The Cuckoo's Eye

by Holly Campbell

  “Rhydian. Blair’s boyfriend,” he said coolly.

  “Aren’t you a little old for her?”

  “No ma’am. Come on Blair, let’s get these boxes moved.”

  He scooped up two boxes and I took the remaining one. We headed up the stairs to my room, leaving mum staring after us. I couldn’t help smiling a little at how easily he had shrugged her off. I dumped my bag and went to the wardrobe to make space for the boxes. Rhydian perched on the edge of my bed.

  “Why do these boxes need to go up here?”

  “Because mum needs space to play house.”

  “Yes but why up here specifically?”

  “Because this is where unwanted things go,” I told him. I shifted some discarded clothes out of the way, balling them up and dumping them nearby. I was quickly remembering why I didn’t look at the bottom of the wardrobe.

  Underneath was a framed photo, one that I’d tossed at a wall a while back. As I picked it up to move it, the back fell off and a scrap of paper fluttered free. I frowned, setting the photograph aside. I picked up the crumpled sheet and turned it over to examine it. It was a photograph, showing my mum with two red headed baby girls.

  “What you got there?”

  “It’s a photograph…” I said, going over to sit beside him. He peered at the photo.

  “That’s your mum right?”

  “Yes.”

  “So is that… you?” he asked, stabbing a finger in the general direction of one of the infants.

  “I… I don’t know. I assume so… but I don’t have a twin.” I fell back on my bed, holding the picture in front of me, trying to make sense of what I was seeing. What… what was this?

  FAOLAN

  I was a bad person.

  I didn’t want to leave but I couldn’t deny that voice in my head that said I would just end up hurting Blair. Her Nan had said I needed to look after her, protect her. I was, I was protecting her from me.

  I wanted to leave a note or say goodbye somehow but I couldn’t find a way. Perhaps it was better. Saying goodbye would have just made everything harder, for her and for me.

  It was for the best.

  BLAIR

  I didn’t ask about the photograph straight away. After Rhydian left that evening, I spent hours staring at it, trying to unlock the secret of what it was showing me. I searched for a way to make sense of the images. Perhaps it was a fake or maybe they weren’t twins, it could just be any other baby.

  But deep down I didn’t believe that. The eyes of the infants haunted me.

  In the end, I had to ask. I wasn’t sure who to go to at first. My mum would know, obviously, but I doubted she’d say anything. After consideration, Nan was the only choice.

  I went downstairs, intending to run over and ask her. Mum, her husband and the twins were all in the kitchen. The boys seemed to be there under duress. Mum was cooking, the countertops a mess of half chopped ingredients.

  “Where are you going young lady?”

  “Just popping over to see Nan. I’ll only be ten minutes.”

  “Oh no. This is our first night as a family and we are all going to spend it together.”

  “But-”

  “No buts. Your Nan needs her rest and you already spent enough time today holed up in your room with that boyfriend of yours, who by the way is much too old for you and rather rude.”

  Elian raised an eyebrow and Grayson’s eyes narrowed at the mention of Rhydian. I gave them a silent pleading look, trying to communicate with my eyes.

  ‘I will explain later, just please get me out of this house’.

  Elian inclined his head just slightly. He reached across the counter, acting like he was getting his drink, and gave an open bottle of wine a hard knock. It fell and rolled along the counter before smashing on the ground. Wine and glass exploded everywhere.

  “ELIAN!”

  I gave him a thumbs up and silently let myself out of the kitchen door as my mum berated my brother for his clumsiness.

  I sprinted across the grass to the other house, relieved to find that mum hadn’t yet gone through with her threat of getting Uncle Michael reinstated. The last thing I needed was a confrontation with him or Aunt Helen.

  The house felt strangely alien, cavernous and maze like even though nothing had changed. I hurried up the stairs to Nan’s room. The door was ajar and as I peaked in, I could see her asleep in bed. She looked frail… not like she normally looked. I turned away, I shouldn’t disturb her.

