Just as we reach the entrance, Kevin asks me, “Would—do you think it’d be a problem if we went to visit Uncle Jed and Uncle Dean?”
After stepping outside, I feel the warmth of the summer sky beat down on us. “You know what, son? I think that’s a great place to start.”
“I’ve got a lot I want to tell them,” he tells me as we make our way to the car.”
So do I, but I don’t share that. I just blip the remote control to unlock the car. But over the hood, I exchange a smile with my son.
My son who just called me Dad for the first time.
“Maybe we’ll pick up something on the way home so your mother doesn’t have to cook tonight,” I decide as I slide into the driver’s seat.
Kevin gets in next to me. “That’s a good idea, Dad. She deserves a night off.”
She deserves the world, but I don’t share that either. Instead, I start the car and drive off toward downtown Juneau.
Hours later, I pull into the Smiths’. The minute I do, Kara bursts from the front door as if she’s been waiting for us.
Kevin leaps from the barely stopped vehicle. “Hey, Mom! We hope you didn’t cook.”
“I got your texts. I take it you had a good day?” She slips an arm around his waist, but she shoots a quizzical glance at me as I alight from the vehicle.
“I had a great day,” Kevin confirms. He plunks a kiss on her head. “Hey, Dad? Pop the trunk and I’ll grab the bags.” Kara’s eyes widen when she hears Kevin call me the “D” word, but she doesn’t say anything.
I hit the button on the remote. “Thanks, son.”
“No problem. Mom, I want to call Dr. Alafagonis, okay?” Kevin’s already walking toward the front door at a fast clip.
“Sure, sweetheart,” she calls faintly. There’s only a few feet separating us, but I’m worried it could be insurmountable. That is until the door slams and she’s practically leaping into my arms, staggering me back a foot.
“I don’t want to know a single thing about what happened today,” she declares.
“Wh-what?” And here I thought I’d have to answer a million questions.
“I know everything I need to, Jennings.” She pulls back. I growl, which makes her laugh. Lifting her fingers, Kara ticks off her observations. “My son came home with a smile on his face and no pain in his eyes for the first time in months. He’s voluntarily calling his therapist. And he called you Dad.” She drops her hand to slam against me again. “Whatever you did, keep doing it…Dad.”
Racing out of my arms, she hurries after Kevin, yelling, “What did you guys buy for dinner? It’d better not be crap cheeseburgers.”
I’m frozen in place as the entire day flashes in front of me. Kevin and I visited Jed and Dean. Then we walked along the water and saw the cruise ships up close. We talked about my time in Ketchikan and growing up on a farm, how much he liked living in Florida. Despite her worries, it turns out my son can’t wait for swim season to start. I open my mouth to tell Kara all of that, but she’s already inside. Since the windows are open, I can hear her laughter through them.
It’s a gift. They both are.
And I’m going to be forever grateful I was loved enough by a lost brother that he fought to rearrange my life for me so I recognized it.
Shaking myself out of my stupor, I yell through the window, “We didn’t get you a cheeseburger.”
“What did you get me?” Kara calls.
“Your son wanted Subway. Again,” I bemoan as I climb the front stoop.
When I open the door, mother and son are both grinning at me. “Why is he my son when he wants Subway?” Kara demands.
“Because I wanted to go to Rainbow Foods and get his mother more brie and prosciutto?” I stroll right up to her and plant a kiss on her lips.
Kevin makes a gagging sound the moment our lips touch. It’s a perfect moment I’ll treasure for the rest of my life.
Pulling away a few seconds later, Kara regains her composure enough to declare, “You can blame Dean for that. He’s the one who treated him to fast food when he was a toddler.”
I throw my head back and laugh as I say aloud, “Thanks, Dean. Appreciate it.”
And I don’t just mean my son’s food preference.
Kara
After Jennings left that night, I pulled out my laptop. I’ve been so busy living, emailing my brother has completely slipped my mind. Is that a good thing or a bad thing, I wonder as I pull up the email application.
