Where Fools Dare to Tread

by David William Pearce

  “As it is for me to meet you, Joanie. Have you known Monk for long?”

  “Sadly, I have.”

  I thought of a few pithy remarks, but decided to keep them to myself. The three of us stood there.

  “Please come in, Judith. I’m surprised to see you here.”

  “I don’t know why, I often venture out on my own these days.” She passed us, took stock of my home, such as it was, and turned to Joanie. “Joanie, I realize I’m intruding, but I’d like to speak to Monk in private. Would you be so kind as to give us a few moments? I promise not to keep him too long.”

  “Not at all, I have my own errands to run and Monk here is expecting his lawyer. It was nice to meet you, Judith. I’ll talk to you later, Monk.”

  Joanie shook her head again and closed the door behind her. Judith came close, her perfume inviting me to move towards her, confusing my neural pathways as I tried to figure out why she was here. She carefully placed her hand on my injured face, letting her fingers trace the contours of my swollen cheek and jaw. She leaned in and with the lightest touch kissed me. It was like an electric jolt. I wanted so badly to put her lips to mine, but she pulled back and sat down.

  “This is a delightful little place, Monk. I like the pieces you’ve found.” She looked around, motioned for me to sit as well, and disappeared into the recesses of her mind. “It’s very peaceful here. I can see why you like it. I lived in a house like this once.”

  Her eyes wandered the room.

  “What brings you to my peaceful little home? I’d like to think it’s because you miss me, but I’m notorious for self-delusion.” Which was true.

  “Don’t be too dismissive of your charms, Monk. I’m not. However, I came over because of something Martin said to me.”

  “Did he come home?”

  “Good lord no, but he did call.” She drifted off again. I wondered if I was going to have to pry the information out of her if she didn’t stay focused on why she was here. “He told me to be mindful of what I say, that something important was happening, and if I wasn’t careful I might end up like, as he put it, that little boy-toy of yours. I didn’t know what that meant so came to see you. Apparently, I better watch out or I might be assaulted as you were.”

  “I certainly hope not, but why would you be assaulted? I don’t know how what happened to me would be something that might happen to you?”

  “Why is anyone ever assaulted? Money? Power? Anger? Domination? It’s possible, certainly with Martin, that they are all in play.”

  Judith got up and wandered into the kitchen. I followed. She seemed transported by the modest trappings of the bungalow. I imagined her reminiscing about her time as a poor soul, even if I couldn’t picture her as anything but rich and elegant. Her hands found each piece of hardware, touching cabinet doors, counters, the old style fridge and stove. I watched as she moved from place to place within the kitchen. The small Formica dining table was the last stop. A sweet smile crossed her face as she sat on one of the matching nylon chairs.

  “We had a table like this when I was a child. It was where we were allowed to draw and play. My sisters and I. Feels like another life.”

  “I never had anything like this growing up,” I countered. “My youth was all rustic handmade furniture. This is all second hand, which explains my attachment to it, like my yearning for a slice of Americana that was scorned in my youth. I associate a kind of normalcy to it, even if, intellectually, I know it to be illusory. I still find comfort in its kitsch.”

  “Comfort is a good word.”

  I sat down across from her. I figured while she was here, maybe I could get some answers out of her. After all, it wasn’t like we spent a lot of time together; who knew when I’d see her again.

  “Do you know where Martin is?”

  That shook her out of her reverie, her features tightened.

  “No, but I believe he’s found a little hideaway on the beach somewhere. He’s probably there with his whore. Is it important where he is?”

  “It is. I need to find his whore. And as you say, she’s probably with him.”

  “Why would you need to find her?” The curiosity was evident in her voice.

  “You know why, my beautiful Judith Delashay.” The desire was evident in mine.

  “I do? And what would that be?”

  “Money, lots and lots of money.”

  Her eyes lit up. I knew we were both on the same page.

  It was two o’clock. I heard a knock on the door.

  “That would be my next female caller, the delightful Taylor Lagenfelder, from A and A.”

  “I’m familiar with Ms. Lagenfelder.” We got up and went to the door. “Can you come see me tomorrow, say in the early afternoon? I’m not an early riser, so mornings don’t suit me. We can see if Martin’s left a trail to his love nest.”

  “I can do that.”

  “I look forward to it.” With that she kissed me softly before opening the door. Taylor Lagenfelder, the surprise writ large upon her face, pondered the sight before her.

  “Mrs. Delashay?”

  “It’s lovely to see you, Taylor; please give my regards to Mr. Durant. Goodbye, Monk, try not to injure yourself further.”

  “I’ll try not to. Goodbye.”

  Ms. Lagenfelder and I watched the rich elegant woman head towards her car. I allowed myself a small sigh before turning to my erstwhile attorney.

  “So what brings you to my humble abode, Ms. Lagenfelder?”

  “Your health, Mr. Buttman. Mr. Durant was concerned after hearing of your assault. He wanted me to assure you that we would cover your medical expenses, and to ask if there is anything we can do to help your recovery.”

