Skyler knocked, and a series of hurried and hard footsteps got closer to the door. When she yanked it open, my mouth dropped. Standing in front of me was a female version of Benny with the biggest smile on her face.
Nancy Copeland stood about 5’3” and had a skinny frame. She wore bright pink shorts and a button-up Hawaiian shirt. Her dark hair was short but framed her face perfectly. The makeup she had on looked like a preteen put it on—bright blue eye shadow and deep red lipstick. Her face was full of life and happiness, and I immediately liked her.
“Sky! You’re here!” She held her arms above her head like she was making a touchdown.
“Nancy, I’m here!” He pulled her into a tight hug that lasted a few minutes.
“Where’s Benny?” She asked, and my heart dropped. I knew there was a good reason she was in assisted living and now I’m seeing it.
“Benny’s working with the new musicians we hired. But I brought a friend. Nancy, this is Elsie Clarke. Elsie, this is my biggest fan, Nancy.”
I side-eyed Skyler, and the look he gave me made it clear I wasn’t to say anything to contradict his story. How could his sister not know her brother was gone? Clearly, she was mentally delayed because of the hypoxia, but she had to be capable of understanding the present moment.
Nancy scoffed. “You wish, Skyler. I’m team Benny for life!” She turned to me, “Hi Elsie! Will you be my friend, too?” She sounded so eager.
“Of course! That’s why I’m here.” I held open my arms, inviting her into a hug. Her eyes lit up even more, and she rushed into my arms, squeezing me the way a five-year-old would when meeting a long-lost relative at holiday dinners.
“Come inside and see my Minions!” Nancy grabbed both our hands and led us inside her apartment. The unit was bigger than I’d expected based on the size of the building. She had a large living room with a TV rivaling the one in Skyler’s condo, a small kitchen with the basic appliances; but there was no stove. Why no stove? For safety? A hallway to the right of the living room led down to a bathroom and what must have been a bedroom.
The living room had a giant set of bay windows with a sliding door to the left. She’d covered the walls with framed pictures of Mechanical Disturbance; several were of Benny rocking out on his guitar. There were a lot of pictures of the three of them together—Skyler, Nancy, and Benny—doing fun things like going to the fair, eating out to dinner, and riding in the car.
I could see a pool and patio outside with some residents petering around in their bathing suits. Nancy stood to the right of the bay windows where a large bookshelf proudly displayed an extensive collection of Minions from the Despicable Me universe.
Nancy rattled off all the little yellow guys’ names but adamantly declared that Bob was her favorite, holding up a doll with one blue eye and one brown eye that made rather adorable noises when she squeezed it.
“Your collection’s gotten huge, Nan. Did you get the newest one we sent you?” Skyler asked, reaching out to touch the little guys.
“I already had that one, Skyler. I don’t know what Benny was thinking. He knows which ones I have!” Nancy said with a dramatic pout. “He was here yesterday, and we went through all of them together.”
Does she think Benny was here yesterday? I looked at Skyler, alarmed now. He nodded gently at me and squeezed my hand, communicating all would be explained.
“Hey Nan, you wanna go play in the pool while we’re here?”
“Oh my gosh, yes! I haven’t been in the pool for years. Lemme get my suit on.” The young woman ran off down the hallway.
When she was out of sight, I turned to Skyler. “How bad is it?”
“I told you she didn’t get oxygen for almost twenty minutes, right?”
I nodded.
“Well, that sort of deprivation causes major brain damage. It’s like Alzheimer’s. She’s basically stuck in one place and time. To her, she’s twelve. At that age, she was playing with makeup and collecting dolls. Benny and I took her to see that Minion movie and that was all she wrote,” Skyler laughed.
“But she doesn’t know Benny is dead?”
“No. I used to tell her when I would come to visit after he died, but it was like reliving it every time. It’s just better that we don’t tell her,” Skyler’s face fell. “The doctors say it’s best to meet her where she is and if her brain heals and she develops further, we count that as a blessing.”
