Soul Seeking

by R. Michael Card

  A tree slammed down into the merchant’s shop sending bits of wood, either from the tree or the roof, in all directions. As the roof caved in at the front of the shop, Jais ducked behind the counter which protected him from most of the flying debris.

  Somewhere outside he heard Caerwyn’s distant voice shout for “Davlas” and hoped she was faring well. He rose, spinning to face the lead kroll as it withdrew the tree from the shop. There were barely any complete branches on the weapon anymore, only jagged, spiky stumps.

  Jais charged the beast, hoping he’d be able to get to it before it could swing again. The front door of the shop was already broken open, from when he’d barged into the place, so he ran through that opening and, with both hands on the hilt of that fancy sword, leapt up and swung a great overhead chop at the arm holding the tree. He didn’t know if it was the sword or his strength or his momentum, but he cut cleanly through the thing’s spindly arm, landing on the far side of it. Even before it had a chance to turn he was in action. He sliced high across its back, the blade biting deep and drawing a lot of goo, which Jais assumed was akin to its blood.

  As the kroll turned, he swung again at its leg. The sword cut cleanly once again, and he severed the beast’s leg. The kroll screamed a feral cry.

  There was a stupefied moment as he looked at the sword. This blade was certainly something!

  Then the kroll fell on him.

  He raised his sword — the only thing he could think to do, in the fraction of a moment he had — before a great weight slammed him into the ground. The impact blew the breath from him, which was a problem, because the weight of the beast pressed on him so hard he couldn’t draw breath.

  Thick goo from the wounds on the thing’s back oozed over Jais’ legs and chest. The sword, still stuck in the thing’s back, had just barely missed Jais, ending up between his arm and his body, the cross guard biting into his side. The kroll wasn’t moving, and Jais was fairly certain it wouldn’t. It was dead, or wounded enough as to be unconscious.

  He had landed on his back and, when the sword had been torn from his hands, he’d tried in vain to ‘catch’ the falling beast. So his hands were both facing outward, on it, but pressed back into his shoulders at the moment. His only hope was to try to push the thing off him.

  His lungs had already been worn ragged from the run, and they ached for air even more now. He pressed upward. He’d lifted a kroll off its feet before but that had been using its momentum and himself as a pivot point. This was far different and required raw strength. His wrists protested first, then forearms, then his upper arms and shoulders, even his chest strained to push the beast off him. He would have been grunting and yelling if he’d had any breath to do so.

  Harder and harder he pressed, putting everything he had into the effort, growing more and more desperate as his heartbeats ticked away the moments without air.

  It was only an inch, but he managed to lift the kroll.

  He gasped in a desperate breath, then gulped in several more, while still holding the thing only barely above him, his arms straining, shaking. But he could breathe now, and air made all the difference.

  Now he did shout, a savage cry as he pushed at the thing. His trembling arms moved farther, pushing harder. He felt every muscle in his body grow taut, and with a final bellow and a single forceful shove, he threw the thing off him.

  He had a moment to recover. Yet even in that moment he sensed more danger close by. From his prone position he tried to see what was going on.

  He rolled his head around and scanned what he could while still catching his breath and giving his body a break. He caught glimpses of Caerwyn, still upright and dancing around in a deadly display of her incredible prowess. She was facing both of the other two krolls and somehow keeping them both at bay.

  He rolled his head to the other side and saw Barami sprinting toward them to help. He also saw Alnia staring at him, eyes wide and mouth agape. She’d seen him push the kroll off, it was clear from her expression. Danz, it seemed, had missed it… perhaps… as the other boy was nowhere in sight. Jais groaned, knowing this was going to require some explaining later.

  He rose slowly. There wasn’t a part of him that didn’t ache, but he seemed to have escaped any major damage, which was lucky. As he drew to a sitting position he saw that with both Barami and Caerwyn in the fray the two krolls were being pushed back, farther and farther away.

  He should help.

