The Matchmaker's List
Page 28
Raina also sees the gossip. It’s hard not to. The rumors have already spread, and everyone knows Depesh is gay, and that Raina is not. Amid the cocktails, the perspiration steaming off the dance floor, the samosas and papdi chaat are the whispers. The lingering stares. Emboldened by alcohol, many have even confronted Raina. “What were you thinking?” they ask her, and Raina responds with the truth. She has nothing left to hide.
Some in her community are insulted, furious—while others roll their eyes and laugh. Raina tackles the questions they throw at her while standing in line at the bar, eating dinner, or on her way to the ladies’ restroom. She finds that most aren’t disgusted like Auntie Sarla—but neither are they as modern or as accepting as her nani. Rather, they treat the news like the latest plot twist in one of their Bollywood movies, gossip that will be forgotten in time for the next episode. Like her nani said, the community is changing—reluctantly, sluggishly—but they are changing.
The party is exhausting. Raina excuses herself from the table, and wanders outside onto the terrace encircling the hotel. The sky is clear, the wind cool yet soft. She walks, timing her breath with her step. She turns a corner, and is surprised to see she’s not alone.
Depesh has his chin in his hands, and his elbows rest against the railing. He is staring out at the view—a parking lot, a building construction site. He’s wearing jeans, a checked shirt, and his travel backpack sits at his feet. Her heart quickens as she steps toward him.
“You’re back.”
The slightest sound escapes his lips, and then he shakes his head. Raina studies his face, but he keeps looking ahead. She leans on the railing next to him.
“How was your trip?”
Still, he doesn’t reply. He drops his arms from the railing and crosses them.
She knew it wouldn’t be easy; she knew facing him again would be hard on both of them.
“Should I leave you alone?”
After a moment, he shakes his head. “Have you seen my parents?” he asks softly.
“I’m sorry . . . I saw them leave early.”
He laughs. “Of course they did. Perfect.” He picks up his bag. “There’s no point for me to stick around—”
“I’m sure Shay and Julien would love to say hello,” she says. “They’ll be really happy you came.”
He hesitates, slowly slides his bag over his shoulder. “You want me to go in there?”
“I think you should. But what do I know?”
“Everyone knows?”
Raina nods. “Everyone knows—about you. And about me.”
“Well, a congratulations is in order for you, too, hey?” says Depesh, his voice edged. “You’re straight again. I’m sure someone inside has a good match for you with a good Indian boy.”
She presses her lips together. Raina knows he’s angry, hurt—and he has the right to be. She doesn’t know what to say, so she doesn’t respond.
After a moment, Depesh drops his bag. “I’m sorry. I’m being a jerk.”
Raina shrugs. “It’s okay.”
“Caleb and I are over.” He turns away from her, pushes himself against the railing. “We broke up this morning.”
Hesitantly, she reaches out for him. When he doesn’t flinch, she rests her hand on his shoulder. “Are you okay?”
Again, he laughs.
“You didn’t want to stay and have a gap year?”
“That’s what Caleb wanted.”
“And you?”
His mouth quivers. “He’s just a boy, right? It’s not the end of the world, it’s . . . it’s for the best”—Depesh nods earnestly, as if convincing himself—“and who knows, maybe we’ll get back together down the road. When we’re older. When I’ve figured things out.”
“You’re strong, Depesh. Stronger than I ever was.”
He shrugs.
“I’m really proud of you.”
“You keep saying that, but I don’t even know why. I study hard because I care about my future. I was with Caleb because I love him.” He grimaced. “I came back because I love my parents. I’m just living. I’m just doing what I want to do. It’s simple. So what’s there to be proud of, huh?”
“Gay. Straight. Indian. Not Indian.” She moves closer to him. “Not everyone is brave enough to be themselves.”
He doesn’t answer.
“There’s a lot to be proud of.”
They stand there, leaning against the balcony, eyes searching the jagged skyline. Bhangra music pulses louder behind them. From the noise, Raina discerns the joyous cries of Shay and Julien celebrating to the music; the children dancing, playing; aunties and uncles chattering.
It is the sound of their community, of their family.
“What’s it like in there?” Depesh asks after a moment.
“Auntie Sarla’s inside,” Raina answers. “But so is my nani. So is everyone else.” She tries to catch his eye, wills him to understand.
Slowly, he reaches down for his backpack, and looks over.
“Are you ready?”
After a moment, he nods, and together they go back inside.
Raina’s To-Do List
Pick up dry cleaning DONE
Book our flights to Philadelphia Leaving YYZ 7:30 a.m. October 16–23
Buy eggplant, 3 onions (white), and XL bag basmati for Sunday cooking lessons ☺
Make reservation for Sunday (tacos??) us + Asher + Depesh and parents
Attend university career fair (and keep your chin up)
Pick out baby shower invites for Shay “that aren’t lame”
Organize double date w/Serena & Jayesh—now who’s the matchmaker? heh, heh
Make veg-friendly appies for Zoey/Alice’s housewarming
Finally beat Asher at basketball . . .
You’ll never beat me, babe
DISCUSSION QUESTIONS
1. Why do you think Raina agrees to let her nani play matchmaker? If you were in Raina’s situation, would you let your grandmother (or another family member) set you up?
2. In chapter one, Raina thinks “a man unmarried in his thirties was fine—but for me, it wouldn’t be.” Have you ever experienced a similar double standard in your own life?
3. Raina’s first matchmaking date is with Vishal, who agrees to meet her because he is afraid to stand up to his mother about his relationship with a non-Indian woman. Do you think this sort of thing happens a lot?
4. What date was your favorite? Why?
5. Raina is under so much pressure to get married, she lets her nani believe she is gay to avoid having to go on more dates. Do you sympathize with her in any way, or do you think she is wrong to lie to her grandmother?
6. Why do you think Shaylee is so upset that Raina has been drifting from her, especially when she learns that Raina has been lying about her sexuality to others? Would you ever resort to such behavior with your best friend to avoid confronting the problems between you?
7. Although hurt, Depesh ultimately forgives Raina for lying to him. Do you think she deserves to be forgiven?
8. Raina has a very close relationship with her nani. What in their family history has made them this way?
9. Why do you think Raina holds on to Dev for so long and is so resistant to considering a non-Indian man like Asher? Do you think Raina and Asher are a good match?
10. Do you think it is a good idea for Raina to quit her job before she knows what she wants to do next? Why do you think she works so hard as an investment analyst, even though her heart is never in it?
11. Why do you think Auntie Sarla and others in Raina’s community are slow to understand and support homosexuality? Are there similar divides in social attitudes and awareness within your community?
Sonya Lalli is a Canadian writer of Indian heritage. She studied law in her hometown o
f Saskatoon and at Columbia University in New York, and later completed an MA in Creative Writing and Publishing at City, University of London. Sonya has a black belt in Tae Kwon Do and loves travel, yoga, and cocktail bartending. She lives in Toronto with her husband.
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