Anyone but Her

by Erica Lee

  Charlie didn’t miss my change in demeanor, and her expression switched to one of worry. “You’re thinking about my brother, aren’t you?”

  “I know he’s been a big asshole lately, but I think he’s scared too. He really is an amazing guy. I don’t feel right moving forward with anything until he’s on board.” Charlie’s eyes dropped. I lifted her chin to look at me. “We’ll get him on board. I promise. We all just need to sit and have a mature conversation. I’m sure we can get him to come around.”

  “And if we can’t?” Charlie asked quietly.

  I squeezed my eyes shut, knowing exactly what it would mean for Charlie and my relationship if I couldn’t bring Jamie to be okay with it. Even the number of years he had been in my life was greater than the number of weeks Charlie had. I forced myself to smile over at her. “Let’s not focus on that right now, okay?”

  “What should we focus on?”

  I crawled on top of her. “I have a few ideas.”

  ***

  About an hour later, Charlie and I finally forced ourselves out of bed so we could get ready for the big Miller Family Reunion picnic. “You look way too cute wearing that shirt,” Charlie laughed, taking in the “Miller Family Reunion” T-shirt that the whole family was being forced to wear, even though the picnic was taking place at Charlie and Jamie’s house.

  “Well, you look even cuter. Don’t think I didn’t notice what shorts you’re wearing.” My eyes roamed over her short Daisy Dukes, while I let my mind drift to the night we first hooked up. When my eyes moved from her shorts up to her eyes, she lifted one eyebrow at me. “No. Don’t give me that look,” I scolded. “It sounds like your whole family has arrived at this point. Our fun is on hold until later.”

  Charlie pushed out her bottom lip. “Fine.” While she unlocked the door, I let my eyes drift down to her butt once again. Charlie dropped her hand from the half-turned doorknob and swung around to look at me. “You can’t expect me to leave the bedroom when you’re ogling me like that.”

  I crossed my arms over my chest. “I wasn’t ogling.”

  “So, are you saying you weren’t staring at my ass?”

  “It’s a nice ass,” I said with a shrug, repeating her sentiments from a few weeks prior.

  Charlie closed the few feet left between us and ran her hand up and down my arm. “Just one more time before we go downstairs. Please? We don’t even have to take our clothes off.”

  I lifted an eyebrow at her. “Are you trying to say that you can get me off while fully clothed? How very bold of you.”

  Charlie shook her head playfully. “Not quite. I’m saying I can get you off in less than five minutes while fully clothed.”

  “Prove it.”

  Without saying another word, Charlie picked me up and laid me on the bed, her body on top of mine as her hand easily slipped into my pants. I moaned as Charlie let out a gasp.

  Except that wasn’t the sound of Charlie’s gasp and it wasn’t Charlie’s voice that I could hear over by the door. “Oh dear. Oh my. Oh dear.”

  Charlie quickly rolled off of me and looked toward the old woman standing frozen at the door. “Nana! It’s not what it looks like. I swear.”

  Charlie and I both followed the direction of her nana’s glare and our eyes landed on Charlie’s hand. The hand that was still conveniently located inside of my pants. Shit.

  Before we could say anything, Nana was out the door. “Shit!” Charlie screamed, while scrambling off the bed. “Shit. Shit. Shit.”

  I followed her out the door and down the stairs. With Nana’s lack of speed, we were able to make it down the stairs right behind her, stopping her in the hallway. “Nana, I can explain. This truly isn’t what it looks like.” Charlie’s voice cracked, and it broke my heart.

  “Oh yeah? I might be old, but I’m not senile. Are you really going to try to tell me that you weren’t getting handsy with your brother’s fiancé?”

  “What’s going on here?” a male voice added, and I looked over to see Jamie walking into the hallway.

  Nana started to shake her head and I could have sworn I heard her mutter Hail Mary under her breath a few times before looking up at Jamie. “Jamie, I don’t know how to break it to you lightly, so I’m just going to say it. Your sister is canoodling with your fiancé. Caught her coochie-handed and all.”

