Return by Air (Glacier Adventure Series Book 1)

by Tracey Jerald

  “But you’re too intrigued not to investigate what’s still there between us,” I whisper so softly she can’t hear it as she climbs the few stairs to the main living area. “And I’m counting on that.”

  After I’ve told my son what time I’ll be by to pick them up in the morning, he reacts as if I’ve betrayed unwritten vacation rules. “I’m sorry, Jennings. In the morning?” Kevin’s voice is horrified.

  I nonchalantly say, “That’s the best time to see the sunrise from the plane.”

  Turning to his mother, he begs, “All I ask for is coffee.”

  Kara’s laughter will follow me into my dreams. As will so much about this evening: Kevin’s excitement about the flight, my emotions over what she said over dinner, and that kiss. God, that kiss.

  After saying good night, I jog down to the car. Casting my eyes upward, I can practically hear Jed’s voice in my head saying, I could say I told you so, but…

  “And you’d have every right.” Opening the car, I slide behind the wheel. A quick glance back at the house has my heart quickening when I see the curtains drop back in place. Kevin? Or—my pulse thrums madly—Kara?

  Starting the engine, I pull away from the curb. I need to get some rest so I can show the two people who are becoming my heart where my soul lives.

  In the sky.

  Kara

  “Did you ever really get over what you felt for Jennings?” Maris asks me.

  I just told her about the kiss and my reaction to it. I feel my cheeks warm again when I recall how I lost myself in Jennings’s arms. “I tried,” I defend myself.

  “Tried,” Maris scoffs, before she pours more wine in my glass. “Care to elaborate?”

  “Well”—I draw out the word—“there was Linus.”

  “Ah, Jed’s bartender.” Maris shakes her head. “I knew he wouldn’t last.”

  I glug back some wine. “Why not?” I demand. The hot former Navy cook made for some interesting nights after shifts I’d picked up during summers to put money toward Kevin’s college education.

  “You kept saying he didn’t smell right. Too much grease from the restaurant. Next?”

  “Quincy.” But even I cringe a little saying his name, knowing what’s coming.

  And Maris doesn’t disappoint me. “I still don’t understand how you said his name in bed. Did you ever shorten it? ‘Oh, Quince, Quince,’” she gasps.

  “Jesus,” I sputter. “That’s new.”

  A wicked smile crosses her face before she takes a sip of her own drink. Putting it aside, she reaches across the counter to grip my hand. “Honestly, honey, of all the men you half-heartedly dated over the years, I truly only think you gave one a chance. What truly happened?”

  I think back to the eighteen months I was together with Tony. And, yes, he could have made me happy if I was just a me. But— “He didn’t want Kevin. And the longer we went on, the more obvious it became,” I admit as I twiddle with the stem of my glass.

  Maris rears back. “You never told me that. I mean, didn’t he propose?”

  I nod. “That was the night I ended it.” My face takes on a faraway look in the dim light shining from the family area. “He’d taken me to his place to do it. There were flowers strewn everywhere, but God, Maris, all these years later, I still can’t forget the look on his face. Before I gave him my answer, I mentioned changing the guest bedroom into Kevin’s room. He recoiled, like I’d just said he had two heads.”

  “Or told the truth about how small his dick was,” Maris growls.

  “Or that,” I agree. “It was like all the blinders slid off. It was clear on paper we worked—two teachers with promising careers. But I had a stigma attached to me that he wanted nothing to do with. He stood up in what should have been this romantic moment and explained he thought I would transfer custody of my son to my brother, who was ‘doing the job anyway.’” I air quote the last, disgust lacing every word.

  Maris slides her wine farther away and reaches for the tequila she keeps in a decanter. Pouring us each a shot, she mutters, “I can’t believe you didn’t tell me this.”

  I shrug. “Why would I? I’m the one who ended it. Besides, your dad passed not long after. You had other things to be concerned with.”

  “So you carried this load of crap for all these years?”

