by Iris Morland
“Of course you’d create all of this drama before you were born,” I said to my belly, poking at it lightly. “I’m kind of terrified what you’re going to be like, honestly. But in a good way.”
The baby moved and then kicked me. I laughed, wondering if she was protesting that she was already a drama queen.
Right then, there was a knock on my door. Lochlann came inside—I’d given him my spare key, which he’d taken reluctantly before I’d convinced him it was simply out of practicality.
“Oh, come over here,” I said, standing up. When he reached me, I grabbed his hand and placed it on my belly. Our baby had stopped kicking already.
“Was she kicking?” he asked.
“Yes, but now she’s stopped, the brat. No, wait, keep your hand there. She’ll probably do it again.”
We waited in silence, like we’d spook her if we kept talking. Then, another kick. I moved Lochlann’s hand a few inches to the left.
“Feel that? Geez, she’s really going at it tonight.”
Lochlann didn’t say anything for a long moment. He was staring at my belly, awe on his face. He’d yet to feel our baby move, mostly due to our not living together. More often than not, this kid liked to move when I was peeing, taking a shower, or trying to fall asleep.
“That’s amazing,” he said. He moved his hand around my belly. “Does she do that often?”
“More and more, yeah. She’s busy tonight. Probably because I had some spicy curry.”
Lochlann frowned. “Is that a good idea?”
I almost laughed, but I bit the inside of my cheek instead. “It’s fine. The only side effect would be some killer heartburn for me. Or maybe gas. That happens a lot, too.”
“I’m so glad you feel comfortable enough to tell me about your propensity for flatulence.”
“Hey, man, pregnancy is hella sexy. Gas and heartburn like nothing else. Apparently I can look forward to hemorrhoids and peeing a little when I sneeze in the third trimester, too.”
His lips twitched. Was I embarrassed, talking about bodily functions with the man I wanted to bone? Not really. Not if it could make him smile.
God, I was so gone for him. If anything was embarrassing, it was that.
He glanced over my shoulder at my open laptop. “Working on that report? Isn’t that due tomorrow?”
I put my hands on my hips. ”Your point? I’m doing it. It will be turned in on the deadline. And you’re not even the professor for that class, so how did you know about it?”
“You’ve mentioned it a time or two lately. You’ve also had over two weeks to finish it.”
“If you came over here to procrastination shame, then you can leave.” I made a shooing motion. “Besides, in my apartment, you aren’t my advisor. You’re my baby daddy.”
At that, his expression turned cold again, like I’d thrown a bucket of ice water on him. Good job, Kate.
“Thank you for the reminder,” was his chilly reply. “I only wanted to check when your next ultrasound appointment was.”
I could’ve smacked myself. Gritting my teeth so I didn’t say anything worse, I said calmly, “I wanted to make sure you could come, so I haven’t made it yet.”
“I appreciate that. I’ll text you my schedule for the next two weeks.”
I felt like we were in his office, and he was acting like my advisor. The distance between us seemed to stretch until I wasn’t certain we could ever cross it.
But wasn’t this what we both wanted? To keep each other at arm’s length?
Fuck that. I’m tired of holding myself back. I’m getting what I want: and that’s Lochlann Gallagher.
As seductively as I could, I unzipped my hoodie and tossed it to the ground. Walking toward Lochlann, I then stripped out of my camisole, now wearing nothing but a bra and sweatpants.
Lochlann’s eyes darkened. “What the bloody hell are you doing?”
“What does it look like I’m doing? I’m seducing you.”
He barked out a laugh, but the laugh dried up in his throat when I unhooked my bra, letting it fall down my arms and to the floor. Pregnancy had made my breasts bigger, my nipples darker, too. At first I’d found it strange, even unsexy, how my body was expanding and shifting to sustain the life inside me.
But the look on Lochlann’s face made me realize he didn’t have a single complaint about my changed body.
“What are you doing to me?” His voice was a growl.
