The Consultant's Recovery

by Gill Sanderson

  ‘It was a lot easier than I thought,’ Tania admitted, ‘though I am flagging a bit now. Wasn't everyone kind?’

  ‘They're like that. How much did you manage to write down?’

  ‘More than a little. I'll decipher it all and read it back to you tomorrow.’

  It had been her idea to take a small notebook and pen to jot down all the notes, telephone numbers, addresses that had been offered to Jonathan. It had been a good idea.

  She looked around. ‘You know, there's a kettle on a tray over there. Want a cup of tea?’

  ‘This evening I've drunk champagne, red wine, water and extra-strong coffee. A cup of tea sounds perfect.’

  They were back in his room. The reception hadn't gone on too late. Jonathan said that everyone would be up early next morning. She filled the kettle, then went to her own room to fetch a packet of Assam teabags Marianne had told her to bring.

  He took off his jacket and tie and sighed as he sipped his tea. ‘Look out of the window,’ he told her. ‘I remember the view from here. At night the lights are quite something.’

  She did as he suggested. He was right, the lights were wondrous. Just for a moment she realised what he was missing and felt a pang of sadness for him. But she said nothing. ‘How did it go for you?’ she asked.

  ‘Well. But I'm tired now. It's interesting. Being blind means that you miss a lot but that there's also a lot that you pick up. The couple opposite us at dinner – the Trentons. Are they having a bad time? With their marriage I mean?’

  She looked at him in amazement. ‘I thought they were ideally happy,’ she said. ‘They certainly acted that way. But then I saw – just once when he was talking to the woman on his other side, with his back to his wife – I saw she looked at him with – disappointment? But only once. How did you pick up on it?’

  He shrugged. ‘If you miss body language you pick up on intonation. In future I'm going to tell my students to try listening with their eyes shut. Surprising what you can find out. That is, if I ever have any more students.’

  ‘Jonathan! That's the first time I've heard you sound sorry for yourself.’

  ‘Not sorry,’ he said, ‘just realistic. Now, time for bed.’

  He frowned as he heard her take his jacket and tie and put them away. ‘I really don't like you acting as my maid, Tania.’

  ‘And I don't mind in the least. It's nothing to some of the jobs I've had to do in the past. Now, I'm going to leave your bedroom door, my bedroom door and the other two doors between us all open. This is a new environment for you, you might get disorientated. Any problem, call me.’

  ‘So I could just get out of my bed and walk straight to yours?’

  ‘You could. But I know you won't. Goodnight.’ She kissed him lightly on the lips.

  She cleansed her face, showered and slipped on her nightie. Then she listened at the door of his darkened room and heard the sound of heavy breathing. He was asleep. She now realised how tremendously tired she was herself. But when she slipped into bed, it was some time before she herself slept.

  Next day was half frightening, half exciting. They ordered a light breakfast in Jonathan's room and ate it outside on the balcony in their dressing gowns. It was already hot. Then he put on a lightweight fawn suit and she put on a light blue dress, another one she'd borrowed from Marianne.

  Pierce was waiting for them, anxious to know whether they'd had a good night. And then it was back to the conference centre – now to be used as just that.

  This morning they were to be in a vast auditorium.

  Pierce stayed with them this time, taking them to an antechamber where they were fitted with lapel microphones and shown how to turn them on and off. Then they were escorted to seats in the very front row. There was a great pack of written material which Pierce said he would keep for them.

  The conference was on the spread and control of infectious diseases. Tania had some medical knowledge but much of what was said was above her head. However, what she did understand was fascinating.

  There were two main themes. The first was that with improved communications, with so many people travelling the world, diseases once thought to be eradicated were now coming back to the West from the Third World. The second was that if antibiotics continued to be used as freely as at present, they might become ineffective. They were both sobering ideas.

  Each speaker was introduced by the chairman, talked for about thirty minutes and then answered questions from the floor, the questions being picked by the chairman.

  ‘How're you enjoying it so far?’ Jonathan asked her after a while.

