Cavelost

by Courtney Privett

  "I think it will take some time for you to come to terms with all of this. But you know what? Now you can be the type of parent you always hoped to have for yourself. And our children will adore you for it."

  He rotates enough that he can rest his hand on my belly. He leans close and whispers, "I'm glad you decided to join us and help us through the deep, dark abyss. You are going to be extraordinary, I know it. I can't wait to meet you." He looks up at me and his grin broadens. "Are you ready to stop writing now, my love?"

  Time to close the journal and hand it off. Time to move on and live in the sunlight. I may add another entry when I get it back, just one note to close out the journey after the baby is born. Just an epilogue for posterity, so–

  "Rin. It's time to give me the journal," Daelis says.

  I suppose this just this one time I'll do what he's telling me to do. "All right."

  21-3-3892

  This evidence has been fully processed. It may be returned to its owner. I thank her for her full cooperation in this delicate matter.

  Return to:

  Katrin Sylleth-Goldtree

  Hawthorn Road

  Jadeshire

  Signed,

  Calis Taralon

  High Clerk of Coldtower

  Day 300-something

  Dear Zinnia,

  Your mother can't bear to look at this book again, so I'm writing this for her. I contemplated leaving the journal as it was, but I believe this is too important to ignore. This is the end of one story and the beginning of another. Your story, Zinnia.

  You've only been on the outside for five days, but you've been part of our family for much longer. We fought for you without knowing a thing about you other than that you were ours. Now you're here and you're wonderful. You have your mother's dark hair and my blue-green eyes. I'm not sure who you'll look like yet. Your mother says you remind her of newborn Tessen. He looks like her aside from his complexion, so I suppose that is reasonable. Whomever you look like, you're beautiful and I love you. I'd never put you down if I didn't have to share you with your mother.

  I want to tell you a little bit about your birth before getting into everything else. When your mother went into labor in the middle of the night, she assumed she'd have six or seven hours to wait before we even needed to call over the midwife. I trusted her on that since she'd already been through labor several times before. Well, we were wrong. By the third contraction, she knew you were coming fast. I woke up Tessen and told him to go retrieve the midwife. Not fast enough. I ended up being the one to catch you, which was a little awkward since I only had one arm to work with and your mother wasn't in a position where she could easily help. I was so afraid I'd drop you that I nearly forgot to look at you. Your mother got herself turned around so she could see us and asked, "So, Daelis... do we have a son or a daughter?"

  A daughter. We had a daughter, a screaming, dark-haired beauty who was born under an hour after the first contraction. You were already happily settled and nursing by the time the midwife showed up. I wasn't expecting my first experience holding one of my own babies to be so sudden and awkward, but Rin and I are both glad it happened that way, with just the two of us and then the two of us plus you. Brief period of chaos giving way to something amazing. You're the flower that blooms after a devastating flood. That's why you are our Zinnia.

  I think you're going to love this family and this home. We're a little bit shabby and our history is strange, but we're devoted to each other. You have cousins next door, grandparents down the road, and an odd elven grandfather who is trying to rectify forty-one years of being indifferent toward me by involving himself in the lives of his grandchildren. I'm not sure why. I suppose he feels guilty about not noticing that he loved me until he thought I had died, and now he's trying to redeem himself. I'll let him try because it's not as if he's ever tried to kill me. I doubt I'll ever like him, but it's progress that we respect each other now. It's even more significant to find that I've found some measure of love for him in return for what he's finally shown me.

  Now comes the difficult part. I'm sorry you'll never know what your parents and siblings were like before the Jarrah sundered our minds. We have nightmares about rock slides and gnashing teeth and endless underground mazes. We're afraid of things now that we weren't before. Darkness. Small spaces. Open spaces. Loud noises. Unidentifiable noises. Masks. Being alone. Being surrounded by people. Blue-tinted lights. Mushrooms. I hope we don't pass any of those fears onto you. You deserve better than a life ruled by fear. It's a miserable way to live and it reminds me every day that even though we beat the Jarrah, in some regards they still won.

