The Anti-Boyfriend

by Ward, Penelope

  “So what are you expecting from me?” I asked.

  “It doesn’t have to go from zero to a hundred. I just want you to meet me from time to time. Once a month, maybe, to start. I want her to know me, even if she thinks I’m just a friend. Eventually, I want my kids to meet her. I know I have a lot of work to do to earn your trust. And I plan to do whatever it takes.”

  CHAPTER 23

  Carys

  NICE TO SEE YOU AGAIN

  Over the next six weeks or so, Charles proved he hadn’t been kidding when he’d vowed to earn my trust back. I appreciated that he was letting me call the shots on his reentrance into my life, though.

  In addition to abiding by a visitation schedule, he’d also begun depositing money more regularly in my bank account. I’d never refused his occasional offerings, but now that he wasn’t doing everything behind Violet’s back, he’d set up a direct deposit each month. I wasn’t going to complain. Sunny deserved his support.

  We’d agreed on a twice-a-month visitation schedule for starters. I gave him a few hours on Saturdays. We’d take Sunny out, and she was slowly taking to him, offering occasional smiles and responses to his endless efforts to make her laugh. It was noticeably different than her immediate attachment to Deacon had been, though.

  Charles hadn’t insisted on using the term dad around her, and I was grateful. He referred to himself as Charles, and it was my strong opinion that for the foreseeable future, things should remain that way,

  One chilly but sunny Saturday in January, Charles and I took Sunny to a toy store and then to get a treat. It was too cold for ice cream, but Sunny had seen the sign for the shop with the giant ice cream cone flag and wouldn’t stop pointing to it.

  After, we ended up in Bryant Park, and I spotted Deacon’s friend Adrian at a table with a woman. We were about to walk past them. I wanted to turn around and go the other direction, but I didn’t want to explain anything to Charles, so I forced myself to keep moving. I had no idea if Adrian would even look up or recognize me.

  But sure enough, just as we moved past him, his eyes met mine. He squinted into the sun, holding his hand to his forehead like a visor. “Carys?”

  I feigned surprise and smiled. “Hey!”

  “Not sure if you recognize me. I know we only met once. I’m Deacon’s friend Adrian?” He smiled.

  “Of course, I recognize you. How have you been?”

  “I’ve been good.” He turned to Charles. “And you are?”

  “I’m Charles.” He held out his hand. “Sunny’s father.”

  As they shook, shock registered on Adrian’s face. I had an urge to explain the situation, but why? What did it matter if he drew the wrong conclusion about this? I didn’t owe him—nor Deacon—any explanation.

  Adrian bent to look down at Sunny in her stroller. “This must be the famous Sunny.”

  Sunny took to Adrian right away, flashing an amused smile as she devoured her ice cream cone. My heart raced as I wondered whether he’d bring up his MIA friend.

  Instead, Adrian simply nodded once and said, “Well, it was nice to see you again.”

  “You, too,” I said.

  Relief flooded through me. Adrian likely knew the deal. There was no reason to bring up what happened. Had a part of me wanted to ask him how Deacon was doing? Yes. But ultimately, I wasn’t prepared for the answer. I didn’t want to hear that he was dating again or had moved on in any way. That would’ve been too damn painful.

  “Who was that?” Charles asked as we walked away. “You seemed tense just now.”

  I blew out a breath. “He’s a friend of my former boyfriend.”

  “The guy I met at your place? That boyfriend?”

  “Yeah. The anti-boyfriend. Deacon,” I said bitterly. “He was my only relationship.”

  “I’ve asked you more than once what happened, and you never answer me. I suppose I’ll get the same response if I pry now?”

  “I’d rather not talk about it.”

  “Okay. Fair enough.” He placed his hand on my back. “One of these days I’ll get you to tell me.”

  I shook my head. Normally, I could keep thoughts of Deacon at bay during the day. But Adrian had brought everything to the forefront.

