Is it always telling the truth?
LOL, no, not at all! Actually, it is almost never telling the truth!
What is it arguing with?
Mostly, it is against what is in each given moment. It is resisting what is in each moment. It is almost never satisfied with what is. Apparently, his voice has “clear” ideas about how mostly everything should be in order for it to be enjoyable and “right.” It has its “own” opinion about almost everything.
What is there that cares?
Which story is the voice engaged in?
That’s tricky! It would seem like this awareness would have its own opinion about the opinions of the voice, but then, this can’t be true because something else is aware of that dynamic. So, it seems rather that there is an awareness of two voices: one arguing/commenting on what is, and the other arguing/commenting on that first voice!
“I” seems more identified with the latter one than with the former. What is also interesting is that I pay that much attention to the first voice! It’s almost as if that voice would be an authority. Somebody once said that this voice could be compared to a “roommate” who is continuously commenting and arguing on everything. If it were a roommate, I could kick her out! LOL! “Shut up and leave me alone!” But, apparently, it isn’t that easy. Unless it is—who knows!
Have a look. Is there a me, or a story about me?
Is there Friederich, or a story about Friederich?
Yes, unfortunately, there is a story about me. In a way, it’s still all about me! This story is as hard to kick out as cockroaches! While it is more and more frequently seen that this me-story is just a story, the being sucked into the story still happens very frequently, completely on autopilot. Especially because the story is so intensely felt/linked to the body, the body is feeling it. The focus is on the bodily sensations, and that seems to be all that there is. But, of course, something is aware of this too! So, what if who I truly am is this awareness? And everything is just happening in that awareness? How could I “anchor” myself as this awareness, at least, more often?
Does the voice in the head know anything?
What is it that knows of this voice?
This voice knows very little! Almost nothing! Only in a few practical areas does it know anything, and it seems that almost everything it appears to know, if not totally everything, is based on past experience. Although it always tries to comment and “predict” the future, it literally has no clue, and does so mostly on past experiences. Again, “raising the dead” comes to my mind! LOL! Like I wrote before: It would seem that awareness knows of this voice. Infinite awareness appears to be aware of this voice, as well as of everything that is—I mean, without infinite awareness, we couldn’t even say that something exists.
Nice questions!
Thanks—until whenever.
Ilona: Great investigation.
Have a closer look, is there more than one voice talking?
What is behind the voice?
Is it the body that experiences, or is the body, too, experienced?
Consider the voice as a radio—it keeps talking, you pay attention to content or not, the story keeps being narrated. Do you expect the story to stop being told? It’s not like that. It keeps arising, but when the belief in trueness drops, so does the volume. The voice can talk away, without being judged as wrong.
Being sucked into the story happens, but what does the story stick to?
Sending love.
Friederich:
Have a closer look, is there more than one voice talking?
There doesn’t seem to be a voice, but only the awareness of thoughts, and like a “process,” “custom,” “tendency,” or “identification” (it’s hard to find the exact word) to hold those thoughts as true. This happens completely automatically. There also seems to be a total and complete reliance on those thoughts, an “absolute” trust in the validity of what they are saying, like, a statement of what is. It is also seen that in times of apparent confusion, sadness, anger, depression, or “problems,” thinking is used in order to bring clarity and ease, or to discern between awareness and what this awareness is aware of. Also there is an investigation of trying to find out if this awareness is affected by what it is aware of. (The insight, of course, is always no! Awareness is this still, quiet, peaceful, serene, “empty” presence.) Oftentimes, there are, apparently, thoughts fighting/arguing, which could refer to two different sources, but they are sensed as having the exact same quality.
What is behind the voice?
At times (very seldom), I can recognize my father’s belief system behind the voices, and other times I can recognize that a “teacher” would have said that. Most of the time, there isn’t anything recognized behind those thoughts; they just seem to arise, and disappear again. Sometimes they seem to arise over and over and over and over again. You get the point! LOL!
Is it the body that experiences, or is the body, too, experienced?
No; the body doesn’t appear to experience anything, it just appears to happen in the body (the contraction, the pain, the joy, the pleasure, the warm, the cold), which then seems to be owned by an illusionary “me” as “my” pain, “my” sadness; “I am feeling joyful, sad”; “I am depressed, angry”; and so forth. Like I said before, this all seems to happen completely on autopilot.
Consider the voice as a radio—it keeps talking, you pay attention to content or not, the story keeps being narrated.