  “Blair…?” Her voice was weak and strained. I looked back. Her eyes were open and she smiled softly at me. “Hello little one.”

  “Nan… I need to ask you something”

  “Of course sweetheart, what is it?”

  I approached her hesitantly, pulling the crumpled picture from my pocket and set it in front of her. She picked it up and examined it for a moment before letting out a soft sigh. Nan patted the space beside her.

  “Sit with me, my little elf. Let me tell you a story.”

  “I don’t want to hear a story. I want the truth.”

  “All stories contain truth in some form or another.” She told me sternly before continuing. “You know that your mother used to be married. She was young, she met a nice young man and they married. A year later your brothers were born. They were both very good parents, they loved one another and the boys. Your mother was happy. But… one day when the boys were two years old, your mother disappeared. She just vanished. Her clothes remained where they were, there were no records on her cards for hotels or travel tickets. She was just gone. It was a few weeks later when she appeared again. She refused to tell any of us where she was, what had happened, and only announced that she was pregnant. AS you can imagine this caused a strain on her marriage and her husband left her about six months later. But your mother refused to let it get to her, she was determined to be the best mother she could to the boys and to her future child. I had never seen her with quite so much passion as she possessed in those months.”

  I tried to imagine it, my mum passionate about her children… what had changed?

  “In time she gave birth, to two healthy baby girls… twins did run in the family after all.” Nan stroked the photograph with the tip of her finger, tracing the faces of the two girls. “They were two of the calmest, sweetest babies I’d ever met.”

  “What happened to the other twin?” I asked, unsure if I really wanted to know.

  Nan leant back and rested her head against the wall. Her eyes closed and she rubbed her temples lightly. For a moment I thought she wasn’t going to answer me.

  “I remember the night vividly. It was raining. A storm had raged almost constantly for a week, it still is one of the worst recorded storms in the area. The lake flooded, fields were waterlogged. That night, your uncles were out at the farm, trying their best to limit the damage. Your aunt was in the next town over with Matthew. It was just me, your mother and the children. The girls were only a few weeks old at this point. There was a knock at the door and when I opened it, there was a young girl. She only looked about sixteen. She was soaked, bleeding and about to give birth. We let her in and did our best to make her comfortable. The roads were too flooded for an ambulance but before the night was over, she had given birth to a tiny baby girl.

  Your mother went to bed while I stayed with the girl. She seemed upset and when I questioned her… she told me she was going to die. She wouldn’t tell me why and any attempt I made to reassure her, she dismissed. She explained that she had accepted her death as inevitable but that she wished her child to have a different fate. She asked me… begged for me to help her, to protect her child. I thought she was just overwhelmed and panicking about being alone with a child to care for. I wanted to reassure her… I said yes.”

  “I didn’t think anything of it until later that night. I’d fallen asleep and when I woke, the girl was gone. I heard crying from the nursery, and I followed the sound. The storm had knocked out the power and when I entered the room, at firs
t, I saw only darkness. I could hear one of the babies nearby and I moved forward, almost blind. Then the lightning struck. It lit up the entire room. The girl was stood by the cots. She was holding her child and as I watched she kissed its forehead, placed it in the cot and picked up the crying twin instead. The light faded and when it returned, she was gone.”

  She stopped abruptly and opened her eyes again, fixing me with a steely gaze.

  “Blair, what I am about to tell you may be hard to believe and may change how you view me. I have not shared this story with anyone for a reason. I ask only that you let me finish and explain before you judge.”

  I nodded slowly. She was my Nan, how bad could it really be?

  “When I went to the cots, one held a red-headed baby girl and the other now held the new-born. She was far smaller, with delicate features and pale hair… at first. As I watched she took on the features of the remaining twin. Not entirely, she was still a little smaller and although the colouring of her eyes became the same warm brown as my grandchildren, there was always a silver sheen to them if you looked close enough.”