  This doesn't mean we aren't happy. We are, especially now that you're here. Sometimes we need to remind ourselves that the anxiety is part of us, but it doesn't define us. We find joy in love and family and togetherness and new life. And in helping others. I no longer work in Law and Security. My new department is Refugee Services. I'm helping the Uldru acclimate to their new lives. Maybe someday the rest of the Uldru will find their way to the surface. If they do within my lifetime, I'll help them learn to read and learn trades and do whatever they dream of. The Uldru from the forge have chosen to build a community in the shady redwood forest just outside of Jadeshire. We're expecting that the first generation of free-born Uldru will start to arrive in four or five more months. We're giving them the support they need to thrive, and they intend to become a fully independent society within a decade or two.

  I think they'll do well, especially if your sister is any indication. Yana was fearful at first, but she's finding her confidence. She goes to school, has new friends, and reads every book she can get her hands on. She's proud of her scars and makes no effort to hide them. They tell the world she can take on anything because she went through something horrible and lived.

  Shan is older and his scars run deeper, but he's doing as well as can be expected. The scars on his face have healed to thin white lines and strangers no longer stare at him, though one occasionally asks what happened. He has returned to his Univeristy studies, but he has become shy and no longer socializes with anyone outside of the family. Tessen is helping him through the worst of his anxiety, especially about killing Mara. We weren't planning on telling him, but we had to explain once Tessen slipped and mentioned something about Rin showing up with six orcs and two elves, all ravenously hungry and in desperate need of baths. I'm heartbroken to see my son so sorrowful, but I think he's starting to recover from it. So much light came into his eyes the moment he first held you, Zinnia. He adores you. All of your siblings do, but Shan especially.

  You're going to wake up your mother soon and ask to be fed. She hasn't been asleep for long, but she won't mind. She told me she loves everything that comes with being a mother, including the more difficult late pregnancy and newborn periods. She has already mentioned giving you younger siblings, but hopefully not as close together in age as Shan and Tessen are. I don't think you'll have to wait too long to become a big sister, though. Rin knows her age is going to put a limit on her fertility, so she doesn't want to wait more than two years for the next baby. I'm happy with whatever she chooses. It has been a bit overwhelming transitioning from being chronically alone to being married with four children in the span of less than a year, but I love the new life that was gifted to me by an unfortunate turn in my fate. I can deal with the constant anxiety when it is counterbalanced by absolute bliss.

  Rin tells me I have a habit of rambling, and I see I'm starting to do it now. Yana has been staring at me from across the table for several minutes. She has a book about bears in her hand and a smirk on her lips.

  "Is Mom still sleeping?" Yana asks.

  "Yes, don't wake her. But why don't you go tell your brothers dinner is almost ready?"

  "Can't." Yana runs her slender fingers along the wood grains of the table and sighs.

  "Why not?"

  "Dad, I just can't. They've locked themselves in Shan's room. They put a sign up on the door.
Hatching. Go away."

  "Hatching?" I know what that means. I'm just not sure what we're going to do about it. We can't keep dragons in the house, especially not with a newborn. Perhaps my father has somewhere that can accommodate them. "Wait... they're both in there?"

  "Yep," Yana chirps. She circles around the table and embraces me. She traces the scarification on my upper right arm, the deliberate pattern that identifies me as an orc-friend. I'd asked Frald to put it on my left arm, but she insisted I had to fully feel the process to be a true orc-friend. It hurt, but I didn't mind. I'm proud of my new status. Yana's fingers dance from my scar to my shoulder as she says, "I overheard them talking through the door. I think Shan has one egg and Tessen has the other. I guess Shan decided they both get to be dragon mommies."

  That was a strange squawk I just heard. Well, this is interesting. My dear Zinnia, I am going to end this letter here so I can find out what sort of trouble your brothers are getting themselves into. Solar dragon hatchlings... never thought I'd see such a thing. Well, anyway, I have a feeling anything involving solar dragons is going to be for your brothers to tell you, not me.

  Love,

  Dad