Pig-Heart Boy

by Malorie Blackman

  The noise was deafening – chatter and laughter and a couple of prods in the back from Andrew, who sat behind me. I grinned at him and looked around, glad to be back. There was Julie. She caught me watching her and immediately looked away. Now that I was like everyone else, maybe Julie and I . . . My face burning, I carried on looking around. I didn’t want anyone else to look at me and guess what I was thinking. Marlon stood over by the window, watching me. I hadn’t see him standing there when I’d been surrounded. He waited until the rest of us had sat down at our desks before coming over to sit next to me.

  ‘Cameron, can I talk to you?’ he whispered.

  I looked directly at him. ‘What about?’

  ‘I . . . I’m sorry about the newspaper article . . .’

  ‘Is that all you’ve got to say? You’re sorry?’

  Neither of us spoke above a fervent whisper. Mr Stewart was still chucking kids out of his class, but I didn’t want to attract his attention – or anyone else’s, for that matter.

  ‘What d’you want me to say?’ Marlon asked.

  ‘You promised me you wouldn’t tell anyone about my operation. Now we can’t get out of the house for the crowds. We can’t use our phone ’cos we’ve got people calling us day and night. We can’t even pick our noses in peace without our every movement being recorded and analysed. We have to keep all the upstairs curtains drawn to stop reporters trying to spy in from our neighbours’ houses. And we have you to thank for all of that.’

  ‘You don’t understand. I was upset about . . . about what might happen to you. Mum kept pestering me until I told her why I was moping around the house. I made her promise not to tell anyone, but she told Dad and he was the one who told the newspapers.’

  ‘I hear your family made a lot of money from selling me out.’ I was scornful.

  ‘It wasn’t me,’ Marlon protested. ‘Dad did it, not me.’

  ‘Excuse me, but I told you and only you. And I told you to keep it a secret. Don’t blame your dad because he can’t keep his mouth shut either. If you’d kept your promise, your dad would never have had a story to tell – or sell.’

  ‘I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I’m sorry! What more can I say? It won’t happen again – I promise.’

  ‘Too right it won’t happen again.’ My eyes narrowed as I regarded Marlon. ‘You must be nuts if you think I’d ever trust you with another secret.’

  ‘You can trust me. I won’t let you down again . . .’

  ‘Read my lips. You won’t get the chance. D’you get it? D’you dig it? D’you grab?!’

  ‘Er . . . that’s enough talking, thank you,’ Mr Stewart hollered. ‘What is the matter with everyone today? It’s just your ordinary, everyday, standard Monday morning, so let’s get on with it.’ He looked at me.

  Please don’t ask me to say a few words, I prayed. Please don’t.

  ‘Welcome back, Cameron.’ Mr Stewart smiled. ‘Now then, while I take the register you can all get out your maths books. Double maths first thing on a Monday morning. I love it!’

  I smiled my thanks at Mr Stewart. Thank goodness he hadn’t asked me to show myself up.

  ‘Here, Cam.’ Andrew prodded me in the back again. ‘We’re going swimming tomorrow afternoon after school. D’you want to come?’

  ‘Yeah, all right. Er . . . I’ll have to check and make sure it’s OK first,’ I amended.

  Now that I was well, I wouldn’t have to bend the truth any more about where I was going each Tuesday evening. I’d ask Mum and Dad if it was OK for me to go swimming. I was sure they’d say yes. Dr Bryce had said I could do anything I wanted, I just shouldn’t overdo it. My body needed time to build in strength and stamina after two years of no exercise because my old heart couldn’t take it. But now I had a new heart in me. That thought never ceased to amaze me. I took my pulse. It was strong and regular just the way it should be.

  ‘Are you OK?’ Marlon asked immediately.

  I frowned. ‘Yes. Why wouldn’t I be?’

  ‘You’re taking your pulse.’

  ‘So? I’m fine. Or are you looking for more info to sell to the papers?’

  The moment the words were out I was sorry. I opened my mouth to say so but Marlon had turned away and the moment was lost. I didn’t know what was wrong with me. I seemed to be lashing out – there was no other way to describe it – and I had no idea why. First Mum and Dad, then Travis, now Marlon.