  “So I never mentioned what happened when I told Violet I’d spoken to the kids about Sunny,” Charles said.

  Not exactly a great change of subject.

  “How did she take it?”

  “Not well, but she didn’t do anything drastic. She’s not happy with me, but that’s pretty normal.” He shrugged. “Now that the kids know, they’re insistent on meeting Sunny. They told Violet they want to see their sister soon. And she didn’t exactly refuse.”

  “Really?”

  “Yeah. She conceded.”

  I stopped walking for a moment. “Okay, so what does this mean?”

  “It means I’d love to bring them along with me on one of our future visits, if you’re open to that.”

  As uncomfortable as it made me, I didn’t want Sunny to go through what I had, never knowing my half-siblings. I did fear for her future if anything were to happen to me. While I had every hope that Sunny would go on to live a normal life, what if she needed more support than the average person? The idea that she might have siblings to look after her if I wasn’t around was quite comforting.

  “That would be okay,” I finally answered. “Are you sure they’re ready?”

  “They’ve gotten used to the idea of her. I think they need to meet her for it to feel real to them. They’re sweet, accepting kids, and I suspect it’s going to go better than I ever imagined.”

  “Then I’m good with it. I don’t want to keep Sunny from her siblings.”

  Charles let out a breath. “Thank you. I’d kiss you if I could right now.”

  I held my palm out. “Don’t even think about it.”

  “A man can dream.” He winked. “But one step at a time.”

  Charles was crazy if he thought I’d ever take him back. More than the obstacle of forgiving him, I now knew I’d never really loved him. My feelings for Deacon were on an entirely different level. Regardless of how he’d ended things, what I felt for Deacon and the experience of falling in love with him couldn’t be erased. Even if I wished it could.

  CHAPTER 24

  Deacon

  COCKBLOCKER

  “What are you looking at?” she asked.

  Shit. How long had I been staring at her? I hadn’t meant to make her uncomfortable. It was just… I couldn’t take my eyes off her. I’d done a pretty decent job of keeping Carys out of my mind this week. Then I got to the checkout line at the supermarket where I’d been picking up groceries for my grandmother. The cashier looked like an older version of Sunny. Did she think I was staring at her because she had Down syndrome? Shit. That wasn’t it at all.

  “I’m sorry. I know I was staring at you. It’s because you remind me of someone who’s special to me, someone I don’t get to see anymore. I didn’t mean to be rude.”

  She rolled her eyes, and it made me chuckle, because I could see Sunny growing up to be as feisty as this girl. My chest tightened at the thought that I might never see Carys or Sunny again.

  It had been three months since I’d left New York, and my life there seemed an eternity away. I still didn’t know how to handle my abandoned apartment. I’d been paying my rent, which I was able to do since I was living rent-free at my grandmother’s house. Gram appreciated the company and the help, and I appreciated the fact that I could be home in Minnesota without having to shack up with my parents. I didn’t know how long I planned to stay here, but returning to New York wasn’t an option yet.

  The cashier handed me my receipt. The name on her tag read Autumn.

  I nodded and smiled. “Have a good day, Autumn.”

  She mouthed, “Fuck off.”

  Nice.

  I couldn’t help smiling again. The universe was messing with me today.

  * * *

  One thing about liv
ing with Gram was that she could always see right through me and didn’t put up with any shit. I’d refused to tell her why I’d come home to Minnesota. I’d yet to talk about the real reason with anyone in my family at all. But while the rest of them weren’t prying, Gram had been insistent on getting it out of me at some point.

  As I put away her groceries that afternoon, she watched me from her chair in the adjacent living room.

  “I’m not as dumb as you think, you know.”

  My hand paused on a box of cereal I’d just put in the cupboard. “What are you getting at, Gram?”

  “I know this has something to do with a woman. What else could it be?”

  I resumed putting stuff away to distract from the tension I felt. “Why do you assume that?”

