by Poppy Flynn
"You were the one who asked for exclusivity!" he accused.
"That's right," she agreed primly. "If and when we entered into a sexually intimate relationship, which, as yet, we have not!" she retorted, standing assuredly with her hands fisted on her hips.
"Are you in a relationship with Micah Flynn?" Christian asked bluntly.
"Well, according to your definition of a relationship, based on the one we used to have, the answer would be no!" she retorted cynically.
"So, you are, then," he returned with an edge of bitter cynicism.
Trinity's pale eyes flashed silver fire and she stalked toward him with a huge, confident, and very pissed presence that overshadowed her diminutive stature.
"Oh no, Christian. You don't get to have it both ways." She poked him in the chest and continued to punctuate each sentence in the same manner. "There aren't going to be any double standards going on here. According to you, during the three years we spent as fuck buddies…" she spat the word at him like an epithet. "…we were never in a relationship. Therefore, according to your very own reasoning and interpretation, I am not in a relationship with Micah. In fact, I'm in even less of a non-relationship with Micah than I was with you, although he does at least have the decency to remember who I am and call me by my name. Now if all you're going to do is judge the way I live my life, then you'd better leave right now and explain to him that you need a new contract."
With that, she turned away with a nonchalance she was far from feeling and walked the short distance from the hallway into her living room. The ball was in his court now. She'd worked hard to get her head to where it was today and to not be taken advantage of by people who expected everything from her submissive service nature, offering nothing in return but their own narrow minded view of how they expected her to behave. If that was who Christian was today, then it was better she found out now before she got in too deep. She didn't hold the past against him. He'd never promised anything more than he had given, but she was dammed if she'd let him judge her for having the same kind of relationship with Micah, especially when he'd be gone again by this time next month.
She stood with her back to him, looking out of her high-rise apartment windows but not really seeing the bustling city below, her arms wrapped around her middle, protectively, as she waited sadly, but expectantly, for the door to slam behind him when he let himself out.
She didn't hear it. She didn't hear his silent footsteps on her plush carpet, either. She didn't hear anything until his voice sounded contritely from behind her, close, but keeping a respectful distance. "I'm sorry." He sounded deflated, like the resentment and anger had been shaken out of him.
When she didn't move or speak, he stepped closer until she could feel his heat against her back, but, still, he didn't touch.
"That was small and petty of me, and I truly thought I was above such behaviour," he told her apologetically. "The truth is I was jealous."
His words made her start in surprise, and this time, she whirled around to face him, needing to see the sincerity in his face for herself.
Christian didn't give her much of a chance. He pulled her to him and squeezed her tight instead, tucking her head under his chin as he just held her, saying nothing.
Trinity's head was whirling all over again. The damned man had her constantly off balance. So she just stood there, within the comforting warmth of his embrace, and waited. Hell, the next move could still be his.
"Can we start this whole conversation over again?" he asked earnestly. "I know you have a life of your own, and I know that I have no rights beyond the contract we agreed, but the past interferes with my thought processes sometimes, and I still feel kind of possessive about you. I didn't mean to come off like a jerk; I just couldn't help myself for a minute there."
He sighed, his warm breath ruffling her hair. "The truth is that the thought of you with someone else set off a reaction that I really wasn't expecting. It took me by surprise, and I acted instinctively to the jealousy that jumped up and bit me."
Trinity sighed, the fight leaving her. "I don't understand why you would think like that, but I do appreciate you being so frank with your apology, so yes, let's start over."
Christian didn't let her go straight away. "It's because I still think of you as being mine," he admitted quietly.
This time, Trinity lifted her head, frowning as she looked up at that oh so yummy face, which still had the ability to take her breath away, even after all these years and all of their history. He was still outrageously pretty, but the years and the hint of scruff on his jaw had given him a maturity that only made him more appealing.
"I never belonged to you, Christian," she denied. "That wasn't what you wanted. I knew that going in, and I agreed to your terms, regardless."
"You did belong to me, Trinity," he countered, keeping her locked within the circle of his arms. "It's not possible to have an intimate relationship that spans years and not feel that way. I was just too arrogant and too selfish to give our relationship the label it deserved."
"I was the one who allowed it, Christian," Trinity argued, more than prepared to shoulder her share of the blame, if that's the game they were playing.
"Yes, you did," he agreed. "But you were barely nineteen, and I was old enough to know better. I should never have taken advantage of you the way I did; that was unforgiveable."
Trinity shook her head. "I knew what I was doing, Christian. I wanted you. If we're going to start apportioning guilt here, then I was just as guilty of taking advantage of your need and vulnerability at a time when you desperately wanted someone to hold onto and provide a getaway from everything else in your life. I had an ulterior motive, too, you see."
"How could you have, Trinity?" he disagreed. "Everything that happened between us happened on my terms and, looking back, I can see that those were purely selfish."