  “I appreciate the concern and am thankful for the support.”

  “Mr. Durant will be pleased to hear that. All I need is your signature on this consent form, allowing us to represent you when we negotiate with your healthcare providers.” The dear Ms. Lagenfelder gave me the perfunctory smile crafted, I assumed, from her many interactions such as this. Another day. Another client. I signed the paper. “Is there anything else I can do for you?”

  “There is, if you don’t mind.” It was time for my perfunctory smile.

  “What would that be?”

  “Information. Namely, I need to know if Martin Delashay has a second house or property on the beach somewhere, one he’s kept from his wife. I’d also like your opinion on certain aspects of this job I’m on for Mr. Durant.”

  Taylor Lagenfelder pondered my request. The pleasant façade gave way to her more curious face, one I found infinitely more interesting. She was letting the wheels spin, working over how she would respond. I knew she was bright and a part of me was hoping she had some questions of her own about this little affair, enough questions that she’d be willing to help me find some answers.

  “I’m listening. I don’t know that I can ethically look into a client’s file, as a matter-of-fact I can’t, certainly not without their permission, and I doubt Martin Delashay would allow it.”

  “What if his wife allowed it? Isn’t he technically missing?”

  “I’d have to think about that. It might be permissible, why?”

  “I’m looking, or helping to look, for Desiree Marshan, right?”

  “Right.” The wheels continued to spin.

  “She was involved with Todd Boyer and she’s involved with Martin Delashay. It’s quite possible they’re together as we speak. Neither is at their established residence. Judith Delashay believes Martin has a love shack somewhere along the coast. Boyer was handling Martin affairs, or was at least his contact within
your firm. I think they were up to something, along with Desiree, that had to do with a lot of money overseas. Obviously, whatever they were up to took an ugly turn when Desiree killed Boyer, but I don’t think Boyer’s death has derailed their plans or everyone’s interest, including Mr. Durant’s, in it.”

  “Ok, so maybe Martin Delashay has a house on the beach his wife doesn’t know about and you think we would have information on that?”

  “I know you would because all his affairs are handled by A and A, taxes included. Someone has to pay the property tax.”

  “And you know this how?” It was time to show some of my cards.

  “The papers I took to Martin’s house on the direction of Boyer were instruments of transfer for overseas accounts…”

  “You read his confidential correspondence?”

  “I did after he threw them at me and stalked out of the room. I had to pick them up and naturally I took a look. Apparently, they weren’t what Martin had agreed to, and it’s possible Martin told this to Desiree as I was bringing them back. Maybe that’s why she killed him, he was double crossing Martin.”

  “My understanding was that she killed him in self-defense during a sexual assault.” Ms. Lagenfelder’s tone betrayed her own disbelief.

  “I was there and saw all of it. She may not have been thrilled with having to fuck Boyer, but it wasn’t rape or sexual assault. I talked with Mallory about it and when she left the office she didn’t have any signs of assault, like the cuts and bruises she had when she turned herself in, and she badly wanted the documents I had.”

  “Did you give them to her?”

  “No. I let her take the money, but not the documents. Maybe that’s why they had me beaten up.”

  Taylor Lagenfelder took a moment to take this all in. I had no idea what kind of player she was down at A and A. It might work in my favor. It might not.

  “You said you also wanted my opinion on this little job of yours, correct?”

  “Correct. Specifically, I was curious what you thought of Boyer; what was the word on him at the office, what did people think after he was killed in so gruesome a fashion?”

  “I don’t know that I’m comfortable discussing what goes on at the office, Mr. Buttman.” she turned towards the door.

  “It’s important. I wouldn’t ask if it wasn’t.”

  The wheels continued to spin; I just didn’t know which way.

  “I’ll consider it and get back to you. I think for now that’s the best I can do.”

  “That’s all I can ask for.”

  “Goodbye, Mr. Buttman.”

  “Goodbye.”

  Maybe I overplayed my hand.

  I spied Joanie as Ms. Lagenfelder made her exit. I knew she was intrigued by my ongoing affairs. Three women through my door in one day with one more to follow; maybe this detective stuff was indeed a seductive pheromone to women. It certainly wasn’t hurting my love life. I met her outside my door.

  “It’s been quite a parade through your place today, eh?” I noted the smirk.

  “Perhaps a little out of the ordinary, baby, but when you’re a hard-boiled private dick, it’s the way the ball bounces.” I tried to sound tough.

  “Seriously?” She was unimpressed.

  “It’s my new thing; what can I say?”

  The incredulity on her face was hard to ignore. She didn’t see the benefit of my newfound career path. “Getting beat up is your new thing?”

  “Some things go with the territory, baby. I’m not happy about it, but it is what it is. But, I got a plan and the plan’s in play and the play’s the thing.”

  “You sound like an idiot, you know that, right? I mean most people see the light after a beating and run the other way.”

  “Yeah, some do, but not Monk Buttman, hard-boiled private dick.”

