After Forever

by Jasinda Wilder

  She curled her fingers under the bottom edge of the bra and started to peel it off. I lunged across the space between us, grabbed her wrists, and forced her hands away, pulled her to me. Or, I tried. She exerted all her strength, pushing me away. Holy fucking hell, the girl was a goddamned powerhouse. I bared my teeth and felt a feral energy ripple through me. I curled her inward, to me, drawing her inexorably to my chest, and she didn't give an inch, her entire body an unbending iron bar.

  Her eyes were furious, snapping with electricity. "Let...me...go." She began to push back, and was very nearly able to do so.

  "No. You're not cheap. That's not how this is." I held her in place, but it took all my strength to do so. "Goddamn it, Eden. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Fuck, I'm sorry."

  That broke her anger off at the knees. "Wh-what?" She didn't give, though, refusing to close in.

  "I said I'm sorry. I didn't mean to make you feel like...like it was a booty call. Like I only care when I need...that."

  "It's the truth, isn't it?"

  "No!" I let go of her wrists and wrapped my arms around her shoulders. She was still hard and tensed, and she tilted her head up to meet my eyes from within the circle of my arms. "I swear it's not. It's...you. I can't get away from the fact that I need...you. You're all there is, and I...need you. It's fucked up. I'm fucked up. I can't sleep, and I--I sleep when I'm with you. Whatever it is between us, as fucked up as it is, it's all I have that's not...the craziness."

  She finally went soft. "The craziness?"

  I swallowed hard. "I'm losing it, Eden," I whispered. "I haven't slept more than a couple of hours at a time in--in a fucking month. I'm seeing shit. If you could see the pieces I'm drawing, the dreams I'm having...it's fucked up. Crazy shit. I'm--fuck. I'm scared." Those two words were an admission torn from the shredded core of my soul.

  "Me, too." I felt the words whispered against my bare chest rather than heard them.

  "What are you scared of?"

  "You. This. This...ending." She leaned against me now, rested her cheek against my breastbone. "I'm afraid I need it too much. I'm afraid because I know, whatever happens with you, with Ever, this will end for me. And I don't know what I'll do. You've never pretended that what we do is making love, but I'll still never be able to go back to cheap sex and quick fucks. I'm afraid because all this has changed me, and I don't know what I'll do when it's over."

  "Listen to me, Eden." I let her go and touched my finger to her chin, lifted her face so she looked me in the eyes. "Part of me...some part of me wishes I was...free. So I could show you how much you're worth." It was so, so hard to say that.

  She ripped her face away, tucked her chin down and wept. "Goddamn you, Cade. You can't say shit like that to me. It's not fair."

  I had nothing to say in comfort, nothing that would change the truth. So I did the only thing I could do. I took her damp cheeks in my palms and lifted her face to mine, kissed her. That kiss, it was a dangerous kiss.

  It rode some fine, nearly invisible line between sin and suicide.

  But I, lost in the foolish tidal swell of her pain, drowning in the mad oceanic power of my desperation, kissed her anyway. It was a long, slow kiss, bordering on sweet. I kissed her because I wanted to push away her agony, even if just for a moment; I couldn't take her pain on top of my own. I couldn't handle what was inside me, much less take anything else from her, so I sought instead to kiss away the hurt that plagued both of us.

  When she was breathless and needed oxygen, she shivered away from my kiss and sobbed into my mouth, touched my face with her fingertips as if blind and seeking to know my features by touch. Her hands trembled, and she was panting for breath, gasping for control of tears I didn't quite understand. And then her gentle fingers turned into demanding claws, pulling my face to hers and scouring my mouth with hers. My hands drew down her face, brushed away the tears from her cheeks and smoothed down the back of her neck, beneath the braid. Her shoulder were bare, and I touched them. Her waist was bare, and I touched it. Up her spine, to the strap of her sports bra. She kissed me, and I kissed her, and I peeled away the crimson barrier between our flesh. She lifted her arms, and her heavy tits fell free from the pinioning fabric. Her palms skated over my deltoids and down my spine, and then found the elastic waistband of my shorts.