"Quit with the self-castigation, Christian." Her tone held hints of both impatience and irritation now, and the furrow between her brows was more pronounced. Maybe it was that which had her blurting the words without thinking them through. "I wanted more from you than you were prepared to give, Christian. You were nothing but honest about your own expectations. If either of us was acting under false pretences, then it was me, because I agreed to your terms, but all the while, I was hoping to manipulate that into something more. I thought that if I was there for you, if I insinuated myself into your life, if I provided everything you needed without making any demands, then, one day, when everything settled down, you'd realise I'd always been there for you and you'd love me the way that I loved you. It was a gamble, Christian. One that didn't pay off, but people who gamble need to be prepared to lose. That's the nature of the game. I was just arrogant enough to believe that I could win. So now who's the selfish one…or maybe just the stupid one?"
"Except you were never stupid, and I knew you loved me, Trinity, so I should never have accepted those odds. I knew there was always the possibility of you being hurt, but I played with your feelings anyway, when I should have been a better friend and cut your losses."
"How could you have known? I never told you."
Christian moved his hands up until they were cupping her face and his eyes bored into hers. "Ah, baby, sometimes you don't need the words to be said out loud to know that they're true," he whispered, his mouth close enough that she could feel his breath on her own. "I knew because no one would have done what you did for me, for so many years, unless they loved me."
He didn't give her any further opportunity to argue, slanting his lips across hers, instead, in a demanding and possessive kiss that stole her breath and made her tummy do that familiar flip flop.
Trinity melted into him and threw her arms around his neck, the feel of him pressed up against her, and the thick evidence of his desire surging against her stomach, making all of her nerve endings ping and fizz. She was done for, damn it. She knew beyond any doubt that whatever feelings she had for Christian Knightley might have lain dor
mant for the past few years, but now that he was right here in front of her, they had come out of hibernation. Moreover, now that they had been perked up with a little bit of slap and tickle, they were just as strong as ever. The lifestyle they both now shared simply served to add a new dimension to what they had enjoyed together in the past and that sweetened the pot all the more, calling to Trinity on an even deeper level. The knowledge made her mewl in despair, and Christian stole the opportunity to tangle his tongue with hers when her lips parted.
Trinity burrowed into him, desperately trying to get closer. If all she had of him was a few short weeks, then she was going to milk every drop of happiness and ecstasy out of them and then wring out a little bit more to sustain her through those cheerless days when she would have nothing left but her memories. It was honestly nothing premediated, Trinity didn't even think about it; she simply couldn't help herself. She was his to do with as he wished; she always had been. Christian truly was her kryptonite and she could deny him nothing; she didn't even want to. She wanted to enjoy each and every second they had together while she had the chance, and if that was wrong, then so be it.
She thought she must have transmitted her need to Christian, because it seemed that he read her without words, swinging her up in his arms but barely even lifting his lips from hers as he did so.
"Where is your bedroom?" he whispered against her mouth.
"Hall…left," was all she managed to get out while Christian swung around and stalked off.
A minute later, he lay her on the rumpled bed. If anything crossed his mind at the sight of it, he neither verbalised it, nor let it cross his expression.
Shrugging out of the jacket he was still wearing and tearing off his shirt, Christian followed her down. This was no time for niceties. Pure lust was driving this ship right now.
He tugged sharply on the sash that secured her robe then simultaneously pushed it open and down her shoulders until it trapped her arms within its folds.
He wasted no time. Bending his head, he pulled a stiff, pouting nipple deep into his mouth and suckled hard until she was arching up against him in a silent entreaty for more, those sexy little sounds of need falling unconsciously from her lips.
Christian smoothed his fingers down the flat plane of her abdomen and under the waistband of her boy shorts. He found her wet and swollen, her hips canting up to beg for his touch, to invite him inside. He took the invitation and plunged two fingers, glossy with her desire, into her needy sheath. Damn, she was tight. He didn't pause; he plunged his fingers in and out, relishing the slick sounds of her wetness until the constraints of her underwear irritated him enough to move.
Pulling out and lifting from the bed in one fluid move, Christian stripped off the rest of his clothes, and the protest Trinity mouthed at the initial loss was replaced with what he could only describe as a purr of approval as she frankly looked him up and down.
Sitting up quickly, Trinity freed her arms from the robe and reached for his cock.
"Oh no," he denied her, pulling the silk sash out of her robe "None of that. You're still owed a little bit of a spanking for me finding another man in your house when I got here."
"Nothing happened!" Trinity squeaked as he picked her up deftly, as if she weighed nothing, and seated himself on the edge of the bed with Trinity sprawled across his knee. Making quick work of it, he bound her arms in front of her with the sash, and before she could even scramble to get her head around things, he was raining a volley of slaps down on tender buttocks that still held a residual smart from the night before. He didn't pull his blows, and the tears came quickly in Trinity's wound up state. Anguish and desire, so jumbled together that she couldn't even begin to disentangle them, brewed until she was almost beside herself, so she simply gave herself over to his correction and slumped in limp acceptance over his lap. The spanking did its job. The guilt and shame Trinity had been feeling at the situation with Christian and Micah was vanquished under Christian's stern hand, and, for himself, Christian assuaged the bitter jealousy and let it go but not without a final word.
