“Kara—”
I stop her from speaking. “Once Dean and Jed fell in love, I refused to put Jed in the middle because Jed was Jennings’s first. Their bond was supposed to be as sacred as yours and mine.” Now, I’m the one shrieking as memories come flooding back. “I made the best decisions I could to provide for Kevin, to protect us. When Dean took me in, I was cut off, but he didn’t think twice. Firemen of his rank back then didn’t make a lot, but my Dean? He worked himself to the bone to help pay for my medical care. He took care of me until I could teach after Kevin.” I’m talking to Maris, but I’m remembering those early days out loud.
“Kara, please don’t,” she begs me.
My eyes wander around, seeing everything and nothing. “I kept an accounting of every dime Dean spent, and every paycheck I earned after I became a teacher, I paid him back a little at a time. He hated that, did I ever tell you that? I must have. I told you everything.”
“Stop, honey. Please.”
My voice goes dreamy as I remember the early days back in Florida. “I didn’t even have money to buy a cell phone after my parents disowned me. And he couldn’t afford to get me one with the additional rent and food. God, do you remember? The hospital had to call Dean to tell him I went into labor. And then he called you so you could hear everything. But holding Kevin that first moment? It made all the suffering worth it. It made every moment of pain I’ve endured as a mother worth it.” Then fury whips clean through me. “See, what you don’t get, Maris, is that as a mother, you’ll do anything for your child. And for the last fifteen years, I’ve made the best decisions I could with people around me I thought I could trust. People—” A sob escapes my throat. “—whose opinions I relied on. I raised my son on my own because he was mine. And until Jed began to work to change my mind on that, you agreed with that.”
I ignore the tears falling down Maris face as I continue. “God, it all comes back to family, doesn’t it? I was right all along. There are some things you just don’t do to family. With the way Dean and I were, I believed right here—” I smack my hand into the center of my chest before continuing. “—there are some bonds you don’t break. Some people you don’t put in the middle or turn your back on. But your brother thought he knew better. He believed his brotherhood could withstand it—his with Jennings, and his with me. So, fine. Blame me. Blame me for his death and for everything beforehand.”
“Please, Kara, stop,” Maris beseeches me.
Ignoring her, I continue. “I let him convince me to put that codicil in the will knowing my son would ask before that because he’s as inquisitive as I am. And I’d be in this exact same position. I fought Jed, but only because I didn’t want to think about what it would mean to all of us. For better, for worse, I made a beautiful child with Jennings. And there are too many connections for us to avoid them forever.”
Maris is silent as I regroup my thoughts. When I speak again, my voice is laced with a pain I haven’t had the luxury of fully releasing. “I was almost at the point of breaking down and giving in about the whole damn thing when the wreck happened. Death took away the chance I had to tell Jed he was right about what he was willing to give up for my son. I didn’t have the opportunity to ask him what he thought I should do. And now I never will.”
Turning I ask, “What I don’t understand is how you could lie to about me what you thought all these years.”
“I didn’t lie to you,” she whispers.
I say without turning around, “Right now, I’m finding that hard to believe. If you’ll excuse me, I’m going to lie down. I’ll tell Kevin to come up when he’s hungry,” before I head to the stairs off the main room of the Smiths’ family home toward the basement.
“Kara, wait!”
I pause with my hand on the doorknob. Emotions are choking me. Keep it together, I warn myself. I wait for Maris to speak.
“I’m so sorry. I don’t know what I’m saying. You know that’s not what I think. I don’t know where my head’s at. Please, please forgive me,” she begs.
Our sisterhood bonds may be strained, but I answer immediately. “I will. I just need time.” I pull the door open to the basement and call down. “Kevin? Maris made stew. I’m going to lie down for a bit.”
“Okay, Mom! I’ll be up in a few.”
Without another word, I close the door on the conversation both physically and metaphorically before heading up to the guest room. I need some privacy to process everything that I just learned and how it factors into how I deal with Jennings.
Because I need to dig deep for the courage I lost a long time ago. And there’s only one person I know who can give it to me.
