‘You're not being paid to enjoy his company!’ Derrick's voice deepened, took on a sonorous tone she had heard before when he was asking for extra funding at a Board of Trustees meeting. ‘Remember, we don't sign the Hippocratic oath, but I do feel we have a duty to our clients – our patients. We cannot take advantage of them! Dr. Knight has just suffered a traumatic experience. He's vulnerable. You know what this feeling for you is – it's transference. Dr. Knight has no regard for you as a person, just for you as a helper. You're doing wrong to yourself – and to him – if you think any regard could grow. Do I make myself clear?’
She had to fight back somehow. ‘Perfectly clear,’ she said crisply. ‘Mr Gee, you can rest assured that I will act entirely professionally. And now I think I'd better get back to my client.’
Angrily she walked back to the car. Never, never again would she give Derrick cause to speak to her like that!
‘Am I in disgrace?’ Jonathan asked as she climbed into the car, viciously twisted the ignition key. ‘Because if I am, I'm sorry.’
‘You don't sound very sorry. No, you're not in disgrace.’
‘But you are. I won't have it, Tania.’
‘There's nothing you can do about it. He's my boss. Would you let one of your patients tell you how to deal with one of your staff?’
‘Probably not,’ he said reflectively, ‘but I like to think I'd listen first. Now, judging by the jerky way you're driving this car, he said something to upset you. I want to know what it was.’
‘You can't always have what you want! And I'm driving this car perfectly well! And how do you know it concerns you?’
‘You'd drive a lot better if you got things off your chest. Sharing a trouble halves it. And all the things your mother used to say to you. I know it's about me and you're going to have to tell me what he said. Tania, I feel responsible.’
‘All right, I'll think about it. But not in the car. And you have to promise – here and now and honestly –that you won't lose your temper.’
‘If I'm angry I lose my temper,’ he shouted. ‘That's the way people are!’
‘Well, change!’ she shouted back. ‘And don't think you're the only person in the world with a temper.’
There was silence for a few minutes. She was seething with rage and for a moment she wondered why. Then she realised. Derrick had been too perceptive. He had seen a relationship between her and Jonathan that she hadn't been fully aware of herself. That worried her.
Jonathan said in a perfectly calm voice, ‘I promise to keep my temper. We'll go back to the flat, I'll make you a coffee and then you can tell me what he said.’
‘All right,’ she said, equally calmly. Only then did she start to worry. Did she have to tell him that she'd owned up to having some sort of regard for him?
They sat by the window, the blinds pulled to filter the sun's rays. Tania sipped her coffee and wondered what exactly she could say. Jonathan was calm now, giving her time to organise her thoughts, to prepare. That made things worse.
Eventually she had to speak. She swallowed, her throat suddenly dry. This was hard! ‘Derrick reminded me that though we don't have to sign the Hippocratic Oath, we are in a sense carers like doctors or nurses. We have a responsibility to our clients – our patients, if you like.’
‘And which clause of the Hippocratic Oath did you break?’
‘I didn't! But Derrick thought … he suggested … the bit about having a relationship with your patient.’
She was stronger now she had said it. ‘He asked if I was enamoured with you, pointed out that you were very vulnerable at the moment.’
Jonathan brooded. ‘He's quite right, of course,’ he said eventually. ‘I could be vulnerable. Sexual relationships between a carer and a patient are always problematical. He was only doing his job.’
‘I'm glad you think so,’ she said, not able to hide her dismay.
‘Remember, I said problematical, not wrong. What did you say when he asked you if you were enamoured with me?’ He snorted, ‘And enamoured is a wonderful word. But what did you say?’
‘I said … I think I said … that I liked you a lot.’
‘Well, thank you. This isn't the time for exchanging compliments, but I like you a lot, too. Now, Tania, was Derrick upset about our relationship because he thought it was wrong? Or because he has designs on you himself?’
‘Derrick? Designs on me? That's another quaint expression, isn't it?’ She tried to be light-hearted but it didn't work.
