Identical

by Ellen Hopkins

strings to avoid it, anyway. I didn’t

  want to see him locked up. But

  more, I didn’t want to testify.

  Didn’t want the world to hear all

  the dirty details. Daddy checked

  himself into a pricey rehab,

  promised to get his head fixed.

  Not sure that’s possible.

  When he gets out, he’ll move

  into an apartment in Santa Barbara.

  Thirty miles away. Not far enough.

  But it is what it is. I have not

  forgiven him. Not sure I ever will.

  Ian Still Doesn’t Know

  About Daddy. I just can’t bring

  myself to tell him. He thinks

  the stuff that happened is because

  of the accident. Childhood trauma.

  Oh yes, one of many. But he doesn’t

  need to know the worst of them.

  Maybe one day I’ll be able to let

  him that far in. But not yet.

  For now, it’s enough to have him

  in my life, to see him every day.

  Grandma lets him come over,

  is good with us dating. Maybe

  she knows we still don’t have sex.

  Not ready yet. And he knows it.

  We’ve come close. Lots of times.

  Can’t help but get turned on by him.

  I’m not a frigging saint. But when

  we do, I want it to be for all the right

  reasons, and I won’t know it’s right

  until I get beyond all the wrongs.

  I’d Like to Say

  I’m over my addictions.

  Not sure I ever will be completely.

  It’s good that Grandma

  is in the twelve-step program.

  She doesn’t keep alcohol in the house.

  And, of course, the Oxy is gone.

  I’ll never do that stuff again.

  The withdrawal is killer. Never again.

  But I have to admit, I’ve smoked

  a little bud. Not that much.

  I’d probably do more, but it’s expensive.

  And now it’s cash-and-carry.

  I still use food for comfort.

  I still purge when I get too comfortable.

  And once in a while, when

  memory intrudes, I still

  enjoy a good, deep shave. Oh, come on.

  I never said I was perfect.

  When I Do Those Things

  When I use or purge or cut,

  I’m still not myself. Maybe

  I just use her as an excuse

  to do them, but I feel as if

  she

  takes over then. The only

  difference is, I’m aware

  of her. I never used to be.

  I’m not sure if I

  will

  remember everything I did

  as Raeanne. I’m not sure

  I want to, though Carol thinks

  I need to try. And hey, I could

  always

  blame Daddy. He’s my forever

  scapegoat, really. Okay, that’s not

  so healthy. But totally healthy

  is something I might not ever

  be.

  One thing for sure. I will break

  the abuse cycle. It stops with me.

  My children will not live in fear.

  I will create a home of nurture

  and love, and raise them safely

  there.

  Raeanne

  And I’ll Be Watching

  Watching her. Watching out

  for her. And if the time comes

  she needs complete escape,

  I

  will walk for her. Talk for her.

  Take punishment in her place.

  Some things don’t need to be

  remembered. And I

  will

  hold on to those things for her.

  Carol believes she can make

  me go away, and I’ll pretend

  to let her do her job. But I will

  always

  be the strongest part of Kaeleigh,

  so I can’t let her dispose of me.

  I’ll stay quiet, no more than a dark

  shadow inside. That’s what I’ll

  be.

  A silhouette, rarely seen, and yet

  believed in. Kaeleigh wants to

  believe in me. I am her twin,

  forever alive inside her. And

  when she needs me, I am always

  here.

  A Reading Group Guide to Identical by Ellen Hopkins

  ABOUT THE BOOK

  Kaeleigh and Raeanne Gardella, identical twins, live in a posh California neighborhood. Their father is a well-known district court judge and their mother a politician. On the surface they are the perfect American family, but beneath the façade lies a damaged family. Raeanne is the aggressive twin, the one who is sexually promiscuous—giving sex in return for drugs; she craves sexual attention from anyone, including her father. Kaeleigh is the quiet one, the one most like her mother, and the victim of her father’s sexual advances. Haunted by this, Kaeleigh has difficulty letting any boy close and deals with her pain by cutting. Torn apart by a tragic event, the twins’ parents hardly speak. Their mother spends her time on the campaign trail; their father lives at home where he drinks, abuses Oxycontin, and controls his daughters’ every move—from the clothes they wear to the places they go. Both girls have an eating disorder, and as they spiral into more dangerous depths, the story takes a surprising twist. One twin will need to step up. But who?

  PREREADING ACTIVITY

  What would it feel like to harbor a secret that could hurt another person should it be revealed?

  How might you support a friend who had a family secret that would send one of his/her family members to jail?

  What responsibility do we have to friends who may be abused by other friends or family members?