  He pulled his newly acquired blade from the kroll’s back as he rose, then plunged it in again a few times to ensure the beast was dead and not just unconscious.

  As he drew the sword out the final time, he heard a tentative voice nearby. “Jais?” It was Alnia of course. She’d drawn closer.

  He turned to her. Her face was a mask of confusion, fear, and joy. Her hands were trembling at her sides.

  “How…?”

  “I need to go help the others, I’ll explain later.”

  She nodded, the motion seemed more habitual than in response to his words. He took the two steps over to her — nearly stumbling on his aching legs — and gave her a light kiss on the cheek. Her hand came up and touched his face almost as if to check to see if he was real.

  “I saw…” Her eyes were distant.

  This was going to be a long conversation.

  “I know. I need to go. You shouldn’t be near here. Run off to the Ox and Axe. I’ll see you there when we’re done.”

  She nodded. Again it seemed more out of habit than a response to him.

  “Good.” He kissed her again, then made sure she was on her way before returning to the fight.

  He took in the scene before him. The mill was half crushed and burning, the merchant’s shop was partially caved in and would need a new roof. Several other buildings nearby had taken minor damage as well.

  The two remaining krolls were both injured, but the wounds seemed minor. It was clear from several pinprick holes, that Caerwyn had been peppering both of them with Davlas, but he got the feeling she’d been doing more avoiding than attacking, until Barami had arrived at least. Now the two warriors were facing off against their respective beasts, but even so they were still mostly on the defensive. The two of them seemed tired, both breathing heavily and swaying on their feet.

  The krolls they’d fought in the forest had been more aggressive, charging in and taking damage. These two beasts seemed to be a little more cautious, avoiding damage where they could. Jais didn’t know much about the creatures, but somehow that seemed odd.

  Hopefully with him joining the other two, this would end quicker.

  The excitement of battle made his aches dissipate, his pain a distant thing. He came around the side of one of the beasts, the one Barami was fighting, and with a shout, leapt in suddenly as it swung down at the aged warrior. Barami was blocking the blow with this shield, which looked a little dented at the moment, but Jais’ attack caught the kroll’s arm and — with his new sword, which he was quickly learning to like — severed the creature’s limb. The arm fell to the ground and Jais landed next to it. Barami looked up surprised, but said nothing, moving in to attack.

  Jais followed.

  Between the two of them they cut that kroll up fairly quickly. It bellowed as it went down, before Jais removed its head.

  He was panting like a spent horse, shoulders and chest heaving.

  Not far away Barami was doing the same, kneeling and leaning heavily on his shield. “By the gods I didn’t think I could do that!” The dark-skinned man then looked at Jais with a new respect in his eyes. “And you…” He shook his head, perhaps at a loss for words. Jais nodded back, admiring how a man of Barami’s age had run here then gone straight into battle. That couldn’t have been easy.

  “It’s getting away!” came a distant shout from Caerwyn.

  Jais looked. She was throwing Davlas in a last ditch effort to stop the thing, but it was sprinting. Long, strong legs carried it quickly away. Jais was certain none of them would be able to cat
ch it. Davlas did little to hinder it, and Caerwyn called the spear back as she stopped her pursuit.

  “What in all the Shadowed Places?” This was from Barami close behind Jais. “None of this makes any sense! Where are all these Shadow Spawned things coming from?”

  Jais had an uneasy feeling about this whole thing himself. Whether it was the number of them or how they had fought so carefully, he wasn’t certain, but he just felt like something was terribly wrong. Some voice in his head screamed at him that there was more going on here.

  He jogged over to see how Caerwyn was doing. She looked exhausted. A few strands of hair had escaped the tied back pony tail and were plastered to her face. She was leaning over, hands on knees, breathing hard.

  She looked uninjured.

  “What happened?” he asked. She turned her head toward him, and her face lit up.

