Journey to the Unknown

by Jacqueline Francis

  “Are you sure?”

  Conquering one small fear. Having control of one small thing. Taking one small step forward. “Yeah,” he replied with a smile.

  They drove to a motel a few miles outside of town and they spoke all night, exchanging stories about what happened over the last few days. He told her about Momma B and Clayton. She told him she’d patched things up with her father and the whole sordid past of her mother. Repairing broken relationships seemed to be a primary focus for them and it gave him hope that theirs could be saved too. He told her what happened with Claire and she told him the truth about Dalton. Although it grinded his nerves raw, he accepted it as a consequence of his actions.

  When they climbed into bed, he decided it was time to finally open the box. Inside it he found a Ken doll, which he assumed represented Dean, and a rubber spider. Sitting up against the headboard, he took out a keychain that had a small plastic penis attached to it.

  “What’s this?” he asked.

  “That’s the actual size of your penis,” she replied with a giggle. “The theoretical size of mine couldn’t fit in the box.”

  He laughed and continued sifting through it. He saw a snowflake similar to the ones they’d hung up on the Christmas tree, a CD of Michael Bolton’s greatest hits. There were some other trinkets that he didn’t pay much attention to. What intrigued him was a piece of paper right at the bottom of the box. It was her list of objectives for the road trip and there was a tick next to number six: No matter what, no regrets.

  Just below it, she wrote a message for him:

  Dear Kevin

  You were the rock during my storm. Strong enough to hold me up. Heavy enough to bring me down. You are a paradox, a walking contradiction to everything I thought I knew. You taught me that falling for someone means I have to abandon all reason because what I feel for you defies logic.

  We are both imperfect, but it is within those imperfections that we found a way to understand each other. You saw all my flaws and accepted me in spite of them. I see everything good and bad in you and love you regardless. You gave me a lifetime worth of memories in just one month and I will carry them with me forever to remind me that once upon a time I met a boy who changed my life.

  This box is my way of giving you the same thing, a collection of all our moments of imperfect bliss.

  Same gift, different package.

  He folded the piece of paper and after placing it back in the box, he looked down at her. “So you were gonna leave this on my doorstep and disappear?”

  “I just wanted you to know how I feel…and it was my way of letting go.”

  He was glad that he’d chased after her, because reading that after she left would have killed him. “I should’ve called you. I wanted to every day, but I just…” He threw his head back, frustrated that he still seemed to be making the wrong choices. “I should’ve called.” He scooted down until he was lying next to her and pulled her into his arms. “I’ve made a royal mess of this, but I’ll do it right this time. We’ll do it right this time.”

  “We will,” she assured him.

  She snuggled up against his chest and he gently ran his hand through her short hair. It wasn’t the same. He couldn’t even twirl it around his fingers anymore.

  “I can’t believe you butchered it,” he complained.

  “Oh, get over it. It will grow back.”

  “Your hair was your only saving grace. Now you look exactly like a twelve-year old boy.”

  She pressed her body against his and he held back a groan. “Well, you must have some sick kind of fetish, because this twelve-year old boy got your dick on H again, Kevin.”

  He couldn’t deny it, so he simply smiled. He wanted to reclaim every part of her. His hands were itching to slide beneath her shirt and he had to bite his lip to stop his mouth from wreaking havoc on her body. But he couldn’t do anything because they’d agreed to just be friends. Yeah, sharing a bed with her was really not a good idea.

  She obviously noticed because a naughty giggle escaped her. “God, you are dying to fuck me right now.”

  “With my penis,” he confirmed with a nod.

  Her giggles turned into outright laughter and that brought the laughter out of him too. He pulled her closer and kissed her forehead. “I really do love you, Jasmin.”

  “I know. It doesn’t take a genius to figure that out.”

  “Tomorrow…can you not wake up at the crack of dawn? I just wanna know what it feels like to wake up next to you.”

  She smiled. “Okay.”