  ‘If I was the one who’d had a heart transplant operation and you were the one who’d told, I would’ve forgiven you,’ Marlon said quietly.

  I looked at him. He looked straight ahead at the teacher.

  ‘I have forgiven you,’ I said.

  ‘No, you haven’t,’ Marlon replied.

  ‘Yes, I have.’

  Marlon looked at me. He just looked. And in that moment, I knew and he knew that I was lying. He was right. In spite of all the things I told myself about forgiving but not forgetting, I knew that I hadn’t forgiven Marlon. Deep inside, I was still angry. Deep inside, I was still hurt.

  For the rest of the double lesson Marlon and I listened to Mr Stewart drone on and did the exercises we were meant to in our maths books. But we didn’t say a word to each other. That was something that had never happened before. And I didn’t like it.

  Chapter Nineteen

  The Right Moment

  When the double lesson was over, I made a bee-line for Julie’s desk. I wanted to get to her before she left the classroom. If she was surrounded by all her friends, I’d never pluck up the courage to do this. As she looked up, I gave her what I hoped was my best smile. She got the teeth and all! Julie looked away, her expression serious. I wondered if she knew what was coming. Or had I done something to upset her? No, I couldn’t have. I’d only just got back to school, for goodness’ sake.

  Get a grip, Cam! I told myself sternly.

  It was now or never. I took a deep breath and forced myself to speak before I could chicken out. ‘Hi, Julie.’

  ‘Oh, hi, Cameron . . .’ There was a distinctly frosty look on Julie’s face. And it wasn’t getting better, it was getting worse.

  ‘How are you?’ I asked to fill the uncomfortable silence descending between us.

  Julie started reading the book in front of her. I might’ve thought she didn’t want to speak to me if it hadn’t been for the fact that the book was upside down and it took Julie several seconds to realize it.

  I smiled. ‘You might find this easier.’ And I picked up her book and turned it round for her. When I handed it back to her, she drew away as if I was about to slap her. My smile faded. ‘What’s the matter?’ I asked.

  ‘Nothing.’

  ‘Here you are.’ I tried to give back her book. She drew away even further. ‘Is something wrong?’ I asked.

  ‘Just leave it on my desk.’ Julie tried for a smile, but it came nowhere near her eyes.

  Puzzled, I regarded her. I had no idea what I’d done, but I’d obviously done something. Was she upset because I hadn’t told her all about my operation? I hadn’t told anyone all the facts, except Marlon. I couldn’t believe she wasn’t talking to me because of that.

  ‘What’re you reading anyway?’ This wasn’t going as well as I’d hoped I was looking for the right moment to invite Julie to the pictures, but the right moment was rapidly disappearing over the horizon. I looked at the cover of the book Julie had been reading. It was a book called Computer Ghost by some woman I’d never heard of before. The cover was good though. A whirling, swirling mist surrounding a computer screen.

  ‘Can I borrow it after you?’ I asked.

  ‘You can take it now if you like,’ Julie said quickly.

  ‘But you haven’t finished it . . .’

  ‘Yes, I have. I’ve already read it. I was just reading it again. Go on, take it.’

  And as I looked at Julie, it slowly dawned on me what was going on. She was scared of me. I couldn’t believe it and yet . . . and yet I was sure I was right.

  ‘I don’t bite,
you know.’ I tried to say it as a joke, but I couldn’t keep the edge out of my voice. I thrust the book back at Julie.

  She took a deep breath. ‘Look, Cam, I’m not being funny but Mum said you could have all kinds of germs and diseases in you now. Germs and diseases that are new to humans and dangerous. Mum said I wasn’t to go anywhere near you.’

  It was as if Julie had kicked me in the stomach. I was only vaguely aware of the stillness rippling through the classroom. I stared at Julie. She frowned at me.

  ‘I don’t want to be mean, but you wouldn’t take the hint,’ she whispered.

  ‘Julie, it’s still me – inside and out. I haven’t changed.’

  ‘You’ve got a pig’s heart inside you. Of course you’ve changed,’ Julie said, her voice fearful – and angry because of it.

  ‘I haven’t got any germs or diseases,’ I protested. My mouth felt as if it was filled with ashes and they were choking me.