  “It wasn’t so much a burden as it was a slap in the face,” I admit. I take my shot and shake my head at the quiver that floods my body from the burn hitting my stomach as it spirals out through my veins. “I never realized what scars I carried from what my parents did to me and Dean, Mar. I mean, how could you virtually disown your children for being human? For being gay? For having a baby out of wedlock? It took me close to ten years for me to trust that side of myself again to accept a date, and that was a single night out with one of Dean’s friends.”

  “I remember you calling me in tears that night,” she murmurs. “You’d just come back from the salon and cut your hair.”

  “You have no idea how much I cried before I made that call,” I confess. “I kept trying to make lists of ways to back out.”

  “Why?”

  “Because I was terrified. All I could think of was I was opening myself—and potentially Kevin—to someone who would let us down in the same manner my parents did. And maybe my judgment was right after all.” Pausing, I take another drink. “Putting Kevin first in my life was never in doubt, so I don’t regret turning down Tony two years ago. What it leaves me with is maybe I should have listened to your brother, knowing I owe Jennings an apology, but damnit.” I dash tears from my eyes. “I had reasons to be concerned about opening myself up too easily. I still do. Should I throw them all away? Where would we be now if I didn’t?”

  Maris downs her shot. “I don’t know. I can’t answer that. All I can do is ask you this: What did kissing John Jennings make you feel again?” She pours another into my glass.

  I stare at the clear liquid before I lift it to my lips. “You’re a mean friend,” I tell her.

  “Why?”

  “Because you know this shit is like a truth serum,” I accuse before downing it. I wipe the back of my mouth with my hand. “Ugh, tell me you have Tums.”

  “Loads.”

  “Thank Christ for that.”

  “You realize you’re avoiding the question,” she nudges gently.

  “I’m not avoiding it as much as I’m looking for an alternative theory to solve the problem,” I declare as I plunk the shot glass down on the shiny wood grain.

  Maris tilts her head. “What problem?”

  “The fact feeling anything for this man could fling me as high as the sky before sending me crashing to the ground.”

  “So, you did feel something,” she says slowly.

  “He noticed I wasn’t wearing my grandmother’s bracelet, Maris. The first time we spoke,” I whisper. “He was infuriated by it. Ever since, he’s been worried, anxious, interesting, and intriguing. I think what I’m feeling is terrified.”

  Maris’s head drops. “God, Kara.”

  “I know. So much has changed about him; I don’t know how to process it despite the feelings I had for him then.” I inhale sharply. Then I admit to her something I’ve only told Dean in letters late at night. “Would we have made it past that summer? God, we were so young. It was a hard truth I came to accept before I was able to put Jennings aside to move on with my life. And I can’t say my life hasn’t been a good one. It’s just been unexpected.”

  Maris doesn’t say anything, she just lets me continue. “Logically, my mind is telling me it would be a potential tragedy to feel something for Jennings again so quickly,” I admit. “Even after tonight, spending time with just him, I’m setting up the perfect scenario for an epic disaster.”

  “So, it’s better to have nothing when you have the possibility of everything?”

  “I could be devastated and be left alone to cope. Again,” I emphasize before Maris can argue.

  “Or you can be the explorer you
shut down inside years ago,” she counters.

  I’m startled into a reply. “What?”

  “I agreed with your decision all these years, kept promises because I understood your pain and your logic. I lived through the fear you endured by your side, and look what you have—a son you raised brilliantly.” Tears well in my eyes at her words. Maris goes on. “All the stories I heard from Jed’s reunions with the guys indicated the John Jennings I knew from before was the man he was today. I suspect now, that was just guy talk because after listening to all of this?” She lifts the bottle and drinks quickly. Wiping her mouth after swallowing, she whispers, “He remembered your bracelet.”

  A sting hits my eyes, but I’m exhausted of emotions right now. “I know. And it’s sweet, but…”

  “But think on this,” she interrupts. “Do you ever remember Jennings being sweet? Patient? Considerate?”