  “Oh…”

  “I didn’t know what to do. The girl had gone and I had no way of knowing where she was. I could have told the police but even if they believed me, I doubted they’d find her. And the child looked so similar she could almost pass for the other twin… chances were they’d think I was going senile…”

  “You didn’t tell anyone.”

  “No. I left the nursery and pretended it never happened. I didn’t breathe a word of it to anyone, especially not your mother… but I think she knew. She never said anything, but her demeanour changed after that. She was… colder. She made sure the twins were looked after but with one it always seemed strained. And then… it was the night before the girls first birthday. I woke to your mother screaming. She was in the bathroom, she’d been bathing the two of them. When I got there, she was holding one of the twins in her arms. The other was in the bath, watching her. Your mother had a burn up one arm and she wouldn’t move, she just stared…”

  “It died…?” I guessed.

  “Yes. It was deemed to be an accident, just one of those unfortunate things. But part of me wonders….” She cut off abruptly, switching topics. “I never knew which twin survived, although I had my theories. I sometimes thought I saw the silver tint in your eye… which as you grew older became dominant. Then again, in the stories if a changeling child does not feel welcomed, they can succumb… it’s unlikely we’ll ever really know. But after that night your mother was never really the same. Part of her just… shut down.”

  I couldn’t speak. I wanted to be sick.

  “Wh… what happened to the… the body?” I croaked out.

  “We buried her in the garden. Where the tree is now.”

  “Did she ever get found? My… my real mother… the real twin?”

  “No. She just disappeared.”

  I got up from the bed, feeling dazed. It felt like I’d suddenly come down with a bad case of flu, the room was spinning around me.

  “Blair,” Nan called after me. “I’ve thought about that night a lot over the years. I have never regretted having you as my granddaughter.”

  I barely heard her. I left the room, left the house and walked across the garden in a trance. I returned home, entering the kitchen. The mess had been tidied up and mum seemed to have only just noticed I’d left. It felt like years had gone by when really it was minutes.

  “Blair! There you are! What did I say about running off?” I looked at her numbly. “Don’t just stand there looking so gormless. Help set the table for dinner.”

  No.

  “What did you say?”

  I didn’t realise I’d spoken aloud but she looked at me like I’d slapped her.

  “I said no. I won’t.”

  “Blair, I-”

  “You are a liar!” I snapped. The photograph was in my hand, I hadn’t even realized I’d picked it up. I threw it down on the table and looked at the woman I’d called mother. “And I am done.”

  FAOLAN

  In the end I only had one place to go. As I expected, Maeve was sitting, waiting for me. Her expression was different to how she usually looked when she greeted me. She seemed almost… sad.

  “Hello there my love… I had a feeling you would be here soon…” She rose from the stones and approached me, kneeling down in front of me. “You left her, didn’t you?”

  I whined softly. I had no affection for Maeve in my heart but in truth, our lives were more entwined than that of anyone else. She had seen me at my lowest moments.

  “I know it is hard my love, but you did the right thing. You have given her a chance for a full life…” She let out a long sigh, lifting her head to gaze at the darkened sky. “I grow so weary of this world. We do not belong here anymore, if indeed we ever did.”

  Maeve reached over and her hand brushed against my fur. For once I did not recoil. Honestly, I was as tired of this never ending cycle of running, fighting, constant misery and blood.

  “Come Faolan. It is best if we do not linger here.”

  She turned towards the forest and began to head in the direction of the trees. I looked at the broken stones of my old home, then back the way I had come from. I wanted nothing more than to sprint back to Blair and curl up beside her.

  But instead, I lowered my head dutifully and followed Maeve.

  BLAIR

  Mum spent most of that night shouting at me through my bedroom door. I had locked it and no matter how much she hollered, I refused to unlock it. Eventually I got sick of listening to her and climbed up through my skylight onto the roof. I knew that she would get bored after a while and leave me be, at least for that night.