There, that’s where the problem could be. There seems to be a complete and total inability to not pay attention to the story being narrated. The same appears to be true for whatever sounds appear in the surroundings. It seems like something is always scanning the environment for noises/voices, and, most of the time, gets completely and totally upset by it! Actually, this seems to be one of the biggest annoyances in the story line.
And, yes, there is a very, very high expectation for the story to be stopped from being told. This would seem like heaven!
I hear what you are saying about that (stopping of the story) not being so, and that by not believing it, it weakens. I first learned about that in late 2001, with Byron Katie: “Is it true?” And despite having done “The Work” diligently over years, not much has changed (if anything). Since I’m using a dictation device in order to write (which I have to, because of the physical limitations), this scanning the surroundings for possible noises has become even more extreme because the dictation device can’t differentiate between what I am dictating and other noises. It reacts to both! LOL—grrr!!! (Thoughts/feelings of victimhood and rage are coming up!) I would truly love to be able to be more effective in seeing through the lies and the stories! And even if on a conscious level I am very clear about the illusory appearances of the story, “something deep down” (unconscious) still appears to hold on/believe in those stories! Help!
Instead of simply seeing through the story, I fight it, like Go away! You are not true! Which, of course, holds it in place! How to cut this vicious cycle?!
Being sucked into the story happens, but what does the story stick to?
I have no clue. At times I sensed that it was as if something wouldn’t allow me to be free from the story, which I know isn’t true, and that I can only do this to myself. This “something wouldn’t allow me to be free from the story” is just another belief—seeing as an appearance in awareness—but it seems a very sticky one. There seems to be another belief, like “That would be too much freedom!” As if that would make me too different or bigger than all the “other” people. Sometimes, even something like I haven’t earned it yet, to be that free. Guilt? Another thought: I never get what I truly want, and even if I do get it, it’s usually never what I thought it would give me.
If it was talking only positive stuff, would that too be a problem? Positive stuff in the usual sense, would be a problem as well. Constructive stuff like “What if it is not true?” or “Who knows if that is the case?” would be no problem.
I have
begun thanking the inner voice and there is a shift experienced (although, not as thoroughly as desired/expected, LOL. Of course, that thought can be thanked also!).
Funny. It seems like the deeper the going, the tougher, more intense it gets, and, at the same time, also easier and faster!
Thank us!
Ilona: Great investigation!
“Me” cannot get rid of the story; it’s the same as Batman. Batman cannot get rid of the story about Batman. It’s all a story.
Try this:
Remember something from the past. For a minute hold an image of the event, something significant.
Tell me, is this story the same if you are in a good mood or a bad mood?
Do other people remember it the same way?
Is there a true story?
Is this story owned by you?
How does the story appear?
When does it appear?
Is it possible to change what happened?
Is it possible to change the story about what happened?
Examine this closely.
Then for a minute imagine yourself in two years’ time.
Can you see that image being created?
Focus on here now. Let this what is be okay.
Is there much story in the present?
How are the story and time connected?
These are questions for you, dear Friederich. Have fun with them. Looking forward to answers. Sending love.
Friederich: Hi Ilona!
“Me” cannot get rid of the story; it’s the same as Batman. Batman cannot get rid of the story about Batman. It’s all a story.
Excellent observation. Once it is seen, so obvious!
Remember something from the past.
Although the basic story line is the same, the sensations and details vary each time I remember that story. Of course other people won’t necessarily remember the exact same story. If we are lucky, we might get some agreements on what it is that is remembered. Most likely, though, the meaning and significance of the story are for each person going to be different, if not very different.
Is there a true story?
It would depend on how you define “true.” If “true” is what is at each moment, and for each person, then yes, there would be a true story. But, if what you mean by “true story” is the actual facts and what was really going on, you can forget the notion of a true story. All we have are just stories.
Is the story owned by me? When seeing clearly: no, it is just a story and anybody could own it. LOL.
The story appears to arise spontaneously all by itself. It does just appear and sometimes it appears to stay even for quite some time. Other times it disappears right away. There could be something happening that could trigger the story. It is never possible to change what happened because what happened, happened. Although, another story would gladly insist that what happened could have been different. That’s a lie. Is it possible to change the story about what happened? Yes. Thank goodness. This happens all the time, and a lot of times rather naturally. Like we have seen before, how something appears to be “remembered.” Oftentimes it depends from where (from what emotional state) it is remembered. Also, most of the time, seeing what supposedly has happened takes out at least some of the apparent intensity.
On another note: How can I truly, truly, truly know that something is remembered and not just a story that shows up, which has another story of “this has happened in the past” attached to it?
Then for a minute imagine yourself in two years’ time.
