'Charge It': Keeping Up With Harry

by Irving Bacheller

  XII

  IN WHICH HARRY IS FORCED TO ABANDON SWAMP FICTION AND LIKE FOLLIES ANDTO STUDY THE GEOGRAPHY AND NATIVES OF A LAND UNKNOWN TO OURHEIRISTOCRACY

  "I found Harry smoking with Cub Sayles in his den above stairs in thebig country-house of Henry Delance. As I entered Harry said to hisyoung friend:

  "'I have to talk over some things with Mr. Potter--would you mindgoing down to the library?'

  "Cub withdrew, and Harry sat down with me.

  "'I suppose you've seen him?' he asked, nervously.

  "'Whom?'

  "'Why, you know a mysterious stranger has been looking for me and--byJove!--I'm scared stiff. He's an Englishman.'

  "'What of that?'

  "'Let me show you,' said Harry.

  "He took a key from his pocket, unlocked a door, and fetched thefamiliar skull of the Bishop of St. Clare and put it on the tablebefore me.

  "'It's that damn Bishop's head,' he whispered. 'It has comeback--would you believe it?--picked up by a fisherman on the Irishcoast and returned to the express office in London. All the olddirections were quite legible on the box. "To Harry Delance, SS._Lusitania_. If not found, forward to Pointview, Conn., U.S.A.,charges collect!" So it came on. I received a notice and went down andgot it out of bond and paid three pounds, and here it is.'

  "'It looks as if the Bishop was out for revenge,' I said, with alaugh.

  "'He's got on my nerves and my conscience,' said Harry. 'By Jove! hehaunts me. When I heard of this mysterious Englishman to-day I got achill.'

  "'You go buy yourself a small shovel and a pocket light to-morrow,' Isuggested, and at night go back in the hills with the Bishop's headand bury it.'

  "'And if I get into trouble I want you to take care of me.'

  "I made no answer. It didn't seem necessary, but I said: 'There'sanother matter of which I have come to talk with you. Our friend Rogeris in trouble.'

  "I told him the story of Roger's downfall. It got under his vest, andI added: 'Now, Harry, it's up to you to indulge in some morephilanthropy. You ought to help him.'

  "'What--what can I do?' he asked in amazement.

  "'Lend him the money--twenty thousand dollars. It isn't all that thepublic will charge against you on Roger's account, but it will do.'

  "'Harry sank in his chair and threw up his hands as if grasping for astraw.

  "'It's my whole allowance for the year,' he said, 'and I couldn'tappeal to the Governor.'

  "'Nevertheless you ought to do it, for Roger told me that it was yourpace that brought him where he is.'

  "'What an ass!' Harry exclaimed, and the old Bishop seemed to indorsehis view. 'By the blue beard of the Caliph, what am I to do?'

  "'Pay it,' I insisted.

  "'Pay it and die,' he groaned. 'I shall have to do it somehow, butthis kind of thing is grinding me.'

  "'You can go to my ranch in Wyoming and live on nothing for sixmonths,' I said. 'When you get back I'll lend you enough to tide youover!

  "'I'll do it,' he said, as if it were the very straw he had beenreaching for.

  "Then he began to tell me of other troubles. Marie had been decidedlycool to Harry at the servants' ball. Then he had met her on thestreet, and she had barely noticed him and hurried away, with theyoung Reverend Robert Knowles at her side. Harry was, fortunately,going slow, but he had received internal injuries and was sufferingfrom shock.

  "'The old man is at the bottom of it,' I explained. 'You gave him adose from the wrong bottle. It p'isoned him.'

  "'By Jove! What a prude he is!' said Harry. 'Upon my word that is oneof the noblest books I ever read--contains a great lesson, don't youknow? It takes you straight to the heights.'

  "'Too straight,' I said. 'It turns out for nothing. It crosses amorass to avoid going around. When you reach the high ground you arecovered with mud and slime. You need to be washed and disinfected, andperhaps you've caught a fever that will last as long as you live.Many a boy and girl have got mired in this swamp fiction that youenjoy so much. There are many of us who prefer to go around the swampand keep on a decent footing even if it takes longer.'

  "'We want to know all sides of life,' said Harry.

  "'And would you care to see the girl you loved studying life in abrothel?'

  "'Well, really, you know, that's different,' Harry stammered.

  "'But the fact is, her feet might as well be in a brothel as herbrain,' I insisted. 'She might shake the dust from her _feet_. Harry,there's one side of life that you ought to study at once--the Americanside. You've neglected the Western hemisphere in your studies. Whencan you start for the ranch?'

  "'Day after to-morrow--if you like. This place is a dreadful bore.'

  "'Good! I'll attend to the tickets to-day, The cart, drag, and horseswill be all the better for a vacation, and the eyes of the people arein need of rest.'

  "'The whole outfit is going to be sold," said Harry. 'Idiots and thehoi polloi have quite ruined the sport here. The Governor is alwayspoking fun at it, you know, and it has made me so weary! One can'tstand that kind of thing forever--can he? I got after his helmet,battle-ax, and family tree, by Jove! Our crested chambermaids andbootblacks have been a great help to me. What a noble band ofphilanthropists! Father and I have made an agreement. He is going tochuck the battle-ax and saw the royal branches off our family tree andI am going to sell the drag, cart, and horses.'

  "'That's a great treaty,' I said. 'The settlement of the Alaskanfrontier is not more important than fixing the boundaries of oursocial life. Let us surrender the tools of idiocy; especially, let usabandon all claim to the helmet and battle-ax. They're all right intheir place, but they aren't ours. The plowshare and the pruning-hookare our symbols.'

  "'By Jove! you know, the old Bishop of St. Clare agrees with youexactly,' said Harry. 'I've been reading his life and writings, whichI picked up in London, and he's about converted me to your way ofthinking. He hated "the glittering idleness" of the rich and putindustry above elegance.'

  "'And he doesn't intend that your education shall be neglected--he'slooking after you.'

  "'He's as industrious as Destiny,' said the young man. 'Did you knowthat Cub Sayles is engaged?'

  "'To whom?'

  "'Mrs. Revere-Chalmers.'

  "'God rest his soul!' I exclaimed.

  "'It's just the thing for Cub,' said Harry. 'He's poor but presentable,and has many extravagant tastes. She's quite a bit older than he, ofcourse, but that isn't unusual.'

  "'I warned him long ago, knowing that his folly would undo him. Now hewill be a captain of New Thought, King of the Flub Dubs, advertisingmanager of the Psychological Hair Factory, and inspector of pimples.'

  "'But don't you know that he will have everything that he desires?'

  "'Except happiness.'

  "'Oh, I think that she is very fond of him!' said Harry. 'She told meto-day that he is the only man she ever loved, and the dear old girlthinks that she won him by concentration.'

  "With this remark, made on the 20th of May, Harry dropped out of thehistory of Pointview until December."