“That must be so hard on you.” I touched his arm, offering him my comfort.
“Yeah, it’s not fun. But part of me likes it; it’s like Benny’s still alive, even if it is just in her memory.”
I could see where he was coming from. Nancy remembering his friend kept the memories intact for him.
“How does the world not know about this? Why would he want to keep her a secret?” Was he ashamed of her? I couldn’t see Benny Copeland being such a jerk. He may have been a drug addict, but he always struck me as a good-hearted man.
“He didn’t want the press to sensationalize her injury or try to come to see her. He used to make huge donations to the National Institute of Neurology, to research recovery from these types of things, and the press started sniffing around. That’s when he locked shit down.” Skyler sat down on Nancy’s incredibly comfortable-looking yellow couch.
“And now it’s up to you to continue on? Her parents really have nothing to do with her?” I sat next to him, putting my hand on his leg and squeezing.
“Nope, just me. And now you.” Skyler leaned closer and wrapped his arm around my shoulders. “I hired someone to come in on the weekdays and spend some time with her, go grocery shopping with her, that sort of thing. I feel a lot of guilt not being able to come every day, but look how happy she is? She’s always so happy. Coming here doesn’t help her as much as it helps me, really.”
“Yeah. She radiates happiness,” I smiled gently at him. “You, Skyler Dalton, are a marshmallow.”
“Don’t let that get around. I’ve got an image to maintain!” He pinched me on my side and I squealed.
Nancy came running out of her bedroom wearing an incredibly adorable yellow polka dot bikini. “Let’s go, people! Water isn’t waiting for anyone!” She ran outside with her towel, goggles, floaties, and pool noodle. This girl was prepared.
Skyler and I followed her out to the pool area. Putting on her floaties and goggles, she did a cannonball into the water. The other residents shook their heads and laughed, clearly used to her antics.
“Nancy, stay where I can see you,” Skyler shouted in her direction.
We took seats on the patio close to the poolside, in clear sight of her.
“She still loves the water. It amazes me she’s not afraid of it after what happened,” I said.
“She doesn’t remember. It’s a blessing, really. Who wants to remember nearly drowning? I envy her sometimes, thinking Benny’s still alive. Knowing he’s gone is…it’s paralyzing sometimes.” I couldn’t see behind Skyler’s aviators, but his mouth was in a straight line, his forehead creased.
“My father once told me, after my mother died, that as long as I remembered and loved her, she’d still be alive.” I hadn’t believed him, but after seeing Nancy, I could see how true it was. Remembering our loved ones kept them in our lives. They can’t make fresh memories, but they’re still there, with us, loving us.
I reached across the small table between us and took Skyler’s hand, braiding our fingers together. He let me hold him there as he watched Nancy goof off with her pool noodle, wearing her little goggles like the ten-year-old her mind believed she was.
“I wish I’d done more. Taken him to another rehab or just locked him in a room to detox, anything,” the pain in Skyler’s voice broke my heart.
“If only I’d stopped taking violin lessons like my mother wanted me to. Then she’d be alive, right?”
“No, it’s not your fault,” his voice was adamant.
“Then it’s not yours, is it?” Skyler’s jaw tensed and his Adam’
s apple bobbed as he swallowed.
“I don’t think we get to choose whether someone stays or leaves with our actions or otherwise. All I can do now is remember her and I’ve had to accept that.” My voice was soft. This was a hard conversation to have. I didn’t enjoy talking about my mother with other people, but with Skyler, it felt like the right thing to do.
“But you choose not to honor her.”
My shoulders snapped back. “What do you mean?”
“Do you think your mother would want you to hide away in that gilded cage you’ve made for yourself? Writing music for the world, but never for yourself?” Skyler challenged me.
My face turned pink, and I pulled my hand away from his. Why can’t I just escape and write my music? I wasn’t hurting anyone. In fact, for someone who didn’t show themselves to the world, I was goddamn successful.
“You obviously don’t know that first thing about my mom. I think, no, I know my mother would want me to be happy.”
