A Son for the Texas Cowboy

by Sinclair Jayne

  “And then we went to the AEBR and you were meeting with riders, and management before you even signed your contract. And I realized how much your life would change—the travel, the expectations, the exposure, the money, the risk…the women.”

  “Women wouldn’t have been an issue,” he said without missing a beat.

  “I know that. I probably knew it then, but I was thinking that the distance would be hard. I’d be studying and missing you and struggling to concentrate and maybe being a little jealous because I saw how many women would be around you at the events. And I wouldn’t have been able to be with you. I started thinking about finishing my microbiology and chemistry degree and then just…you know, following you on the tour.”

  Silence greeted this declaration.

  “You never once indicated that.”

  She felt her skin heat, and it took all her energy not to squirm.

  “I’ve spent years preparing myself to be independent. To take care of myself. And I was thinking about throwing that all away…for you.”

  She sucked in a breath. “That scared me. I felt like I was losing myself. That I would lose myself if I stayed. And then you would get bored and dump me, or cheat or… And I’d be lost again, struggling to right myself, the way I did every time my dad screwed up and we had to move again.”

  He was silent.

  “And I didn’t even know if you wanted to have me with you on the tour.”

  “I didn’t think it was an option,” he said slowly. “Never once. You were always so driven. I would never have asked you or wanted you to give up your dream for mine. Besides, mine was temporary—a few years at best. I knew that. Yours was a career.”

  “I know. I was driven and independent. But then I was driven by something else—you, my love for you, my desire to be with you, to make a life with you. And I know this is all past history and we need to let it go at some point, but I realized when you were walking away from me in the parking lot at the hotel that I had done that to you. I hadn’t given you a voice. I made a decision and declared that it was for the best. Maybe it was. But maybe it wasn’t. The point is, I didn’t let you be a part of that decision, and you didn’t let me be a part of this one.”

  *

  She closed the distance between them, not touching but close enough that he could smell her faint floral scent and an underlying womanly spice that had always made him hungry for her.

  “We have a past. I want a future. And I want a future that’s based on what we both want, not what we fear,” she said.

  He didn’t say anything for so long. She was laying herself bare, opening her heart. For him. Because she thought he couldn’t or wouldn’t. He would never deserve her. She could do so much better. Find a better man who could say all the words she deserved.

  But in addition to all his flaws, he was realizing he was incredibly selfish.

  “You terrify me, Cruz.”

  “Crazy brave, huh?”

  He stirred in his seat, sliding down a little, his legs wide, taking up space. He wanted her so badly, he ached. He felt like with every breath he drew, she was becoming a part of him. He could practically taste her. Still he struggled to save her, to do the right thing. “I can’t risk you.”

  “That’s not your call. Risk is everywhere. Look at that accident that reunited us. What if I move to Austin to work because you won’t give us a chance and my apartment blows up in a gas leak? What if I move to San Antonio because there’s no job in Austin and no point staying in Last Stand if you won’t take a chance on us and an addict jacked up on meth or a thousand other drugs storms the hospital and starts shooting up the place, and I get hit?”

  “Jesus, you have a vivid and bloody imagination.”

  “My point is, danger could be anywhere. It’s not just at the ranch. I know you feel that there are ghosts here, but that doesn’t have to be a bad thing. If there are ghosts, they are part of you, part of your history, your life. They are not your judge and jury.”

  She was treading too close to everything he dreaded.

  “What are you saying?” He closed his eyes briefly, wishing he was stronger. Knowing that every day with Cruz in it was better, lighter than any day without her.

  She held out her hand, palm up. “I know I was an indecisive coward when you showed me what you’d bought me before we broke up. I left it behind when I moved me and Diego to the hotel. I came back the next day, but you had left. And the box was gone. I want it back.”

  He finally looked at her. Silent for a long time. He could barely breathe.

  “Really?” he finally said.

