by Gail Haris
He takes a drink, and after he swallows, he asks me, “What was that all about?”
I raise my chin and puff out my chest. “I think it’s ridiculous how she was behaving with you.”
“Okay,” he draws out, “but why do you care?”
I’m starting to get aggravated with him. “What do you mean ‘why do I care?’ Why wouldn’t I care?”
It’s his turn to sound aggravated. “What I mean is, why do you care when you’ve got golden boy all over you?”
I roll my eyes. “Golden boy wasn’t pawing all over me and acting like a dog in heat!”
He takes a step closer to me and is right in my face when he growls, “What about what happened ten minutes ago? What would you call that? Or even better, what about twenty minutes ago when Landon and I had to practically pull him off of you? Looked pretty heated to me.”
He takes another drink. He has a point, and I know it. Since I can’t think of an immediate comeback, I drink as well, and I notice this cup isn’t spiked. “Is yours spiked? I notice this one tastes different, more like the punch I’m used to.” I try to sound light.
He grunts at me, but answers, “Mine is. Yours isn’t. I think you’ve had enough for tonight.”
My mouth falls open and closes. We’ve had tension all night tonight. I reach over and take his cup from him. “Your attitude is starting to get old. You’re not responsible for me, ya know. I don’t know if this is some protective family thing you’ve going on.”
I take a big drink and make it a point to stare at him as I swallow. His jaw clenches.
“What? What is it? Did Aunt Andrea tell you to look out for me at school? Are you supposed to be on babysitting duty as well?” I sway again but regain my balance.
He takes his cup back. “No, Liv, I’m not on any babysitting duty. Funny how you’re getting uptight about me sticking my nose in your business. You stare daggers at Karlie every time she touches me.” He gives me a playful smile. “You even told her that she was not a lady.”
I raise my eyebrows and shrug. “Well, is she?”
He shakes his head back and forth. “Far from it.”
I start to smile but then frown. I lean forward and point my finger at him. “How do you know she’s far from it?” Leaning forward causes me to sway. I reach out and grab his arm to prevent myself from falling. He steadies me with his other hand, placing it on my waist.
“Whoa. I hear guys talk. She’s made offers.”
We’re holding each other so close that we can feel each other’s body heat. For a moment, I think we might kiss. I want him to kiss me. But that would be weird. I’ve thought of Noah as a cousin for years, but I never really knew him. Truthfully, we’re in no way related. Does he still think of me as a cousin? The drinking has given me a little courage, I guess, because I reach up to him and caress his strong jaw. His eyes grow wide, and I think he stopped breathing. He seems surprised by the gesture. I lick my lips, and his stare becomes heated, focusing on them.
“Do you like Karlie? Ever take her up on any of those offers?” I whisper.
His voice is hoarse but sure. “No. On both accounts.”
My thumb begins to trace his bottom lip. “Good.”
Our trance is broken when Tara walks up. She hisses, “Sarah. Sarah!”
Noah reluctantly releases me and steps back and puts his hands in his pockets.
“Sarah, Luke is searching for you! What the hell?” She looks back and forth between us. She takes me by my elbow and leads me away from Noah.
“Hey, I need to tell Noah bye.” I start to pull away from her, but she jerks me forward.
“No, what you need to do is go back to your date. You came with Luke! What was going on between you and Noah? I know y’all flirt all the time,” she scolds me.
I laugh at her. “Noah and I don’t flirt! He’s…” Oops, I almost called him my fake cousin. I spot Luke talking with a group.
Tara stops us a few feet away, clearly wanting to know what’s going on. “Look, Noah’s hot. I mean, he’s really hot. But you’re here with Luke Jamerson. I know you’re new and all, but Luke is a big deal. A really big effing deal. He’s so popular that he doesn’t even go to this school and is still the most popular guy here. Not to mention he’s gorgeous! I don’t even know how you can think about Noah or any other guy right now with Luke in the same room.”
I stare at her and blink a couple of times. I think about what she said. “Then why don’t you go dance with Luke?” Why am I suggesting this? I should be running to Luke…but I want to go back to Noah.