Wearily, I make it up to my room and pull out my laptop. Opening up a new file, I start typing.
Dear Dean…
Jennings
“How did it go with Kara?” Kody asks me when I get back.
I don’t say anything, I just slap the folded stack of papers Kara handed to me in front of him.
“Tell me that bitch isn’t going to try to sue for custody at this late date,” Nick drawls.
I don’t know whether to thank him or rip his head off, but he just gave me a target for all the emotions seething inside of me. Turning, I manage to coldcock Nick Cain. It probably helps he’s sprawled across the couch with a tumbler of scotch in his hand, but I don’t give a shit. “Never, ever, call the mother of my child a bitch again.”
Nick surges to his feet with in seconds, the liquid falling forgotten to the floor. His fury is palpable, just like mine. Good, I need to do something to let out this impotent rage.
Unfortunately, Brad and Kody don’t see it quite the same way. Brad shoves himself in front of Nick, while Kody grabs my arms from behind. “The hell with this. If Jennings gets a free shot, then so do I,” Nick demands.
Brad growls, “Pretty certain you took yours first, man. Shitty thing to call Kara a bitch when Jennings hasn’t had a chance to tell us jack.”
Kody’s arms slacken. I twist and jerk until I’m free of his hold. I’m still breathing hard, my rage a tangible thing. But not at Nick. “I’ll take the hit; I deserve it.” My eyes are steady as I hold his.
Everyone freezes before there’s a cacophony of sound. “Are you insane?” “Did you get into a wreck on the way home?” And Nick, smug bastard he is: “They didn’t give me the belt for nothing, Jennings. Certainly not for that pansy-ass tap you gave me.”
“I was at the fight; I know what I’m asking for.” And then, fuck, even Nick gets a concerned look on his face. My jaw tightens when I pick up the papers and smack them so they fly across the room like I’m making it rain money. “Every. Few. Months. For fucking years. She’d email me. Asking me to call her. Saying she had something important to talk with me about. Then Jed meets Dean what, three years ago? That’s when the emails stop. I haven’t figured out why. What I do know is her good-for-nothing family cut her off.”
“Oh, God.” Brad collapses back on the sofa.
“Then, Jed kept telling me I should come visit.” Turning, I face a stunned Kody. “You were there one time when he asked. Do you remember? And what did I say?”
“‘No way, man. The business is taking up too much time,’” Kody quotes me almost verbatim before his own legs give out and he collapses in the chair behind him.
“That.” I throw my thumb back where Kody was standing and face a still-standing Nick. “That’s what I said to the man who was likely bound by a vow to his husband, his sister-in-law, and the mother of my child!” I roar at Nick. “He kept trying to get me to come and see. And if it weren’t for Jed dying, and a promise that he elicited from Kara, I may still never know I had a son.” And I don’t care if it’s a sign of weakness, my knees give out beneath me. I fall right where I stand.
I’m rocking back and forth on my knees amid all of the “Dear Jennings” letters Kara sent to a freaking free email account I’ve barely glanced at for anything more than a coupon in more than sixteen years, when I feel a s
teel hand clamp down on my shoulder.
Nick’s face is so close to mine, I can’t see anything beyond it. His voice is a soft rumble when he says, “We’ll help you however we can, Jennings. I swear, we will. Yeah?” He adds on the last the same way he did when we were both on Team Canada hamming it up for the crowds in the Lumberjack Show. Back before we had lives that kept us apart more than we were together. Back before we only saw each other once a year at a reunion, that Jed, I remember painfully, didn’t attend the last year.
Dragging me off my knees, Nick waits for my response. I have to swallow to get the moisture back in my mouth before I can give it. “Yeah.”
He slaps my back. I stumble forward, skidding on the printouts. When I turn to glare at Nick, all he does is tap his jaw and smirk.
I roll my eyes. “I still got the punch in, asshole.”
“All right, children.” Brad claps his hands together. “Before you do any more damage against each other, I think we need to bring reinforcements into this discussion.”