“Didn’t I already explain what I was doing? Or do you want me to spell it out for you?”
Lochlann stared at my breasts, but he hadn’t touched me yet. I could feel the desire pulse between us, like a wave of heat. My pussy grew wet simply from the way he looked at me.
“You’re so sure of yourself, aren’t you? That you can talk to me like that and get away with it.” He pushed my sweatpants down my ass to reveal my panties. “But that’s where you’re wrong, Kate: I call the shots here.”
“You say that, and yet I’m not convinced.”
The only warning I had was his devious smile before he lifted me into his arms and carried me to my bedroom. I yelped in surprise.
“If you weren’t pregnant,” he said, “I would’ve thrown you over my shoulder.”
“Um, thanks?”
He set me down on the bed before yanking my sweatpants and panties off. “Look at you: your tits are magnificent.”
I pushed my breasts together. “They’re kinda big, honestly. I’ve never realized how annoying boob sweat is until now.”
“Your seduction skills need work.”
Yet he still took one of my nipples into his mouth, rolling it around with his tongue. Soon he was sucking on one nipple and then the other, the pressure just barely enough. I scraped my nails through his scalp.
I’d instinctively parted my legs, and he’d settled between them. I felt his erection press against my pussy. I lifted my hips, needing more of that hardness against my clit. I moaned when he rolled away from me.
“Lean over the desk,” he instructed.
“What happens if I don’t?”
He tangled his fingers in my hair, pulling hard enough to make my head tip back.
“You get punished. Like that,” he said.
I stuck out my lower lip, but I would be a liar if I said I wasn’t enjoying his show of dominance. I wanted him to keep doing it.
He let go of my hair, only to begin to unfasten his pants. I watched as he undressed, my mouth watering as he revealed his body. By the time he revealed his cock I was practically drooling. I got up from my knees to wrap my fingers around it, but after only a few strokes he pushed my hands away.
“What did I say? Lean over the desk.”
This time, I did as he demanded. But apparently I was too slow to comply, because Lochlann spanked me once, twice, three times—hard enough to sting, and hard enough to make my pussy pulse with want.
And then, before I realized what was happening, he was behind me on the floor, pushing my legs apart. I felt his tongue on my pussy and almost exploded right then and there.
He chuckled. “So wet already. Did you like getting spanked?” Rubbing my ass cheek, he then smacked it hard. “You’re dripping for me.”
I blushed to the roots of my hair, embarrassed and aroused at the same time. He’d never gone down on me, and having his face so close to my pussy was almost unbearably intimate.
“Lochlann...”
“I know. I’ll take care of you.”
And he did. He licked me from clit to taint, even rubbing my asshole and making me squeak in surprise. He laughed again. If I weren’t so aroused, I would’ve kicked him for laughing at me.
“You’re adorable.” Lochlann pushed a finger inside my dripping pussy at the same time he kissed my clit. “I want to make you come with my mouth.”
I didn’t have any quick-witted response to that. I felt an orgasm building inside me already. When Lochlann began fucking me with his fingers and licking at my clit at the same time,
I had to bury my face in my arm to keep from screaming like a banshee.
“I’m coming,” I gasped. “Oh my God!”
Lochlann groaned, lapping at my pussy as I shook with my release. I’d barely registered that he’d stood up before I felt the tip of his cock at my entrance. He pushed inside in one long stroke, both of us groaning loudly as he filled me.
“Fuck, you’re so tight.” He pulled out and slammed back into me. “Your pussy is gripping my cock like a vise.”
I couldn’t breathe. I could only feel Lochlann’s cock inside me, pounding into me. He grunted. I felt his balls slap against my clit, and the stimulation was enough for another orgasm to begin coalescing inside me.
He reached down to fondle my breasts, his thrusts getting faster. I felt his cock swell at the same moment he swore something in Irish.