She looks at me like I’m crazy. “Like he would give me the time of day. Honey, I would love to dance with Luke Jamerson. Especially the way you did earlier tonight. Unfortunately, I’m not even on his radar.”
“Well, he’s only here with me because of Trent,” I remind her. Even though Luke told me he wants to be here with me, but I don’t tell her that part.
Tara shakes her head at me like I’m the most pitiful sight. “You really don’t pick up on things, do you? Maybe Trent asked him, but he’s only had eyes for you all night. If he was here on your brother’s bidding alone, he would’ve ditched you at the door and hung out with other people. He would have danced with other girls. He sure as heck wouldn’t waste his time getting into it with Landon or hunting you down. Luke’s the kind of guy that does only what he wants to do. Even if it is Trent Randall asking. Luke effing Jamerson likes you…for some reason, no offense.” She looks me up and down.
Luke must’ve spotted us because I watch him heading our way. “I don’t know how I feel about Luke. Even if he is into me.”
“Girl you’re crazy.”
“I’m starting to believe I might actually be.”
Tara giggles and then I feel strong arms wrap around me.
“I can’t seem to hold on to you. Next time we go out, it’s going to be somewhere you can’t wander off.”
Ignoring his comment, I tell him, “I still need to find Landon.”
Luke takes my hand and we search for my brother. When we find Landon and tell him bye, he offers another twenty-times to drive me home himself. However, I allow Luke to drive me home.
We’re sitting in front of the house, and neither one of us has moved. Should I invite him in? I’m not sure if Trent is home. He might have wanted to see him. Do I want him to come in? He should’ve told me about the drink, so I don’t think I’m going to encourage this date any further. I wonder what Noah is doing? Did he leave with Karlie?
Luke clears his throat and brings me out of my rambling thoughts. “Here. So your parents don’t smell any alcohol on you.” He hands me some breath mints and travel size can of Febreeze.
Clearly, he is prepared. Nice. I don’t know what to make of this since I’ve never drank with my friends before. I don’t want to risk any confrontation with my new parents, so I pop a few mints in my mouth and give a light spray on my clothes.
“Thanks. I had a wonderful time. Thank you.” I reach for the door handle.
Luke gets out of the car and walks around. We walk up to the front door together, and I am unsure if he’s planning to follow me in.
He stops and holds my hand. “I had fun tonight, so much that I think we should go out next weekend. How about Friday night we go to a movie?”
“I play soccer, and we have games every Saturday morning. Depending on what time the movie let out, it could be a late night.” I stand up straighter and narrow my eyes at him. “Besides, what you did was shitty. The more I think about it, the madder I get. I’m starting to sober up.”
“Stop thinking about it then.”
I reach for the doorknob with a growl. He quickly reaches for my hand. “I’m sorry! I was trying to make a joke. A bad joke, clearly. I’m sorry. Let me make this up to you. Huh?”
I pause and look at him. He takes that as a victory.
“Saturday night it is! You can even take a nap after your game.” He leans forward and gives me a peck on the cheek.
He calls out as he is walking to his car, “I’m leaving while I’m ahead. I don’t want to make a bigger ass of myself. I’ll text you until then.”
I wonder for a minute if he knows my number, but I’m sure he’s gotten it from Trent.
All the lights are off in the house, but as soon as the door shuts, I hear Melissa call out, “Honey?”
I guess that could be for anyone, but I go ahead and answer, “Um, it’s me… Sarah?”
I don’t know why I say it like a question. I guess I’m still not used to the name. It still is a question for me. Should it be by now? I don’t understand why I still hold on to the memories and love of a woman who lied to me my whole life, while the woman that gave birth to me and searched to have me back is right here. I want to embrace this family and be Sarah.
I hear her heels clacking against the marble floor as she quickly approaches. It was sweet she waited up for me. Cindy would sometimes, but she usually had to work early in the morning. Most parents do, I guess, but it’s still difficult for me to wrap my head around them treating me as their actual daughter. I’m practically an adult who’s moved in with them. How can they still look at me with so much love and automatically assume the role of parent? Why can’t I automatically assume the role of daughter? She’s grinning, anxiously waiting to hear how it went.
