Reining Her In

by Katie Ashley

  “Hello again, Peyton.”

  Slowly I began to thaw from my repeated shock. Pursing my lips at him, I replied, “Hello, Declan. I rather surprised to see you would show your face here.”

  His expression darkened. “In spite of what happened between us, I admired and respected Harris. He was the only vet I trusted with my horses.”

  I jerked my gaze away from his to try to hide my surprise. Papa had never mentioned caring for Declan’s horses. I just assumed that after what happened, Declan found a new vet or saw Papa’s partner Hank Kisick. Somehow it felt like a betrayal on Papa’s behalf. All the years he supported me never seeing Declan again yet at the same time, he was caring for his horses. “He was a forgiving man,” I finally muttered.

  “More than his granddaughter.”

  My gaze snapped back to his. “Excuse me?”

  “Before I asked Harris to care for my animals, I went to him to make things right.”

  “You apologized to my grandfather for jilting me.”

  “Damn straight.”

  I held up one of my hands in front of him. “Did it ever occur to you that while you were making things right with him, I was the one who was owed an apology?”

  “How was I supposed to apologized to you if you never came back home?”

  With a contemptuous snort, I rolled my eyes. “You must be joking. I mean, have you ever heard of the phone?”

  “I thought what I had to say was a little too serious for the phone.”

  “You didn’t seem to have a problem breaking up with me over the phone.”

  “I was a stupid kid then. After growing up and actually become a man, I realized what I had to say should be said in person.”

  “You act like I moved to Antarctica, not Athens and then Atlanta. You could have found me if you really wanted to.”

  “Yeah, well, I figured since you stayed away all these years, you didn’t want to hear from me. After the years passed, I figured it was better just to let it go. You had your life in Atlanta, and I had mine here.”

  “Seems like you’re still deluded about relationships and love. I can see why your marriage ended,” I snapped.

  My words caused Declan’s head to snap back like I’d slapped him. “My marriage ended because Bailey was cheating on me. It wasn’t the first time it happened either.”

  Oh shit. Way to go, Pey. I felt horrible. No one deserved to be cheated on. “I didn’t know.”

  “Yeah, the rumor mill isn’t privy to that information because I didn’t want it hurting Camden someday. The separation and now impending divorce has been hard enough on him that I didn’t want him growing up with people whispering that his mama chose another man over him.”

  I swallowed hard. “She did?”

  “Yeah, she did. I let people think she moved out of town because she couldn’t stand being around me anymore. The truth is she’s shacked up with the man she left Camden and me for.”

  Oh God. What a mess. Poor sweet Camden. Poor… Declan. Even though I had every right to treat Declan like shit, I still felt horrible. “I’m sorry that happened to you.”

  “I’m sure you are,” Declan retorted sarcastically.

  “No. I really am. I’m very sorry for your son. I know it can’t be easy on him.” Glancing at my black heels, I replied, “Or you.”

  “It hasn’t. Karma can be a real bitch.”

  I jerked my gaze up to meet his. He exhaled a ragged sigh. “It was terrible what I did to you, Peyton. I know I apologized to you that day, but I still owed you a hell of an apology all these years later. I should never have embarrassed you like that. I should have manned up and taken responsibility that day by addressing the church myself instead of running off to Aruba.”

  And there it was. The words I’d never expected to hear. “Thank you,” I finally said. Although it pained me to say it, I added, “After all this time, it means a lot to hear you genuinely say that.”

  “You’re welcome.”

  Did his apology mean we were made up? Did a few words mean a decade of pain had been erased? How could it possibly be that easy? It felt like putting a Band-Aid on a gaping wound.

  As I was still processing my thoughts, Declan jerked the rug even further out from me. “You know, when it’s all said and done, I think we can both agree I did us a favor that day.”

  “What do you mean?”

  “I’m sorry about how it happened, so please don’t confuse that, but come on, Peyton. Regardless of how much we were in love, we had no business getting married at twenty.”