  ‘I'm impressed but I'm still nervous,’ she whispered back. ‘When are we on?’

  ‘We're the second talk this afternoon. Don't worry, you'll be all right. I can sense what people are thinking – they're interested. So they'll be interested in us.’ They had the lightest of lunches, a sandwich with Matt McKie who came looking for them, then back to their seats, the lunch break having been very short. Tania couldn't concentrate on the first talk, she was too nervous, though she saw that Jonathan was intent. Then it was their turn.

  The chairman stood and called Jonathan. Trembling, Tania helped him up onto the stage. There was a chair for him by her side and the chairman helped him to it.

  She stood behind the lectern, opened her folder and looked at row upon row of faces in front of her. What was she doing here? She was terrified! But then she thought of Jonathan in his new world of darkness, and decided that if he could cope with good grace, so could she.

  The chairman introduced Jonathan and explained his loss of sight. There was a spontaneous round of applause at this. Then it was her turn. She turned on her microphone and started speaking. Her words echoed round the chamber most satisfactorily. After that it was easy. Her rehearsals hadn't been in vain.

  At the end of her speech she was thanked by the chairman and applauded by the audience. She took the chair offered to her and Jonathan rose to answer questions. Again, very satisfactory. When the chairman declared the section at an end she let Jonathan take her arm and escorted him from the stage. They were applauded again.

  ‘You did very well,’ he whispered to her when they were sitting again.

  ‘You mean you did very well,’ she whispered back.

  Next day was something quite different. Tables were set all the way round the main foyer. Behind each sat one of the previous day's speakers. There were also a few people with tables who hadn't spoken but would speak the next day.

  Pierce led them to their table. He also provided them with a large sign giving Jonathan's name, his qualifications and his publications. There were also piles of papers which Jonathan had written and the organisers had printed.

  Delegates were invited to walk round, to sit and talk to whoever they wanted. ‘If no one calls, pretend you don't care,’ he told her. ‘But in general the size of your queue represents your importance. Lecturers have been known to bribe people to come and ask questions just so they'll look busy and important.’

  ‘Just like a dance I once went to,’ she murmured, ‘but I don't think it's going to be your problem.’ A queue was already forming at Jonathan's station.

  He got a large number of visitors. And they weren't really interested in his blindness – in fact, Tania suspected that one or two of them didn't actually realise Jonathan was blind. They were more interested in what he had to say.

  She was kept busy, too. Many of the delegates left papers of their own, as well as addresses and telephone numbers for Jonathan to call in the future. Organising this material was her responsibility, and her folder and notebook got fuller and fuller, but she enjoyed it.

  Pierce hovered ever near, keeping the iced-water carafe filled, fetching them coffee, orange juice and sandwiches. Red with embarrassment, he asked if Jonathan wished to visit the “comfort station”. Breezily, Jonathan agreed. Then he returned to carry on with his work.

  It was a full day and it went on until late. Eventually they were driv
en back to the hotel, where they would have a meal in their room.

  ‘Tired?’ he asked her.

  ‘I'm worn out! And you must be near collapsed. How you keep this up for days on end I don't know.’

  Tania really enjoyed their evening meal together. At Jonathan's suggestion she asked for the seafood platter and salad. It was wonderful! There were titbits there that she didn't recognise and some she did recognise but wasn't too sure about. But it was all delicious. And the salad? ‘I'm going to start making salad with a blue cheese dressing,’ she told him.

  When they had finished and the waiter had taken the dishes, he put a scarlet, paper-wrapped package on the table in front of her. ‘I'm not going to the conference tomorrow,’ he said. ‘Instead, I'm staying here in the morning and I've arranged for three or four people to come to see me in my room. It'll be more private, we'll get more done. I want you to go shopping with Pierce.’

  ‘Shopping? But don't you need me here?’

  ‘Not with these people. There'll be no notes for you to take, and you'll only be bored. Besides, wouldn't you like to go shopping?’