  “By Lansus! You’re alive!” She was up in an instant and rushed to him. He was quite surprised to find her arms tight around him in a fierce embrace. “I saw that thing land on you and…” Her words were a little muffled, her face in his shoulder.

  He didn’t know what to make of this. She’d never shown him this degree of affection before. Perhaps this was just her way of congratulating him?

  She was nothing like Alnia: smelly, sweaty and hard, and certainly much more aggressive in her affections. Alnia’s embrace would be a soft and yielding thing.

  “I’m glad you are well too,” he said slowly. He gave her a perfunctory hug with a pat on the back.

  She drew back suddenly. She was breathing hard still, and she gave him an odd looking smile. “Yes, of course. I am well. We are… well.” An odd expression passed over her face, almost as if she were arguing with herself about how she felt: intimate and friendly or assertive and commanding. “I’m just so glad you’re alive.” She settled on an all-business look and nodded to him. Then she flashed a smile that didn’t seem completely genuine.

  Jais didn’t know what to make of any of that.

  Then she spoke, and words seemed to burst forth from her almost as if she had little control of it. “Jais, there is something I need to ask you before anything else happens. I’ve tried so many times, but something keeps getting in the way, and I won’t allow that to happen anymore. I don’t know the right way to say this, so I’m just going to say it. I want to have a child, a drahksan child. And I need another drahksani to help me create that child. I don’t want a husband. I’m not looking for anything emotional. I plan on taking care of the child on my own. But I need you to help me with this. Will you help to give me a child?”

  Her eyes were wide, seemingly surprised at herself and her own words.

  Jais was more than a little taken aback by this as well. He didn’t know what to say. He stood there dumbfounded for a long moment, blinking. His only utterance was a drawn out, “Ahhhhhhhh.”

  The worry and shock on her face turned to a pained expression of need.

  She stepped closer and took his hand. “Please, Jais. I need this, and you’re the only one who can help me.”

  “I… I don’t know,” he managed to stammer.

  Her lips tightened, and she nodded. She gave a weak smile, which looked so very out of place on her face. Letting his hand drop she turned away. He was certain she was on the brink of tears — something else which seemed foreign on her.

  “I understand,” she said with a quaver to her voice.

  “I don’t!” Barami said stepping up to Jais. “You’re going to listen to me boy!”

  11

  She’d done it.

  She finally told Jais her desire, asked him for his help. She’d found words, even if they’d been awkward, and — well it didn’t matter that now wasn’t a good time, she’d needed to say them.

  And Jais had stood there struck dumb.

  She’d had to turn away to hide her tears. She felt as wrecked as the town looked. The village around them was in shambles. The mill was still burning, the merchant’s shop a mess, and several other buildings had suffered from the wrath of the krolls. But they could be repaired. Could she fix this strange tear she felt in her heart?

  She’d bared her soul to this man. She knew it was a lot to take in, but she’d thought at least he might be… flattered? She hadn’t known what he’d say, how he’d react, but that look of shear panic on his face hadn’t been it. It wasn’t like she was asking for him to give his life for her or anything so demanding. She didn’t think it would be a big thing. He’d probably enjoy it… but then…

  Perhaps that was it.

  Never once before in her life had Caerwyn questioned her looks. She’d never cared to, never needed to. It didn’t matter how she looked in a fight. Looks only seemed to matter if one was looking for a life-partner. She wasn’t even doing that, but perhaps she was just so hideous that the thought of mating with her wasn’t even a pleasant concept?

  She tried to put a quick lid on that line of thought. It was petty and childish and not like her at all, but still her thoughts whirled and pounded inside her head. She was still exhausted from the sprint, then straight into a fight. She didn’t feel strong in any way at the moment, and it was a terrifying feeling for her.

  How had this gone so wrong?

  Then she heard Barami talking.

  “You’re going to listen to me boy!”