  Our kiss reached a plateau, and we pulled away, both of us topless. Her eyes searched me, and then I watched as renewed emotion ravaged her expression, soul-searing vulnerability and some fierce hunger I knew I'd never be able to sate. She slammed into me, her teeth crushing my lips and her hands roving my body. I met her, slid my palms down her ribs to her hips and began rolling down the second skin of her workout pants. She kicked off her shoes as I broke away from her mouth and kissed down her body, between her breasts, and then she was naked but for ankle socks, which she toed off clumsily, holding my head as I kissed the hollow where hip met thigh and over to her soft mound.

  Before I could taste her, she was sinking down and bowling me backward to the carpet. She landed on top of me and kissed me, missed, her lips landing on the corner of my mouth, and then she was jerking down my shorts, pulling the elastic away from my erection, and then before I could react she had me in her mouth, deep, hot and wet and tight and sucking.

  I curled forward, wrapped my arms beneath her armpits and jerked her bodily up my torso, on top of me, to me. Rolled with her, hovering over her, pinning her arms above her head. I lowered my face to hers, kissed her far, far too gently, feeling her soft, pliable flesh beneath me, her lush curves that sheathed iron muscle. I let go of one of her hands, and that hand found the back of my neck, tangled through my hair in that uniquely Eden gesture, and I found the tail of her braid, tugged the hair tie free and carefully worked the braid undone as our kiss reached a fevered pitch. She lifted her head off the carpet as I combed through her hair with my fingers and spread it out beneath her.

  My palm cupped her cheek, her fingers in the hair at my nape, and then we slid our hips together in unison and I entered her, and we were moving together, sinking slowly together there on the carpet, kiss unbroken, bodies moving in near-perfect sync. And then she arched her spine and tipped her head back, and I kissed her throat, burying deep with a slow hard stroke. She pushed my head down, and I sucked her turgid nipple into my mouth, and she held me there, heels digging into the carpet to find purchase, seeking to push harder against me, to sink me deeper.

  "Oh, god, Cade...yes..." she whispered--

  --and then gasped, a sound of horror, and I lifted my face to look at her. She was moving with me still but staring at the ceiling, brows furrowed, fright her only expression.

  "No. No..." She shook her head. "Off, get off! Not like this." She pushed at me, shoving frantically.

  I slid out of her and backed away, confused. "Eden, what--?"

  She rolled to her stomach, drew her knees beneath her belly, a position of supplication, and then lifted up on all fours and turned to look at me over her shoulder. "Like this."

  I was sitting on my shins behind her, aching, throbbing. "Eden..." I rose to my knees, touched her ass. "I don't understand what's wrong."

  She hung her head in frustration, then lifted it again to look at me. "Don't you understand what was happening? What we were doing? Are you really that oblivious?" She shook her head. "Never mind. Come on. I need it. I need to come."

  I shuffled forward, flush against her. She pushed back against me, then reached back between her legs and found my erection, guided me, slipped the tip inside her, then rocked back to sink me deep. I groaned, rocking forward. She went down to her elbows, raising her hips so I was even deeper, and rolled back to meet my thrusts.

  And then, like a bolt of lightning, I realized. I faltered in my rhythm. "Shit, Eden."

  She pushed into me. "Now you get it. You see what was happening?" I started to pull away, but she rocked her body. "Don't stop. Not now. Just...finish. Like this."

  I hesitated. "Eden, I--"

  "Goddamn it, Ca
de! Shut up and fuck me!"

  I pulled out, abrupt, and stood up, backed away from her. "Just wait a second! Not like this, Eden."

  She stood up, following me. She stood face to face me, both of us panting. She was angry and I was, too, only it was mixed with hurt and confusion.

  "This is where we are, Cade." She swept a hand at the floor. "That...it can't happen. I can't let it happen. You can't let it happen."

  "Maybe we shouldn't--" I took another step back, away from her, toward the kitchen.

  She followed me, not letting me get away. "You think we can just...stop? We've tried. You've tried." She pointed at the floor where we'd been, her finger stabbing angrily. "That was fucking dangerous. But I know you, and I know me, and I know that, right now, we can't get away from each other. Nothing has changed."

  "But it has changed." She pushed me, hard, and I stumbled backward. My knees hit a kitchen chair, and I sat down. "We can't keep doing this."

  She stood over me. "So you want me to leave?"