  ‘I'd love to,’ she said, ‘but I came here to help you and –’

  ‘It's decided,’ he said. ‘Pierce knows where to take you. You go to a mall and enjoy yourself.’

  ‘What about the afternoon?’

  ‘In the afternoon I thought we'd be real tourists. You've seen the pool here?’ Indeed she had – a great expanse of blue water, shaded by palm trees and with loungers lying round it. There was a chute for the children, Jacuzzis, a waterfall and a fountain. There was also a wave section. There were bars at each end and even a bar that served you as you stood in the water. ‘It's different from the corporation baths where I learned to swim,’ she said.

  ‘I can believe it. I thought we might spend a couple of hours there, just relaxing. It's quiet, you can take me for a swim. And I've been a bit forward. As a tiny thank you present I bought you this. Well, I got Pierce to buy it for you. I thought you might like to wear it.’

  He pushed the packet over to her. Not knowing what to expect, but excited anyway, she tore open the scarlet paper. There, wrapped carefully in tissue paper, was – a bikini. It was dark blue. A detached onlooker would have thought it would go well with her hair.

  But Tania wasn't detached. She looked at the little scraps of material in dismay. There was no way she would allow herself to be seen in this. The scarring on her abdomen … it would show it all!

  ‘You don't like it,’ he said quietly. ‘I've picked the wrong thing.’

  ‘No, no, it's lovely,’ she said. ‘And, Jonathan, it's so good of you to think of me. But … but I never wear a bikini. I've got a one-piece costume, that's all I ever wear. I know it sounds strange, but I just don't like two-pieces. It's one of my peculiarities. Please, forgive me. It's a lovely thought and a lovely present.’

  ‘We're all entitled to a few peculiarities,’ he said. ‘Tomorrow you can get Pierce to take you back to the shop, see if you can change this for a style you like. But it'll still be dark blue, won't it?’

  ‘Oh, yes,’ she said, ‘it'll still be dark blue. Jonathan, please don't be cross with me.’

  ‘Who could be cross with you?’ he asked.

  She thought there was thoughtfulness in his voice that she didn't much care for. Had she given anything away?

  Chapter Nine

  IT HAD only been four days since they'd returned, but the conference now seemed long ago. Back in England, the weather was still hot but after Florida it didn't seem too bad. Tania had enjoyed herself thoroughly – it had been an interesting interlude in her life. But now she was home, and things were going to change.

  She had seen a different side to Jonathan, thought so much more of him. She had seen the professional side of his life. But the most interesting thing about it was how many friends he had. Jonathan was popular. People liked him, not only as a doctor but as a friend.

  She thought that was wonderful, but it made the next few days so much harder to bear.

  In Florida she had kept the door between their suites open all the time. It had been so hard not to get out of her bed and go to his – but she had resisted the temptation. She guessed he felt the same way. But never had he pressured her, even told her what he wanted.

  Jonathan was a gentleman.

  Now they were back at his flat. Everyone tried to keep up the appearance of normality but they all knew that soon things would be vitally different. Marianne was still there, Joe called every day, Eleanor called often, Jerry O'Connor called, Charles called. All of them were under a strain.

  Jonathan seemed to be the toughest of them all. But one night, when his mother had left to cry in her bedroom, it was a sign of the strain he was under when he said, with great good temper, ‘You're a gloomy lot. I'm the one who's supposed to be suffering.’

  ‘It'll all be over soon,’ Tania said. ‘When we know, things will be different. It's waiting that hurts.’

  She was still on holiday, but she called in at work.

  Derrick, as stiff as ever, told her that her temporary job would soon disappear, they were definitely appointing a full-time worker. But she was welcome to apply and he would certainly give her a good reference. She took the application form and said nothing.

  It was the night before Jonathan went into hospital.

  Tania told Marianne to go out for the evening with Charles and spend the night at his house. With unusual frankness, she said, ‘You can't help but be miserable.’

  ‘That'll only make him feel the same way. You go out and I'll try to cheer us both up.’

  ‘I wish I was tough like him,’ Marianne said, ‘but I'm not.’