  “Because why else would you leave the most exciting city in the world to come live with me? A broken heart is the only thing that could make someone run away and come back to the place they’ve been avoiding for years.”

  She was right about that. I’d avoided Minnesota like it was my job.

  I sighed. “You’re right. It does have to do with a woman. But it’s not what you’re probably thinking. I was the one who broke her heart, not vice versa. But I’m not ready to get into it.”

  My grandmother’s brows drew together. “Do you plan to stay here indefinitely?”

  “No.” I paused. “At least I don’t think so.” Pointing a can of Pringles at her, I said, “Why? Are you in a rush for me to leave? I thought you liked having me here.”

  “While at times I like having my grown-ass grandson here, your gram needs her space once in a while.”

  “For what?”

  She looked at me like I should have known, but it didn’t compute.

  “I have a friend I haven’t been able to have over since you got here.”

  Virtually scratching my head, I still didn’t get it. Until I did.

  Oh.

  Oh

  Well I’ll be fucking damned.

  “I’m messing up your game, Gram?”

  Jeez. And I’d wondered where I got it from all these years.

  “I’m not saying you can’t stay here. But you might want to share the love with your brother one or two nights a week.”

  “Here I was thinking I was helping out my sweet little granny, keeping her company, doing her shopping. Now I come to find out I’m just a cockblocker.” I shook my head. “Well, thanks for enlightening me.”

  * * *

  Once I got a clue that I was intruding on my grandmother’s booty calls, I hit up my brother for an alternate place to stay a few days a week.

  Whereas my parents and grandmother lived in the suburbs, Alex lived in downtown Minneapolis. With my backpack hooked over my shoulder, I arrived at his building. Looking up at the high-rise, I felt a pang of longing for city life.

  Well, it was less about the city and more about what I’d left behind there.

  After taking the elevator up, I knocked on my brother’s door.

  He opened. “Hey, dude.”

  “Hey.”

  We shared a manly hug, patting each other on the back. Dropping my bag, I looked around. The furniture looked new. The place smelled great. My little bro had come a long way from the way I remembered him when I left home for California back in college. He was just under me in height, but had really grown to resemble me more with age.

  “I’ve barely seen you since you’ve been home,” he said. “I’m glad Gram kicked you to the curb.”

  “So what’s the plan tonight?” I asked.

  “Lindsay’s coming by after work and we’re all gonna go to dinner.”

  “Sounds good. I can’t believe I’ve been here for three months and haven’t met your girlfriend yet.”

  He cracked open a beer before handing it to me. “Are you okay?” he asked as he opened a bottle for himself.

  “Yeah. Why?” I took a sip.

  “Everyone is wondering why you’re here.” He let out a slight belch. “Don’t get me wrong, it’s not that we don’t want you home. But something seems off. We’ve been trying to figure it out. You know you can tell me anything, right?”

  So he and my parents had been talking about me. Fucking awesome. “Yeah. I do. And I will. Just not now.”

  “Okay. Well, tonight is about having fun anyway—getting your mind off things. And I’ve got my guitar room set up for you.”

  “Cool. Thanks, man. I really appreciate it. Had I known our grandmother was a freak, I would’ve come to stay here a long time ago.”

  “Worst kept secret in the world.” He laughed. “But I’m glad she threw your ass out.”

  Alex and I kicked back on his couch with our beers for the next half-hour, taking a trip down memory lane with stories from our childhood.

  The doorbell rang, interrupting our conversation.

  When Alex answered the door, two women entered the apartment.

  “Linds, you finally get to meet my big brother,” Alex said, kissing her cheek. “I thought we were gonna have to fly to New York for this, but he came home.”

  Lindsay was short with long, black hair, which was interesting because Alex typically went for blondes, from what I could remember. There was a lot I didn’t know about my brother now, and I regretted that.

  “It’s so great to meet you,” she said, extending her hand to me. “You’re like this mythical character no one ever gets to see. I’m so happy you’re here.”

  “Yeah. Me, too.”