  “Please stop saying that, it’s moronic. A better thing to say it is Monk Buttman, hard-headed dumbass!”

  “Maybe, but unfortunately, running isn’t a viable option right now. So I have to do something, corny though it may be.”

  I went back into the bungalow with Joanie not far behind. We sat at the table in the kitchen after grabbing two bottles of water from of the fridge. The water was cool and clean, unlike the dreck coming out of the faucet. She was watching me, the purple-faced moron. I understood the concern, was even gratified by it. I didn’t want her to worry, but other than kicking her out, something I would never do, I had to accept her criticism, especially since she was right. She was tapping on the table with her hand.

  “So what did the rich woman want?” Questions. Questions. Questions.

  “She was concerned for my well-being.”

  “Really?”

  “Yeah, really.”

  “And you believed that?”

  “For now, sure.”

  Joanie shook her head. “Monk Buttman, hard-headed dumbass!”

  “Why do you say that?”

  “Why on Earth would a woman like that be interested in you, and I’m not saying that to be cruel, but come-on, think about it; something isn’t right here. Maybe you can’t see it, but I do. People like that don’t travel in our circles unless they want something, and that something isn’t some altruistic concern for your well-being.”

  “I like to believe it’s my tremendous love-making ability.” The minute it came out of my mouth I regretted it.

  “Good lord, you’re sleeping with that woman?”

  “Maybe.”

  “Jesus Christ, Monk, and the lawyer? Are you fucking her too? I thought Agnes was your new infatuation? How many women are you fucking?”

  Yeah, I shoulda kept my mouth shut. It was too late to blame the drugs.

  “It was only one time, and I met her before Agnes, and I haven’t slept with her since, although sleeping wasn’t actually involved now that I think of it…”

  “Focus, Monk!”

  “Sorry, and I’m not fucking the lawyer, I swear. It just happened. You saw her, would you say no?”

  Joanie reached over and lightly slapped the non-purple side of my head. Exasperated, she flopped back onto the chair.

  “Probably not, but that’s a poor excuse.”

  “It’d been a long time and she put my hand on her ass, and…”

  “And I don’t want to hear anymore, ok?”

  “Fine.”

  We sat there fuming for different reasons while the birds outside, indifferent to our melodrama, chirped to one another. I waited for the next question because no matter how mad or exasperated she might be, her curiosity always won out. She tapped on the table as I watched her, and she knew I was watching…

  And waiting…

  “So, what did the lawyer want, if not your tremendous love-making abilities?”

  “I don’t remember you complaining… ”

  “Monk!”

  “Well, it’s true, but anyway, Ms. Lagenfelder was here to say that the law firm would pay my medical bills, that’s all.”

  “That’s probably a good thing considering what an ER visit costs these days. I was wondering how you were going to pay for it.”

  “Hey, I do have some money. I’m not completely indigent!”

  “Sorry.”

  For reasons best left to psychiatrists and the people who get paid to study human behavior, Joanie reached out and took my hand. She smiled and shook her head. I couldn’t do anything other than squeeze her hand. Truth be told, the only people the two of us had was one another. We loved and cared for each other. That and we weren’t terribly judgmenta
l of each other’s occasional stupidities. Her eyes were wet, and a tear rolled down her cheek.

  “I don’t want to find you beaten to a pulp again, you dumbass! You were so lucky to come out of this as good as you did. You could have really been fucked up! God only knows what would have happened if I hadn’t screamed. And I don’t want you getting killed for some rich woman, you understand!”

  “I understand.”

  Apparently, she wasn’t finished.

  “And stop screwing around, that’s not good either.”

  “Hey, if I want to screw around I will. No one’s asked me to be exclusive, and it’s not like I’m married…”

  “Isn’t Judith married?”

  “Yes, but I’m not and her husband has run off with someone else, so it’s not like I’m busting up the family, and since we’re not married, you could be a little more understanding, and a little less condescending, yes?”

  “Maybe.”

  “Besides, you’ve had your adventures in this part of town too, you know.”

  “I said maybe.”

  “Yes, you did.” She was still holding my hand, “Of course, if you’d married me this wouldn’t have come up, so you’re kinda to blame too.”

  “Oh brother.” The tears had dried and I got a laugh out of her. I figured that was pretty good for now. “So what’s the plan, Monk Buttman, hard-boiled private dick?”

  “Well, for one, I’ve got to stop being a sap, and two, I have to determine the best way out of this mess and go in that direction. I have a few ideas and some people to see. And while that includes Judith, I’m not going there for the purposes of fornication, just information.”

  “Uh-huh, and what if she puts your hand on her ass again?”

  “I’ll cross that bridge when I get there.” I said this while fantasizing about Judith’s fine ass.

  “I’m sure you will. In the meantime, I do have some errands to run before I head off to the club tonight. Are you going to be all right by yourself?”

  “Well, if you must know, Agnes is coming over later.”

  Joanie burst out laughing, releasing my hand, and nearly falling out of her chair.