  The sound of someone shrieking caused all four of us to jump. “That can’t be true. Charlotte would not do such a thing with her brother’s fiancé. That’s preposterous! Reagan is a girl.” Mrs. Miller wasn’t keeping her voice down and I knew it wouldn’t be long before she drew even more attention. Although, I found the volume of her voice much less disturbing than the fact that she seemed to find gender to be the worst part of what she had just heard. She turned to Jamie next. “Go on. Tell your nana she misinterpreted what she saw. Tell her that no fiancé of yours would ever cheat on you.”

  Jamie chewed on his bottom lip and looked toward the ground. “Reagan isn’t my fiancée, Mom,” he responded softly.

  “Jim! Get out here now!” Mrs. Miller shouted to her husband.

  I watched how Jamie’s posture stiffened when his dad joined us. “What’s up?” Mr. Miller asked cheerfully.

  “Your grandmother is making up horrible lies about your daughter and now your son is trying to claim that Reagan isn’t his fiancé.”

  I heard Charlie’s breathing pick up beside me, but couldn’t tell if it was anger or sadness coming to the surface. “It’s not a lie, okay? Nana is telling the truth.”

  Instinctively, I reached out and grabbed Charlie’s hand. I wanted to be able to take Jamie’s as well. Be there for him during this time. But he was too far away. I tried to give him a comforting look, but he immediately diverted his eyes from mine.

  “What is going on here?” Charlie’s grandma asked, having just walked into the hall with the whole extended Miller family close behind.

  Charlie’s mother shook her head. “There are terrible, disgusting lies being told. I’m just waiting for them to tell me this is all some sick joke.”

  “I don’t get it,” some relative that I couldn’t even identify at this point added on.

  Jamie threw both hands up in the air. “There’s not too much to get. My homophobic mother somehow not only birthed one, but two, gay children.”

  Charlie dropped my hand and took one step away from me. “Wow. Way to throw me under the bus, bro!” she shouted back at Jamie.

  Jamie scoffed in return. “Nana literally caught you with your hand down another girl’s pants. I don’t think anyone was questioning whether you’re gay.”

  Charlie crossed her arms in front of her chest. “You caught me with my tongue down her throat and somehow didn’t believe it.”

  Mr. Miller laughed uncomfortably and looked around at the members of his family. “This is obviously all a joke. My children aren’t like this.”

  I watched the whole scene play out in front of me, unable to move or speak. Never in my wildest dreams did I imagine something like this happening. Then two eyes landed on me. Two fuming eyes. “This is all your fault.” Mrs. Miller wagged a finger at me. “You did this to them!”

  Charlie grabbed a hold of my hand once again and squared her shoulders toward her mom. “No, Mother, she didn’t. I’ve always been this way and I assume Jamie has too.”

  To my surprise, Mrs. Miller broke into tears. “Is it my fault? It’s because we let you go by those bisexual names, isn’t it?”

  “I think you actually mean unisex,” one of the young cousins added, looking almost amused with the scene playing out in front of him.

  “No, Mom, it isn’t because of our names. Names don’t make someone gay. One person doesn’t make someone gay, no matter how special they are.” Charlie gave me a slight smile, and I almost forgot about everything going on around us. For a moment, it was just her and me.

  That moment was interrupted by the sound of yet another voice. A female one this time. “I’m still in love with you
!” My eyes snapped up and landed on Mary Beth.

  What the hell? Why was she even here?

  Jamie looked just as aghast as me by her untimely confession. “Seriously, Mary Beth? Did you miss the part where my whole family found out I was gay?”

  Charlie slowly raised her hand that wasn’t holding mine. “I actually think she’s talking to me.”

  Well, shit.

  Jamie’s eyes went even wider. “So, is this your thing, Charlie? You just steal all of my girlfriends?”

  “First of all, you and Mary Beth were broken up. And, reality check, Reagan was never your girlfriend.”

  “Hold on a damn second,” Nana cut in, scratching at her head. “Let an old lady catch up. Are you saying there was no infidelity?” Charlie shook her head and Nana started to laugh. “Why didn’t you just tell me that? This didn’t have to become a big thing at all.”

