“I think I have food poisoning.”
“I’ll get some Pepto and be right back. Go lie down for a minute. It’ll pass.”
I didn’t bother asking Gram. I needed to go to the drug store; I needed more than Pepto. I was back in fifteen minutes with crackers, ginger ale, Pepto, and a tiny blue box. I set the bag on the bed and sat down beside her.
“How do you feel?” I asked, brushing her matted hair away from her face and pressing my lips to her forehead.
“A little better. Sorry ’bout that. Wasn’t a very romantic way to start the day, was it?”
“Oh, I don’t mind. But will you do me a favor?”
“Anything, you’ve certainly done enough for me. When are you going to get tired of taking care of me, Jesse?”
“Never, I assure you. Here,” I said, handing her the tiny box. Her eyebrows shot up in shock as she shook her head back and forth. “Please,” I insisted. “If it’s food poisoning, we’ll deal with that, but I’d like to explore this possibility first.”
She snatched the box out of my hand and stormed off to the bathroom. “It was only that one day, Jesse. I’m not pregnant. Besides, I wouldn’t be sick already. It’s only been —” She paused, seemingly counting in her head. She didn’t continue with her argument.
I sat motionless on the bed. She stepped out a few seconds later, wand in hand. Patiently, we watched the tiny hourglass in the display screen and, in less than three minutes, it revealed what I already knew in my heart. I grabbed her up and swung her around, then realized she might still be feeling ill.
“Sorry, not the best thing to do when you’re feeling ill, is it?” I set her down gently, then struggled to understand the look on her face.
Chapter 42 - Kayla
I wasn’t sure what I felt. Jesse was right; he was always right. It was only that one morning. How could I be pregnant? Was he right about twins as well? Was I happy? How would this affect going to college?
He leaned toward me, his eyes smoldering, shattering my concentration. His look of sheer joy gave way briefly as he gazed into my eyes that were now filling up with fresh tears.
“Are you okay?” he asked quickly, searching my face.
“Humph!” I said, rolling my eyes. “You always have to be right, don’t you?” But my tone was playful.
“Kayla,” he asked again, seizing my face between his hands, an edge of hysteria in his voice. “Are you happy?” He froze. His eyebrows furrowed and his jaw tightened as if waiting for impact.
I pressed my fingers to the frown line between his brows.
“Please, Kayla, you’re killing me.”
“Of course I’m happy. How could I not be?” I smiled. “I have a wonderful husband who’s practically jumping for joy that his eighteen-year-old self and wife are going to have a baby. Maybe even two!”
He grinned wickedly at me.
“Please don’t be right about that too, Jesse. Twins! Can you imagine?”
“Yes!” he hissed fiercely. “I can.”
“You’re truly sick, do you know that?”
“Yep!” He grabbed me and pulled me down on top of him. “At least I don’t have to worry about protection anymore.” He pressed his lips against mine, then pushed me back a few inches. “Are you really happy, Kayla?”
“Yes, Jesse. So many girls get pregnant without a husband, without a home, without any hope for the future, and most importantly, without love. I have everything.”
He looked up at me triumphantly. “I do love you, something crazy. And, I promise you, I’ll be a great father.”
“I know, Jesse.” There wasn’t a doubt in my mind about him being a great father. If I doubted anything else in the world, I had no doubt about Jesse.
Jesse stared me down for a brief second. “You know what?” he announced confidently. “I knew last night. Your being tired the last few days, you’d breathe but not catch your breath. You haven’t been eating, and then the way you looked last night. The way I wanted you, the way I want you now.”
“But will you want me when I’m as big as a house?” I asked, frowning.
“I’m pretty sure I will. Probably even more, knowing me, knowing you’re carrying my child. Now, let me hold you while I can still get close to you,” he teased.
I glared at him, smacking him on the shoulder. I couldn’t move, though; he had me in an unbreakable embrace. I tried to retract, but he held me tighter.