  ‘You don’t know that. Not for sure. My mum said . . .’

  ‘I don’t give a stuff what your mum said. What do you say?’ I asked.

  ‘Cameron, can we just leave it?’ Julie looked around the classroom, embarrassed. I didn’t take my eyes off her.

  ‘What do you say?’ I asked again.

  It was like having a sore tooth that you keep prodding with your tongue even though it hurts, or a scab you keep picking. I knew I should walk away. I knew I should just leave, but I had to hear her say it.

  ‘I think Mum’s right. You’ve got a pig’s heart inside you, so how d’you know what’s going on in your body now?’

  Slowly, I put the book back down on Julie’s desk. I looked around the classroom. Some people couldn’t meet my eyes and they looked away. Others looked straight back at me. I realized that Julie wasn’t alone. Some of the others didn’t like the idea of being near me either. I’d been so blinded by all the people surrounding me earlier that I hadn’t noticed the ones who kept well away.

  I looked down at the ground. I couldn’t bear to catch anyone else’s eye. Turning, I left the classroom, quietly shutting the door behind me.

  Chapter Twenty

  Nan

  ‘How was school today?’ Mum asked.

  School was over and we were driving back home. I sighed and looked out of the windscreen. ‘Complicated,’ I replied at last.

  ‘Ah!’ Mum didn’t say anything else and she didn’t ask why.

  To be honest, for once I wouldn’t have minded if she had asked me to explain. On the way home I tried a couple of times to tell her what Julie had said. More than once I tried to tell her about me and Marlon, but the right moment and the right words never really presented themselves.

  When we got home, there was a crowd of only about twenty people. A definite improvement.

  At the expression on my face, Mum said, ‘Yes, I know! By the end of the week let’s hope they’ll all be gone.’

  With a policewoman’s help we managed to reach our house without too much pushing and shoving. At least on this front, things were getting better. I walked into the living room, where I got a wonderful surprise.

  ‘Nan!’

  ‘Cameron, you goose! How are you?’

  Nan threw down the magazine she was reading, sprang off the sofa and gave me a big hug. I was so pleased to see her that I let her!

  ‘So what’s all this about you having a pig’s innards in your chest?’ Nan thumped the back of her hand against my chest. ‘And why do I have to buy the Daily Press to find out what’s going on with my own grandson?’

  ‘We told you Cam was going to have a heart transplant,’ Mum tried.

  ‘You didn’t say where the heart was coming from though, did you?’

  Mum sighed. ‘I’ve been getting grief for that all day.’

  I made the big mistake of trying to explain. ‘Nan, we couldn’t tell anyone. Dr Bryce told us not to.’

  ‘And just when did I become – anyone! I’m your nan – not anyone.’

  ‘Mother, don’t start again. Please,’ Mum pleaded. ‘And we did phone you as soon as the story hit the newspapers.’

  ‘Hhumph!’ Nan sniffed. ‘It was a little late by then, don’t you think?’ When Mum looked suitably contrite, Nan softened a little. A very little. ‘Anyway, I saw all of you on the telly and I saw the crowds outside your house. You obviously need me here.’

  ‘With you here, we don’t need the police,’ I murmured.

  Nan smiled. ‘Thank you, Cameron – I think!’

  I’d forgotten she had ears like a bat! And eyes like a spy satellite. Not much got past my nan. She was looking more tired than the last time I’d seen her though. I looked at her, really looked at her, and for the first time she appeared . . . old. She seemed smaller, more fragile. Her shoulders dropped and even when she smiled it was as if a sigh wasn’t too far away.

  Mum moved over to the sofa and picked up Nan’s magazine. I saw her shake her head. She held it up behind Nan’s back for me to see. It was a magazine about coffins!

  ‘Nan, why’re you reading that?’ I asked, pointing to it with distaste.

  Nan turned to see what I was talking about. ‘Cam, I’m no spring chicken any more and I have to think about these things. I’m going to be in my coffin a long time, so I want to make sure I pick out one that’s comfortable.’

  Mum shook her head even more at that. I know I should’ve been used to Nan by now but I still thought the idea was really morbid.

  ‘Right! Well, I’ll leave you two to it. I’m off to do some food shopping,’ said Mum, leaving the room. ‘I think we’ll see about getting our phone number changed as well, seeing as how our number has been leaked to the press.’