‘Don't try to avoid the question! And don't try to lie to me, I'll be able to tell. Have you ever been out with him? Has he ever asked you out?’
‘You're beginning to shout,’ she accused, ‘and you don't have to, you know. A temper is quite easy to control and losing it gets you nowhere.’
‘I've found that having a temper is useful sometimes. People accept too much. If you're right, you should say so and stick by it.’
‘If you're right,’ she shot back at him. ‘But if you're wrong, you just look a fool.’
‘A risk that I'm willing to take.’ He also drank some coffee. 'I know we like each other quite a lot, Tania. But are you actually enamoured with me?’
‘We'll end this conversation right now,’ she said.
‘Not quite yet. I think … it's possible … that I might be enamoured with you.’
After that Tania took Jonathan into the garden in the front of the flats and they practised walking round the gravel paths. There were no cars here and the few people they met were neighbours who introduced themselves and commiserated. Tania thought it was an ideal place for him to practise – in time he would be able to come out here on his own.
‘I've had clients whose front door opened straight onto a busy main road,’ she told him. ‘There's just nowhere for them to practise.’
‘I guess I'm lucky in some things,' he told her. 'If I start grumbling, remind me.’
‘I will,’ she said.
She stayed with him longer than perhaps she ought. But it was her own time, and she could do with it what she wanted. None of her other clients was suffering, her bookwork was all complete. Finally, when she said it was time to go and had taken him back to his flat, he asked her to sit down a minute.
‘I've something to ask you,’ he said. ‘It's a bit of a problem.’
Practically for the first time since she had met him, Jonathan seemed uncomfortable. Usually he was quite at his ease, happy in any social situation. But not now. He seemed at a loss for words, not sure what to say.
‘Not like you,’ she teased. ‘I thought problems were things that other people had.’
‘So did I. But there's something new every day.’ He scowled. ‘I want to invite you somewhere. Tonight. But I don't know if you're doing anything. And I don't know whether to ask you as a woman or as a professional carer whom I can pay for doing extra work with me.’
She hadn't expected this! ‘Well, I've got no plans for tonight,’ she said. ‘And I've never done extra work for money, though I've no objection to it. I know some of my colleagues do. In fact, I have done odd bits extra here and there, but because I wanted to. That's all.’
He remained silent. Tania took a deep breath. She knew she was chancing something, this was probably not a good idea. She had only to say no and their relationship could continue as before. She liked Jonathan.
Did she want to chance things changing between them? Because after this things would never be the same again, and the thought frightened her. This was a massive step into the unknown. She didn't do things like this.
But … ‘Ask me as a woman,’ she said. It was done.
‘I used to go out to dinner a lot,’ he said. ‘Often I'd take someone, perhaps a lady like yourself. And I liked to be … in charge.’
She grinned at him, knowing that her feelings would come out in her voice. ‘And now you can't,’ she mocked gently. ‘Jonathan, this is going to be very good for you. A lesson in humility. Where are you going to take me?’
‘The Blue Bell,’ he said. ‘It's a pub I go to a lot.’
‘No, it isn't,’ she contradicted. ‘I've never been but I've heard of it. It's a very posh restaurant with a bar attached. It's been written up in the Sunday papers. They wouldn't like you calling it a pub. But are you sure you ought to go there while you're –?’
His face set. ‘It's a place I go to,’ he said. ‘I'm not going to stop doing things that I used to just because … because of some small difficulty.’
‘Fine,’ she said gently, ‘I entirely agree. But there's one condition. I'm still your rehabilitation worker. If I say something is necessary, you don't argue.’
‘Agreed. Meet at half past seven, dinner at eight? I'll phone and book a table.’
‘That'll be lovely. I'll call for you here at –’
‘No.’ Jonathan's voice was courteous but determined. ‘I'm taking you out. We'll take a taxi, I have an account with a local firm. It'll be no problem to anyone. I'll pick you up.’
Things were going too fast now. She had climbed onto a roller-coaster and there was no way of stopping it. ‘All right,’ she said, ‘you can pick me up. I live at the school, you know, in one of the nurses' rooms. If you arrive outside the foyer at about half past seven … I'll be there.’