“I’m filling you up, baby. Can you feel it?” He squeezed my breasts. “I’m filling this pussy up until it can’t take any more of my cum.”
His dirty talk sparked something inside me, wild and insatiable. I came hard a second time, screaming and not caring if anyone heard me.
When we finally collapsed onto the bed together, he curled behind me, placing a protective palm on the mound of my belly. Our daughter had decided to take a nap during that sex session—probably for the best, honestly.
Lochlann kissed my neck, my cheek. His voice rumbled in my ear as he said, “I didn’t kiss you. I was too distracted.”
I giggled and turned over. “Then how about we make out right now to make up for it?”
Luckily for us both, Lochlann had no more protests to give.
Chapter Sixteen
Kate
I woke up to the smell of coffee. Groaning, my bladder protesting, I wondered who could be making coffee when I remembered: Lochlann. Last night. Sex.
Oh. My. God.
I blushed like an idiot as the memories flooded back. I’d thrown myself at him like some shameless hussy and he’d called my bluff. We’d had sex twice more during the night, completely insatiable for each other.
I glanced at my phone; it was still early in the morning. Thankfully, my report that I’d neglected last night wasn’t due until later that afternoon.
After I peed, brushed my teeth, and attempted to get the knots out of my hair, Lochlann was already sitting in my living room.
“I made you some coffee,” he said, as if I hadn’t already smelled it from my bedroom.
I sat down next to him and sighed happily. “My one indulgence I’m allowed to have.”
Lochlann watched me as I sipped my coffee, as if he’d never seen someone like me before. I had to restrain myself from hiding behind my hair.
Finally, he cleared his throat. “We should talk about last night.”
My brain thought: do we have to?
My mouth said: absolutely nothing.
“I know I kept saying that this could never happen again,” he said, tapping his long fingers against his knee. “But clearly we can’t stay away from each other.”
I just sipped my coffee and waited.
“But given our close quarters, the likelihood that we’ll avoid temptation after last night is pretty much nil. So I propose that we shift our arrangement somewhat: sex as needed, but still keeping it secret.”
My fingers gripped the handle of my mug until my knuckles turned white. “So, friends with benefits on the down-low?”
“Essentially, yes.”
I felt strangely hurt, although at least he wasn’t trying to be so stubborn to deny how explosive the sex had been last night. Had I really expected him to declare his love for me this morning? Cook me some waffles and spell I LOVE YOU in maple syrup on them?
“Do you really think that’s a good idea?” I said.
He shot me a wry look. “No. It’s a terrible idea. I’m just trying to be practical here. The only other solution is for me to move to another flat, but that leaves you in the lurch. I’m not about to let you live on your own with our baby about to be born.”
“We’re still six months out, though.”
“That’s not that much time. It’ll go by faster than you think.”
I sighed, feeling a headache start to form. “Look, I don’t disagree with you. We have a ton at stake here if someone finds out and decides to snitch on us. But I’m tired of fighting what’s between us. Aren’t you?”
When he didn’t answer for a long moment, my heart started pounding with fear. Finally, he smiled, albeit a little sadly.
“When it comes to you, Kate Wright, I’m completely hopeless for you.”
I set my coffee down before snuggling up against him. He was basically like a walking, breathing space heater. He put his arm around me. In that moment, we didn’t need to speak. I also felt safer than I had in a long time.
Lochlann stroked my hair with gentle fingers. “I’m sorry I can’t offer you more than this,” he said quietly.
“More than what?”
“Just sex. Comfort. You deserve more than that, but I’m not the man who can give them to you.”
I wasn’t sure what to say to that. My heart leapt into my throat as I waited for him to explain.
“I was actually in a long-term relationship. We were engaged, too. Her name was Sophie. I thought she was the person I was going to spend the rest of my life with.”
“But...?”
He sighed. “But, I was too obsessed with my work. I eventually took our relationship for granted. Sophie pretty much got fed up and ended things, telling me that she wasn’t going be second place to my research.”