  She held onto him and her eyes began to drift closed. This felt different to how it had been on the road trip. She was going to leave the next day and yet it didn’t feel like so many of their last days together. In fact, it felt like their first.

  December, 26

  Great Falls, Montana

  Kevin arrived back at home at eight o’ clock in the morning. Waking up beside Jasmin was something he’d wanted to hold on to for as long as possible and he’d only managed to pry himself out of bed twenty minutes ago. As soon as he opened the front door, he heard Jordan screaming for his mother like the house was on fire. There was enthusiastic chitter-chatter, but he couldn’t make out one word. He walked to the living room where he found his mother crying and Jordan looking like she was going to burst from excitement. Max and Danny were in there too. Danny had a big, bright smile on her face, but Max seemed a little annoyed. It was a very confusing situation.

  “What’s all the commotion?” Kevin asked and all of them turned to face him at once.

  “Where are you coming from at this hour?” Jordan asked and she seemed to be taking note of the fact that he was in the same clothes as the day before.

  He shrugged. “I went out last night,” he replied, keeping his voice neutral so she wouldn’t ask more questions.

  “Max and Danny got engaged,” his mother said as happy tears rolled down her cheeks.

  There was a brief moment of shock. He’d only found out yesterday that they were together and now they were engaged? He really needed to take a more active interest in the lives of his siblings.

  “Congratulations!” Kevin gave them both a hug. “So Danny finally got down on one knee.”

  “I proposed!” Max shouted. “Why does everyone keep saying that?”

  Kevin chuckled to himself, now understanding the look of annoyance he’d seen on his brother’s face when he’d walked in. Everyone had made the same assumption—Danny must have been the one to propose. And Kevin didn’t hesitate to tell him why that had been the obvious assumption. “Max, you are so slow when it comes to women. You’ve been in love with Danny since day one and it took you seven years to make a move. Actually, I don’t even think you made the first move. I can bet Danny kissed you first.”

  He should have put money on that bet because Danny’s shy giggle confirmed that he would have won.

  Max turned to face her with a smile. “You’re not helping,” he said with a groan. “If I’m getting this much flak from you guys, I can only imagine what Shane’s going to say when he finds out.” He turned back to Kevin. “Speaking of which. Are you coming skating with us today, Kev?”

  It was a tradition that Perry had always been a part of and it didn’t feel right to go without him. Also, he had other plans for today. “Nah, I’m gonna stay at home with mom.”

  It was over an hour later when Dom and Shane came to pick them up and as soon as they left, Kevin grabbed his phone and sent a text to Jasmin to tell her to come over.

  * * * * *

  Jasmin walked up the stairs leading to the porch and tapped lightly on the door. Kevin opened it almost immediately and greeted her with a wide smile. “Hi.”

  “Hi.”

  He stuffed his hands into his pockets and his nervousness told her that he’d never brought a girl home to meet his mother before. That was enough to cause a wave of girly tingles. He led her past a large dining room to an equally large kitchen, where his mother was busy mix
ing a batter.

  “Mom,” he said to get her attention, “there’s someone I want you to meet.” He placed his hand on her back and urged her to move forward to the island counter. “This is Jasmin.”

  Her eyes lit up and a huge smile stretched across her face. She looked like she’d never been happier to meet anyone in her entire life. Jasmin melted instantly and for a second—only a second—she wished her own mother could have looked at her like that.

  “Well, hello, Jasmin.”

  “Hello, Mrs. Shepard. It’s so nice to meet you.”

  She tsked. “Don’t be so formal. Call me Momma J.” Sadness flickered on her face. “Perry used to call me that. Or you could use Danny’s variation—she calls me Mommy Jess. I’m fine with either.”

  It was odd. Jasmin knew her for less than a minute and those few sentences already made her feel like she was part of the family. “Okay. Mommy Jess.” It was uncomfortable at first. She’d never used the word Mommy before, but the discomfort slowly transitioned into something different, a warm, fuzzy feeling.