  I thought of watching her dress, watching her leave, knowing she wouldn't come back. Knowing, if she went out that door right now, it would be a knife severing the tenuous thread binding us. And I couldn't bear that. "No." I was a coward, a goddamned coward and a fool. "Don't go."

  She took a step forward, her eyes on mine, and then straddled my knees. Put her hands on my shoulders and her feet on either side of the chair. Pushed me down, and I knew her game. I took her waist in my hands, and she lifted up on her toes. We both paused, hesitated, and then I was driving up into her, sinking in, and she was settling down onto me. She put her feet on the rungs of the chair that ran sideways between the front and back chair legs, hands on my shoulders for balance, and lifted up. Sank down. Head tipped back, eyes on me, she arched her spine, shoving her tits toward me. I cupped them, let her move.

  She didn't rush, didn't allow herself to go crazy. She kept an even rhythm, sliding up and down my cock, using only the strength in her legs to push up. Her eyes never wavered from mine. Some spark in them, that chasm-deep hint of vulnerability, it was gone. Hidden.

  I felt myself going close, gripped her hips in my hands and started to move her, pull her down.

  "No." She took my hands in hers, pulled them away from her hips, and replaced them on her boobs. "Not yet. Don't come yet."

  We never spoke during sex.

  I held still and focused on control, on holding back. She kept the rhythm, slow and steady, eyes locked on mine, hands on my shoulders, just holding on. Moving. Stroking slowly. Sliding with controlled grace. I didn't dare look away, didn't dare move, because if I did, I'd lose it. I was holding back by sheer effort, teeth grinding, muscles tensed.

  "Not yet." Her fingers turned to talons on my shoulders, nails digging in. "Not yet."

  It was nearly impossible to hold back now. I gripped her waist and let my fingers crush her. I forced myself to loosen my grip for fear of bruising her skin.

  "No, it's fine. Hold on tight. Not yet." Her movements began to grow powerful, forceful, still slow but harder and harder. "Hold onto me. Not yet. Not yet."

  "Fuck. Fuck." I was shaking, and I knew my hands must be gripping her hips with vise-like strength, but her fingers were clawing down my chest and she was tipping forward, leaning into me as she began to lose control of her motion, to lose the grace of her strokes.

  "Almost. Almost." She fell forward, all her weight on me now, only her hips moving, gyrating and grinding, and her fingers clawed my back, gouged my skin, left trails of fire.

  I focused on the pain, struggling to wait. I was groaning now, pressure like an overloaded boiler within me, needing release so bad it hurt, it burned, it ached. "I can't...I can't--"

  She was jerking herself by her hands now, shoving her body down, groaning through gritted teeth. "Almost...not yet, god, not yet."

  "I can't wait. I have to--"

  "No, no, wait, wait--"

  "Fuck, fuck, I can't wait."

  She sank her teeth into the round part of my shoulder and growled, lifted up, hovered, and then sank down so hard it hurt, and with that I could keep it back no longer, I exploded with convulsive force.

  A short shriek left her throat. "Yes, now, now! Fuck, fuck yes--"

  I bit back the roar that rumbled in my chest, gripped her hipbones in my hand and let myself go, let myself fuck up into her hard, harder than I'd ever fucked in my life, and I found her breasts brushing my face, found her hard nipple scraping my mouth, and I took it between my teeth and bit down.

  Eden screamed between clamped molars, her forehead pushing at mine; she raked her fingers down my chest, rising up away from my downstroke, and met me with enough force that our hips jarred and our flesh slapped, and the force of my orgasm was wrenching, dizzying, unrelenting, painful in its power.

  Three more times we collided like that, both of us coming so hard we couldn't breathe, could only grit our teeth and grip each other and ride the tsunami crest.

  And then she went limp and I couldn't hold her up, couldn't do anything but rest my hands on her thighs and take her weight. We breathed together in silence, and then I levered myself upright, dragged my feet under me, held on to Eden's back with both hands and pushed myself to my feet, holding her weight, took a shaky step, locked my knees, and then moved with us to my bedroom. Eden clung to me, and then when she felt the bed beneath her she crawled away from me, found the pillow, and burrowed under the covers.

  "Spoon me," she mumbled. "Please?" The last word was a ragged, broken plea.

  I slid behind her, fit our bodies together, and we slept.

