There was no shock or judgement in her voice when she said, “Good for you, honey.”
The door opened, making both of them jump, Matt moving quickly in front of Helen. When he saw Steve and Stacy, he didn’t understand. “What are you doing here?”
“We were going to ask you the same damn thing,” Steve shouted.
He was still in front of Helen, but she whispered, “You told them! You lied!”
He moved out, facing her, pleading, “Believe me, please! I didn’t tell them anything!”
“Your phone!”
“No,” Stacy said, her voice soothing. “He left in my rental car. They all have Lojacks in case they’re stolen.”
Helen started to rush out past them, but Steve stood in her way. “What the hell is going on here? Who are you?”
Matt’s fury came up, dragging from the sadness from Dean’s death, the fear from his own beating, the confusion over Steve, all of it churning for days until it came out in a roar, “Leave her alone!”
Steve stopped his scowling, eyes widening, and Stacy was the one to step in front of him. “Matt, listen-”
“No, you two listen! If I’d wanted you with me, I’d have brought you! You have no business here!” He could see the hurt he was causing Steve, but he couldn’t help himself. He railed on, “You both following me, asking me every two seconds if I’m okay, hovering over me like you’re my parents! You’re not my parents! You had no right to follow me, and now you could put her in danger!”
He locked eyes with Steve and accused, “You flirting with that guy, who we all know you should be with rather than me.” Then he turned on Stacy. “And you acting like my mother when I just needed a damn friend! I can’t do this anymore! I can’t do any of it, any of it! Just leave me the hell alone!”
Helen was the one who finally stopped his screaming. “Matt! Stop!”
She was in his face, shaking him by the shoulders and he broke down, crying as she brought him in to hold him tightly.
“Shh, I know. I know it hurts.”
He felt like the child he’d just accused them of treating him like, but he didn’t care. Dean was gone, his whole family were sworn to never speak to him again, his father would keep getting away with hurting girls and their families, and there was nothing he could do about any of it. He’d been fooling himself to think he could.
“Shh. Matt, stop blaming them. It’s not them.”
He opened his eyes and through the tears he saw Steve, pale and sick as his eyes pled with Matt. He knew he’d been wrong to yell, been wrong to lie to them, to run off without a word to them. But Steve, he was sure that Steve felt betrayed, and he never wanted that.
Letting go of Helen, he went to Steve and asked, “Can you forgive me?”
Hands were cupping his cheeks, Steve’s teary eyes searching his. “Yeah, I can, if you can forgive me. I swear, Pat…I just met the guy and I already know he could never mean a damn thing to me. You know why?”
Not that it was easy with Steve holding his face, but he shook his head slowly.
“Because…I love you, dammit. You are my guy. I knew it from the first time I saw you. Bruises and swollen eye and all. No one in the entire world will ever mean anything to me like you do, and I really fucking hate that I’m saying this to you for the first time in a fucking rest area men’s room!”
He let out a breathy laugh on the edge of his sob and let Steve take him into his arms. He could barely choke it out, but he said, “I love you too, ya know? I was supposed to say it first.”
“Yeah, you were.”
He cried in Steve’s arms like he was crying out everything he’d felt for his entire life. It came and he thought it would never stop, but when it did, he was being handed big gobs of cheap, one-ply toilet paper to wipe his eyes and nose with.
Stacy said to Helen, “I guess we should introduce ourselves. I’m Stacy and this is Steve. We’re not going to bring the law on you, I swear it.”
He watched Helen stick out her hand and as Stacy took it, they shook and Helen told her, “I’ll get him riled back up if you even think about it.” She winked at Stacy and Matt wiped his eyes with the paper.
“I guess I have a lot to explain, then.”
Chapter Seventeen
Helen wouldn’t go to Steve’s house, and she didn’t want anyone knowing where she was staying, so they went to a park, Helen following behind them by a few cars to make sure they weren’t being followed.
