After she’d chosen a few brightly colored stems, we had them wrapped and wandered over to a small shelf housing all sorts of bears and other trinkets. April pointed at a small but classic-looking bear and grinned. “That one.”
I picked it up, and we examined the selection of small packets of sweets at the counter while we got rung up. She ended up getting him two different kinds of candy, and then I paid before we set off again.
“Mommy?” She looked up at me with a puzzled frown tugging at her brows as we walked down the sidewalk. “Why is Paxton sad?”
A pang hit my heart, but at least I’d explained some of this to her before. A friend of hers at daycare had a grandmother who had passed, which had triggered the conversation. “He lost his friend last week, sweetheart. His heart is very sore.”
“Did he lose him like I lost my Barbie?” she asked, still frowning. “I found my Barbie. Maybe he’ll find his friend.”
“No, sweetie. He didn’t lose him like that. He lost him like Tanner lost his Nana.” I slung my arm over her shoulders. “Do you remember what we say when people have lost someone like that?”
“Yes,” she said, the corners of her mouth turned down and her eyes brimming with sudden tears. “I remember.”
When we arrived at his apartment, I knocked on his door and took a step back while we waited for him to answer. Just when I started wondering if he was even here, the door swung open.
His eyes widened in surprise when he saw us, but even in that first moment of seeing him, I noticed that the bright, lively spark that was always in those beautiful blues was missing today. A quick once-over revealed that he hadn’t shaved, and he looked like hell in his sweats and loose T-shirt.
The grief coming off him was almost palpable, and my worries about it being strange for us to show up here after the way I’d left the last time vanished. None of that mattered now, not when the smile he gave us was so forced that it seemed almost painful.
“Hey,” he said in a tone that was as flat as the look in his eyes. “What’s up, guys? What are you doing here?”
“I’m sorry for your loss,” April recited the words we’d practiced for her to say to Tanner, offering up the small arrangement of flowers in one hand, the bear and sweets in the other. “Mommy says that’s the right thing to say to someone who has lost a friend.”
He dropped down to his haunches, his expression softening and his smile turning real as he took the things from her before pulling her into a quick hug. “Thanks, April. I appreciate you coming here to tell me that. You’ve definitely made my day brighter. Who’s this little guy? Does he have a name?”
He held up the bear once he released her, the soft smile never leaving his face. My heart soared as I watched him with her. I’d known she’d put a smile on his face, and she beamed it right back at him.
“My bear is named Bob. Yours could be Bob too?” she suggested with hope illuminating her eyes.
“Bob it is,” he decided before straightening up and looking at me. “I mean it. Thanks for coming.”
“Of course,” I said quietly, raking my gaze over the dark stubble lining his jaw and the paler than usual color of his skin. “Have you eaten anything yet?”
He shook his head, raking a hand through his messy hair as his lips pursed. “I haven’t had much of an appetite.”
“Let’s go get a burger.” I motioned to April. “We haven’t had dinner yet, and I don’t think either of us feel like the chicken and vegetables I had planned for tonight.”
April made her eyes big as she looked up at Paxton in absolute horror. “Please come with us? Mommy says vegetables are good for me, but I like hamburgers much more.”
Only my daughter would’ve been able to draw a laugh out of him on a day like today, but the sound of it washed over me as he tipped his head back before nodding. “Sure, I’ll come with you. I’d never subject you to vegetables if the alternative is a hamburger. Give me a minute to change and grab my stuff, okay? Would you like to come in while you wait?”
Chapter 25
PAXTON
It had been a really shit day. Right up until I’d opened my door to find Colette and April on the other side, I hadn’t thought anything would be able to salvage it. In fact, I’d been about to crack open a bottle of whiskey when they’d knocked on my door.
The funeral had been rough as fuck. Some of the other guys had gone out together for drinks after, but I hadn’t been able to convince myself to join them. All I’d wanted was to change out of the suit I’d had on, collapse on the sofa by myself, and drown my sorrows until I passed out so the damn day would finally be behind me.
Tierra had checked with me before she let Colette know what was going on, but never in my wildest dreams had I expected her to show up at my door—especially not with April in tow. I honestly hadn’t been sure whether she’d ever let me see April again. Not after the way she’d left last week.
While knowing that she’d been worried about me had perked me up some when I’d received that message from her, my mood had quickly crashed again. The whole week had been a nightmare, and I’d barely managed to drag my ass to work every morning.
It had been a while since I’d spent all my nights tossing and turning, sometimes too afraid to close my eyes for fear of the horrors my subconscious would choose to torture me with once I did. Those were the only kinds of nights I’d had for the past week, though.
The bags under my eyes had bags. I knew there was going be a lot of editing done to the photos taken of me since I’d gotten the news, but I didn’t really care. It was enough that I’d managed to get to the shoots. The makeup and editing weren’t my problem.
As I sat at the diner with April and Colette, though, it felt like the week—hell, even this morning—was a million miles away. We’d finished our burgers and fries, and each had a milkshake in front of us now.