  She swallowed hard, straightened her shoulders and tossed her hair over her shoulder. Axel found the tension, which was so heavy in his chest, eased.

  “Really.”

  “If we’re both making decisions, it seems presumptuous for me to have bought you something so important without letting you have a choice.”

  “I didn’t think of it that way.” Her gaze drifted down his body, and it was so hot. Her attention lingered on the opening of his jeans and no doubt his erection, which was partially exposed.

  He knew they should talk. He owed her that, but the temptation to fully unbutton and release himself was nearly unbearable. He wondered how she’d react if he stroked himself. Would she take over, take him to paradise and let him return the favor? He wanted to lose himself in her body, stop his racing mind and wash away the heaviness of the past few days.

  Her gaze tracked back to his face. “And if you’re teasing about what’s in that box, Axel, we’re gonna tangle.”

  He relaxed even further back in his chair.

  “Bring. It. On.”

  He might as well have tossed a match in a gas tank. Cruz’s eyes lit up with relief and desire. She kicked off her cowboy boots and shimmied out of her jeans.

  “Don’t think this gets you out of more talking later,” she warned.

  “Wouldn’t dare.”

  “Or giving me what’s in the box.”

  “It’s in the wall safe at the main house. We can go get it now.”

  “Don’t want to waste the time. I missed you.”

  “In bed.” His voice dropped lower, huskier.

  “And out,” she admitted.

  The sight of her in the lacy purple thong was something he was going to remember and cherish for the rest of his life. “Beautiful,” he growled in appreciation. “Keep those on.” He was going to buy her a pair of those in every color. “Lose the shirt.”

  Cruz peeled off her shirt.

  “Perfect,” he breathed. “Come to me.”

  *

  Cruz closed the distance between them, happiness and desire making her heart thump and her core slick. She was about to tug him out of the chair, but one large hand snaked out and circled her thigh and slid up, his knuckles brushing back and forth against her damp panties.

  She gasped and her eyes drifted shut.

  “Open your eyes. I want to watch you come.”

  “Axel,” she said breathlessly. Weren’t they supposed to be talking? She was letting sex derail her again. “I need…oooooh.” She shuddered as his thumb, through her panties, began playing with her clit.

  It felt so good. And he hadn’t even kissed her yet.

  “What do you need?” he asked.

  Him. Everything. Him inside her. “To know that we are okay,” she admitted.

  “Baby…” He pulled her a little closer and sat forward, blowing warm air on her moist mound through the panties. “Does this feel only okay?”

  “Axel!” She loved him like this, teasing. He was so often serious. When he was playful, she wanted to savor the moment, but she also wanted him to get down to business.

  His fingers slipped in her panties, but his thumb stayed outside, stroking, pressing, flicking her. Her legs wobbled and her breaths were pants.

  “Bed,” she suggested.

  “Later.”

  He stroked her glistening seam and then inserted one finger,
stroking her on the inside.

  She fell forward, bracing her hands on his shoulders. Why was he still wearing a shirt? Why hadn’t he kissed her yet? Why wasn’t he touching her breasts? Having all the sensations focused on her clit and her core was too intense. His burning gaze had never once left her face, and she was sobbing and thrusting against his hand and begging him…yes, begging him for more as he dragged her closer to the edge.

  She came fast and she came hard. But before her sheath stopped convulsing around his fingers, he slid them out. They were slick with her juices and he licked them, first one, then the other.

  Cruz watched, turned on but a little embarrassed. There was no holding back with Axel sexually. He’d always been intense and a bit raw during sex. He’d made her feel primitive in her desire, and even when he was slow and sweet, there had been something desperate in his passion. She wanted that again, craved it.

  “I love how you taste.”

  “My turn.” She tried to drop to her knees, her eyes on her prize, but he shook his head and kept her upright.

  “I’m hungry,” he said, and then his mouth was there, first through the scrap of lacy fabric, and then, he eased the thong down on her hips so he could get his mouth to her center.