  Kevin sat down on a stool and pushed out another one for her to do the same. She hopped up onto it and rested her forearms on the counter.

  “So how did you and my boy meet?”

  “At a gas station,” Jasmin replied with a giggle.

  “Mom, Jazz was the one who drove me to Florida”

  His mother eyed her with an unreadable expression. “So it was you?”

  Before Jasmin could make sense of that, the backdoor swung open and another woman walked into the kitchen.

  “Hi, Momma B.” Kevin stood up and greeted her with a kiss on the cheek. “So you’re probably wondering why I asked you to come over. I wanted you to meet Jasmin.”

  Her eyes lit up as well. “Is this your girlfriend?” she teased.

  “Not yet.” He looked over at Jasmin, his dimples sinking in. “But maybe one day.”

  More girly tingles. He did it so easily.

  “That’s if she can put up with your moods.” Momma B moved past him and gave her a quick hug. “Good luck, child. Lord knows, he acts like a teenage girl sometimes.”

  Jasmin giggled. “Screams like one too.”

  “It’s in the box,” Kevin mouthed from behind Momma B.

  Momma B sat down beside her, taking the stool Kevin had occupied. “Now where have I seen you before?”

  “She does look familiar, doesn’t she, Beatrice?”

  Kevin leaned over on the counter on the other side of her and nudged her gently with his shoulder, his small sign of encouragement.

  “I was on a talk show a couple months ago,” Jasmin admitted, albeit a little sheepishly.

  “Oh, that’s right,” Mommy Jess said with a nod. “You’re going to be researching all that environmental stuff. What you’re going to do is incredible. When we saw you, I remember telling Beatrice that you could be such a positive influence on the youth of today. You’re going to be doing presentations at major universities across the country. You, and everything you stand for, could be an inspiration for so many young women out there.”

  Jasmin had always seen her new job as just a job. A job she was going to love, a job she was passionate about, but still a job. They made her realize that it carried a lot more responsibility than she had initially anticipated. Listening to them made her excited to rise to the challenge. These two women had faith in her and she felt empowered to make a difference.

  “We are so proud of you and everything you’ve achieved,” Momma B added.

  That got her choked up. It was the words she longed to hear from her mother. “Thank you…I can’t tell you how much that means to me.”

  “Kevin, you better get your act together and marry this one,” Momma B said. “A girl like her isn’t going to wait around for you forever.”

  Jasmin laughed at her unabashed directness. “I already asked him to marry me in Vegas,” she said, giving him a teasing grin. “He turned me down.”

  His mother stopped beating her batter and glowered at him. “You turned her down?”

  “I even told him I’m a good cook,” Jasmin said, adding fuel to the fire. “And I’m also a phenomenal dancer.”

  “I’m disappointed.” She was still looking at Kevin as she shook her head playfully. “I feel like grounding you.”

  He laughed. “Mom, in my defense, I’ve never tasted her cooking and she can’t dance. That part’s a blatant lie.”

  “Okay, so maybe I’m not a phenomenal dancer, but I definitely have some moves.” She demonstrated this by showing off her Grease Lightning choreography.

  “That’s good enough for me,” his mother said before her eyes flicked back to him. “Kevin, you’re grounded.”

  Jasmin stuck out her tongue at him, giving a smug smile, and the small exchange didn’t escape Momma B’s eyes.

  “Oh, my Perry would’ve loved you.”

  Kevin tensed beside her and she eased her hand into his, squeezing it gently. He lifted her hand to his lips, giving it a quick kiss before he straightened. “I think I’m gonna give you ladies some girl time,” he said and exited the kitchen.

  They all knew the real reason why he left, but none of them protested. As soon as they heard his bedroom door close, Mommy Jess focused her eyes on Jasmin again.

  “I’m sorry.”

  Jasmin’s eyebrows creased in confusion. “For what?”