Her paranoia was warranted. The stories they all told about being hunted by the prophets from several compounds, the goons waiting for them outside of stores and laundromats, gave them a well-earned respect for watching their backs.
They all sat at the picnic table and Helen’s eyes never stopped darting around while she explained who she was to Stacy and Steve.
“After I left my sect, I was as lost as all those boys taken to the edges of towns and dropped off. I was a lost boy, but what was worse was that I couldn’t let it lie. Some of the boys, you know, they numb themselves with booze and drugs, sex, whatever. I tried that, of course, but it didn’t help. The more I drank, the more I’d cry. I had to do something. I knew that would be the only way to get my own life back.
“When I heard what was going on, them taking girls away and them never heard of again, that sickened me. The whole point of their ideas about polygamy and having a ton of kids was that the family was to meet up in the afterlife. How is a girl sold to who the heck knew who, how was she going to fulfill that which they hold so dear? I mean, I knew the true intentions of our founders. I knew that Joseph Smith wanted people’s money and to have more than one wife! I was fooled about it for a long time, it’s brainwashing, like any other cult, but I came around.”
Matt nodded along and added, “It’s hard not to, once you’re on the outside of it. Inside is a different story.”
“That’s it. See, even the girls we want to save don’t want to be. They think they are paving their way to this grand eternal life, when they are just signing on to slavery in the here and now. Brood mares, servants, that’s all they are. Sure, there is love in certain homes. My father adored my mother, but some of his other wives were all but ignored. That’s the way it is in most homes.
“Well, we’ve only been able to help about four girls from this compound here, where Matt’s daddy is the prophet. Or will be, however the hell that is working out for them. We’ve been lucky so far, in that they all looked like runaways.”
“Daddy would put the compound on lockdown after each one, but they did all seem to just run away, so he didn’t get too suspicious. The only time he got up in arms was when the sheriffs came to look around, but even then, he was pretty sure nothing would come of any of it.”
“Who is going to believe the girls?” Helen was getting red in the face from her anger, but she didn’t show it other than that. “You go into this place and you see these kids playing, mothers smiling as they did their work, men chopping wood and carrying the bible. Freedom of religion and all, well, there is little to be done about any of it. Unless they get caught right at it, there’s nothing to be done, so…so we just help the girls best we can.”
Stacy was red as well, but she did show her anger besides that in her heated glare and thin lips. “We’ll get them if it’s the last thing we ever do.”
“It might be,” Helen warned. “I know they seem like hicks and a bunch of mongrels, and they are, to a point. They’re not stupid, though, and they have the instincts of the mob. Set up like one too. Everyone gives tribute to the mob boss, in this case the prophet. Some of the money goes into the business and most stays in his pocket.
“They run guns and drugs when they have to, take legitimate businesses and make them crooked, all under the guise of helping their own. See, all the sins that they preach against are fine, if they can make money from it. Drugs and drinking are forbidden on the compound, but they are fine to sell to those nonbelievers. They’re going to hell anyway, so who cares what they do
to their bodies here?”
“But the girls,” Steve started, his voice imploring. “Being sold to those sinners?”
“Girls are a commodity. They always have been on these compounds. They are bought and traded for favors on every compound. A young, pretty girl comes of age, which means she’s gotten her period, and suddenly all the old men start doing favors for the prophet to gain enough points that when she is given to someone in marriage, they are the one chosen. It’s no different than has been done for centuries. They’ve simply chosen to ignore women’s rights movements and sexual politics.”
Matt felt it was his time to speak, though it was hard. “They found out I helped the last girl run off, and they came after me, found me. I couldn’t tell you all about her. About Helen. It wasn’t my secret to tell.”
“We understand, Matt,” Steve assured. “Though…I’m sure Pat would want to talk to the girls.”