“It was great. Luke was nice, and he asked me to go out again. I mean, if it’s alright. If I’m allowed to date,” I hesitate.
She nods her head vigorously. “Oh yes! Luke’s such a nice boy!” She gives me a knowing smile. “Handsome too, huh?”
I see this as my opportunity to bring up the issue of having a car. That would give me so much extra freedom, opening the opportunity to visit the Wallace family.
“The thing is...I like Luke, but I’d like to have my own car for any dates. Just in case I wanted to leave early or maybe it gets awkward…like this conversation. I would feel better if I had a car.” I scramble with my words. I see a flicker of confusion cross her face, so I hurry, “I’d get a job and work towards buying my own car.”
She takes a deep breath and nods. “I see. Well, Trent has a car, and so does Landon. Obviously, we won’t think twice when Denise turns sixteen about getting her a car. Of course, any teenager wants their own car.”
She wraps her arm through mine and leads me into the kitchen. I have a seat on a bar stool by the buffet counter. She promises to discuss it first thing in the morning with Richard. We move on to discuss the game, the dance, and my next soccer game over a bowl of chips. I omit the part about the punch and Noah. Denise is already in bed, but Landon strolls in around midnight. He only stops for a second to kiss Melissa on the cheek and appraise me. He finally asks if I’m okay and then goes to bed. It’s nearly two in the morning by the time I make my way up the stairs to my room. I hear the door slam and Trent and Melissa’s voices fade as I make it to the top of the stairs.
THE TONE OF CINDY’S ENTRIES change drastically after she made it to Colorado with me. She was positive she’d get caught, yet she didn’t. Cindy wasted no time in announcing to Andrea that she was farther along than what she thought in her pregnancy; therefore, it’d be a while before she could travel. She knew if Andrea saw me right away, she’d realize I was not Cindy’s since the timing didn’t add up. To make up for it, she was already a couple months pregnant when she left for Colorado, and I was born early. It worked out since Andrea was too nervous to travel with Noah so young. Cindy found photos online of babies to send to her sister, claiming they were me. She was hoping to someday return with me, since she hated being away from her sister. Her parents were getting old, and their health was getting worse. That was another concern she had. The hype over my kidnapping was too great, though. Unfortunately, as I continue reading, her parents passed away before she could visit them again. This was after I’d been missing for an entire year. By this time, she’d become good friends with a woman from work so she left me with her for a weekend while she went back for the funeral. Andrea was shocked that she hadn’t brought me, but Cindy told everyone I was ill with strep throat.
I skip a few pages about mundane, everyday life. Her passages are less frequent and further apart in dates. I’ve been with her two years now.
Feb 17
…the older my Olivia gets, the more clear it is that she doesn’t physically resemble me. That’s fine because I tell everyone she looks like her deceased father. Which is true. Not the deceased part but her father. I still check up on the Randalls. Their social media accounts, articles from newspapers from back home, every now and then Andrea tells me tidbits about them. Unknowingly, Andrea fills me in on all kinds of things I’m curious about. I’m pleased that Melissa had a healthy pregnancy and safe birth. My gosh. The one she was pregnant with while Olivia was a baby—now we know as Landon—favors Liv Bug so much that its uncanny. They both took after Richard. Which is a compliment. He’s a very attractive man. Not that Melissa isn’t a looker herself. She has two babies, beauty, wealth and a handsome loving husband. Which is why I’ve let go of any guilt I had. I’m so blissfully happy and so is little Olivia. Obviously. I’ll always be grateful to the Randalls. They’ve given me an extraordinary little girl. And maybe they’ll have another daughter. I’ll let them keep that one ;)
They have wealth. They have a happy marriage. My gosh, I deserved to at least get something. I’ll settle for my beautiful daughter any day over marriage, wealth, and all that. I’m happy with just Olivia. My Liv Bug. Or Luv Bug! Yes, that’s her new nickname. My little Luv Bug.