  I wasn’t sure how long I sat on the roof. It was dark and the air grew bitterly cold but I was completely through listening to my mum’s lies and excuses. I needed a plan. There were some things that couldn’t be unsaid and I just couldn’t keep pretending.

  My eyes rested on the tree and I felt a shudder run through me at the thought of what lay beneath the roots. I’d sat under that tree so many times. I’d been sitting on top of a corpse…

  There were three things I needed to do before I could leave, and I fully intended to leave. Firstly I needed money. The account mum used to cover our costs was accessible and as far as I knew my mum didn’t monitor it. If I withdrew a little at a time, she was unlikely to realise. Secondly, my sixteenth birthday was upcoming… or at least the day I thought was my birthday. I wasn’t sure anymore… according to Nan, I wasn’t who I thought I was and every detail I knew of my life I now had to re-evaluate. But still, from a legal perspective, I would be sixteen soon. Once that day came, by law I was old enough to leave. That meant if I left, my mum had less chance of managing to force me back.

  Lastly, I wanted answers. Nan didn’t lie but I needed to hear it from my mum. I needed her to tell the truth for once.

  When I had that, I could go. I still wasn’t entirely sure where I was going to go but I’d be out and that was what mattered.

  The kitchen door opened and Elian came into the garden. He looked up at the roof and gestured for me to come down. I made a face, reluctant. He jabbed a finger in my direction, pointed at himself and folded his arms. I rolled my eyes and inched across the roof to the skylight, dropping back down into the bedroom. The sound of hammering at my bedroom door had stopped so I assumed mum had wandered off. After a few minutes, there was a light rhythmic knock.

  “El?”

  “Yeah, let me in.”

  I unlocked the door, peeking through the gap before opening it fully. Elian and Grayson were stood there, expressions a mixture of concern and anger. Once they were inside, I secured the door once more.

  “What is going on Blair?” Elian asked. “I mean, I know you and mum have issues but that… this is just…”

  “Ask her. She knows,” I told them stiffly, seating myself on the bed.

  “We tried. She wouldn’t say
anything.”

  What a surprise…

  “Look, certain things have come to light and I can’t continue to pretend that I’m okay with everything. I don’t want to drag you guys into it or make you take sides”

  “You know we’d always be on your side B,” Grayson said.

  “Thank you, I appreciate that… but I still can’t tell you. It’s something you can’t really come back from and I won’t do that to you both. Just know that I have a really good reason for everything that’s happening.”

  The boys looked at one another and they seemed to communicate silently. Elian nodded slightly and Grayson made a face.

  “Okay. We trust you to do the right thing. Just… remember we’re here if you need us,” Grayson said, taking his time over the words as though struggling to put them together. Elian wrapped his arms around me, holding me tight.

  I wasn’t sure why I didn’t tell them the truth. Maybe I was afraid that it would change how things were between us, even though I knew our relationship had been forged through more than shared blood. They were one of the few good things in my life and I didn’t want to risk losing them. Even if Grayson said they’d take my side, there was no guarantee of that and the thought of them looking at me the way everyone else did was too painful.

  “We’ll smooth thing over Blair, I promise. It’ll all work out,” Elian told me.

  I hoped he was right but I just couldn’t make myself believe it.

  *****

  Things remained strained. It was almost a relief to go to school. Whenever mum and I were in the same room, she tried to lecture me on my misbehaviour and I would refuse to acknowledge her. I was sick of her lying and pretending. Most of the time I just hid in my room or went to the pub. Uncle Noah knew that something was going on, although he didn’t know the extent of it. Every time I saw him he looked like he wanted to ask something. It was only then that I realised that my aunt and uncles would all have known about my mum having twins. They most likely didn’t know about the strange child swapping that Nan had talked about but they still knew the rest. How many more people knew? How many people in my life had lied to me?