“I’m sorry, but I guess I don’t see how that means you can’t have any relationship? You and Sophie didn’t work out. Lots of couples don’t work out.”
“You don’t understand.” Lochlann bent his head, sighing. “I loved Sophie. She was the love of my life the day I met her, but she would always be second place to my work. While we were together, I thought she was okay with that. She waited for me to finish my PhD before we got engaged.”
My eyes widened. “How many years were you together?”
“Seven before we were engaged, then two after that.”
“Damn. You waited seven years to propose? Poor Sophie. I’d be pissed too.”
I said the words jokingly, but Lochlann didn’t seem to find them funny.
“That’s what I mean,” he said in frustration. “I don’t have the capacity to give what a real relationship needs. I’ll always be too immersed in my work that it’ll be set off to the side.”
“You can’t do both? Lots of people do both.”
“I tried that, and I failed. Miserably.” He shook his head. “And the thing is, Sophie wasn’t wrong. I’d neglected her and our relationship. I took her for granted, and I don’t want to do the same thing to any other woman.” His gaze met mine. “To you. We’ve already got to a point where we have a somewhat amicable relationship. Why ruin it by trying something I already know won’t work?”
I had to restrain myself from growling like a crazy woman. “I’m pretty sure one failed attempt does not mean you can’t do better next time.”
Lochlann’s smile was sad. “That’s the thing: I don’t want to do better. My research will always come first. I accept that, and I’d imagine you’ve had similar concerns. Why else did you stay a virgin until you were twenty-two? You said men found you intimidating. That sounds like they knew you couldn’t give them your entire heart, because such a huge part of it was already wrapped up in your work.”
I wanted to deny it; I wanted to tell him I’d never had that worry. But I’d be lying. Meeting Lochlann had made me think I’d found a man who could keep up with me.
Apparently I’d been wrong about that, too.
“Then I’m sorry,” was all I could manage to eke out.
Lochlann stroked my cheek before returning to stroke my hair. “Don’t be. It was my own fault. But I owe Sophie a debt. She showed me that I don’t have the capacity to have a wife and my career. It wa
s always going to be one or the other.”
Lifting my chin, Lochlann explained, “That’s why I can’t give you anything more than sex. I’ll be a father to our daughter, of course. But I’m not the type of man who can put effort into a relationship like it needs without sacrificing my ambitions. Do you understand?”
I did, and yet I didn’t. “Are you saying you can’t love anyone?”
“This isn’t about love. Not really. It’s about understanding my own limitations.”
He sounded so sure, like he had already run the data and knew what the outcome was. My stomach twisted. Had I really thought our relationship could become something more? Something beyond sex and mistakes?
“I appreciate you being honest. I wish I could judge you, but I can’t. I’ve always wondered the same thing about myself,” I said. “Could I really have a career and a family? Or would my husband eventually resent me? So I almost got to the point where I told myself I’d rather be alone and have a career than give up such an important part of myself.”
“Never give up that part of yourself. Do you hear me?”
I looked up, Lochlann’s serious tone surprising me.
“You’re absolutely bloody brilliant, Kate. One of the smartest students I’ve met in a long time. You have a huge career in front of you. I know it. And I’m going to do everything in my power to help you achieve your goals, even with this pregnancy making things complicated.”
My heart swelled like the Grinch, growing three sizes too big. I didn’t understand why a man who could say such things would believe he couldn’t have a career and a family. But if he’d already come to that decision, I knew I didn’t have the power to sway him—not when he didn’t, and couldn’t, love me.
“What if I can’t do it?” I whispered.
Lochlann frowned. “I don’t understand. Can’t do what?”
“Have a career and be a mom. Men can have both, but it’s like when you become a mother, that becomes your only identity.” I rubbed my belly, tears forming in the corners of my eyes. “I love this baby more than I can say, but I don’t want to lose me. Is that stupid? Am I just being selfish?”