When All is Lost!

by Suzanne Readsmith

When they sensed my presence only he turned to look at me glaring. Without turning her head Viv spoke quietly.

  “Could you let us in please?”

  Standing beside her I turned the key my stomach retching. She wouldn’t look at me and I could smell her. Inside we assumed a comfortable triangular formation, which was good, no one was closer to anyone else, or further away. I broke formation to fill the kettle, Viv went to the window and he stood by the big chair.

  “Tell him!” Said Dweebo.

  “I’m pregnant” said Viv still looking out of the window. She hadn’t yet met my eyes.

  “Oh God, you didn’t take much time!” I felt sick. I’d lost her forever.

  “Tell him the next bit.” Prompted Dweebo.

  I didn’t like his tone. He spoke in a commanding voice to Viv as though he was completely in charge, which perhaps he was. I didn’t trust myself to speak. I was too dense to fully gather the implications. There was only one thing I could say which killed me.

  “Congratulations.”

  “It isn’t mine.” Said Dweebo. “It’s yours!”

  The room began to spin a little. There was a rushing sound in my ears. I remembered the time when Joe had crossed some slimy locks and slipped into the canal. We had both screamed and screamed with the shock and then Joe had realised that he was the most disadvantaged in the situation and he needed my help.

  “Go get someone you stupid bastard, before I go under.”

  The rest had been easy, once I had been able to make my feet move, I had managed to get a passer by to call the fire brigade and they’d arrived at the scene just after I had fished Joe out. The fire fighters were not amused to see us sitting on the gravel path wet through and smoking.

  Right now my feet were stuck to the wooden floor as though glued to the spot. I felt like I was experiencing a similar life and death moment, as with Joe. My heart was thumping with fear because I couldn’t make out what all this meant. I laughed nervously at first and then with a little more confidence and then I indulged myself to take a momentary glance of ‘claiming kin’ into the eyes of a guy who had robbed me of everything, almost!

  “How dare you!” Said Viv to Dweebo turning on him venomously. “How fucking dare you tell Ralph like that. What gives you the right to tell him at all?”

  The man who had everything, who had taken everything from me started to plead with Viv. He begged her to go home with him. His voice was whiny. I suddenly understood that he had no power at all, just like me and just like Viv.

  A silence fell between the three of us. We resumed our formation. Viv was now much closer to me. Still Viv had not looked at me as though she didn’t trust herself. Her lip was trembling and I knew she wanted to cry. I didn’t hold back. I went to her and put my arms around her. She let me.

  “I’m glad.” Was what I whispered into her ear.

  “What’s that?” Said Dweebo. “If you don’t mind backing off.”

  I stepped away from Viv at that moment. Not because of ‘Commando Boy’ but to give Viv some space. It was the first time we had touched for two-months and it had been electric. I felt shaky as though I might faint. She too was trembling. Our moment had been brief and fiercely connective, yet I felt an island apart from her. I regretted that all this had had to be witnessed by him and that I’d had to learn about becoming a father, from him. The moment I heard it though, I knew it to be true.

  “A father, well, well!” Said my mother.

  I imagined her pleased expression and silently inside my head I blew her a kiss. I felt glad of my mother’s presence right now and I knew she was here to stand up for me. I felt strong as though I could fight.

  The man who wasn’t to become a father right now was speaking again as though in authority.

  “We’ve come to sort the whole thing out. I’ve told Viv that I am willing to bring the child up as my own.”

  “My child?” I said. “You deem to talk to me making decisions about my child?” I was trembling with white-hot anger.

  The tables were turned and suddenly he looked fearful. Although I didn’t yet know how Viv felt about any of this I could sense his energy and enthusiasm waning. It wasn’t an ideal situation for someone with a fat Filofax and a fat head. His surname was quite apt I thought to myself. Once again, the man with the most opinions began to pontificate again until I held up my hand to stem his flow.

  “Would you be so kind as to let Viv speak for herself? In fact, why are you here?”

  “It was me who insisted she came to tell you.”

  “Well de-insist yourself.”

  “Look.” Said Viv. “We did a DNA test. He’s upset.”

  “And you?” I said, biting my bottom lip, which was quivering a little.

  “I knew it already really. Straight away in fact when I realised I was pregnant.” There was a pause from her. Upset? “No.”

  It was the best negative expression I had heard in my life and despite the circumstances I couldn’t stop myself from grinning broadly. The song “The Boys are Back in Town” sounded inside my head. If I could have I would have danced a jig. Still though I didn’t know what any of this meant.

  “Stay with him then.” Said the sad guy.

  I felt for him, a little. The pain in his eyes was immeasurable. I had never been a gloater and my happiness was pure joy about the baby and not connected to feelings of victory.

  “She never stopped talking about you anyway!” He said.

  And suddenly he was gone, and there was just the two of us. We cut a sorry picture. She the dejected and abandoned tinder box girl, and me the lonely sailor home from sea. I remembered suddenly what my surname meant and I smiled.

  “What are you smiling at?” Ventured Viv curiously.

  “Oh, many things. Thinking of sea faring names, ‘Jack’ perhaps.”

  “Like hell.” Said Viv smiling too. “Where are all my things?”

  “In the cupboard.”

  “You kept it tidy and didn’t want all the girls to see evidence of me then?”

  “You left the evidence for them to see.”

  “How many were there?”

  “Less than two and the same amount as you.”

  “Ah well”. Said Viv. “Could you make me a cup of tea without milk please?”

  I jumped to be of service feeling suddenly so alive. I loved doing things for her and I loved Viv massively. Honest to God, if the baby had been Guido’s it wouldn’t have mattered. We sat side by side on the settee and didn’t talk for a while. Viv sipped her tea and slipped off her shoes.

  “God my feet are killing, look how bloated they are.”

  I slipped onto the floor and lifted her foot to give her a massage. Viv groaned lightly with unconcealed pleasure. I laughed then and Viv laughed too as though the whole sorry mess that we had both just been through had been absolutely ludicrous.

  “You soft lad!” Said my mother.

  I made my way to the kitchen to make Viv a drink and I spotted her best silk scarf the one with a hole scorched into it, which I hadn’t been able to pack away. I picked it up deftly and pressed it into the kitchen bin pushing it underneath the tea bags.

  End

  Did you enjoy reading this story? You can read more.

  ‘Letting Him Stay’

  The angst of a woman who learns about the precarious state of her marriage.

  ‘The Girl with No Name’

  Is all fair in love and war?

  ‘Caught on the Hop’

  What can a woman do but fight back when the concept of her marriage is blown wide apart?

  Wistful Thinking

  A marriage is at threat and a couple tread very carefully.

  Writers like to know what their reader is thinking! By now you will know that I am very interested and intrigued about the twists and turns of life. Contact me at Twitter or directly review my work at the site you have chosen to download from.
Alternatively via my email address at: suzanne.readsmith@virginmedia.com