But after today, I need to. There’s some very important things he needs to understand as Kevin, Jennings, and I figure out a new future.
And it’s that, no matter what, Kevin and I will never forget the past.
Without hesitation, I write.
Dear Dean.
I’m not as haunted as I was when I first boarded the plane for Alaska, but I’m sure you know that wherever you are. Jennings and I have reconnected in a way I’m sure Jed would be saying “I told you so” to, so if you could try to keep his gloating to a minimum, it would be appreciated.
Right after you give him a big sloppy kiss from me.
At first, it was difficult. You know more than anyone how broken I was as a result of our parents actions. I was devastated when they disowned you, but then when they did the same to me, to my unborn child? I was never the same.
Even before that, let’s be honest, you were always so much more outgoing than I was. But to open myself up to people after that kind of a betrayal took a near Herculean effort. I’m not going to lie, it was easier to cocoon myself, to remain in stasis. And keeping Jennings on the periphery was a part of that, I guess. But the minute I saw him again, that all began to change. I think you got the idea from my other letters. The more and more I saw him with Kevin, and the more I began to understand the man he is, the wrapping I’ve held around me has slowly begun to fall away.
I’m falling in love with him.
I’d be lying if I didn’t admit I wasn’t terrified because I am. Not just for me, but for Kevin. Today, he had a major breakthrough; he called Jennings ‘Dad.’ God, I’m sorry. I don’t mean to take away from everything you and Jed gave him because you were the best dads a kid could ask for.
Did I tell you that often enough? I know I told you I love you. I just hope I told you it enough.
So, my fear is awaiting the unknown. Then again, don’t we all fear that in some way? Kevin did, and he still took that chance with his father. Maybe I should learn from his experience and let the future take care of itself as it pertains to Jennings.
I wish you had a way of answering me back. I’d love to hear you one more time. You stood by me the way no one else ever has. And I miss you with every cell in my body.
Kara.
Pressing Send, I close out of the application and shut down my computer. Just then a text comes in.
How about a hike with Kevin up Mount Roberts tomorrow? Then we can grab some crab after? It’s Jennings.
My lips curve. That sounds perfect. I’ll ping you after I’ve prodded the teenage beast.
A few dots, then: Sleep well, little Owl.
You too, Ace. See you tomorrow.
And clutching my phone, I whisper, “I look forward to it,” before I make my way out of the kitchen, shutting off lights along the way.
Kara
After that day, things irrevocably changed between all of us. Jennings wasn’t simply becoming a part of our lives, he was in them. And all of us shined brighter than the Northern Lights as a result.
With every moment, we began to heal our hearts and our pasts with new memories. Jennings made certain to open up to Kevin about his childhood, creating a bond between father and son that I think healed any remaining uncertainty in Kevin about what he should feel about his newfound parent.
As we’re flying to Skagway for a day trip, Kevin brings up my favorite topic: Jennings’s days as a Lumberjack. “So, Dad, now that I’ve seen the show, tell the truth. Was your only job really to attract the tourists by
looking good?”
Jennings sputters into his microphone. “Jesus, Kara. What kind of nonsense have you been filling our son’s head with?”
“Why, I told him about your impressive log-rolling capability,” I say sweetly. Jennings cuts me off with a groan.
“Son, no matter what your mom or Maris says, it was a lot harder than it looked.”
Kevin does his best to hide his snicker. “Uh-huh. Did they trust you with the power saw?”
Jennings shoots me a baleful glance. “No, they let Kody and Nick play with those.”
“Let me tell you the real story behind the Lumberjacks,” I say with relish. Seconds after, I’m squirming in my seat shrieking, “Ten and two, Jennings!”
“Your opinion on what my ‘duties’ were as a Lumberjack are skewed at best, Owl,” he jokes even as he ruffles my hair.
I harrumph, but at least he’s not tickling me.
“Why do you call Mom, Owl, Dad?” Kevin asks suddenly.
