by Blair Young
Shoot, I was convinced I was already the girl everyone thought of as the one with issues, I didn’t need to do anything that would add to the rumors. I was the one who nearly died, so why be the one who was always getting in fights, too?
Somehow, I made it through the rest of the afternoon, confirming with Abby again before I left that we were going to hang out again that weekend. She was the only person I hung out with, and I was fine with that. I didn’t need a lot of friends, that was for sure, and Abby was proving to me a true friend, unlike those I thought were my friends before.
I could just spend my time with her and not worry about what everyone else was doing, I would get through to graduation, then I would forget all about this mess.
I expected to dash through the door and head straight for my room as I always did when I got home, but I was stopped by Damon as I walked into the entryway.
“Hey,” he said. He had backed off a bit since I had become so distant toward him, though I got the impression it wouldn’t take much to be right back where we were before.
“Hey,” I said.
“Can I talk to you for a second?” he asked.
“You’re talking now,” I said as I headed toward the kitchen. I still wanted to dash up the stairs and head straight for my bedroom, but I didn’t want him to follow me inside. It would be hard to shut the door in his face, but, without Susan home, I was sure he would try something.
And the problem was, I was sure I wouldn’t be able to say no if he did.
He followed me into the kitchen, and I pulled out a soda, cracking it and pouring it into a glass before adding ice. I wasn’t going to lead the conversation, but I hoped he’d get to the point of what he was saying so I could get out of there.
“I heard what Chad did to you at lunch,” he said.
I figured he would have stepped forward if he had been in the cafeteria, and, at the time, I was glad that he wasn’t. That was yet another way for Susan to find out about what happened, and I didn’t need Damon getting himself suspended on my account. He was already at odds with her, it would be just one more thing on the long list of reasons the two of them fought.
“Yeah, he’s a jerk,” I said with a shrug. “Abby let me borrow one of her shirts though, and I’m going to put mine right in the washer, so there’s no need to bring it up to your mom.”
“I wasn’t going to,” he said. “I’m not going to go running to her over anything. But, I thought you should know that I’m not going to just let this go by the wayside, either.”
“I would rather you didn’t get involved,” I told him. “Really. I’m in enough trouble as it is, to have you get involved is just going to make things more complicated.”
“I know he did that to you because he’s mad at me,” Damon said with a fierce shake of his head. “If you think I’m going to let you take the fall for me then you’ve got another thing coming, and so does he.”
“I’m not sure what you think you can do about it, and I really don’t care,” I said flippantly. “If he’s going to take it out on me then that’s on him.”
“No, it’s not,” Damon said. “I know you’ve been through a lot, and I’m not going to sit back and watch this happen to you all over again. I know Chad. I have for a long time, and I know exactly what he’s doing. I’m not going to let him get away with it.”
“Again, I’m not sure how you think you’re going to handle anything without getting in trouble, and, for all you know, you could get me in trouble right along with you, so why not just let it go and let them be petty in their own little world?” I asked.
“Because I’m not going to let someone push around the woman I love. He’s going to pay for this,” Damon said, conviction in his voice. I was going to argue, but I hesitated. He caught me off guard with what he said, and I wasn’t quite sure how to answer.
Taking the moment to continue without being interrupted, Damon continued. “I’ll take care of it. I’m sorry that you had to deal with that today, but I’m going to take care of this, really. I promise.”
Before I could say anything else, he walked out the door, leaving me in the kitchen. I wanted to know how he thought he was going to take care of anything without me getting involved, but, more than that, I thought about what he had just said.
He told me once before that he loved me, but that was right before I dumped him. I thought he meant it at the time, but I also thought I screwed it up when I dumped him not an hour later.
Now, he said the word again. He wasn’t doing this because I asked him to, and he wasn’t doing it because he felt sorry for me. He was going to put Chad in his place because he loved me, and he wasn’t going to sit back and let someone bully the girl he loved.
Are you really going to let yourself even consider thinking about that after all that’s going on? But then, besides Abby, who do you have in the world? If this guy loves you, like, really loves you, then why not be a little more open with him?
It’s not like anything about your life is easy right now anyway, and it might be nice to have someone else on your side. Then again, the more you get involved with Damon, the bigger the risk you run of getting in trouble with Susan, so who’s it going to be?
With a sigh, I took another drink of my soda and grabbed my backpack, heading for the washer so I could get my shirt started before Susan got home. I felt torn inside, and I wasn’t sure what to think.
I didn’t want to think about it at all, really. I just wanted to move on with my life and not have to worry about any of this. But then, my life had become so complicated, I wasn’t sure I’d be able to do that.
I lived with Damon, and there was little doubt in my mind he was going to hear all that went on at school. And if he was going to act on that, that was on him, not me. I couldn’t stop him any more than Susan could.
But to say that he loved me? That was surprising. He had feelings, that was obvious, but to be so certain that it was love caught me off guard.