April slurped at her kid’s strawberry shake with the little marshmallows in it contentedly, using her straw to mix the sprinkles into it before glancing at her mother. “Can I go play again for a little while?”
There was a playground in the back. She’d been at it while we’d waited for our food, until Colette had called her to our table when it had arrived. She glanced down at her watch, then nodded.
“We’ve got a little more time before we’ve got to head home. Go play. I’ll come get you when it’s time. Just be careful, okay?”
“Okay,” she promised with a radiant smile as she hopped off her seat at our booth and raced away.
Colette stared after her for a moment before turning back to me. Her expression was relaxed, her brown eyes bright until she looked into mine. “She’ll be back to finish her shake in between. I was really sorry to hear about your friend, Pax. Do you want to talk about it?”
“Nope.” I sighed and ran my palms along my jaw. “No offense, but I really don’t want to turn this into a session for you. Plus, I’d literally rather talk about anything else right now.”
She paused before dipping her chin in a nod. “No offense taken. If you ever change your mind, you know where to find me. Just as a friend. It wouldn’t be a session.”
“Thanks,” I said and really meant it. I was tempted to reach for her hand where it lay on the table, but I didn’t. Things were complicated enough between us, and I didn’t have the emotional capacity right now for adding anything else to this day. Maybe later.
Steering the conversation back to more neutral ground, I spun the broad milkshake glass between my fingers. “I’m sorry I’ve been missing with the wedding stuff this week. My head hasn’t been on straight. How much ground have we lost?”
“None,” she said with a gentle smile before rolling her eyes. “I’ve actually gotten everything we had lined up done. The DJ and the photographer have been confirmed; so have the caterers. The photographer is also available for the parties, so he’s going to spend some time with us girls before going over to you guys. He’ll also stay for the first hour after we get together.”
I winced, arching a brow at her. “Are you sure it’s a good idea to have photographic evidence of a night like that?”
“Yes. He’s under strict instructions not to document anything embarrassing, but it’s always nice to have pictures, and this way, none of us will have to remember to take them.”
“Fair enough.” I’d follow up with the photographer on the not taking pictures of anything embarrassing, though. “Do the caterers have the menu sorted?”
“They do. I sent through the final choices Tierra and Brett made, and they’ve assured me everything will be perfect.”
I breathed a short sigh of relief. “So they’ve got stock of everything we need, and nothing’s going to be a problem?”
“Nothing is going to be a problem,” she assured me, then held out her fingers to tick off the next items of our list. “I’ve had the name cards printed for the reception, the tiebacks for the chairs ordered, the sample playlist made and sent to the DJ, and I’ve also confirmed everything for the party. We just have to send the formal e-invites with the details, and then we’ll be good to go on that front.”
“I’m impressed,” I said finally, my brows almost to my hairline once she’d rattled off a few more things. “Impressed, and thankful. You’ve always been good at staying on the ball like that, but I really didn’t expect you to have done all that by yourself.”
“Honestly?” She averted her gaze and stared into the depths of her bubble-gum shake before slowly lifting her eyes back to mine. “I owed it to you after the way I acted the other morning. It was uncalled for, immature, and not as a result of anything you did.”
I sat back in my chair, beyond stunned about the fact that she was bringing up that day at all. It was also as good of an apology as I was going to get, and I knew it, so I didn’t push for more.
“You’re forgiven,” I replied simply.
There were so many other things I wanted to say, but I held them all back. This wasn’t the time or place to threaten to spank her if she ever ran out on me that way again, nor could I tell her how much it had bothered me when she had.
No, this definitely isn’t the time for sexy threats or hurt feelings, I thought as April joined us back at the table. She slid into her chair, taking another few sips of her milkshake just as Colette passed her phone to me.
“There’s the e-invite I made. I know it’s not quite as flashy as yours was to save the date, but it was the best I could do,” she said as April took off again after only those few sips. “If you’d rather do it in the same style as the other one, we can send it out whenever you’re ready.”
“It’s close enough,” I said, then pointedly glanced toward the playground where April was scampering up a plastic ladder. “She’s really going to keep popping back for less than a minute at a time?”
“She loves milkshakes.” Colette shrugged before smiling at me. “You get used to it. She won’t want to waste a single sip of her shake, but she also doesn’t want to waste a minute at the playground. It’s a bit of a catch-22, so she’ll just keep darting between the two.”
I frowned. “Doesn’t it worry you? I’m not questioning you at all. I just mean…”
“I know what you mean.” Laughter lit her eyes, and they sparkled with it as she motioned toward her daughter. “Do you remember when we went to check in while you got our table?”
When I nodded, she continued. “There’s a tag attached to her shirt with my details on it. If she even gets near the doors with it on, alarms will go off. She’s also not at the age anymore where she’ll just topple over and hurt herself. Besides, it might not look like it, but I’ve always got one eye on her.”
Fuck. I blew out a breath. “Being a parent is hard work, huh?”
“The hardest,” she said, but then she grinned at me. “It’s also the most rewarding, though. Worth every second.”