Jennings stills, before his hand slides over my hair. “That’s because she used to be so focused on what she was doing or the people she was talking with, she’d have the stillness of an owl before it took flight. That and owls notoriously are a symbol of wisdom. And as we’ve talked about, your mom was, and is, the smartest person I know.”
“Except Jed. I think he was smarter than all of us,” I murmur, leaning into Jennings’s hand.
“He was wise,” Jennings agrees. “But I’d still put you ahead.”
“With Uncle Jed a close second,” Kevin pipes up.
Jennings reaches back and slaps his hand against Kevin’s. “Exactly that. But back to the topic at hand, one thing your mother is not an expert on is the Lumberjack Show.” Jennings’s voice carries a note of haughtiness.
I cover my microphone to muffle my laughter. “Right. As if spending the summer in intensive study of all of you wouldn’t make me an expert,” I retort.
“Who were you studying other than me?” Jennings demands.
I shrug. “Listen, Brad was completely Rainey’s, but still, he was Team USA. So was Kody, for that matter.” Faking a yawn, I add, “It’s hard to root for a rival country.”
Suddenly the plane hits a little turbulence. I sit up straight. “What was that?” I screech.
“Just demonstrating to our son some of the talents of Team Canada,” Jennings says.
I open and close my mouth several times before I decide to up the ante. Twisting in my seat, I singsong, “Maris has video at the house.”
“Crap,” Jennings mutters as Kevin hoots and hollers.
“Now which parent do you think he’s going to believe? What have I always told you, sweetheart?” I address our son.
“Don’t make any claims you can’t back up with fact,” he parrots dutifully. Then excitement gets to him. “Can we watch it when we get home?”
“We may camp out in Skagway. Permanently,” Jennings mutters, as he breaks away from our conversation to speak with the tower. Soon, we’re banking to approach.
I turn around but lay a hand on his thigh. Taking his focus away for just a moment, he sends me a smile I’ll never forget. It’s a smile that sears itself onto my heart.
And I know it’s not the landing on the short runway that has my heart pounding inside my chest. It’s knowing I am too, despite whatever obstacles we have to work through this time to keep us together.
Sometimes, a place exists in the world where you feel you could stay forever and you’d never want for anything. Walking hand in hand with Jennings, with Kevin laughing next to us, I realize that place is Skagway, Alaska. Nestled at the base of steep canyon walls, there’s still an excitement that remains within the remnants of this former gold rush town.
Perfectly preserved, I feel like Skagway gives me the hope for the impossible as we wander through the streets up and down the main tourist area. Old and new are woven together seamlessly, preserving the best of the past while moving the tiny town into the future to ensure its existence. Skagway illustrates my fears about Jennings in more ways than one—flooded with love during the summer before the fear of winter months settles in.
Even as I pray with all of my might, Jennings squeezes my hand. I look over and find him intently watching me. “Where did you go?” he asks me quietly.
“Not far,” I tell him honestly. The last place I want to be is far from his side.
Checking over his shoulder to see Kevin is engrossed with reading, he faces me. “Stop worrying. We’re together. Feel this?” He captures my hand and presses it against the thermal he’s wearing against the cooler weather. “Irrevocably, it’s changed. That’s because of the two of you.”
Leaving my hand there, I voice my biggest worry out loud. “How do I survive if you have regrets—”
“Stop.” His voice lashes at me in anger.
Dragging my hand down his chest, I whisper, “It wouldn’t be the first time.” The wind is whipping around us, so I’m certain he can’t hear.
I start to pull away, but his arms tighten. “How do I get you to see I’m not the other people who have let you down?”
But I don’t get a chance to answer when Kevin comes running up to us. “Mom, Dad! Did you know people used to come through here as part of the gold rush?”
I move out of Jennings arms, not answering him. Turning to our son, I listen to everything he has to tell me about the almost forgotten town that resonates so deeply with me.