Though I knew it would complicate things, and I knew it was a bad idea, I couldn’t help but believe him. After all, I might not be able to have him, but I couldn’t deny the feelings I had for him, either.
And there was a large part of me that hoped it was true.
Chapter 9
Sutton
By the time Saturday rolled around, I was more than ready to spend the day with Abby doing nothing but girl things. I was sick of going to school, though I had to admit, I was staring to get used to the fact the other kids were always talking about me.
It was a never-ending cycle, but I tried to focus on what Abby had said before. These kids were all just feeding off the latest gossip. They really didn’t care about me as a person, or the fact that it was me they were talking about. She was right. When the newest bit of drama broke out, I would be old news and they would all move on to something else.
It didn’t make it much easier for me to walk through the hall when I had the feeling everyone I passed had some sort of comment about me, but it didn’t bother me so much when I was in class or on lunch. I could just tune them out and focus on the lesson or whatever was in the cafeteria for the day.
It wasn’t ever anything fantastic, but it was enough to distract me from the other things the kids were saying, or the other drama that took place during lunch.
As I got ready to go over to Abby’s place, I couldn’t help but think back over the week. The day before, in particular. I had done my best to avoid Molly as much as possible, and I got the impression the feeling was mutual. But, it still bothered me to know what Abby said.
If Molly was the one who had sent that text message, and if she was the one who had not only spray painted my locker back in the sixth grade, but had also been the one to hang up all the naked pictures of me around school, then there was no doubt in my mind she was also the one who put the note in my locket.
The only problem was, I really didn’t know what secret she was talking about. Molly knew a lot of my secrets. I had shared a l
ot with her when I thought she and I were best friends. Now, I wondered which secret it was she threatened me with. Clearly, it was something she knew I didn’t want the rest of the school to find out about, or she wouldn’t have left such a cryptic message.
On the other hand, I didn’t see what pleasure she got out of having that sort of power over me. It didn’t gain her anything. I didn’t do anything for her, and I wasn’t even with the guy who had left her to be with me.
We’d nearly gotten into another fight when we were in the hall before the last class of the day. I figured she would avoid me like the plague, but when I closed the door to my locker, I was surprised, but less than thrilled to find her grinning at me.
“What do you want?” I asked, not giving her the chance to make any snide remarks.
“Who says I want anything?” she asked sweetly.
“Then why are you over here?” I replied. “Your locker is on the other side of the hall, and you don’t hang out over here.”
“I can go anywhere I want in school,” she said with a smirk.
“Good for you,” I shrugged and turned to go.
“I was just seeing if the gossip was any better over here than it was over on that end of the hall,” she said, trying to bait me into something.
“I doubt it,” I said with a shrug.
“Word over there is that you tried to do something to yourself in middle school. I hope that’s not true,” she looked horrified as she spoke, and I felt my heart skip a beat. I knew she was trying to get a rise out of me, and the last thing I wanted was to give her that satisfaction.
But, she also knew how to push my buttons better than anyone else I’d ever met. Perhaps it was because she knew me so well. Either way, it was starting to work. I didn’t want to get suspended again, but I was having a tough time keeping my cool.
“I think you know what happened, you were there, remember?” I said.
“Oh, I remember it all too well,” she replied. “You were convinced the world was out to get you because the boy you liked didn’t like you back.”
“You were the one who sent that message to me, Molly, I know that for a fact,” I snapped. For a brief moment, I thought she might look surprised. But, it was hard to tell with her. It was hard for me to believe anything that came out of her mouth these days.
Knowing that our entire friendship had been based on a lie was enough to make me feel sick to my stomach, and with her hovering around and now trying to get a fight out of me, I was half inclined to give her her wish.
The only thing stopping me was the fact that I didn’t want to get in trouble with the principal again. I didn’t want to get suspended and have to deal with Susan for the greater part of the day, every day, for the next two weeks.
Still, with Molly in my face, it was hard for me to think clearly. All I had on my mind was how good it felt to have her falling back from my fist. Though it was a short lived moment before all hell broke loose, it was a moment I relished.
“Are you sure about that?” she asked. I knew she was trying to manipulate me. She was trying to get me to doubt what I knew to be true. Whether it was doubting what Abby had told me, doubting what Abby had heard, or doubting what I remembered, I knew it was one of her many tricks.
The more I thought about it, the more I realized she used to do the same thing to me when we were younger. She would insert enough of her opinion to make me doubt what I knew was true, and I would end up just going along with what she said.
At the time, I didn’t realize it was happening, but, now, looking back, I could see things so much clearer than I had then. Maybe it was because I thought of her as my best friend, maybe it was because I now realized just how big of a liar she really was.
Either way, I didn’t trust a single thing that came out of her mouth, and I wasn’t going to let her make me doubt myself. Or Abby, either, for that matter. I knew Abby was my friend. Abby had been there for me since practically the first day I came through the doors of Secret Bay High, and I believed she really did care about me.