  I close my eyes before admitting, “He’s been nothing but since the day by Jed’s graveside.”

  Maris smacks her hand on the countertop to emphasize her point.

  “But that could just be because of Kevin,” I protest weakly.

  Maris pours herself another shot and tosses it back before an edgy smile tips up her lips. “When you’re lying in bed overanalyzing this tonight, ask yourself if he was thinking about his son when he kissed you.” Then she turns and walks away.

  “Rude!” I yell after her.

  “But you love me anyway” is her only reply as she climbs the stairs. Soon she’s out of sight, and I’m left with nothing but my own thoughts.

  And due to the tequila truth serum, there is nothing blocking them.

  Jennings

  We taxi down the runway in the early morning light. I pull back on the wheel in front of me, Kara’s gasp almost drowned out by Kevin’s war whoop, and my insides settle for the first time since I saw them both standing at Jed’s service. “Are you ready?”

  “Isn’t it a little late to ask that?” Kara squeaks.

  Checking the panel, I see everything is perfect. Holding the stick with one hand, I reach over and cover Kara’s balled hands. “Everything is going to be fine,” I assure her.

  “Christ, Jennings! Put both hands back on the wheel!”

  Kevin laughs from the back. “I hear that a lot too, Jennings.”

  Not wanting to antagonize Kara further, I comply. “Oh?” I direct the question to my son.

  “Yep. Mom decided I was mature enough to start learning to drive,” Kevin explains. “Only around the parking lot in our complex though.”

  “And what do I have to say all the time?” Before Kevin can answer, Kara moans, “Ten and two. That’s where you put your hands, honey.”

  If Kara is up to razzing our son, then she’s definitely up for some teasing of her own. Flipping a switch so Kevin can’t hear us, I ask, “But Kara, this isn’t a traditional wheel. Where should I keep mine?”

  Forcing her to pry open her eyes, she uses them to shoot daggers at me. “You know where they’re supposed to be, John Jennings.” My smirk turns into a full-blown smile when she tacks on softly, “And where they shouldn’t be.”

  Casually, I remind her, “And aren’t you very glad I know exactly what to do with my hands, Kara?” Darting a quick glance over my shoulder to make certain Kevin’s occupied, I tease, “Otherwise we might not have a chaperone on this little adventure.”

  But Kara Malone is many things, and lightning quick is one of them. “Jennings, if it wasn’t for that ‘chaperone,’ what reason would I have for being in this plane?” Satisfied by her response, she crosses her arms and looks out the windows.

  Fury with myself for pushing her too fast keeps me silent as we soar higher into the lightening sky. But I know I have to address her comment. “A number of them,” I manage to get out in between clenched teeth.

  A snort is her only response. It makes my lips twitch. “God, Kara, how can a man look at you and not be utterly beguiled?”

  “Beguiled is an interesting choice of word,” she muses. “One I never listed when I tried to think of what you thought of me.”

  Thinking we might be getting somewhere, I ask, “What words did you list?”

  “Namely, that I was contrary and boring.” Shocked, I whip my head around to find hers pressed hard back against the seat while I struggle with the need to put the plane on autopilot to show her how wrong she is about her own self-assessment. “In the end, what matters is respect, Jennings. We have to build the foundation of co-parenting for Kevin based on that.”

  Focusing on turning the plane, I contemplate her words for long moments. Nothing but the faint hum of the propellers and the static through our headsets can be heard.

  Finally, just as she inhales to speak, I hiss, “Other than the last thing you said, the rest was utter and complete crap. Even the Kara I knew back in the day valued herself more than to spout such nonsense from her mouth. So tell me, what asshole did you date after me who made you feel less than the confident, brilliant woman I know you are?”

  Her “Excuse me?” comes through the headset faintly, and I know it has nothing to do with the gear.

  “You heard me.”

  “I did, I just can’t believe you said it.”