  “It’s a big thing because it’s two girls,” Aunt Dina piped in. “Doesn’t that bother you?”

  Nana simply waved a hand at her. “Why would it? I was the first woman in my family to go to college and went to an all girl’s school. You really think I never experimented?”

  Nana’s confession caused a chatter to break out throughout the room. It was hard to hear anything with everyone speaking at once, but I was able to pick up some words, such as sin, equality, no big deal, hell. Clearly, the Miller family was split on their beliefs. I looked to Jamie, but he simply shook his head in disgust, then slinked away. I gave Charlie’s hand a squeeze then motioned toward Jamie’s retreating form. I followed him out the front door and watched him make a beeline for his car.

  “Where are you going?” I yelled after him, making my way closer to the car.

  Jamie whipped around and I immediately noticed the tears running down his face. “Don’t. Don’t you dare try to talk to me right now. I worked my whole life to keep this a secret and now my parents, hell, my whole family, had to find out in the worst way possible, and that’s on you.”

  Tears began to fall from my eyes as well. Jamie may have dealt some cruel blows this week, but he still didn’t deserve to be forced out of the closet this way. “Jamie, please just talk to me,” I begged. “I’m sorry.”

  “I don’t doubt that. I’m sure you are. That doesn’t change anything though. You can’t go back. Come on, Reagan. Why do you think I refused to acknowledge the fact that Charlie was gay? I was worried something like this would happen. Although, I’ve gotta hand it to you. This far exceeds all of my worst nightmares.”

  “Please just tell me where you’re going,” I asked once more, as Jamie crawled into his car.

  “I’m going home. I can’t be here. I can’t deal with the whispers and stares. Don’t even think about trying to get in this car. You can find your own ride home.” And just like that, he slammed the door and drove away. I watched his car disappear, then fell onto my knees right there at the edge of the driveway, unable to control the sobs that followed.

  Chapter 10: Charlie

  What just happened? What in the everloving hell just happened? As my family continued to argue right in front of me, completely forgetting about the subjects of their argument, I snuck away to the back porch. When I felt a hand on my shoulder, I prayed it was Reagan getting back from talking to Jamie, but when I turned around, it was Mary Beth standing there.

  “You don’t think your parents will tell my parents what I said, do you?” she asked quietly.

  “Maybe you should have thought about that before you said it,” I scoffed.

  “I meant it.”

  I shook my head at her. “No, you didn’t. You’re not in love with me, Mary Beth. You never were. We don’t have that much in common, and trust me when I tell you that the chemistry just isn’t there between us. You’re in love with the idea of being with a girl. You think I’m so great because you’re comparing me to guys. If you’re not interested in guys, you can’t force yourself to be. Trust me.”

  Mary Beth was silent for a moment, then slowly nodded. “You actually might be right. I’ve never thought of it that way. I guess I always held on to what we had because it worked. We agreed on nothing serious, so I never had to worry about coming out.” She went quiet again, then looked over at me with an expression I couldn’t decipher. “You’re really in love with Reagan though, aren’t you?”

  I blew out a long breath. That was a very heavy question I wasn’t willing to think about at the moment. “In case you didn’t notice, things are a mess right now.”

  “You deserve to be happy, Charlie.” Mary Beth gave my shoulder one more squeeze, then walked away.

  “Hey, Mary Beth,” I spoke, causing her to stop by the door. “To answer your question, no, my parents won’t tell yours. That would involve them admitting their own children are gay, and I don’t foresee that happening anytime soon. But for what it’s worth, you deserve to be happy too, even if what makes you happy doesn’t make other people in your life happy.”

  As soon as Mary Beth was inside, the door opened again. This time, my dad walked out. His face appeared cold, but also tired. He rubbed his forehead, then cleared his throat a few times. I watched him intently, waiting for him to speak.

  “I need you to go in there and tell the family that you didn’t mean all those things you said.”

  I refused to look away from him. I had to stay strong. “I can’t.”

  “Why the hell not?” His tone became anything but calm, and I realized this was one of the first times he had ever raised his voice at me.