And she’s happy. She’s such a happy and loving little girl. Today she tried to play soccer with the bigger neighborhood kids. I didn’t want her to play because I was afraid she’d get hurt. But the other mother said ‘Let her play, Cindy!’ She ran out there like she was as big as them. She was pretty good for as little as she is. After their little game, she ran across the yard and threw her arms around me screaming, “I did it Mom! I thored!” I didn’t care that she scored—oh, I was proud of her. But she said—“I did it MOM.” Mom. She ran to ME. She was so happy and she wanted to share it with ME. I’ve never felt such pure happiness in my life as sharing her joy.
Melissa has children she gets to do that with. TWO. She can even have more. I always wondered if I should tell Olivia she was adopted—but I’m too scared. I can’t lose what I have. I won’t lose this again. I lost a baby once. I never got to know or hold that child, but I did love. I loved that baby with all my heart. I’ve held Olivia. I’ve been raising her. I know her better than the Randalls do. I love her more than my own life. I wouldn’t have a life without her. So I can never tell her she was adopted. What if she wanted to search for her real parents? Started asking questions? Looked at me differently? Worse, what if she learned the truth?! She’d hate me. I hope I never see that day…
AND SHE NEVER DID SEE the day. It’s difficult for me to read this and separate the two versions of her. On one hand, I see how shattered the Randalls were with losing me, and Cindy is the villain, a deranged woman who took me from my home and lied to me my entire life. On the other hand, I read how much she loved me, how she was a broken woman desperate for a child to love and seeking a new life. I recall some of the moments I had shared with her, and I want to cry because right now I miss her. I really do. I want to talk to her about this. I also want to talk to her about boys and ask for advice about my feelings with Luke and Noah. But if it hadn’t been for her, maybe I would love Melissa. Maybe I would be comfortable enough to talk to her about boys. Maybe Noah and I would date like a normal couple because we’re not cousins and it wouldn’t be weird. This is so messed up. I don’t know how I should be feeling right now. I close the journal and throw it across the room. I lay my head in my hands and cry. I cry until I’m exhausted and sleep takes hold.
I hear a light tapping on my door that stirs me awake. I look at my phone to check the time, and its past noon. I open my door to find Trent.
“Can I talk to you for a minute? Sorr
y if I woke you, but I have to get back to school.” I let him in, and he sits on my bed.
Turns out Landon had filled him in on everything that happened last night. He wants to hear my side of the story, and he plans to have a long chat with Luke. I give him my version that paints a less ugly and dramatic picture than Landon’s. Trent doesn’t give anything away as to how he feels about what happened.
He gives my knee a quick pat while standing up. “It’s time for me to get going. All that matters to me is that you had a good time. I’m glad.”
I pick at my thumb nail, avoiding eye contact, and ask, “Are you mad at Luke?”
He shrugs and leaves.
Later that evening, Melissa calls me to come downstairs. I see Richard and Melissa first as I walk in, sitting on the cream-colored sectional. Across from them is Luke, sitting on the other half of the sectional. He’s holding a dozen pink roses, but that isn’t what has me gaping at him. His eye is swollen and a horrid shade of purple, along with a busted upper lip.
“Luke! What happened?” I raise my hand to cover my mouth to keep me from saying more.
He gives a light chuckle. “Looks that bad, huh? This is nothing.” He speaks in a loud voice, more toward Richard and Melissa than me. “I was just telling your parents about how I had a rough football practice.”
Melissa shakes her head. “Luke, did you not wear your helmet?”
Richard stands and comes by to pat him on the shoulder. “Boys sometime roughhouse a little on the field. I remember those days. Trent had plenty of them too.”
“Ugh, I could barely handle Trent’s games. Glad that’s behind us. Well, we’ll let you two visit.” Melissa stands and her and Richard exit the room.
“How hard did you get tackled?” I stare at his face.
He smirks. “Actually, I didn’t get tackled on the field. I was just telling them that. Trent was giving me fair warning to treat you like a lady next weekend. I would anyways, of course, but let’s just say, the message was well received. Worse is to come if I get out of line.”