“Who?” Kody asks.
But I already know. “Rainey?” I guess.
“Rainey,” Brad confirms. Sliding his phone out of his pocket, he calls his wife. It takes a moment for the call to connect. “Honey, would it be a problem if I brought the guys home to eat? No? Good. Also, how hard would it be to find a sitter?” A longer pause. “Yeah, we’re probably going to need more than a few drinks.”
“Forget probably,” I call out.
Brad laughs. “Yes, that was Jennings. No, I’m not telling you more over the phone. See you in a few hours. Love you too.” Hanging up, he advises us, “You guys better brace, because Rainey said the kids are going to climb you like monkeys.”
“It’s too bad Jennings can’t get practice for his with yours,” Nick says. “But based on the size of his kid, I don’t think there will be any daddy/son tree climbing going on.”
I glare at my friend, who merely quirks a brow before asking, “What? Too soon?”
“Way, way too soon.”
“Okay, before we go to Brad’s, let’s talk everything through. Because the minute Rainey knows, she’s going to want to call Kara for a girls’ night out. And we all know how well that’s going to go over.” God bless Kody for reminding us of everything practical because he’s absolutely right.
“Yeah.” I let out a sigh. “Let me tell you guys what happened.”
After we pick up the letters, I proceed to tell the guys everything that happened when I met Kara at the cemetery. They ask a lot of questions, but at the end they come to the same conclusion I do.
I have nothing to do but wait.
Life at the Meyerses’ household is sheer chaos. Like Brad predicted, his kids began to use us as indoor jungle gyms the instant we stepped through the door. Rainey, on the other hand, merely grins.
“What do you have cooking?” I ask her as I lean down to brush a kiss on her smooth cheek.
She wraps her arms around me to give me a much-needed hug before she answers. “Chili, which I made mild so I can send some to my sister’s. This way she can use it to feed her two kids plus ours so I can find out the scoop.” Pulling out of my arms, she opens a small cabinet to the right of the stove which sports an impressive collection of sealed hot-sauce bottles. “Jed sent those to Brad over the years.”
My heart trips at her words. “He used to send me newspaper clippings and online articles about the local economy along with real estate listings,” I share. I would file them under a special folder titled “Jed’s Craziness.” Only he wasn’t so crazy. He was trying to pull my head out of my ass.
Likely misinterpreting the look of pain on my face, Rainey is quick to continue. “There are at least a case of them in the basement, and that doesn’t account for those in both of our refrigerators. Please.” She turns sparkling blue eyes up at me which haven’t changed since I first met her twenty years ago. “Help me by using some to doctor your food.”
I understand what she’s really asking is for help to get Brad over his grief by releasing some of the memories. “Honey, after tonight, I don’t think he’s going to have that problem,” I reassure her.
“Really?” she says hopefully.
“I think he’s going to be too focused on worrying about me,” I mutter.
Rainey narrows her eyes. “What did you do, Jennings?”
Brad steps into the kitchen with a case of beer he pulled up from the basement, saving me from having to answer. “Kids to your sister’s first, babe. Then, we’ll talk while we’re eating.” Tearing open the box, he hands me a bottle.
“Opener?”
“Second drawer to your right,” Rainey responds. “Honey?” she calls to Brad as I uncap my beer, pocketing the cap.
“Yeah? Jennings, toss it here.” I underhand pitch it to him. He easily catches it before using it to open his bottle.
“Am I going to want to hurt Jennings?” Rainey asks sweetly.
Brad takes a long pull of his beer before answering honestly. “Maybe.”
“Great. Just great. Luckily for you, Jennings, the tequila is already chilling.” She stomps over to the pantry and scans it. “Now, do we have tomato juice…”
“Tomato juice?”
Without turning around, she hisses, “Lime after shots is…crap. I used the juice in the chili. I’ll just have to pace myself by doing a shot and then eating a bite of food.” Backing out, she slams the door closed. “You’d better talk fast.”