  He nuzzled her, and murmured her name, over and over, the Z a hum that vibrated her over-sensitized clit. His tongue and teeth and lips quickly tipped her over the brink again and this time, Cruz used gravity to her advantage to fall on his lap. She pushed the fabric of his shirt down over his arms to get it out of her way, and then she grabbed his cock and pressed against it, lifting herself slowly up and down, getting it wet with her juices.

  “Condom,” he breathed, his hands in her hair as he drew her down so he could kiss her.

  “My jeans.”

  He stretched one leg out, and snagged her jeans with his toe.

  “Those are some seriously useful skills, Cowboy.” She smiled against his mouth as she plucked the condom from her front pocket.

  “I’ll show you some more later,” he promised. “And I applaud your confidence.”

  “I’m nothing if not optimistic.”

  “For you, I’m a pretty sure thing.” His smile was sweet, and she cradled his head in her arms while he kissed her breasts and cupped them with his rough hands. She shivered.

  “My turn.” She slid off his lap.

  “I need to be inside you,” he said. “Now.”

  The honesty of his need broke something open inside of her. She rolled her tongue over his salty tip and then opened the condom with her teeth and rolled it on with her mouth. She wanted more. She wanted him bare. But most of all, she just wanted him.

  “Okay.” She straddled him again and smiled. “Have it your way.”

  “I intend to.”

  She thought he’d be fast and intense, a sweaty ride that would leave them both breathless and hearts pounding. But instead he stroked her face with one hand while the other anchored on her hip to control the motion. She arched up, intending to capture him and plunge down.

  He kissed her mouth softly, his tongue stroking the seam of her lips much like he’d done earlier to her mound.

  “My way,” he reminded her.

  Cruz felt lost in the blue of his eyes, in the wonder of his expression. And then he slowly entered her, much as he had the first time they’d ever been together, when she’d told him a little shyly that she had never been with anyone before. He’d been so sweet and gentle that she’d shed a few tears, amazed at the beauty of making love.

  Tonight, having him move inside her, controlling the speed and the depth and the angle, filled her with a sense of bliss that she’d thought gone forever.

  “I love you,” she confessed. “I always loved you. Even after the end, I kept loving you.” She never took her gaze from his. “I stopped telling you because I thought it made you uncomfortable.”

  “It didn’t make me uncomfortable. It made me feel like the luckiest man in the world.”

  She grinned, feeling a little sassy. This felt amazing, but she loved Axel out of control even more.

  “You are,” she told him. “Absolutely the luckiest.” She leaned forward and nipped on his lip hard enough to sting. “And if you’re planning to saddle up with me, you’re going to have to learn to gallop.”

  She ripped his hand off her hip, pressed both of them against her breasts and then picked up the pace. Axel swore, and within seconds, he was thrusting up, and she was holding on to the back of the chair to get some leverage so she could drop down with the same power. She wanted to come together, but she was losing control, and even as she fell over the edge for the third time, he was still thrusting into her. She held on, loving the way his muscles glided under her fingers, until he called out her name and she could feel him convulse inside her.

  She shivered with pleasure and relaxed against him, her hands stroking down his back, folding around him. She never wanted to let him go.

  *

  Later, after Axel had made love to her, and they’d shared a meal and made love again, she dozed on and off pressed up tightly against him. Her hand was on his chest. She could feel the slow rhythmic thump of his heart. His hand stroked down her spine very slowly, almost as if he were about to fall asleep.

  She should go back to the main house. Axel always rose so early for chores that she would be able to get back before Diego woke for school. And though she was sure Catalina and August knew what she and Axel were doing, she was a private person. Axel was, too.

  Maybe that was part of their problem. Both of them had been so good at keeping their own counsel, they hadn’t let each other in.

  “I want us to work more at communicating.”

  “We did a lot of communicating just now. Thinking about saying something more.”