  I forced myself to stay strong. I couldn’t let him see me cry, even if I was on the edge of tears. “I can’t tell them it’s not true, because it is. I’ve wanted to tell you for a long time and was planning to do it soon, but I certainly didn’t want it to come out this way. I am sorry about that, but I won’t apologize for who I love.”

  “So, it’s true? You love that girl?”

  Why was everyone asking me that today?

  “Are you asking me because you actually care or because you’re disgusted?”

  “I didn’t raise a gay daughter,” my dad answered firmly. “And if I’m being honest, it’s pretty goddamn embarrassing that the rest of the family thinks I did.”

  “You’re right, Dad. You didn’t raise a gay daughter. You raised a daughter who happens to be gay. Same goes for your son.”

  My dad huffed and shook his head. “No. I won’t accept that.”

  I shrugged. “And that’s just something we’ll both have to live with.”

  My dad nodded slowly, and for a moment, I thought he might start to cry. Instead, he turned around and headed for the door. He paused before going inside. “Charlie, no matter what, you’ll always be my Homecoming Queen.” His words caused the smallest bit of hope to flutter into my chest. Things were a mess now, but maybe someday they could be okay.

  Instead of walking through the house, I walked around the outside to try to find Reagan and Jamie. I was surprised when I arrived out front and only Reagan was sitting there. I was even more surprised when I noticed she was crying. Up until now, Reagan had been the strong one. It felt strange to be the strong one, but I wasn’t going to let her down. I was by her side in no time, running my hand through her hair and placing kisses on her temple. For once, I didn’t care if my family walked out or if a neighbor saw. I only cared about the girl beside me.

  “Shh,” I soothed. “You’re okay. It’s going to be okay.” I took her face and forced her to look at me. Her tears cracked my heart open and it was hard to watch, but I refused to look away. “Tell me what you need. Anything. I’ll do it.”

  “Could… could you take me home? I can’t be here.”

  I nodded my head. “Of course.”

  I led Reagan to my car, opened the door, and directed her into the passenger seat to wait for me while I grabbed her things. I didn’t want her to have to face my family again.

  As soon as I was inside the door, all eyes were on me again. I threw both hands in the air. “I
’m just getting Reagan’s stuff so I can take her home. I’m sure no one is going to fight me on that.”

  And no one did. Aside from the whispers, the house was quiet as I packed her bag, as well as one for myself just in case, and headed back downstairs. My mother only scowled at me when I walked past her to leave the house and go to my car. Reagan was quiet as I pulled my car out of the driveway. I typed Jamie and Reagan’s address into my car’s navigation, for once happy that my mother had insisted on us memorizing each other’s addresses. I had a feeling Reagan didn’t want to be bothered at the moment.

  “Could you actually take me to my parents’ house?” I jumped in surprise at the sound of Reagan’s voice. When I looked over at her, her dark, red-rimmed eyes were already staring at me. “I have a feeling Jamie could use some space from me right now. It’s a closer drive than taking me all the way back to my place, or else I wouldn’t ask.”

  I reached my hand out and intertwined our fingers. “Reagan, I would take you anywhere.”

  Reagan nodded and mumbled her parents’ address, before turning back toward the window. I was happy she at least kept her hand locked with mine. It was the only thing making the silence between us bearable. We were over halfway through the drive before Reagan finally spoke again.

  “So, Mary Beth, huh?” she asked with a snicker.

  “Shut it,” I teased back. “I was young and confused, and she was there.”

  Reagan threw both hands in the air, a smile finally adorning her face. “Hey, I’m not judging. Mary Beth is a pretty girl, and it seems you had quite the effect on her.”

  “You do realize she’s not really in love with me, right? We were never anything other than friends with benefits. We hooked up whenever I visited home and was single. The last time we did anything was at least a year and a half ago.”

  Reagan squeezed my hand. “It’s fine, Charlie. It’s really none of my business.”

  “But it can be. I just want you to know that I don’t want to hide anything from you… ever.” I wasn’t sure exactly what I was getting at, but I wanted Reagan to know I was still serious about this.