  “Why?” I’m genuinely confused.

  Her head rolls my way. On her face, I find fatigue and tolerance. “You look like you’re about to give me a teacher-to-student lecture.” I smile.

  Her lips don’t even twitch. “Maybe because I am?”

  “About?”

  “About restraint,” she says seriously. “Jennings, I’m not going to lie to you and say I’m not flattered by the fact you’re attracted to me after all these years.”

  But before I can interrupt her, she continues on. “But I’ve been thinking about it most of the night. What I won’t have is Kevin confused by his parents’ relationship. He has the rest of the summer with both of us to understand mistakes were made on both sides and we’re working to make them right for him. For him, Jennings. I’m not looking for an affair.”

  I’m breathing hard when Kara finishes. “Is that what you think this is?” I demand.

  “What else could it be? I’m just me—a single mother who’s on the brink of losing the one thing she gave up everything for.”

  “You’re not going to lose Kevin to me,” I say roughly.

  “I know. But time isn’t as kind as you are being,” she reminds me gently. “Soon he’ll be leaving home and—”

  And before she can say another word, Kevin’s frantically tapping me on the shoulder. Flipping the controls so I can hear him, I say, “What is it, son?” relishing the emotion of using that word.

  That’s when it hits me. I’m feeling all of these emotions for the first time, and Kara’s starting to go through the process of letting him become the man she raised, not only to allow me into his life but to leave her behind. But excitement overtakes the man arising inside the boy when he points out the window and calls through his headset, “Mom, have you ever seen anything so beautiful?”

  The mix of sun and clouds leaves the morning sunrise a blend of orange breaking through the lilac sky. Plenty of artists have tried to capture the beauty in paint and photographs. Many have even tried in words. Amazing how it’s the woman beside me who does it justice when she shifts slightly, reaches her hand out to our son, and says, “Just once. The minute they laid you in my arms for the first time.”

  And it’s in that moment, in the early-morning air where everything is still but the pounding of my heart, I realize Jed didn’t just give me a wake-up call by dying. He saved my life by putting it right in front of the woman who’s trying to deny she needs me in hers.

  Keeping silent, I listen to Kevin and Kara discuss what it takes to form a sunrise so beautiful. I’m amused when Kara whispers reverently about scattering. “It’s when particles too tiny to see change the direction light travels, sweetheart. Look at what happens.”

  “Have you ever seen it before?” Kevin’s v
oice is solemn.

  “Never from a vantage point like this.” Shifting in her seat, Kara’s face is filled with astonishment. “Is this what you feel every time you’re in the sky?”

  “No.” Her brows draw down to a V before I continue. “Each flight shows me there’s more to be found in the air. Just when I thought I experienced it all, I find something else. I thought before I had it all, but I was wrong.” Adjusting our course slightly so the sun doesn’t blast us directly through the windshield, I murmur, “And I’m just glad Jed realized it.”

  Kara’s prevented from saying anything when Kevin yells, “Mom! Look! Isn’t that the glacier?”

  “No, it’s a glacier, but it’s not Mendenhall. At least I don’t think so? Ask your father; he’s the one whose second home is up here in the air.” Kara’s smile and words offer me a tentative truce, but I don’t want one.

  I want the passion and power I know live in her so I have a shot at her heart. I follow the river for a moment before answering, “No, that’s not Mendenhall, Kevin.” I hope he doesn’t ask me to fly there. I have other plans for visiting the glacier in the air. Instead, I turn us farther west.

  I may seem like I’m just flying, being in the air, but the reality is I’m putting my soul on display for the two people who are quickly becoming everything. I need for them to understand who I am while I’m up here. So, for the next hour, I answer question after question about the plane and about flying.

  And not just from Kevin.

  Kara

  “That landing reminds me of when Kevin used to when he’d play flight simulator: smooth and easy,” I admit bashfully. “Not like me; I’d just crash the thing into the ground for the fun of it.”