“I’d agree with you,” Helen told him, “if it wasn’t for the fact that none of the girls saw where they were going. They simply think they were being taken to some other compound to marry a man and live the principle. We never told them what we suspected. And most of the girls I’ve moved simply didn’t want to marry old men. Most ran before their wedding days. We don’t have a lot for you, if anything, that can be used to stop them.”
Matt felt the disappointment from the two, but they didn’t show it. Steve commended, “Helen, no matter if they’re stopped or not, what you’re doing is wonderful. I can’t imagine the feeling of helping them like you’re doing.”
“It does feel good, those few precious moments when I know I’ve helped. Then I’m back in the dark of it all, knowing for every one I’ve helped, there are a hundred that I can’t get to.”
“The federal agent we’ve been dealing with, he can help you,” Steve told her.
Helen started to rise from the table as she said, “No thanks. There’s nothing he could do for me or my people.”
Matt couldn’t look at him. That was twice he’d mentioned Pat Castaldo, and though it was probably innocent, all it told Matt was that the fed wasn’t far from his mind.
Helen left after assuring she’d be in a different place with a different phone before the night was over, and Matt hugged her goodbye, promising to keep everyone from her for as long as he could.
As he drove back with Stacy, letting Steve drive the car they’d hunted him in, he was quiet, worried, and heart sore.
He was glad he got no lectures from her. That was something he couldn’t take. When they got back to Steve’s, as he was exiting Stacy’s rental car, he saw the man gazing over at him, hurt, wounded like a puppy.
The fed was standing on the porch, fuming, demanding to know where he’d gone, but not one of the three told him. Matt was glad they kept Helen to themselves.
He walked past him, and once he was in the bedroom, those pictures so huge on the walls, he knew it was Steve when the door opened, and he knew what he had to do.
Before Steve could utter a word, he grabbed him by the shoulders and threw him on the bed roughly. Steve, shocked, moved up on his elbows but didn’t say a word as Matt stripped off his shirt and let it fall to the floor.
Crawling over him, he lay a hand on Steve’s chest, pushing him to the bed and he straddled his hips as he glared down on him, feeling the heart pounding under his hand. “You’re mine! You told me you loved me. That’s the deal. You love me, I love you, so you’re mine. No more with these,” he said, waving a hand in the direction of the Tom of Finland prints.
Steve was under him, and that felt good, though after all they’d been through that day, he knew it shouldn’t. “I’d do anything for you.”
Those words washed over him, and again, he felt guilty for needing them so much. “Yeah. I know,” he said, his voice weakening. “Thing is, I want to do for you. I want to take care of you. I want to love you like no one else in the world ever could. Even him,” he said, with a nod toward the door.
Unable to move with Matt’s hand on his chest, Steve vowed, “I only want you, Matt. I am yours. Body, soul, mind, and heart. I’ve waited for you my whole life. You’re too young for me, you have been through hell, and I know I should leave you be until you’re healed from this. Only thing is, I can’t. That makes me the selfish one, not you. It’s not wrong for you to love me.”
How he knew that was how he felt was unfathomable, but it was true. From the second he knew his feelings for Steve, he’d felt wrong, felt like he was being selfish and cruel. Then, knowing he wanted to control him, feel his shivering body under him, made it worse.
There were more words, but he knew they weren’t needed. Not with the man that knew him possibly better than he knew himself. He moved down to him, kissing him tenderly, eyes open to see Steve’s beautiful face.
The kiss turned quickly passionate, but Matt held back. He wanted to ravage Steve, tear his clothes from his body, fuck him so hard they’d break the bed, but there was something else he had to do before that could happen.
It may be animal, before humans knew manners, and where to draw lines, but Steve was his, his possession, his love, the person he wanted for the rest of his life. Territorial, he had to stake his claim.
“I’ll be back,” he said, climbing off the bed and snatching his shirt from the floor. Before he left the room, he called over his shoulder, “Don’t move.”
The door slammed, and he liked the sound. It punctuated his words perfectly. He stormed through the house, determined to find the tall, broad man and have it out, and when he found him, finger wagging in Stacy’s face, he did just that.