  “Um, I thought we did.”

  Cocking his head at me, Declan asked, “Even after all these years, you really would have wanted to marry me then?”

  It was a question I’d never really asked myself. I’d been too focused on the hurt and humiliation to ever fathom if it had been the right thing for both of us. “Are you trying to say your actions helped me, rather than hurt me?”

  “In a way.”

  “How?”

  “What were the odds you would have actually finished veterinarian school if we’d gotten married?”

  Jerking my chin up, I replied, “A hundred percent.”

  “Bullshit.”

  “How dare you even make that assumption? I’ve finished everything I’ve ever started.”

  “Married life would have eventually gotten in the way. Especially if we’d had a child.”

  “You’d promised me we would wait until after I finished school to have a baby,” I countered.

  “We both know I wouldn’t have really wanted to wait six years, not to mention it would have been hard for you considering how much you love kids.”

  “Maybe you’re right. According to you on our wedding day, you didn’t know what you wanted out of life since it was already planned out for you.”

  Throwing up his hands, Declan argued, “It was all planned out. I’d never seen it like I did the morning of our wedding. If we had gotten married, I never would have finished college. I would have gone to work for my old man at the surveyor’s office because I would have wanted to be better able to support us. I would have given up on my dream of becoming a developer, and in the end, I would have cost you your dream.”

  I shook my head at him. “That’s a convenient realization you’ve arrived at.”

  “You have to be able to see it.”

  There was a part of me that did. I knew Declan well enough to know he would have given up on his dreams to try and see me achieve mine. At least the Declan I once loved would have. In the end, what did I really know? I would have never in a million years thought he would have left me at the altar.

  But I wasn’t giving him the satisfaction of agreeing with him. I was still far too petty to do that. “No. I don’t. Your view of what our potential future could have been goes against my character. I wouldn’t have given up. Ever.”

  “If you say so.”

  “Oh, I know so.”

  Smirking, he replied, “Same old Peyton.”

  “Yes. I am. Unlike you, I’ve always known just who I am.”

  He cocked his brows at me. “Should I applaud you?”

  “As a strong, independent woman, I sure as hell don’t need your applause.”

  “But there’s a small part of it that wants it.”

  “Don’t flatter yourself,” I huffed.

  When Declan closed the distance between us on the porch, my heartbeat suddenly accelerated. I hadn’t been this close to him in a long time. While he’d had his hands on me in the pasture when he helped me up, we certainly weren’t close. His noble gesture hadn’t extended to getting covered in manure.

  The smell of his cologne assaulted my senses. It was the same smell I always identified with him. I didn’t know how it was possible after all these years he hadn’t changed colognes. His stare was so intense I felt it go straight through me.

  “Why didn’t you ever come back to Hayesville?” he questioned, his voice unusually husky.

  “Is that
a serious question?”

  “Yes.”

  “I would think it was obvious.” I narrowed my eyes at him. “I didn’t want to see you or even be within ten feet of you. I loathed you that much.”

  “See, I get you feeling that way at first. But after all these years, I don’t get it.”

  “Last time I checked, you don’t get to validate or deny my feelings. It’s all on me.”

  “So, you’ve hated me enough the last ten years that you refused to step foot in your hometown or go back to your childhood home?”

  “Ding, ding, ding! We have a winner. That’s exactly why.”

  “But why not come back and confront me? Give me a good slap or knee to the balls.”

  There were many times I’d debated confronting him. I’d discussed it at length in therapy. My therapist had suggested me seeing him again just to bury the past. But instead, I’d opted for a more mature response: I’d just ignore his existence by going out of my way to never see him again.

  “Your suggestions would have been beneath my character.”

  Declan grinned. “I seem to remember you punching the shit out of that man you saw abusing his dog.”

  “That’s different,” I argued.

  “Do you want to know what I think?”

  “No. But I’m sure you’re going to tell me.”