“Where do you think you’re going? I’m not finished with you yet.” He grinned mischievously, burying his head into my neck, nuzzling his way up to my ear. “Make love to me, Kayla. I need you so much. Do you have any idea?”
I shook my head slightly. “No, Jesse, I really don’t. I know how much you love me. But I don’t know why you would need me. I offer you nothing.”
“You silly girl, you’re my world. You’re everything to me and now you’re giving me a child. I don’t want or need anything other than you.” He grinned at me. “And right now, I want to feel your body on mine.”
Jesse propped himself up against the headboard and watched as I got dressed. I’d have preferred to just stay in bed all day, but he’d promised his father we’d meet him for lunch. I sat on the bed beside him. “Let’s not share the news with the family yet. It’s still early, and I’d like my doctor to confirm anyway.” I glared at him. “You could be wrong, you know. Those things aren’t a hundred percent accurate.”
He laughed and pulled me tightly to his chest. “When will you ever stop doubting me?”
“I don’t doubt you. I just …” I started, trailing off as my eyes drifted to the floor.
He pressed his hands to my face, nudging up my chin. “What is it? I thought you were happy?”
“I am happy, Jesse. I’m just afraid.”
He sighed with relief. He was so worried that I’d feel trapped by him. “What are you afraid of?”
“Pain, knowing how to be a mother, getting fat.”
He laughed and wrapped his arms around me tightly. “You won’t be fat, baby, you’ll be pregnant, and you’ll be the most beautiful pregnant woman alive, and I know you’ll be a great mother. What child wouldn’t want pizza and ice cream all the time?”
I sighed. “You always know what to say.”
“I’m not just saying it. It’s the truth.”
I started to protest, but Jesse interrupted me with a swift kiss. “Let’s go, Kayla; we’re going to be late. You’re beautiful, and you’ll always be the most beautiful woman in my world. Doesn’t that count for something? And I’ll be with you every step of the way, I promise.” He brushed my hair off my shoulder and threaded his hands in my curls. When a few tears escaped, he swiped them away with his fingertips. “I love you, cowgirl. Please don’t cry. You’re supposed to be happy.”
“I am happy, Jesse.” I buried my head beneath his arms, snuggling against his chest.
He held me as the soft sobs melted away. After a few minutes, I pulled away and headed back to the bathroom. He let me go; he was getting used to my routine. I’d be out in a few minutes freshened up and ready to go. Someday, I hoped, the crying would end and I would be happy again. But for now, everything was about my dad, what I would miss with him, what he wouldn’t be able to share with us. There would be no grandfather on my side, just a great-grandmother, and very little of one on Jesse’s side. I couldn’t imagine Jesse’s father all of a sudden wearing a shirt that read, World’s Greatest Grandpa. We were clearly on our own, but then again, that’s the way it had been for Jesse his entire life. At least we now had each other.
Chapter 43 - Kayla
All morning, Jesse had been ecstatic, doing everything, making me rest. This afternoon, we’d fly out of Charlotte to spend Christmas and New Years in the Bahamas at Atlantis. Jesse had changed our original dates so we wouldn’t have to deal with all the memories of Christmas at home.
Next year we would have a baby, and hopefully I wouldn’t break down in tears daily. As much as Jesse said he underst
ood, I could see the pain in his eyes every time the grief hit me.
Today was also our first ultrasound appointment. The doctor would confirm if we were having twins. I had been sick every morning for several hours. The doctor insisted that it should start subsiding soon, and we should enjoy our trip.
Jesse sat in his seat on the airplane, his eyes transfixed on the sepia colored 3D image in his hands. “Amazing, isn’t it?” He traced the image. “Eight weeks and they are already formed. Each one a complete baby with a brain and a beating heart, fingers and toes. Miraculous.”
I leaned my head against his arm, happy that he’d finally come down from his cockiness earlier of being right all the time.
If I was being honest, he wasn’t being cocky; I was just frustrated when he offered that maybe next time I’d listen to him.