  DISCUSSION QUESTIONS

  In what ways are Raeanne and Kaeleigh similar? How are they different?

  Raeanne and Kaeleigh are drawn to different kinds of boys. How are the boys different, and why do the girls connect with them?

  Who is Greta Sorenson, and what role does she play in Kaeleigh’s life?

  Raeanne and Kaeleigh have different reactions to their mother’s absence. Explain.

  Raeanne tells herself that having sex makes her powerful. Would you agree?

  The twin’s father is a district judge. On the surface he appears to be a strong person; however, underneath he is weak. What accounts for his fear and insecurity?

  Characterize the twin’s mother. How has she changed since the accident?

  Raeanne and Kaeleigh do not seem close. In fact, communication between them is virtually nonexistent. Explain how this lack of dialogue makes sense at the end of the story. Is it more difficult for readers to keep the girls “separate” toward the end of the story? If so, why might that be?

  Ian saves Raeanne and Kaeleigh from further sexual abuse by Ty. How might he have known where Ty lived and that the twins might be there?

  Raeanne seems to thrive off sexual encounters, and Kaeleigh is afraid of sexual intimacy. Given what you know about their relationship with their father, what might account for their opposite reactions?

  How does Raeanne meet her grandfather, and what does she learn from him? If there were a sequel to the story, what might Raeanne’s or Kaeleigh’s relationship with him be like?

  Why does the girls’ grandmother call, and why is their father so angry with his own mother?

  Both girls are confused by the meaning of love. Kaeleigh comments, “But how do I give what has always been taken”, and later she says, “love is always defined by ulterior motive”. How do these comments illustrate her confusion? What experiences will the girls need in order to understand healthy relationships?

  Hopkins places clues to a family tragedy throughout the story
. By story’s end, the reader knows about an accident that has driven the family apart and understands events in the father’s childhood that accounts for his sexual advances on his own daughter. Explain the family tragedy and the emotional and psychological damage that is passed down from generation to generation.

  Hopkins moves the story forward with the use of flashback. Through flashback, readers learn about the father’s attraction to Kaeleigh and Raeanne’s disappointment as a child that her father didn’t choose her. Flashback is also used to inform the reader about another family tragedy. If Hopkins had not used flashback, how else might she have conveyed the horror of the girls’ childhood? Would another technique have been as effective? Explain.

  What can readers learn about the cycle of abuse that runs through three generations, beginning with the grandmother’s alcoholism, the father’s childhood abuse, his treatment of his daughters, and their emotional state? Without treatment, what kind of relationships might each girl maintain later in life?

  ACTIVITIES

  Research the abuse of prescription drugs. What prescription drugs are most commonly abused and why? Identify popular prescription drug and alcohol combinations that are potentially lethal. Develop a podcast on the dangers of mixing drugs and alcohol.

  Choose one of the twins and develop an argument that she has better coping skills than her sister.

  Research the characteristics and causes of eating disorders, as well as their treatments, and present your findings using any appropriate media (PowerPoint, wiki, website, blog, etc).

  Personal tragedy can strain family relationships. Research resources for dealing with a family tragedy and develop a brochure or website on resources available to families who experience a family crisis.

  Guide prepared by Pam B. Cole, Professor of English Education & Literacy, Kennesaw State University, Kennesaw, GA.

  This guide has been provided by Simon & Schuster for classroom, library, and reading group use. It may be reproduced in its entirety or excerpted for these purposes.

  Be sure to read

  Ellen Hopkins’s

  PERFECT

  Perfect is the story of four high school seniors, all of whom have friends, siblings, and a drive to attain “perfection.” They each have very different goals, and very different ways of achieving them. Meet Cara, whose parents’ unrealistic expectations have already sent her twin brother spiraling toward suicide; Kendra, a pageant girl who stops at nothing in her pursuit of runway modeling; Sean, who uses whatever means necessary to win a baseball scholarship; and Andre, whose real talent seems destined to languish. Just how far does someone have to go to be perfect?

  Cara Sierra Sykes

  Perfect?

  How

  do you define a word without

  concrete meaning? To each

  his own, the saying goes, so

  why

  push to attain an ideal

  state of being that no two

  random people will agree is

  where

  you want to be? Faultless.

  Finished. Incomparable. People

  can never be these, and anyway

  when

  did creating a flawless facade

  become a more vital goal

  than learning to love the person

  who

  lives inside your skin?

  The outside belongs to others.

  Only you should decide for you—

  what

  is perfect.