  “I misjudged you. There’s a log out back named Jasmin and it’s got a few nails in it. When I first saw it, I thought you broke his heart because he was so depressed all the time.”

  A few things fell into place when she heard that. She now understood why Kevin had said that there were holes left behind when he’d hurt her. She also understood the weird comment his mother made earlier when she’d said: So it was you.

  “But watching the two of you together…” Mommy Jess continued, “I haven’t seen him this happy in months and I don’t just owe you an apology. I owe you my gratitude as well.” She sighed and shook her head. “Ever since he was a little kid, he’s always had his guard up. I think it started because he was bullied and I was so overbearing, I only made it worse. He stopped talking about the things that hurt him and no matter how bad it got, he refused to cry. He just kept it in and tried to deal with it himself because he hates feeling helpless and weak. It has to come out somehow, though…hence the logs in the backyard. Perry was the only one who understood him and after he died, I thought he’d never be the same again. But he came back from that road trip completely different. He’s still hurting, but he doesn’t snap at me anymore. He’s trying so hard to get his life back on track. Just this morning he was talking to me about going back to college and I think a lot of these changes are because of you. I don’t know what it was, but you gave him something we couldn’t.”

  Momma B leaned over and placed her arm around Jasmin’s shoulder. “You brought him back to us.”

  Mommy Jess came around the counter and gave her a quick hug as well. “Those nails in your log tell me that he probably said some awful things to you. I don’t know what happened, I just hope you can find a way to forgive him.”

  “I forgive him,” Jasmin said. “I wouldn’t be here if I didn’t. I’m just…wary. I don’t know if I can trust him.”

  “Just take each day as it comes. If it’s meant to be, it will be.”

  Jasmin smiled at the sentiment. She still didn’t believe in the hogwash, and she wasn’t going to leave this in the hands of destiny; instead, she was going to leave it in the hands of time. Her entire relationship with Kevin had been a push and pull struggle and she was scared that he’d hurt her again. She’d come here for closure and now she had opened herself up to him again. But it was evident that he was willing to make some drastic changes. He’d made amends with Clayton and Momma B. He wanted to go back to college.

  But when it came to her personal relationship with Kevin, the most notable change was the fact that he apologized. It was something he’d never done before. And i
t wasn’t the apology itself that made her forgive him, it was because of what it meant. He’d told her before that sorry implied that he wouldn’t do it again. She didn’t know if she could trust those words, but she was willing to start at the beginning and see what their friendship evolved into. It was risky. She could end up heartbroken again, but she’d seen glimpses of what they could be like together and he was definitely worth the risk.

  * * * * *

  Kevin stopped outside the departures terminal and stuffed his hands in his pockets as he turned to face her. “So?”

  “So…”

  “I hope they went easy on you.”

  “They’re great. You are so lucky to have both of them in your life.”

  “It’s weird how it took meeting you to make me fully understand that. I won’t take them for granted again,” he said with a somewhat sheepish smile. Silence lingered after that and it was one of those awkward goodbye moments where both of them were stalling to delay the inevitable. “So?”

  “So…” She smiled. “You’ll call me tonight?”

  “I’ll call you every night.” He looked down for a moment, trying to collect his thoughts. “Hey, Jazz…we can make this work, right? I mean…I keep thinking that I destroyed everything and—”

  “You did.” She lifted her hand and gently stroked the stubble on his face. “But I think you needed to destroy everything…Now it gives us a chance to rebuild.”

  Her positivity had always been the quality he admired most about her. He exhaled a deep breath, a mixture of relief and new hope, and pulled her into his arms. He’d never been a fan of talking and he didn’t know when he would see her again, so he held her silently, choosing not to fill their last moments with tedious words.

  After a few minutes, she reluctantly pulled away. “I have to go. Let’s not say goodbye.”

  “It isn’t goodbye.”

  She nodded and with a heavy heart, he watched her lift her bags and walk towards the terminal. She’d only taken a few steps before she stopped and turned to face him.

  “Hey, Kevin.”