  She agreed to go.

  Tania had her own plans for the evening. She asked Joe to come round early on to take Jonathan for a run on the sands. Then she cooked them a meal and they sat together in the window, eating and chatting and listening to music. And quite early, she told him, ‘I'm coming to your bed tonight, Jonathan.’ She turned off the light and they were both in complete darkness. She told him that he must hold her, that his arms must be round her all the time. He could kiss her lips, her breasts, but nowhere else. And he must hold her all the time.

  They made love slowly at first, as if each wanted to prolong it as long as possible. This was so different from the wild, animal-like act in the garden. As she kissed his body, it seemed to be what he wanted.

  Then they were joined in the final ecstatic excitement, and she felt her love for him flower as she opened her body to him, heard the hoarseness of his frenzied cry. And then they lay there, their sweat-slicked bodies side by side. She lay on her front so his casually stroking hand couldn't touch her where she didn't want it to.

  Jonathan's hands touched her face, felt her tears.

  ‘There's no need to cry for me, Tania,’ he said softly. ‘If we have this, then we have everything.’

  It was a natural mistake to make but she wasn't crying for him – but for herself, or for them both. Desperately, she wanted him to regain his sight. But if he did … then she would never see him again. No way was he to see her scarred body. He would be repelled.

  Jonathan thought he loved her. But he was a lover of beauty – and she couldn't face seeing his disappointment in her.

  The next evening he was to go into hospital for prepping. He would be operated on first thing the morning after that, but Charles didn't want any visitors there until after the operation was complete. ‘I need to concentrate,’ he growled, ‘and you'd only put me off.’

  So Tania saw Jonathan for the last time the evening before the operation. She could kiss him, of course, but it was different from when they were alone together.

  He was in hospital now and she felt that the operation had already begun.

  ‘Just one thing,’ he said. ‘When I go under the anaesthetic I'll be thinking of you. And that beautiful, beautiful body.’

  ‘And I'll be thinking of you,’ she said.

&
nbsp; ‘How d'you feel?’ Charles asked. It was late at night and his old friend had just called in to see Jonathan before he had the sedative that would be necessary to make him sleep.

  ‘Quite calm,’ Jonathan said steadily. ‘One thing about being blind – you get a lot of chances to think about things. And whatever happens in the operation tomorrow, I know I've got good things to look forward to.’

  ‘You mean Tania?’

  ‘Yes, I do. It was worth having this accident just to meet her.’ He ignored Charles's grunt of disapproval and went on, ‘Now there's something I want. My neurosurgery is a bit rusty. I want you to go through in detail what you'll be doing tomorrow. If I know what's happening, I'll be happier.’

  For a moment Charles was silent. Then he said, ‘Well, you are a doctor. I'll tell you what I propose.

  You'll be anaesthetised, brought into the theatre and strapped to a chair. I'll sit behind you. We'll cut through the skull, get into the occipital lobe. I'm hoping to find some cause of pressure and to relieve it. Scans show there is something there. But all we can do is hope. You’re happier now?’

  ‘Reasonably. You can send that nurse down now who's going to give me something to help me sleep. And get a good night's sleep yourself. I need you alert tomorrow morning.’

  ‘Goodnight, then, Jonathan.’ Charles gripped his shoulder and was gone.

  He was scared. Jonathan could admit it to himself, though he would never admit it to anyone else. Except Tania, he thought. Yes, he could admit it to her – in fact he had already done so.

  Tomorrow the operation would succeed or it wouldn't. If it did, he would resume his job, wait a few weeks and ask Tania to marry him. If the operation didn't succeed – well, he would do the same. Wait a few weeks, sort out a new life, make sure that Tania was happy and then ask her to marry him. He'd think of this as a situation in which he couldn't lose.

  The sedative started to take effect, his thoughts started to blur … he'd prefer it if he regained his sight … but he'd still have Tania …

  He was sitting up. He could hear vague things. Where was he …? Who was he …? He couldn't really be bothered, he'd go back to sleep. His head hurt.