He nudged up my chin and kissed me lightly for the hundredth time. He was ecstatic.
I couldn’t resist smiling up at him. “You’re really happy, aren’t you?”
“You have no idea, Kayla. I can’t explain what I’m feeling. When by all rights I should be scared stiff, I’m happy. Of course, because of you and that you’re healthy, that the doctor said everything looks good. I feel complete somehow, like this was supposed to happen.”
“Hey!” I said, leaning forward suddenly. “Will you want to know what sex they are? The doctor said we could find out next month when we go back.”
Jesse wagged his head. “No way! I want to be surprised. Do you?”
“Not if you don’t,” I said. “I can wait. Unless you decide to tell me what they are.” I giggled. “So far, you’ve been right about everything.”
His body shook with laughter. “Not a clue. I don’t think there’s any real research that points to that information. Only science is accurate in that situation.”
I sighed and nuzzled into his arm again. We had a long flight to Miami, and then had to transfer to another plane that would take us to Nassau and then a bus to Paradise Island. I felt nauseated already. I hoped this week would be better, that I wouldn’t wake up every morning puking my guts out. It wouldn’t make for a very romantic honeymoon.
“How ya feeling, Kayla? Better now that we’re in the air?” he asked, concern seeping into his voice. It was almost like he could hear my thoughts.
“I’m fine. Just tired.”
“Why don’t you sleep?” he suggested, kissing the top of my head. “I can read.”
Not wanting to argue, I closed my eyes. When I opened them, we were landing. “Wow! That was fast.”
“You were out like a light, Kayla. We have a short layover here, long enough to stretch, and then we’ll be back in the air and in the Bahamas in no time.”
He pulled our carry-on luggage down from the overhead bins and from under the seat, juggling everything as he motioned for me to go ahead of him. He was insane. He was so concerned that I’d strain myself and possibly miscarry that he wouldn’t let me pick up anything.
Because of the time it took to change concourses and get a snack, it was already time to board when we found our gate. Worked for me; I was exhausted. It was as though the babies were draining every bit of energy from my body. I knew I needed to eat more, but I was so concerned with getting fat that I didn’t want to change my eating habits. The doctor had suggested that with twins I should gain thirty-five to forty-five pounds. Already my clothes felt tight, and that concerned me, since I was only eight weeks. I had thought I wouldn’t show until around five or six months. But I’d already gained six pounds, and I hadn’t eaten anything extra and had been throwing up every day. I couldn’t understand how it was possible.
Chapter 44 - Jesse
I walked silently behind Kayla; she hadn’t said a word in the last half hour. It concerned me, because I wasn’t sure if it was because she was sick, tired, scared, upset, mad at me, or all of the above.
I tried not to constantly barrage her with questions, always asking her what was wrong. I knew it got on her nerves. I stowed all of our belongings, then settled onto the seat beside her.
A new direction. Ignore what you see, just talk. “So, are you excited? You’ve never been to the Bahamas, right?”
“Mm-hm.”
Great! That wasn’t my idea of conversation. “Do you want to eat lunch now, or wait?”
She sighed. “I’m not hungry.”
“You haven’t eaten all day. It’s no wonder you’re so tired. You need to eat at least three hundred extra calories a day.”
She rolled her eyes.
“Sorry. You were sleeping, so I read the information the doctor gave us.”
She just shook her head and sighed again.
I scooped up her hand. “Can I ask a stupid question, Kayla?”
She huffed out a light laugh. “When do you ever ask a stupid question?”
“I’m serious, this is a stupid question. And I’ll apologize ahead of time for asking it, because I know you’re just going to react to the question without actually thinking about it and get mad at me, but I want to ask it anyway.”
“Okay,” she said, “but why would you ask a question if you know I’m going to get upset?”
“Because I truly want to know,” I implored, looking around. The plane wasn’t too full, and it looked as though everyone around us was busy reading or listening to something. “I know you love me, but,” I paused, not sure if I should go on with this line of questioning when she was already irritated, but I couldn’t help myself, “do you like me?”