  As Declan loomed over me, I took a tiny step back. “I think you still have feelings for me.”

  “Excuse me?”

  “Oh, I’m sure you heard me.”

  “I didn’t think I could have considering how delusional you sounded.” When I jabbed my finger into his chest, I momentarily lost my train of thought. His pecs were rock hard. Damn, he was just as built now as he was back when he was playing football in high school. Once I regained my senses, I spat, “Of course, I have feelings for you. Murderous, angry feelings.”

  “Why is it you haven’t come back home in ten years?”

  “Don’t be pedantic.”

  He grinned. “You always loved using those big words.”

  “I’m serious.”

  “So am I. Call me crazy, but I always found your intelligence sexy.”

  “Sure you did.”

  “I did.” He waggled his brows. “It kinda turned me on when you used that extensive vocabulary of yours.”

  What the hell? Was this real life? “Are you drunk?”

  “No. I’m just stating facts.”

  “I would think you would have to be drunk or high to stand before the woman you humiliated and flirt with the finesse of a teenage boy. We’re at my grandfather’s funeral for God’s sake.”

  That seemed to sober him up a little. I had no idea where this was coming from. Only a few minutes ago he was angry at me.

  “You’re right. I’m sorry.”

  “Look, Declan, I need to get back inside. Thank you for apologizing. That’s helped. But if we need to rehash the past can it not be today?” I took a deep breath, hoping it would give me the courage and strength I needed to get my game face back on. I need this day to be over.

  But then his eyes focused on my lips, and too many odd sensations ricocheted through me. I had to get the hell out of there. I took a step back and my foot came down on air instead of concrete. Flailing, I started to fall back when Declan grabbed my hand. As I tried to pull myself toward him, I ended up jacking him toward me. A high-pitched scream escaped my lips as I tumbled backwards off the porch and into the shrubs below.

  Although it should have been a soft landing with all the brush, the branches scraped and scratched like agony, causing me to shriek with pain. Of course, it didn’t help when Declan’s body crushed onto mine.

  For the second time in twenty-four hours, Declan asked, “Are you okay?”

  “Can’t. Breathe,” I wheezed.

  “Shit. I’m sorry.” When he started to get off of me, he bellowed in pain. “Fuck. I think there’s a branch up my ass,” Declan grunted.

  A laugh burst from my lips at his statement and the absurdity of the situation. “Oh, you think me being victimized by a shrub is funny?” Declan demanded.

  “It sure as hell is.”

  The porch door burst open before people came spilling out. Apparently, my screams had been loud enough to carry inside the funeral home. “I don’t see anyone,” a man said.

  “Maybe it was ghost,” another man said.

  “Seriously, Harold?”

  “Hey, this is a funeral home. If ghosts are going to be anywhere, it’s gonna be here.”

  Just when I was hoping we could hide out and not be seen, a man’s head peeked over the railing. “Declan, is that you?”

  “Yeah, Harold, it’s me.”

  “Wait, is that Peyton Beasley down there with you?”

  Busted. “Yes,” I squeaked.

  “Well, I’ll be damned. Never would have thought you two would be together again.”

  “We’re not together,” I quickly corrected. Declan remained silent, probably because he was trying to get unpinned from the branch.

  “Then what are you doing down there in the bushes together?”

  Rolling my eyes, I said, “I tripped, he fell, and here we are.” This was so bizarre. Too stupid to be real life. I’m not sure how escaping for a simple breath of fresh air had spiraled so badly.

  Declan cleared his throat. “Technically, Peyton fell, I tried to help her, and she pulled me into the bushes with her.” Now I wanted to slap him. Seriously? Where was chivalry?

  Once Declan finally freed himself from the branch, he was able to roll off me. I expected him to help me up once he was standing, but instead, he hopped back up on the porch. After he turned around, his usual smirk was in place. One might say Declan was giving me some Edward Cullen emotional whiplash with the personality changes.