  Nan took my arm and we went over to the window. ‘Your fan club?’ she said drily. ‘You should attach a garden hose to the cold tap in the bathroom and let them all have it!’

  ‘OK, Mum. Drive safely. ’Bye, Mum!’ From the hall, Mum called out all the things I suppose I should’ve said to her.

  ‘’Bye, Mum,’ I called back.

  ‘Huh!’ Mum guffawed.

  She retrieved her car keys from the hall table and I heard our front door open and close. Nan sat down on the sofa, then patted the space next to her. I sat down eagerly.

  ‘So, how’re you doing?’ she asked without preamble.

  ‘Fine, I guess,’ I answered lightly.

  Nan gave me a look. ‘This is your nan you’re talking to, not your mum and dad. I’ll ask you again, how’re you doing?’

  I sighed and slumped right back on the sofa. ‘I suppose I’m all right. I’ve never been healthier. I’ve never felt so fit . . .’

  ‘But?’

  ‘But suddenly everything seems so complicated,’ I admitted.

  ‘In what way?’

  ‘Did Mum tell you we were offered a lot of money for our story?’

  ‘Yes.’

  ‘What do you think of that?’

  ‘I think your mum and dad should take the money and run. If the papers are stupid enough to offer that kind of money then I would grab it with both hands. But I appreciate your mum’s reasons.’

  ‘They were offering a whole lot of money.’ I couldn’t keep the wistful note out of my voice.

  ‘That’s ’cos they have more money than sense,’ Nan said scathingly.

  We sat in silence for a while, but it wasn’t an uneasy silence. Nan knew there was more coming. She was just letting me tell it in my own time.

  ‘Dr Bryce made us promise not to tell anyone about the operation,’ I began at last. ‘Not even you, although Mum and Dad wanted to. The only thing we could tell anyone was that I was having a heart transplant. We couldn’t say where the heart was coming from. But . . . but I told my best friend, Marlon. He promised me he wouldn’t tell anyone else, but . . .’

  ‘But that’s how it got into the papers?’

  I nodded. ‘Marlon says his dad told the papers, but then Marlon shouldn’t have blabbed it to his mum and dad in the first place.’

&n
bsp; ‘You mean, the way you shouldn’t have blabbed it to Marlon in the first place?’ Nan asked.

  ‘That’s different,’ I said at once.

  ‘How so?’

  ‘It was my secret to tell,’ I said, annoyed. ‘It wasn’t Marlon’s.’

  ‘True.’

  ‘There! I knew you’d understand,’ I said, relieved.

  ‘Understand what?’

  ‘Today was the first time I’ve seen Marlon since my operation and . . . well, we argued this morning and we’ve barely said five sentences to each other since.’

  ‘Who’s not talking to whom?’

  ‘I guess I’m not talking to him,’ I admitted.

  ‘Why?’

  ‘I just told you why.’ I frowned. I could feel Nan’s sympathy for my point of view evaporating.

  ‘Because he made a mistake?’ Nan raised her eyebrows.

  ‘It was a bit more than that,’ I protested.

  Nan sighed. ‘Cameron, in this life you’ll find that when you get right down to it, things are rarely as complicated as they seem. It seems to me quite simple really. Your friend made a mistake – something we all do, including you. You now have to decide if you’re going to spend the rest of your life bearing a grudge or not. And believe me, life is too short for that kind of nonsense. Even at my advanced years, life is too short.’

  I stared at Nan. Was that really what I was doing? ‘I don’t bear grudges.’

  ‘Glad to hear it,’ said Nan. ‘Don’t start either. So did anything else happen today?’

  I looked at Nan and shook my head. Now that the moment had arrived, I didn’t want to tell her about Julie. I didn’t want to tell anyone. Just thinking about it did funny things to my insides. After my operation I thought I’d be just like everyone else. That was my whole reason for doing it. Only I hadn’t realized that some people like Julie and her mum might think otherwise.

  I thought about the times before my operation when every time I’d looked up from my desk Julie was there smiling at me. I think Marlon was right. Julie had liked me before my operation. Now all that had changed. It was strange the way things worked out.