  Jais didn’t respond, and Barami barreled on. “I know you’ve been through a lot these last few days, and this was probably the last thing you were expecting, but Caer just did something very difficult for her. She deserves something more than an ‘I don’t know’.”

  “But…” Jais still seemed as stunned as he had before.

  “But nothing!” Barami was getting angry. “I can’t believe you’d…” Barami huffed and there seemed a long moment when she could hear him drawing long deep breaths.

  “Do you understand what Caer asked of you?” Barami asked.

  “Yes,” Jais stammered.

  “All she wants is the child. Once she has that we’ll be on our way. You won’t have to see either of us again. You won’t need to leave your girl, though I suspect there will be an awkward conversation as you try to explain this all to her. That’s all it will cost you. That and a little time and energy which I can’t imagine would be so horrible. I know she caught you off guard, boy, but what’s the problem?”

  “I… I don’t know. It was a bit of a shock. People generally don’t… ask for something like that.”

  “But you understand why—?”

  “Yes,” Jais said. “I know why it has to be me. I get that. I just… well people don’t ask that sort of thing!”

  “Well she is, so get over yourself. Either tell her yes or tell her no, and we’ll be gone from this place. Which will it be, boy?”

  “Barami,” Caerwyn said, the man was being too hard on Jais. Yet even as she said it Jais spoke in unison with her.

  “I’ll do it!”

  She blinked the tears from her eyes and risked a glance at him. He had his arms up in the air in a sign of defeat. So it would be a hardship for him?

  She didn’t know why that stung, but it did.

  Jais’ gaze caught hers, and his arms fell.

  “Caerwyn…” The young man’s words failed him. “I’m sorry.”

  Sorry? What was he sorry for? He wasn’t the one putting her on the spot by asking such a thing from her. She should be apologizing. She looked away again.

  “I’m sorry I reacted like that.”

  Oh.

  A strong hand fell on her shoulder. Jais’ voice was closer this time. “I know that must have been hard for you, and I didn’t react well. I’m sorry. I don’t know how I’m going to let Alnia know of any of this, but you’ve done so much for me that… that I can repay you with this.” Though when he said this it was with a hesitation. He still wasn’t so certain of this.

  “Thank you,” she said softly.

  “Holn’s Dark Depths, boy!”

  Caerwyn turned at Barami’s curse
. Jais turned as well. Barami was looking at the young man’s back. “You’ve got a lot of deep cuts and with dirt packed into all of them. Let me take a look at you.” The big man strode over and began inspecting Jais’ wounds, clucking like an old farmwoman over weeds in her garden.

  Jais stood there for a long moment, and when he turned his gaze back to her, it was laden with mystification. “I’d forgotten about that.”

  For some reason that perplexed look on Jais’ face and Barami doing his best impression of an old healer woman seemed like the most hilarious thing Caerwyn had ever seen.

  She let out a breath of a laugh, followed reflexively by a few more. Once she started, she couldn’t stop.

  Jais’ confusion turned to a smile, then he too was laughing with her.

  All the pent-up emotions within her suddenly released through her hooting and chuckling, and it only got worse… or better. Her stomach knotted with the effort, but she didn’t mind. This felt good, and Jais was joining her, laughing for no reason and every reason.

  Some little while later, after Barami had told them to stay put so he could get some water and bandages, Caerwyn finally settled and — completely exhausted — just sat in the road.

  Jais sat with her.

  “So that’s why you came to me that day,” he said softly, gazing out, perhaps into his own memories. “You said you were looking for me… now I understand. Now… well a lot of things make sense.” He swung his head to look at her. He wasn’t entirely smiling but he was sincere when he said. “I’ll give you a child, if I can, Caerwyn.”

  She smiled back, and some part of her soul healed just a little. “I know it’s not something that normal people ask for.” It was her turn to look away. “But we’re not normal.” She couldn’t help a little melancholy slipping into her voice at that. “I didn’t want to disrupt your life. I’m not looking for a family or a father for the child, just a man to help me have it.”