After a few minutes, Jennings joins us. “Did you both realize that’s not a train? It’s a snow plow?” He points to the old steam engine with a cone on the front. His voice is calm as if we hadn’t just had words, and I let out a sigh of relief.
“Cool! I’m going to check it out.” Kevin dashes off.
I shake my head over his exuberance. “If only half of my students were as enthusiastic as him,” I laugh.
“He must get it naturally from his parents,” Jennings says smoothly, right before he yanks me toward him.
Eyes smoldering, he lowers his head, pressing his cold lips to mine. His hand shifts to the back of my neck, tipping it back. My mouth opens on a gasp. Then his tongue slips inside for a taste, sweeping through slow and sweet. My mind wants to fight, telling me he’s just staking his claim, but my heart? Oh, my heart knows better.
Jennings is telling me I’m his and he’s mine and he doesn’t plan on letting go now or later.
Breaking our kiss, he lifts his head and then declares, “I’m not going to disappear, Owl. Not if you hold on to me. And if it’s within my power, I’ll give everything to you.” Letting me go, he calls out to Kevin that we should get moving if they want to see the next item recommended by the guide.
I open my mouth and close it several times because I have no comeback. All I can do is follow them down Broadway to the next stop on the map.
Just before lunch, we wander into a small antiques store. Jennings and Kevin get absorbed by the totems and swords on display. While they’re entertained, I wander over to a basket full of smooth jade stones. Quickly reading the dark green stones are the Alaskan state gem and intrigued by the alternative healing powers it claims to supply, I pluck out a few, deciding to bring them back to the girls. “If nothing else, they’ll think I’ve lost my sanity believing holistic medicine over science,” I murmur, clenching my fist. But as I turn, my eye catches on something in the case. My heart pounds in my chest as I approach the shiny trinket.
“No,” I whisper. “It can’t be.”
But when I approach, I’m swamped by disappointment realizing it’s not my grandmother’s bracelet with the pear-shaped sapphire stones in the display case but one where the stones are round. I know in my heart, it’s lost to me—like Dean is. If I’d been alone, I’d be emotionally devastated coming to that conclusion. Instead, I squeeze the jades with all my might as Jennings pulls a bear hat on over his head just as Kevin slips a fox cap over his, and I feel a sense of calm wash over me.
To have these two men in my life was wor
th any price.
Swiping up my stones, I make my way over to the register. When the cashier smiles at me, I ask, “So, tell me the best place you recommend for lunch that can accommodate a teenager and two adults?”
“You have to go to the Skagway Brewing Company. Do you like salmon?”
I nod. “Love it.”
“Then make sure you get their Sesame Salmon salad. I’ve been all over the world and I still can’t get it to taste quite like that.” Ringing up my purchase, the older woman says, “That will be $22.50.”
Handing over my card, I quickly sign the bill before gathering my guys for the next part of our adventure.
“God, Mom, tell me Uncle Dean saw this.” Kevin’s roaring with laughter over Jed directing his friends about the small stage area in Ketchikan in a half-done-up pair of overalls. Kevin pauses the video on a close-up showing Jed’s normally wild hair even more outrageous and his smile as wide as the Alaskan sky.
“He did,” Maris confirms. “It was my duty as his sister-in-law to show it to him.”
“I mean, it was one thing to see the show live, but to see Dad and Uncle Jed in it? That takes it to a whole new level.” Kevin’s voice is wondrous.
Jennings has a smug smile on his face that quickly evaporates when Kevin asks, “So, I know you said you wore protective gear, but we’re all family, Dad. Tell the truth: how many times did you actually incapacitate yourself on the log?”
I fall out of my chair howling. Maris isn’t much better, shrieking, “Channel your pain, Kara!” which just sets me off more.
“It wasn’t that funny,” Jennings grunts, shifting in his chair.
Maris and I can’t stop laughing to explain. Kevin’s grin gets wider as enlightenment occurs. “Now the story makes sense.” He laughs along with us, leaving Jennings bewildered.
Return by Air (Glacier Adventure Series Book 1) Page 23