It was clear she and Molly didn’t get along, and I didn’t believe Abby would do a single thing to hurt me. It just wouldn’t happen.
“Do you realize I almost killed myself because of that text message you sent me?” I asked, trying to remain calm. “You sent a message that almost made someone take their own life!”
I wasn’t sure how she would respond, but I had been dying for the chance to tell her that I knew the truth. I wasn’t going to play along with her little game, and I wasn’t going to let her bully me into doubting myself, either.
I knew what happened, and, to that very day, I had the vivid memory etched in my head standing in front of that mirror, hating myself with the knife in my hand, convinced that the boy I had a crush on also hated me, convinced he wanted me to die.
She shrugged. I hadn’t expected that. I thought she would get mad or something, but I didn’t think she would just shrug.
“Sounds like a personal problem,” she said.
“A personal problem?” I gasped. “You do something that almost gets someone killed, and you call it a personal problem?”
“You were the one with the knife, Sutton,” she said. “If you had killed yourself, that would be on you, not me. You were the one with the problem, you still are the one with the problems. Everyone knows it, everyone is talking about it. I’m not going to let you blame me for the fact that you nearly killed yourself. It’s a sad excuse for your joke of a life.”
I clenched my fist, ready to hit her again. I wanted nothing more than to send her flying back into the other lockers across the hall, but at that moment, the bell rang.
She looked up, then back at me. “See you around. Maybe.”
Pushing past me, she disappeared up the hall, vanishing into the crowd of students. I shook my head, wanting so badly just to kick her ass all over again. There was a part of me that felt the suspension would be worth it. Maybe. It wouldn’t be ideal, but that girl needed to be put in her place.
Evidently she hadn’t learned her lesson the first time.
But, the memory of the day before slowly faded as I hung out with Abby. We both grabbed our swimsuits and headed for the bay. There were always a few people down there, but it was a large enough beach where we could hang out and have fun without worrying about talking to or bothering anyone else.
And that’s how I wanted it. Abby hadn’t been there for the confrontation with Molly the day before, but she was more than happy to listen to me rant about it.
“I would have punched her right in the throat,” she said when I finished relating what happened.
“I thought about it, I’m not going to lie,” I said with a sigh. “I just didn’t want to get suspended again.”
“Sounds to me like it would be worth it,” Abby said with a laugh.
“I was thinking the same thing,” I agreed. “I just didn’t want to have to deal with Susan all day.”
“Doesn’t she work?” Abby asked.
“Well, yes, but she’s flexible. I mean she’s in and out of the house, and I just don’t want to see her, you know?” I replied.
Abby nodded but said nothing. We fell silent for a while, just lying on the beach and watching the clouds above us. We both refused to talk about the issues I was dealing with at school, and I was glad I didn’t feel pressured to find out what was going on with Abby, either.
She seemed a lot happier than she had when she told me she and Peter broke up, and I didn’t want to say anything that would remind her of the pain. We had agreed we were going to spend the day having fun, not worrying about the rest of the drama that was going on in our lives. After all, it would still be there when we got through the weekend, waiting for us with all the same intensity that it had when we left school that Friday.
The day passed far too quickly, and before I knew it, it was nearly mid afternoon.
“You want to get out of here and head back to my place?” Abby asked. “Hey, Sutton
! Hello!”
I shook my head. “Sorry. I was lost in thought.”
“I noticed,” she said with a laugh. “What were you thinking about?”
“I’ve been getting a strange feeling all day. Like we’re being watched or something,” I said as I looked around.
Abby also looked around the beach. “There’s a lot of people here, we were probably checked out more than once.”
“No, I mean like someone actually watching us,” I said. Then, I shook my head and brushed it off. “I’m sure it wasn’t anything. I’m probably being paranoid.”
She laughed. “Well, I’m sure the stress you’re under isn’t helping you any.”
“No, it’s really not,” I admitted. “But still.”
“Come on, let’s head back to my place. I’m ready to get out of the sun,” she said. She rose and gathered her things, and I rolled up my towel, trying not to think about the fact I was nearly convinced there really was someone watching us.
Abby was right. There were a lot of other people on the beach, and for all I knew, we might be getting checked out by some of the younger guys. Then again, with the stress I was under, I might just be imagining things.
Either way, I was eager to head home with her, forget about the day, and just focus on the two of us.
We walked past the board shop, and both of us naturally glanced inside as we did. Dean and Damon were both at the counter, clearly discussing something. Neither of them noticed us as we walked by, but Abby saw me look inside.
“Do you want to stop and say hi?” she asked. “It would be a good time to talk to Damon without Susan butting in.”
I hesitated. She did have a point. On the other hand, it was better for me to think about my problems without Damon clouding my judgment. It was hard enough living with the guy, stopping in to see him at work would only add to the problem I had separating myself from him.