‘You don't want me to pick you up at your room?’
‘Well, it'd be difficult to give you instructions on how to get there with a long cane,’ she said.
Tania decided to check her desk when she got back to the school. There was a note there from Derrick to ring him on his mobile.
She sighed. She'd had enough of Derrick for one day. If it was about Jonathan or any of her other clients, then fine. He was entitled to get in touch. But she suspected that wasn't the case. She reached for the phone.
‘Tania! Good to hear from you. I thought we parted a bit at cross-purposes this afternoon, but that's all behind us now. I'm sorry if I seemed a little angry and I want to make things up. It's just because I'm concerned about you.’
’No need to worry, Derrick. I'm fine.’ She hoped the cold tone would be enough to signal what she thought.
It wasn't.
‘Glad to hear it. But I think we ought to, well, show that we're working well together. What about a drink tonight at about nine? I could pick you up, we could drive out into the country somewhere.’
She knew it wasn't just a drink he wanted. He'd forgotten what she'd told him about people having relationships at work. ‘Sorry, Derrick, I can't. In fact, I'm already going out tonight.’
His voice was sharp. ‘I didn't know you were seeing anybody. I do hope it's not that Dr. Knight. I've warned you about him, Tania. Who are you going out with?’
She didn't want to but she had to make her position clear. ‘That's my business. And I thought I'd made it clear to you – I think relationships at work are always a bad idea. I'd never go out with a man I worked for.’
Now he was angry. ‘I think you should remember what I've done for you, Tania! You're only a temporary employee at present. And I arranged the room in the nurses' home!’
‘So you think I've got to pay you back? Too bad!’
She slammed down the phone. The cheek of the man! She thought she would be in a bad temper, expected to be upset. But very quickly she forgot Derrick and started to enjoy herself. She hadn't been out with a man for months, she calculated. Men always meant trouble to her, and if she did go out, it wasn't with a man like Jonathan. But she was going out tonight, in a couple of hours, and she intended to enjoy herself. She had a long bath and picked out a dress she hadn't had occasion to wear for some time. A girl along the corridor had been a hairdresser before she'd trained to be a nurse, and she blow-dried and pinned up Tania's long hair.
She was ready by seven – half an hour to go.
Apprehensive now, Tania sat on her bed. This was the best-looking man she had ever been out with, the most dynamic and the … it's not the same, she told herself.
For a start, he couldn't see her. And yet she knew, despite what Derrick had said, that he wasn't vulnerable. If anyone was, she was.
She walked out of the foyer and was waiting and watching on the edge of the kerb when the taxi arrived. It wasn't the usual cheap and cheerful taxi firm that she used, with the telephone number stuck to the side. Instead, it was a large black car, with only the driver in a black suit to show it was for hire. The driver got out and opened the back door for her.
They set off and she turned to see Jonathan scowling. ‘Normally I'd open the door for you myself,’ he said, ‘but I was afraid of tripping over something.’
‘A wise decision on your part,’ she said cheerfully. ‘I wouldn't want you to stain that suit. I must say, you look very nice.’
He was wearing a very light grey suit in some soft material she didn't recognise but suspected was expensive. His shirt was a light blue, his tie a darker blue silk.
‘I got Joe to give me a hand to get dressed,’ he confessed. ‘Don't forget, I run – used to run a department. Learning how to delegate is all-important But now …’ He reached behind him and offered her a box.
‘I didn't know what colour dress you'd be wearing so I chose white. It goes with most things.’
She accepted the little cellophane box and gasped. Inside was an orchid – pure white in colour.
‘I'm wearing a blue dress,’ she said, ‘and this will go wonderfully with it. May I pin it on now?’
‘I hoped you would. Now, you know I love feminine beauty, and I know you'll have made an effort, even though I can't see you. So I want you to describe your dress.’
‘Well, right now I think I look very nice.’ Tania described the dress, let him run his hand across her shoulder to feel the material, touch her hair to have some idea of the style she had picked.
