask me anything but nothing. Funny enough, I had been hoping to avoid conversations about myself but right now, I’d like to try and bond with Denise. I wrap saranwrap around a bowl of steamed veggies and place them in the refrigerator. Denise huffs and puffs as she scrapes food in the trash. We both meet at the sink to rinse off dishes.
“Look. We’re in each other’s way. I’ll rinse, and you place them in the dishwasher.”
I nod and begin rinsing the dishes. I hand her a plate and ask, “So, what do you like to do on the weekends?”
“Nothing.” She places the plate in the dishwasher and looks at me expectantly. I hurry and rinse off another plate. She takes it and continues, “Because that’s all I’m allowed to do—is nothing. Don’t you know I could get kidnapped?”
“I see.” I feel my cheeks heat. I bite my bottom lip and focus on rinsing off dishes.
Denise sighs. “I’m sorry.” My only reply is to hand her another plate. “I like to go to the movies, when I’m allowed. I guess my favorite thing to do is binge watch shows and gossip with my friends.”
“I could go to the movies and I had one friend I could sleepover at her house. But, I wasn’t allowed social media accounts.”
“Gah. I guess neither one of us got a normal home life.” She shakes her head and goes about shoving drinking glasses into the dishwasher. “So…” Her eyes brighten and a grin stretches across her face. “Spotted anyone you might have the hots for?”
I laugh. “What? I was more worried about figuring out my class schedule and where my classes are.” For some reason, Noah’s face pops into my mind. I quickly shake my head because no, that’s weird.
“Oh puh-lease. There had to have been someone you gave a second look to.”
I see his smiling face again and his dreamy blue eyes. Wait. When did his eyes become dreamy?
Denise ignores my silence and discusses how she finds almost every single one of our brother’s friends ‘hot.’
Once we are finished, she asks if I want to watch an episode of a show she is obsessed with. I agree and tell her I’ll meet her in the den. I hurry up to my room and lock the door behind me. I pull the prepaid phone out to see if I have any text messages. My heart skips a beat when I see two unread messages. I open the first one. It’s from Angie, and she tells me it really is her and that she misses me terribly and hopes to hear from me again soon. She also gives me her name on social media apps to download. The next message is from Aunt Andrea. This one makes me get teary eyed. She tells me she loves me and hopes to get to visit with me soon. She’s so glad that Noah and I have classes together. She goes on to tell me that he spoke very fondly of me today. I want to reply but since I don’t have any idea of how I’ll get more minutes, I heed Noah’s advice to save my minutes. After I hide the phone, I go back downstairs and find Denise in the den. She’s wrapped in a blanket on the couch with a bowl of popcorn in her lap. I sit next to her and accept some popcorn.
She pops a piece in her mouth and sighs. “I always have to nibble on something when I watch anything. Even if I’m not hungry. Just like I always have to be c
overed, even when it isn’t cold.”
I smile and tell her I always like to eat while watching a show. Richard smiles at us as he passes through the room. It almost feels normal sitting here with Denise. However, for some reason that thought makes me anxious. I begin to wonder if this is how my life would’ve always been. Not that my life before this was by any means unhappy. My anxiety is beginning to make me feel nauseous. I decline her invitation to watch another episode pleading exhaustion. Once in my room, I lock the door and take out Cindy’s journal.
March 27
If I’m going to do this, I have to do it right. Andrea can’t know. She’d turn me in for sure. So, I have to lie. I told my sister that I’m pregnant. One-night stand. With the way I’ve been, she easily believes it. She’s excited because I told her that I’ll have to remain sober and clean. To help with the time frame, I told her I’m already at 8 weeks. It’s stretching it, but Olivia is a couple of months old at least. I need to look up her birth announcement. I’m sure was in the newspaper somewhere.
Now I just have to find a place for us to live. We can’t stay here. We can’t even stay in this state. I hate to leave Andrea and baby Noah… I wish those two could grow up together. But they’ll visit. I doubt we’ll ever be able to come back here. Maybe years down the road we can come back. I can show Olivia where I grew up. It’ll be nice.
A KNOCK COMES FROM MY door. I hurry and stash the journal under my bed. I notice that I’m not even ready for bed, so I throw my pants off and wrap myself in my robe. I open the door to find Melissa and Richard smiling. I open the door wider and allow them to come in.
“We just came to tell you goodnight, sweetie.” She gives me a warm hug.
Richard clears his throat. “Your mom told me about the Noah situation. I don’t like it, but Landon shared his opinion with me this evening also.”