  She smiled against his side. “Be serious.”

  He kissed the top of her head. “I am, Cruz. I am.”

  She sighed happily and cuddled closer, thinking about asking him to go up to her room with her. She didn’t want to leave him, but she didn’t want to stay the night away from Diego, especially after the scare of a few days ago.

  “My father hanged himself,” Axel said quietly.

  Cruz nearly jumped out of her skin. That wasn’t what she’d expected to hear.

  “He called me to come home. Said he needed to talk to me. Said I needed to make it for supper. But I was competing and didn’t want to pull out. The AEBR doesn’t take kindly to that unless a rider’s injured or it’s a family emergency.”

  And now it was Cruz leaning up on one elbow so she could see him while she traced his straight dark brows that framed his beautiful blue eyes.

  “And I rode so well, I’d made the finals. I’d been in a lot of the finals that season. Won some, too. I won that one and felt like I could fly. The prize money was good, and I was saving most of it for Anders to go to school. My dad’s drinking had gotten heavier, and he was letting the ranch slip. The hands were slacking without strong leadership. The foreman left. I wanted to make enough to take care of Anders and help with the ranch. I’d been coming home and working during the breaks, but not throughout the week like I used to.”

  Cruz bent her head to press kisses along his brow.

  “I was tired. Banged up. I just wanted to sleep, but I set off that night after the autographs and the meet and greet, driving all night and arriving at dawn. I unlocked the front door and there he was hanging from the beam and chandelier in the entryway.”

  “Oh. God.” Cruz stared at Axel.

  It made sense now. Him not using the front door. The entry chandelier never being replaced. His reluctance to live in the house where he’d found both of his parents, dead.

  “I was angry,” Axel said, almost in surprise. “And not even sorry until a lot later. I was just so damned angry that he had been so utterly selfish. He was mad at me for joining the tour. He wanted me home working, raising Anders who was sixteen. So that was his final ‘screw you’ to me and to Anders. If
I’d stopped for coffee on the way home, Anders would have been the one to find him.”

  Cruz lay back down only on his chest, wrapping her arms around him and entwining her legs with his.

  “That’s why I didn’t want to marry or have kids. I just feel like my family tree is so rotten. Broken branches—feuds, suicide, drinking. I didn’t want to pass that on to my children.”

  Cruz didn’t know what to say. She knew depression and addiction changed people. And not everyone found their way through it—alive.

  “You’re the strongest man I know,” she said truthfully. “You’d fight,” she said with certainty. “You’d fight, and I would fight for you.”

  “He loved my mom so much. Protected her. Did little things for her, left her notes around the house. But he didn’t fight for her. When she locked herself in the bedroom and would just howl and cry after Aurik died, he’d just get on his horse with a pack and ride off, not coming back for days.”

  “You’d never do that.” Cruz had no doubt in her mind. “Besides, I’d kick your ass.”

  “That you would.”

  He rolled her under him and held his weight off her.

  “No one knows.”

  “What?”

  “How my dad died except the police chief and the doctor. I cut him down, light and all, then carried him to his bed so Anders wouldn’t see him. I didn’t want my kid brother to know his dad cared so little for him.”

  “He was ill, Axel. He loved you, all of you. Probably fiercely. But he was ill. Depression and addiction—they are diseases, not really choices.”

  “It didn’t feel that way.”

  She cupped his cheek and he turned his head and kissed her palm.

  “It runs in families, doesn’t it?”

  “Yes,” she said slowly. “But so do a lot of things. You have to do your best to enjoy each moment and be ready to battle through others.”

  “You sound so fierce,” he said.

  “Feeling fierce.”

  And protective and so very much in love.

  “Promise me that if I shut you out, you will kick me in the ass.”

  “With pleasure.”

  He laughed. Then he kissed her, lingering, and she sighed into his mouth, feeling like they’d crossed some invisible threshold together. And not only were they still intact, they were stronger as well.