  She turned to her friend. “This is Hallie. I figured we’d make tonight a foursome so you didn’t feel like the third wheel.”

  Great. This is a setup? Alex must have been in on this.

  “Really nice to meet you, Deacon,” she said. “You look so much like Alex.”

  “I’m sorry. I can’t help it.”

  With long, brown hair and large eyes, Hallie was attractive. The blind date might have been a pleasant surprise for the old me. But under the current circumstances, it was unwelcome. Now that my brother had put me in this position, I’d have to suck it up and try to enjoy the night.

  We ended up walking to a nearby, high-end steakhouse. Being in a crowded restaurant in the city felt like I’d been transported back to Manhattan.

  When my phone rang in the middle of dinner, I wasn’t sure if checking it would be rude. I looked down at the caller ID. Adrian.

  I hadn’t spoken to him in a couple of weeks. When I left New York, he’d been shocked that I’d broken up with Carys and couldn’t understand why I needed to come to Minnesota. I’d chosen not to tell him about the accident, and without divulging the deep-rooted reasons for my decision to leave, I’d left him understandably confused. He’d chalked my actions up to cold feet and didn’t pressure me. He was convinced I’d come to my senses and return to the city any day now. He thought maybe I’d had some kind of life crisis because I’d recently turned thirty.

  Not wanting to be rude during dinner, I let the call go to voicemail. But when my phone started ringing a second time, I worried maybe something was wrong. It was unlike Adrian to call two times in a row. His sister had been undergoing cancer treatments, so I worried something had happened to her. I lifted my finger, excusing myself before stepping outside for some privacy.

  The phone stopped ringing before I had a chance to pick up, so I dialed him back.

  It rang a few times before he answered, “Hey.”

  “Hey, man. What’s up? Everything okay?”

  “Yeah. Everything’s fine.”

  My pulse regulated a bit. “Okay. Good. You normally don’t call me two times in a row. I worried something had happened with Natalia. I’m actually out to dinner with my brother and his girlfriend. I stepped outside.”

  “Ah. Okay. Well, something’s been bugging me, so I figured I’d try you a second time to see if I could catch you.”

  “What’s on your mind?” I asked.

  “I wasn’t sure whether to tell you this, but it’s been eating away at me all d
ay.”

  My pulse sped up again. “What is it?”

  “I ran into Carys at Bryant Park today.”

  My heart felt like it stopped. Literally fucking stopped.

  “What happened? Is she okay?”

  “Yeah. It’s nothing bad. But she wasn’t alone. She had Sunny with her. And she was with…Sunny’s father.”

  Sunny’s father? That made no sense. Carys barely even spoke to her ex, let alone hung out with him. “Wait. How do you know it was him?”

  “He introduced himself to me. It looked very casual. The little girl was eating an ice cream cone.”

  My heart clenched. This news stunned me into silence.

  Maybe Carys had decided to let Charles be around Sunny, but it bothered me that she might’ve been feeling vulnerable after I left and done something she wouldn’t otherwise have done. He could’ve taken advantage of her. Maybe it had nothing to do with me, but a mix of jealousy, anger, and confusion brewed inside.

  Staring blankly out at the busy street, I had no idea how many seconds passed before I asked, “Did she say anything to you?”

  “Just hello. It was just a quick, cordial exchange. I got the feeling she would’ve pretended not to notice me if I’d let her. But you know how it is. No one can get past my extroverted ass.” When I fell silent again, he said, “You there?”

  “Yeah…yeah, I’m here. Just trying to let this sink in.”

  “I’m sorry if it’s none of my business. I just figured I’d want to know if the situation were reversed.”

  “I appreciate you telling me.”

  “I still don’t get what happened, but I know how much she meant to you at one point. Hopefully she’s not letting this guy manipulate her.”

  My head pounded. That was my fear. But this was about more than that. Hearing that she’d been out and about at the park with Sunny reminded me how much I missed them, how much I was missing out on.