‘And I recognise your perfume,’ he said, and named it.
She looked at him, amazed. ‘You have a very good nose,’ she said. ‘Not one man in a thousand would have recognised that.’
‘Learned at my mother's knee,’ he said smugly. ‘I like perfumes.’
They sat silently for a few minutes. She was considering something, wondering exactly how to say it.
After a while he said, ‘Tania, I can almost hear you thinking. You have a problem and I want to know what it is.’
She was shocked. ‘You're right! But how did you know?’
‘We're sitting next to each other. I can tell that you're uncomfortable. You keep changing position and your breathing is faster than normal.’ He paused a moment, then said, ‘Being blind does make your other senses more acute.’
‘I see. All right, I'll tell you what it is. I've changed my mind. You asked me out tonight as a woman, largely because I told you to. Now I think things ought to be different. It would be better if you paid me for my time.’
‘As you wish,’ he said placidly. ‘I have no problem with that. But will you tell me why? Not suddenly had the brokers in, I trust?’
‘You're making fun of me! No, this is a matter of … principle really. A small principle. I think you're good to the women you take out. You think about them, worry about them. Now you're taking me out, but when eventually you see me you might be disappointed. This way, you won't need to feel too badly when you drop me. Our relationship will have been purely a professional one.’
Jonathan took her hand. ‘You worry too much about things,’ he said. ‘I'm not going to talk about what you've just said, except to say wait and see. Now enjoy yourself.’
As he spoke the car drew up outside the front door of the Blue Bell. When the driver came to open the door, she offered Jonathan her arm and whispered what was in front of them.
‘About five paces and then a step up. There's a man with shiny black hair and a dark suit come to look at us. He seems worried.’
‘Albert. The maitre d'. I spoke to him earlier.’
Albert glided forward. ‘Dr. Knight, how good to see you! But in such unfortunate circumstances. May I say you ha
ve the good wishes of myself and the staff here. We will do all we can to be of assistance.’
‘Hello, Albert. This is Miss Richardson.’
Albert turned to her. ‘Miss Richardson, welcome to the Blue Bell. I don't think you've been here before. I trust you will enjoy our meal and visit us again.’
Somehow they were eased inside and seated at a table near the bar. Tania thought Jonathan was doing very well. With his hand on her arm it looked as if he were guiding her, not the other way round.
‘A drink, Miss Richardson?’ Albert queried. ‘Dr. Knight, your usual sherry?’ ‘Please, Albert. Tania, unless you have your mind set on something else, may I suggest you have a sherry, too? It's Albert's special bottle.’
‘A sherry will be fine,’ she muttered, and Albert was gone.
‘Do you like it here?’ Jonathan asked. ‘We'll have a drink and then when you're ready Albert will come to take our order. And then he'll take us to the table when the meal is ready.’
‘It's not like a shandy, pie and chips at my local,’ she said, ‘but I like it very much.’
The anteroom they were in was half-full. Apparently everyone sat here for a drink before going into the main dining room. It was cool, there was an unobtrusive air-conditioning system. The chairs were comfortable,, dark red leather that matched the carpet. There was the soft hum of conversation, the odd peal of laughter.
Tania looked at the other guests. The older lady on her left – surely those earrings couldn't be real diamonds? But her dress was expensive enough. And she could see out into the car park. There was a Bentley and a couple of Jaguars. Quite a place.
Their sherries came. Then a young waitress came round and gave them a small plate each, and put half a dozen tiny pastries on each. They were warm and smelt delicious. ‘I'd come here just for these bonne bouches,’ Jonathan said. ‘Try one, Tania.’ She did. The thinnest of crisp pasty crusts with a centre of a prawn in sauce. Just a mouthful, but wonderful. ‘Very nice indeed,’ she said. ‘I'm enjoying myself.’ Shortly afterwards Albert came to discuss the menu.
‘I've already had a word with him myself,’ Jonathan said. ‘We've worked out a meal that I can eat without too much trouble.’
The Consultant's Recovery Page 7