She didn’t disappoint me with her reaction. She was clearly mortified at my question, but reined in her disapproval, I suspected, to answer me honestly. “That is a stupid question, Jesse, but I’m going to answer you honestly.”
I braced myself, not sure if I really wanted to know her answer.
“Jesse, you know I love you …” She pulled my face closer and leveled her eyes with mine.
“But?”
“And I understand your question. You can love someone, but not like them, right?”
“Yes,” I said on an exhale.
“Jesse, I think you’re great. I think you’re smart. I think you’re pushy. And … you’re my best friend. Of course, I like you, you ridiculous man. I can still be irritated at the fact that you’re always right, though, can’t I?”
I let out the breath I was holding. “I don’t mean to come off like a know-it-all. And I’m sorry for asking you that stupid question. You just seemed so melancholy, and then when I tried to talk, you rolled your eyes. Maybe you should add insecure to your list describing me.”
“It’s not you. I just feel so blah. I’ve already gained six pounds, and I feel fat.”
“You’re not fat, Kayla. You’re pregnant.”
“I know,” she whimpered. “I just don’t want to gain forty-five pounds. I don’t want to be as big as a cow. I’m afraid you won’t want me anymore, and I won’t be able to lose the weight afterward.”
“Now who’s being ridiculous? As if there were any way I couldn’t want you. And,” I paused, realizing I was being a know-it-all again. I sighed. “I don’t know how to change. I was going to tell you why you were tired: because you’re not eating enough. It’s the way I am, Kayla, but I’ll try, I promise.”
She squeezed my arm. “I don’t want you to change, Jesse. I like you the way you are. Hand me that sandwich, will ya? I’m gonna do what my husband suggests from now on.”
I smiled at her comment and fished through my backpack for our lunch. “By the way, I think you look awesome.”
“Thanks, Jesse.” She kissed me lightly as I turned to give her the sandwich, but I curled my hand around her neck and pulled her closer and gave her a longer-than-usual kiss, considering that we were in public.
“And just so you know, there’s no way I’m ever not going to want you, Kayla. Physically or otherwise,” I whispered.
The bus ride to the resort was interesting. That was the only word I could think of to describe it. I hoped it wasn’t an
omen of the week ahead. Someone must have really ticked off Kemia, because I couldn’t believe that every bus driver drove and acted the way she had on the ride from the airport. I’d always heard how pleasant Bahamians were. They had to be: their main industry was tourism. Not wanting Kayla to interpret my feelings, I shook it off. I could already see she was practically turning green. I toyed with the idea of asking the driver to take it easy, explaining my wife was very ill, but from the look the driver flashed me when I even moved toward the front of the bus, I rethought the idea. She’d probably just drive worse.
Eventually we made it in one piece, and Kayla didn’t lose her lunch. The pills the doctor had prescribed must be working.
“Hey, babe, why don’t you just hang here while I get us checked in,” I offered, gesturing to a row of comfortable-looking chairs at the edge of a balcony overlooking an enormous aquarium that would make Sea World jealous. I watched as a Manta Ray made a lap. I’d only seen one once before, when I was deep-sea fishing with a friend in junior high. It was massive, maybe fifteen feet across. I saw the awe in Kayla’s eyes too, looking as if she would rather be down there than sitting up on the balcony. “It’ll only be a few minutes, then we’ll check it out. Or … if you want to walk down there, I’ll find you.”
“No,” she murmured, “I’m too tired. I’ll wait, so I can lean on you.” She smiled and collapsed into an overstuffed chair.
It took only a few minutes to register and then I was back with her, ready to start our week. I loaded our assortment of luggage onto a trolley and headed to our room. Our balcony overlooked the harbor with all of its yachts and sailboats, a spectacular view. I would’ve reserved a larger, more glamorous room overlooking the ocean, but Kayla had insisted that we stay practical. Besides, we’d only be using the room to sleep in, she’d commented when I’d reserved it.
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