Wedging himself in between them, he faced Pat and calmly asked, “Can I have a word…outside?”
With his jaw set and his eyes stony, he nodded once and followed Matt outside.
He knew the porch was too close and Stacy was nosy, as went with her profession, so he led them down past the cars to the trees closer to the road.
Pat stood unmoving, the shade darkening his eyes. “I’m not trying to fight you. For one, you’re bigger than I am, and another, I don’t exactly want to go to jail for hitting a federal cop. All I’m saying is that he’s mine. I love him, and he says he loves me. That’s all I have to know. I’ve seen the way you look at him. It’s the same way I feel like I must look. He’s special, there’s no doubt about that, and maybe I don’t deserve him, or maybe I’m too young and compound stupid to know the difference, but all I have to go on is what’s in my heart. That says this is right. So, I’m not asking you, I’m telling you. Back off.”
For a long time, Pat didn’t say a thing. When he did, his voice was firm, but the words were kind. “I can respect that. He is a sweet man, there’s no doubt of that. I’m glad he has someone so willing to fight for him.”
“So you admit you wanted him.”
“Hey, man, I only met him recently, but yeah, he’s great. Handsome, smart, knows the job, the life. I may have been flirting. If he’s with you, then fine, but I think that’s a mistake. You’re not ready for a relationship, with him or anyone.”
“Let me be the judge of that.”
An ironic smile crossed his lips. “Ever heard the saying, a doctor who treats himself has a fool for a patient?”
Matt didn’t understand the reference, but he didn’t show that. He wouldn’t give the man the satisfaction. “What’s your point?”
“You judging your own mental health is ridiculous. You’ve been in a cult your whole life, and if you don’t think there is going to be big time repercussions over that, you’re literally crazy. You’ll need therapy for years, deprogramming. Like it or not, a lot of the things you were taught will hang on and dragging him into the middle of that is selfish as fuck. Believe it or not, but I’m not saying this to break you two apart so I can step in. I’d tell you the same thing if you were straight and it was with a girl you were starting a relationship.”
He thought the conversation would be smooth, that the man could be a professional, and maybe
he was, but all it was doing was pissing him off more. “Stay away from him.”
He walked away, but that didn’t mean Pat was done.
“Do him and yourself a favor, kid. Leave it alone.”
Stacy was on the porch and he tried to get past her, but she didn’t allow that. “What did he say to you?”
He stopped, didn’t turn to her, staring at the front door, knowing that inside the home, Steve waited for him. “A lot.”
“It must have gotten to you. You look like you’re on the verge of tears or homicide.”
“Maybe both,” he said, feeling his shoulders loosen. As he dropped his head, he implored, “Am I messing this up, Stacy? Should I leave Steve alone?”
She didn’t answer right away, and that led him to believe he knew the answer, but she surprised him. “I think Steve is good for you. He gives you a reason to think about yourself. You’ve been so focused on all the people you want to help that you were almost killed. If love is a bad thing, I’ve never heard about it.”
He faced her, and saw her eyes were on him, waiting, possibly hoping that her words had helped. “I don’t want to get him into this, Stacy. What if he gets hurt? What if I can’t give him the attention he deserves, or if I am so messed up that I can’t be the guy he needs me to be?”
“Honey, you’re already the guy he needs you to be. He fell for you, like you are right now. Bruised, hurting inside and out, messed up from all this, thinking about all this, everything you are possibly worried about doing to him in the future.”
It was true, this was his lowest, the lowest he’d ever been. Almost dying, then finding these people who cared without reason. “I love him. I can’t stop that, but I could stop all this right now. I could go work with Helen and stay away from him.”
“Yeah, you could, and that would break both your hearts. What good would that do? Why don’t you let him help you in all this, like he’s begging to do?”
“What?”
The Principle (Legacy Book 2) Page 17