“Yeah, I’d imagine so.” Our eyes met from across the table, and for just a moment, I also imagined what it would be like to do that hard work with her.
The air between us charged with something I’d never felt before, but the moment vanished when she blinked and looked back at the playground. “So, the e-invites?”
“Yep.” I swiped my tongue across my lips, taking a deep breath to shake off the lingering feeling that there was so much more I’d have liked to hear her say on that topic. Like if she wants more kids.
But I left it because she’d laugh in my face if she thought I was asking what I would’ve been asking. That, and the grief must’ve been fucking with my head because I didn’t suddenly want kids right now. Did I?
Deciding to leave that disturbing little question to answer later, I nodded toward her phone. “That invite is perfect. Let’s get it sent out. With the parties coming up this weekend, we really can’t afford to wait much longer.”
A few taps at her screen later, she grinned and made a check mark with her finger in the air. “Done. Do you want to go over the details for the itinerary of that day?”
“Not really. This isn’t my first bachelors, you know?” I winked and then laughed when she tossed the wrapper of her straw at me. “Kidding. Let’s do it. What time do we pick up the strippers?”
Her eyes narrowed. “Did you forget the part where your sister said that if there’s a stripper at that party, then said stripper better be walking toward Brett down that aisle because she wouldn’t be?”
I raised my hands in surrender, showing her my palms as I chuckled. “Chill. It was just a joke.”
“Yeah, I know, but do you know what isn’t?” She flashed me a coy smile. “Brett didn’t say anything about there being strippers at the girls’ party.”
When my jaw practically dropped, she winked back at me and burst out laughing. “You should’ve seen your face right then. See? This is why we need a photographer documenting this journey. I wish I had a picture of that.”
As easily as that, with just a burger, a shake, and a simple conversation with Colette, it was like someone had applied a magical balm to all the parts that’d been aching inside me. The hurt was still there, but the sharp sting of pain eased for the first time all week.
It got even better after we left the diner and decided to go for a walk. April couldn’t get enough of me once I’d convinced Colette to let her go on the merry-go-round in one of the parks we went past. She even insisted on me coming on the ride to stand with her.
“You’ll catch me if I fall, right?” she asked just before the ride got started, looking up at me with eyes that nearly melted me on the spot.
“Of course, sweetheart. I’ll be right here,” I said, my heart feeling like it grew ten sizes for every minute I spent building my friendship with this little girl. “I’d never let you fall. I’m not going anywhere. Don’t worry.”
When she smiled up at me, I finally understood why people said the soul was healed by being with our children. It took me a second to remember she wasn’t really mine, but right now, her blood didn’t seem to matter—only her soul did, and it was most fucking definitely healing mine to see that smile aimed at me, knowing that I was the one who had put it there.
Chapter 26
COLETTE
“No more, baby girl,” I said when April glanced at me from the back of the plastic horse with that pleading look in her eyes. “You’re exhausted. Don’t even try to deny it. A mother knows. Let’s get you home.”
She pouted but then glanced at Paxton and sighed. “I am kind of tired.”
“Your mommy’s right. It’s time for you to get to bed,” he agreed, holding out his hands to help her off the merry-go-round.
Seeing them together like this was… disconcerting. If I’d thought they’d hit it off before, that was nothing like the way it had been tonight.
I’d known April would make Paxton smile, but I never thought he’d be doing the same for her. It was like the two of them had just clicked so absolutely that I wasn’t sure there was a way to undo the bond that was forming now.
; Uncertain how to feel about it, I walked in silence as they joked on our way back to my car. I’d forced Paxton to ride with us earlier, but now I kind of regretted it. Either way, I wouldn’t make him take a cab after the day he’d had.
Just like I’d thought, April fell asleep in her car seat before the wheels were even turning properly. In the dimly lit interior of the car, I glanced at her in the rearview mirror and shook my head before turning my gaze back to the road. “She’d have fallen asleep right on that horse if we hadn’t gotten her out of there.”
“Agreed, but thanks for everything tonight anyway. Even staying for those few extra rides,” Paxton murmured, his eyes on her as he twisted in his seat for a moment. “I really needed that.”
“You feeling better?” I asked, remembering what the whole point of coming out tonight had been.
When he nodded and looked like he genuinely meant it, I smiled. He reached out to squeeze my leg. It wasn’t an intimate touch. It was soft, and his fingers rested just above my knee, but it still sent a bolt of desire shooting through me.
“I didn’t think it was possible for me to be this happy today,” he said, still keeping his voice down. “You saved me from a miserable evening and an epic hangover tomorrow.”
April let out a soft snore, and I smiled again as I shrugged the shoulder closest to him. “You saved her from carrots and broccoli, so I think we’re all squared away.”
“Somehow, I don’t think so.” He scrubbed his free hand over his face before leaning his head back and turning toward the window. “This was a shit week. I’d save her from carrots and broccoli every night if I could spend every night with the two of you like this.”
My grip on the steering wheel tightened, but I wasn’t about to lie to him. “I’m glad we could make things a little better for you.”
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