  He reached down to help me, but the last thing I wanted was to touch Declan again.

  “What? You don’t want me to help you?”

  I blinked in disbelief at him before shaking my head. I was back to angry. This day needed to be done. “No. I didn’t expect you to help me. I expected you to do what you do best when it comes to me: leave.” Oh yeah, the claws had epically come out.

  As Harold held out his arm to me, the frantic whispering of conversation of those on the porch assaulted my ears. Great. I’d been home one whole day before giving the gossip mill something to talk about.

  Once I was back on the porch, I nodded my head at Harold. “Thank you.”

  “My pleasure,” he replied with a smile.

  Without a word to the others, I smoothed my skirt down before plucking a few leaves off my blouse. Just as I was about to start inside the back door, a hand smacked my ass. Gasps of shock rang around the porch.

  When I whirled around, Declan smirked at me. Holding up his hand, he waved a leaf in front of me. “I would have hated for you to go back inside with this on your backside.”

  Ignore him. Be the better person. He needs Jesus.

  With those phrases echoing through my mind, I did something ten years overdue. After closing the gap between us, I gave Declan a sweet smile before kneeing him in the balls. As he doubled over in pain, I said, “Oops, my bad. I thought I saw a leaf.”

  My actions left the group on the porch positively shell-shocked. No one said anything. I don’t think they even drew breath. Instead, they just stared at me with wide eyes and gaping mouths.

  “Good evening, gentleman,” I said demurely before heading back inside the funeral home. When I got to the viewing room, I made a beeline straight for Becca. Cutting in front of the next mourner, I whispered into her ear, “I have to go. Now.” As teenagers we had often enacted that statement many times when a situation went south. No questions were asked about the how or the why. We just got the hell out of there.

  She stared into my eyes when I pulled away. “I’m right behind you.”

  After saying a quick goodbye to her husband, Becca grabbed her purse and hustled with me out the door. “By any chance does th
is have to do with Declan?” she asked in a low voice.

  “Unfortunately, yes.”

  As we started by a group of people I didn’t recognize, I heard, “She actually kneed him in the balls right there on the back porch.”

  When I cut my eyes over at Becca, she wore a slightly horrified expression. “Was that—”

  “Unfortunately, yes,” I repeated.

  Becca groaned. “I think we’re going to need wine. Lots and lots of wine.”

  Chapter Six

  After a quite conspicuous ending to the first day of Papa’s viewing, I drank myself into wine stupor before passing out on Becca’s couch. I’d hazily come around to find Sean draping me with handmade quilt before carrying Becca upstairs. In the morning when he made us a greasy hangover breakfast with a side of Advil, I had to give my sister props for marrying such a thoughtful guy.

  When I arrived home to prepare for the day ahead, Mom and Dad did their best not to ask too many questions. I could tell they were going to draw blood if they didn’t stop biting their tongues. Although they were used to counseling people and asking all the right questions to start healing conversations, it would seem they were keeping to their usual handling of the Declan situation, which mean mum was the word unless I volunteered the information. I planned to come clean about everything, but for the moment, I only wanted to focus on Papa.

  After arriving at the funeral home, I hoped my somewhat glassy-eyed appearance would appear more of a form of grief and not because I’d gotten shit-faced after my epic showdown with Declan. Damn him! I loathed him even more for taking my focus off of Papa and making it about him and our past. Thankfully, he didn’t make another appearance. Due to last night’s porch tango, his specter was all around me in the form of hushed whispers and knowing looks from the mourners. I merely righted my big girl panties and ignored them.

  When the day of Papa’s funeral dawned, I wasn’t sure I could make it through. How could I possibly say goodbye to the man who had meant everything to me? I felt like a hollowed-out gourd—just a flimsy little shell left. Although it was emotionally annihilating, I’d also found strength in the words of praise for Papa. He was truly beloved in Hayesville, and that meant so much.