Can you see that image being created?
Yes, I can see that image being imagined, out of nothing, or maybe out of conditioning, with all its likes or don’t likes, with all its expectations.
Focus on here now. Let this what is be okay.
Is there much story in the present?
No—no thoughts, no story. The story seems to arise again whenever something appears to occur that isn’t welcomed. For example, right now when the neighbor is starting to cut his grass precisely when I’m dictating. Besides that, I just don’t like that noise. I like silence, quietness, which of course is also just a story.
How are the story and time connected?
Of course, the story needs time. Maybe, the story is time. They seem to be one and the same.
Thank you, Ilona, for playing with me.
Ilona: Brilliant. You are digging right in! Sweet.
On another note: How can I truly, truly, truly know that something is remembered and not just a story that shows up, which has another story of “this has happened in the past” attached to it?
Memory comes up as a familiar image with the story. Sensations, feelings are involved; it’s a rich experience of a story. All you can know is that it’s a story about the past, a story about imagined events with a different flavor.
What is here now—this is what is happening. Memory is a story about what is not happening right now. So is future—a story about what is not happening.
Have a look: can you find a container of stored stories?
Did I ask you to watch Alan Watts’s video? You can look it up on YouTube: Alan Watts’s “boat analogy” [see the video at https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=G4j6cUwCRmI]. It’s brilliant how he illustrates time.
The key is to recognize a story as a story.
Can you choose which stories are being told by the voice in the head?
Does it matter?
Sending love.
Friederich:
Can you find a container of stored stories?
Yes! And that container is located in Fort Knox, and traded at Wall Street, LOL. Of course, there isn’t any container of stored stories; maybe at best we could say that they all arise out of Infinite Consciousness. No thing.
Can you choose which stories are being told by the voice in the head?
Tricky question! It seems that it would depend: In general the story just seems to arise, but it would seem that I could focus on what kind of story I would like if I choose to focus. So in this sense, it would seem that I could choose to imagine a horror story or a love story, but from where or from what would that choice come? From where or from what would all the imagined details come? It would seem that as long as the story “I” am able to imagine is to my liking, I would easily say: “I imagine that story.” Whereas if the story is less pleasing I might say: “That story just arose.”
Does it matter?
For this unit here, it still does matter. I would prefer an interesting story over a story of ugliness, war, horror, cruelty, or the like. For example, I would rather prefer to walk again, and to do all the things I did back then, than lie in bed as I’m doing now. What if this preference comes from what is or from the I am that? I mean, where else could anything come from? And, is this not who I truly am?
Hugs to You.
Ilona:
In general, the story just seems to arise, but it would seem…
The word “seems” means that I haven’t checked something out yet, it equals “illusion.” It seems like, but is this the case in actuality?
In actuality, do you choose which story plays in the head?
The story “I can choose any story” is another story. Is that story true?
If you really could choose any story, would this story be the one being repeated over and over again?
The key is to see that stories are stories, not reality. Stories arise, and if emotional reaction is triggered, it can quickly escalate into full-blown drama. Thoughts come charged with emotions, more emotions trigger more thoughts, and here you go—madness!
Yes, you are in bed, not running around. If you resist this situation there is suffering. The only way out is through acceptance. Accepting this as it is fully without any “but.”
The journey of awakening is a journey of acceptance, surrender. The first thing to accept is the resistance itself. Reaction to a story is what keeps it going. Reaction of resistance. Resisting what is.
Without acc
epting resistance as a valid experience, we cannot move forward. Resistance is a friend: it’s showing the way into what else needs to be accepted.
So for a few minutes, feel your situation, feel it fully. Feel resistance and let all just be okay. Just for a couple of minutes, allow this to be okay as it is. If you can, welcome it all and bow in honor, thanking this. Keep at it for a bit.
See what happens.
Sending love.
Friederich: Well, in the way it is seen from here, I like to, whenever possible, let the doors open for something else. That I may, right now, not be able to see. From where I am right now, all that I can say is that I have absolutely no idea from where thoughts arise. At the very same time, there is also a feeling sense that it is all me. If I am truly all that is, then in some very mysterious way (that I have no clue as of yet, and maybe never will) I must be the authority on all thoughts and decisions, as well as all that is! I mean, there isn’t anybody else! Of course, it’s not the person. It’s like when Jesus supposedly said, “I and my father are one.” That’s why I also trust that all these desires to walk again, travel, play the accordion again, take photographs, ski, and so forth are there for a reason. Even if I would still identify myself with the person, those thoughts or desires would be there for a reason.
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