Flipping Trinity back onto the bed, he crushed her petite body with his own, and she relished his weight. "You're mine, Trinity," he told her, his voice harsh with passion. "And I don't want to share you."
There wasn't even time for a reply. He heaved himself up on his knees and pulled her lower body off the bed to meet him. "I'm going to fuck you now," he promised breathlessly. "It's going to be hard and fast and rough because I can't hold back any longer. I don't want to, but I will always honour your safeword. So, use it if you need to."
With that, he rammed his generous cock inside her tight, wet channel, his hands holding her hips immobile as he forced his way inside in one, single, unforgiving thrust.
Trinity screamed out her compliance and grabbed hold of the sturdy metal pole that made up her headboard in a vain attempt to keep herself grounded while her back bucked off the bed of its own accord.
She cried out, again and again, with each solid plunge, unable to keep the erupting passion inside. He pounded into her mercilessly, over and over, bottoming out against her cervix so that pleasure and pain mingled and morphed and took her higher and higher.
He controlled every movement of her body, every nuance of her pleasure, and for the first time in years, Trinity felt whole, and it was almost overwhelming. There was no grace and no finesse, and she didn't want it. She needed exactly what Christian was giving her now, a bold, hard fucking that swept up all the pent-up turmoil and emotions and flung them into a blazing conflagration of passion, lust and sated culmination. Until finally, everything erupted in a blaze of orgasmic, white hot ecstasy that razed them both in its wake and left them sprawled and spent and replete in a burning tangle of sweat and limbs. And it was wonderful.
The pair of them were panting hard, neither moving, each of them silent, except for the harsh laboured breaths and the rigorous heave of their chests.
Eventually, Christian fumbled with the binding and freed her wrists, but Trinity still didn't have the energy to move them from where they'd dropped. Christian rolled slightly to the side, not much, but enough to allow her to breathe more freely once his heavy frame was lifted from hers, but his arm still banded tight around her waist as if he was afraid she might disappear if he eased his hold.
Finally, he managed to find his voice. "I want to see where this leads, Trinity. Are you up for that?"
What do you mean?" she asked cautiously, afraid to hope too much.
"I mean, I don't want what we have found with each other, here and now, to be confined to a club contract. I don't want it to end in a few weeks, and I don't want to lose you again."
He tipped her face to look at him as they both lay with their heads on the same pillow, so she could see his sincerity and gauge it for herself.
"I need you with me, Trinity. I need you in my life. You complete a part of me that only you could ever fill."
"You always needed me, Christian," she said seriously. "There was never any question of that, and it fed a place inside of me which made me think that alone might be enough."
She sighed deeply, and it sounded like it was torn from her very soul. "There was never any question that you wanted me, either. The sex was always great, and now that we're both reading off the same page, it has the possibility to be even better. But it still all sounds a bit too much like that old Meatloaf song, don't you think—you know the one—Two out of three ain't bad?
He thought for a moment, bringing the lyrics to mind as the refrain drifted through his head on a sad, haunting melody. I want you, I need you, but there ain't no way I'm ever gonna love you…
Christian's heart stuttered when he realised exactly what she was saying, how she felt, even as the rest of the song drifted through his mind.
…but don't be sad, 'cause two outa three ain't bad.
He shook his head vehemently. "Don't say that!" he demanded, feeling like she'd physically stabbed him in the chest with her words.
"It's not true!"
"Isn't it?" Trinity asked gently. "Christian, I'm an open book. I love you. I've always loved you. Maybe I always will. But I know better now, that wishing for an outcome doesn't make it happen."
He looked at her, his face tortured, but at this precise moment, he just couldn't find the words. Trinity smiled sadly, and he felt his chest squeeze tight as if a giant hand was forcing all of the air out of his lungs and causing a deep, enduring ache.
His fingertips fluttered against her face, almost scared to touch, and his eyes betrayed his wretched dilemma. He was torn. He opted for honesty.
"I don't know what to say, Trinity. This is all so new, and we're only just starting to find our way. I can't quantify exactly how I feel right at this moment. I just know I want to have you in my life and explore the possibilities with you. Is that enough?"
Trinity stroked her hand across his strong, stubbled jaw, her eyes bright with the sheen of tears that he didn't know how to interpret.
"Baby, we could talk all night, but that ain't getting us nowhere," in a hoarse whisper, she recited a few more lyrics which seemed to sum up everything that was going on between them right now.
"I'm a sure thing, Christian. Whether you return my feelings or not, that is my truth, wherever it ends up leading."
Christian took a deep, shuddering breath. He had to turn away from the expression on her beautiful face that was churning him up inside. He was so damn conflicted. He wanted to reassure her, but he didn't want to make promises he couldn't keep or give her a false hope. It might make her feel better in the short term, but sooner or later, she'd realise it wasn't true and that would be even more unforgivable. And right now, he simply didn't know.
Rolling back and looming over her slight frame, where she lay gloriously naked and psychologically unprotected underneath him yet still prepared to bare everything she had to him and whatever whims he might subject her to, he made her the only promise he could.