“There’s content and then there’s happy, Elsie. You’re not happy. You’re content to keep things the way they are because you feel safe and in control.”
“There’s nothing wrong with that!” I whisper shouted at him.
“There is when you’re not chasing your dreams. You wanted to be a singer when you were younger. You wanted to sing with her on stage. Remember? Like the Judds? Well, Wynonna had to go on without her mother, didn’t she? She had to find her own road and follow that. And so do you.”
“I also wanted to be a princess and insisted on wearing a crown for the entire year I was six. Then there was the phase I insisted on being the family dog and refused utensils when I ate. The point is, little girls are allowed to grow up. Not every dream has to be met to make a mother proud, and if you don’t know that, then it speaks volumes about your relationship with your mother, not about mine.” Instinctively I clutched at my new tattoo, seeking comfort from it. I was being unreasonable, I knew that. But what right did he have to talk about my mother?
Every time I sang I was honoring her, she heard me, she knew what was in my heart.
Skyler didn’t speak right away. Guilt began to eat away at me. How could I have said that about his mother?
“Elsie, I’m not going to let you waste your potential or act like it doesn’t matter. Get mad all you want. Anger can be healing, but afterward, you have to look in the mirror and be rational.”
Nancy chose that moment to run up and grab her towel. I didn’t realize how long we’d been out there until I saw how pruned her fingers were.
“Did you have fun?” Skyler smiled at her, but I could tell it wasn’t full-fledged. Our conversation had put a damper on the day and I regretted that. Even more so, I regretted I was too much of a coward to apologize right here, right now. Because as bad as it hurt to admit, Skyler was right and the truth hurt. She was always supportive and maybe I needed a push to be better. Skyler was my pusher, he got me in a music video, he wanted to help me do more than that. I needed to let go. I needed to be badass.
“Sure did! But now I want pizza. And fries. And a milkshake. And…” Nancy prattled off more food than a normal human could consume in three days.
Shit—Meet Fan
Skyler
Things got lighter when we took Nancy to the local diner. She regaled us with tales of her daily life with the caregiver I’d hired. As much as she could give in her mental state. It sounded like they did arts and crafts and other fun things. I knew the woman had a game-plan to help expand her mental functioning based on the doctor’s recommendations.
We went back to her apartment and played several games of Uno before Elsie and I had to take off. I promised Nancy I’d come back to visit before going on tour again. Of course, she told me to bring Benny, and I promised I would. It’s hard making promises I knew I couldn’t keep, but it put such a smile on her face, I couldn’t help it.
When we got back to my condo, I noticed I had five missed calls from Camille and one from Zeke. I hadn’t heard from my old drummer in over six months. Part of me was excited about reconnecting, another was nervous. Was he ready to come back? Could we put MD back together?
Elsie excused herself politely so I could make my calls. I hoped she wasn’t still upset with me for pushing her earlier. She made her way into the master bathroom and filled the giant tub. I watched her fill the tub and take off all her clothes. She was glorious. My body began to react as she slipped into the water with a pair of waterproof earbuds. She better get clean, ‘cause I was gonna make her dirty later!
I ignored the calls from Camille and dialed Zeke back, not even bothering to listen to the message.
“Dalton!” His voice greeted me after he picked up.
“Yo, ma man! It’s been a minute. How’s life treating you?” It was good to hear his voice. We’d worked together for so many years, I missed him. I missed that life.
“Doing good. Kids are driving me crazy, which means they’re doing their job. At least that’s what Mandy says.”
“Well, they are your kids.” We both chuckled. “Went to see Nancy today,” I told him. The guys were in the very small circle of people who knew about Benny’s sister.
“Nice! I sent her a few Minions last month. How’s she doing?”
“Dude, she may as well paint that damn apartment bright yellow with all those little bug-eyed things.” I shook my head, wondering if Nancy’s obsession with them would ever calm down. She held on to things for a long time once they were finally stuck in her brain. “Otherwise she’s happy. Big grin on her face. Took her swimming. She still doesn’t understand about Ben.”