  Eden

  I woke up with full awareness of whose bed I was in, what we'd done the night before, what our desperate, needy sex had almost become. Cade was still behind me, spooning me, both of us having been so exhausted we'd slept without stirring. Dawn filtered through his windows. A bird chirped. I heard his breathing falter, felt him start to wake.

  I felt his cock wake up, too. It hardened right between the cheeks of my ass. I'd never had sex in the morning. I bit my lip, then went for it. I knew he wasn't awake yet, but I also didn't care. Everything between us up to that point had been about losing ourselves in mutual need. This was about something I wanted, something just for me.

  Remaining on my side, I threw my top leg over his, wriggled and shifted so the tip of his erection touched the suddenly damp folds of my core. I heard him groan, felt him shift his hips in response. I hesitated, wondering if maybe I should wait until he was fully awake. But then if I did that, he'd probably want to talk about last night, and I just couldn't handle that conversation.

  So I curved my back into his chest, then straightened so he sank into me. He groaned, and I bit my lip so hard I tasted the tang of blood. I rolled my hips, and a whimper was torn from me as his cock touched me briefly in just the right place. I sought that contact again, the angle that had him striking me just so, and he was groaning, stretching even as he moved with me. His hand gripped my hip, tender and gentle. His lips touched my shoulder. No. No. Not good. I craned my neck and saw that he was blinking awake, pulling at my hipbone to get deeper. I moaned, unable to stop it. He was hitting me deep inside, and I was, within minutes, on the verge of coming.

  And then he spoke, a soft murmur. "Ever? God, you feel good."

  I cried out, curled into myself.

  He started, and I felt him falter. "Oh...oh, shit. Eden. I--fuck, I was...I was dreaming. I thought it was a dream."

  I shook my head, wanting to tell him it was fine, but not capable of it. I scrambled out of the bed, aching inside, feeling the impending orgasm building and hovering on the verge, potential energy teetering on the brink of becoming kinetic. I tripped as I ran for the en suite bathroom, elbowed the door closed, but it only shivered and touched the jamb, not latching. I didn't care. I sank down onto the toilet lid, buried my face in my hands, and fought for breath and for control. I sobbed, choked it down.

  I told myself he hadn't meant it. He'd been half-
asleep and dreaming. Of his wife, naturally. Thinking it was her, thinking it was a dream. He'd told me he'd been having dreams. Maybe he'd thought in his sleeping mind that all of what had passed between us had been the dream, and that he was waking up to her. What a wrenching wake-up that must have been.

  My pussy throbbed, needing the finish to what I'd begun. I was on the edge of hysteria, cut deep by Cade's accidental slip, and still burning with the need to come. I sat back on the toilet, stretched my legs out and spread my heels wide apart, dipped two fingers against my clit and circled it, swiping in slow, measured strokes, seeking the right amount of pressure.

  There, god, there it was. I whimpered. It was unsatisfying, but better than going through the day aching with the snarling frustration of an unfinished orgasm. There was little worse, to me. I had to come once I started, or I'd be a mess all day. I let my head rest against the cold porcelain of the back of the toilet and brought myself back to the peak.

  I heard the hinges creak and couldn't stop myself as he threw the door wide, mouth open to apologize. "Eden, I'm so sorry, I didn't mean--oh, shit...um..." He was still hard, too, bobbing from side to side as he stumbled to a stop in the middle of the bathroom.

  I couldn't stop now. I was there, right there. If I stopped now, I'd never get it back. But look at him, painfully hard, slick and glistening with juices.

  He started to back away, but he was clearly unable to tear his gaze from watching me touch myself.

  "Don't go," I gasped. "Watch."

  "Eden..."

  "Come closer." I crooked my finger at him, and he took a few steps toward me, as though my finger was tied to a string around his waist. He stopped, standing between my legs. "You, too." I pushed his hand onto his cock.

  He grasped himself in his fist, touched himself, slowly at first. "I didn't mean--"

  "I know," I interrupted. "It's fine." It hurt; it wasn't fine.

  But I was on the verge of orgasm and didn't care, not then. Especially not as I watched the plump mushroom head of his cock turn purple as he squeezed himself, then slid his fist down his length, and his eyes were on me, watching my two middle fingers circle madly in my pussy, my other hand at my boob, pinching my nipple, twisting and tweaking it.