  Perfection

  I’ve lived with the pretense

  of perfection for seventeen

  years. Give my room a cursory

  inspection, you’d think I have OCD.

  But it’s only habit and not

  obsession that keeps it all orderly.

  Of course, I don’t want to give

  the impression that it’s all up to me.

  Most of the heavy labor is done by

  our housekeeper, Gwen. She’s an

  imposing woman, not at all the type

  that most men would find attractive.

  Not even Conner, which is the point.

  My twin has a taste for older

  women. Before he got himself

  locked away, he chased after more

  than one. I should have told sooner

  about the one he caught, the one

  I happened to overhear him with,

  having a little afternoon fun.

  Okay, I know a psychologist

  would say, strictly speaking,

  he was prey, not predator.

  And, in a way, I can’t really

  blame him. Emily is simply

  stunning. Conner wasn’t the only

  one who used to watch her go

  running by our house every

  morning. But, hello, she was

  his teacher. That fact alone

  should have been enough warning

  that things would not turn out well.

  I never would have expected

  Conner to attempt the coward’s way

  out, though. Some consider suicide

  an act of honor. I seriously don’t agree.

  But even if it were, you’d have to

  get it right. All Conner did was

  stain Mom’s new white Berber

  carpet. They’re replacing it now.

  Kendra Melody Mathieson

  Pretty

  That’s what I am, I guess.

  I mean, people have been telling

  me that’s what I am since

  I was two. Maybe younger.

  Pretty

  as a picture. (Who wants

  to be a cliché?) Pretty as

  an angel. (Can you see them?)

  Pretty as a butterfly. (But

  isn’t

  that really just a glam bug?)

  Cliché, invisible, or insectlike,

  I grew up knowing I was

  pretty and believing everything

  good

  about me had to do with how

  I looked. The mirror was my best

  friend. Until it started telling

  me I wasn’t really pretty

  enough.

  Pale Beauty

  That’s what my mom calls the gift

  she gave me, through genetics.

  We are Scandinavian willows,

  with vanilla hair and glacier blue

  eyes and bone china skin. Two

  hours in the sun turns me the color

  of ripe watermelon. When I lead

  cheers at football games, it is wearing

  SPF 60 sunblock. Gross. Basketball

  season is better, but I’ll be glad

  when it’s over. Between dance lessons

  and vocal training and helping out

  at the food bank (all grooming for Miss

  Teen Nevada), I barely have time for

  homework, let alone fun. At least

  staying busy mostly keeps my mind

  off Conner. I wish I could forget

  about him, but that’s not possible.

  I tumbled hard for that guy. Gave him

  all of me. I thought we had something

  special. He even let me see the scared

  little boy inside him, the one not many

  other people ever catch a glimpse of.

  I wonder if he showed that boy to

  the ambulance drivers who took him to

  the hospital, or to the doctors and nurses

  who dug the bullet out of his chest. Sewed

  him up. Saved his life. I want to see him, but

  Cara says he can’t have visitors. Bet he doesn’t

  want them—scared he might look helpless.

  Sean Terrence O’Connell

  Buff

  Don’t like that word.

  Not tough enough to describe

  a weight-sculpted body.

  “Built”

  is better. Like a builder
/>   frames a house,

  constructing its skeleton

  two-by-four

  by

  two-by-four, a real

  athlete shapes himself

  muscle group by muscle

  group, ignoring the

  pain.

  Focused completely on

  the gain. It can’t happen

  overnight. It takes hours

  every single day

  and

  no one can force you to

  do it. Becoming the best

  takes a shitload of inborn

  drive.

  Drive

  That’s what it takes to reach

  the top, and that is where

  I’ve set my sights. Second

  best means you lose. Period.

  I will be the best damn first

  baseman ever in the league.

  My dad was a total baseball

  freak (weird, considering

  he coached football), and

  when I was a kid, he went

  on and on about McGwire

  being the first base king.

  I grew up wanting to be

  first base royalty. T-ball,

  then years of Little League,

  gave me the skills I need.

  But earning that crown

  demands more than skill.

  What it requires are arms

  like Mark McGwire’s.

  I Play Football, Too

  Kind of a tribute to Dad.

  But, while I’m an okay

  safety, my real talent

  is at the bat. I’ll use

  it to get into Stanford.

  The school’s got a great

  program. But even if

  it didn’t, it would be

  at the top of my university

  wish list because Cara will

  go there, I’m sure. She says

  it isn’t a lock, but that’s bull.

  Her parents are both alumni,

  and her father has plenty of

  pull. Money. And connections.

  Uncle Jeff has connections, too,

  and there will be Stanford