“That’s for the best, bro. Man, if I could live in a world where I thought he was alive, I might choose that too,” Zeke said, his voice sad. His next words effectively changed the topic, “So, word on the street is you’re putting together another solo album?”
“Yeah. I don’t suppose you heard my first one?” I gritted my teeth, waiting for him to answer.
“I listened to it. Um…not your best work, bro. Hate to break it to ya.” I could always count on Zeke to lay it out.
“Yeah. Well, the studio has me working with this songwriter. She’s fuckin’ amazing. Elsie Clarke…”
Zeke interrupted me. “That’s the reason I’m calling, Sky.”
My heart sank when I remembered Camille’s million calls. I knew at that moment something had happened. Something I wouldn’t like. “What do you mean?”
“Dude, get on TMZ.”
“Shit.” I walked into the garage so Elsie wouldn’t hear me talking and put him on speaker, opening a browser. “What is it? What did they do?”
“Just look, man. I thought you’d know about it. I wanted to call and see if there was any way I could help.”
I finally got the page open and there on the front was a picture of me and Elsie, snuggling on my patio, kissing, and another one with her naked, only her breasts blurred out. Her scarred side was on blatant display.
The article exposed Elsie’s past, dug up details on her mother’s death, and went into some contrived detail about our relationship. They quoted Rush. According to him, Elsie was using me to get further into the business and manipulate her way on stage, insinuating no one would pay to see her unless I was involved.
No mention of her Grammys. No mention of the people she’s worked with. Nothing other than she’s a songwriter who supposedly wants to get on stage, but she’s too mangled to do it on her own. It mentioned she’s the daughter of Ellis Clarke. They hint I’m using her to get further in with the label since my last album bombed.
“Shit.” I paced. “Shit. Shit. Shit.”
“You need to call Camille, bro,” Zeke said over the speaker. “She’ll know what to do.”
“Yeah, you’re right. Zeke, thanks for the heads up, man. It was nice to hear from you, even if it was to give shitty news.”
Zeke laughed. “Dude, call me. Sooner rather later, okay? We may not be working together, but we’re still family
.”
A knife twisted in my gut. I’d always kept Zeke and Jake in different relationship compartments in my brain. They were in the ‘not Benny’ compartment and I didn’t nurture our relationship as much as I could’ve. It hadn’t occurred to me that my actions may have hurt them. They missed Benny too; I didn’t have the corner market on grief for my friend.
“I won’t be a stranger, I promise. Look out for an invite to the release, okay?”
“Score!” We hung up, and I looked down at my phone to find Camille’s number when Elsie burst into the garage wearing my robe.
“What the fuck, Skyler! What the major fuck?” Elsie screamed. She never screamed. Cutting witty remarks, snarky looks, and maybe even a gentle shove, but she never screamed.
“I just found out. I’m going to get on top of it, okay?”
“No, it is not okay! They have pictures of me naked, Skyler. Naked!”
Elsie’s breaths were coming in quick pants, her eyes were bugged out in panic. I stepped forward to take her in my arms and calm her, but she backed up.
“Elsie, I’m going to call Camille and we’re going to take care of this,” I said as calmly as I could. She needed to slow down before she passed out.
“You promised me you’d protect me!” Tears were now streaming down her face.
My stomach lurched. I felt like she’d stabbed me. She was right. In bed that first morning, I promised her I’d do anything to protect her from this. Being exposed in such a vile way was her greatest fear. And because of me, it had come true.
“I will protect you! I will make this go away, Elsie. I will make this better!” My voice was firm and confident. She needed my reassurance right now.
“No one can close Pandora’s box, Skyler.” Shaking her head, she turned around and slammed the door behind her.
Fuck!
Scrambling, I dialed Camille. “What the hell, Skyler? I’ve called a million times. Where have you been?”
Scarred Melody: A Rockstar Romance: Bold Melodies Book One Page 21