Rainey’s sister, Meadow, bursts through the door. “I’m sorry I’m late!” Kody’s head snaps around. His face lights up at seeing her since they used to be close years ago, but she breezes past him. I don’t miss his quick frown before he’s distracted by Brad’s son.
“Hold on, I have chili for you,” Rainey calls to her sister.
“Thank God. I was wondering what I was going to feed the monsters. Hey, Brad.” She gives her brother-in-law a quick hug. “Good to see you, Jennings.”
I tip up my lips and hold out my hand. “Same. Thanks for helping out.”
She shrugs. “Not a problem. We swap kids all the time.” She hefts the bag.
“Can I help with that?” I ask immediately.
“Try a diaper bag sometime,” she jokes.
I really would have liked to. Regret washes through me that I wasn’t able to be there for Kevin’s early years.
“All right, Meyers munchkins. Let’s go! Get your coats and bags. I don’t know about you, but I’m hungry!” Meadow calls out as she rushes out of the kitchen after exchanging a quick kiss with her sister. Within moments, after Meadow departs with the kids, calm descends on the house. Kody and Nick join us in the kitchen. Nick looks no worse for the wear, but Kody’s shirt is untucked and he looks less than his usual pressed self. But the smile on his face can’t be faked.
“Had fun?” I direct the question at him.
“Kids are great. Almost makes me want to look at settling down,” he admits.
Brad’s about to open his mouth, but Nick beats him to it. “Or you could just get them full grown like Jennings did. Then you can miss the whole diaper stage. You still have the fun of diving into the fun of teenage adolescence though.”
Kody sighs. Brad shakes his head. I just wait, but I don’t have to for long. Rainey’s screech, of “What?” can likely be heard down the street at her sister’s house.
Brad tries to placate her. “Now, honey…”
“Don’t you ‘now, honey’ me, Bradley Meyers. What the hell is Nick talking about? No, wait.” Before I can even answer, Rainey goes to the freezer and pulls out the tequila. Uncapping the bottle, she takes a swig. Slamming the bottle down, she races over to the warming chili and shoves a spoonful in her mouth to attempt to kill the burn of the alcohol down her throat. “Now I’m ready to hear about this.”
I brace my hips against the island counter. “Do you remember Kara Malone? The woman I dated…”
“When you were all Lumberjacks? Of course I do.”
“Brad said he told you Kara showed up at the viewing after you left with the kids.”
“He did.”
“Did he tell you who she showed up with?”
She cuts her eyes toward her husband, and Brad ducks his head. He knows he’s in the shithouse for sure. “No, he failed to mention that,” she bites out acidly. “Who did she bring? Her husband?”
I finish off my beer. As I put the empty on the counter next to me, Brad’s already uncapping the next before handing it to me. “Thanks, man,” I say gratefully.
“Jennings,” Rainey snaps. “Who did Kara bring with her?” Her lips are compressed together as she waits for my answer.
“Her son.”
“So, she had a little boy? So what?”
“Her fifteen-year-old son, Rainey,” Brad interjects.
Rainey’s jaw slackens. “Oh, my God. Is he…”
I exhale slowly. “Yes. He’s mine.”
Rainey doesn’t respond. She turns to Brad. “There’s another bottle of tequila in the basement. If you don’t want to be divorced by morning, I suggest putting it in the freezer. Stat.”
Brad, definitely not a stupid man, puts his beer on the counter and heads for the basement stairs. “On it.”
Rainey points at me and says, “You’re not leaving until I know everything.”
I meet her eyes and say levelly, “I didn’t think I was.”
“This is…I can’t believe…Oh, my God!” she yells.
“And right there sums up how I’m feeling,” I tell her sadly. “I feel so much, too much, and I don’t know what to do with all of it.”
Then, Rainey smiles the smile that made Brad fall for her in high school. It illuminates her face, lighting her eyes. And her words? They warm my heart, making me realize this was why I needed to come here.
“Welcome to parenthood, Jennings. Now that you are one, those feelings will never, ever end.”
Jennings
Return by Air (Glacier Adventure Series Book 1) Page 8