Never Be Alone

by Paige Dearth

  Pringle looked away.

  “What?” Joon asked. “Do you think that’s lame?”

  “No.” Pringle shook her head. “I just never learned how to read that good. I mean, I can read a little, but I never read a book or nothing.”

  Joon smiled, and in doing so, her chapped lips cracked further. She ignored the metallic taste of her own blood as it touched her tongue. “I can teach you how. It’ll be fun.”

  As the girls made their way to the library, there were people walking the city in their warm down coats, hats, scarves, and mittens, and Joon tightened her grip around Pringle’s waist. “I wish I were like all these people out here, wearing warm clothes. They look happy, ya know? I wonder what it would be like to have a normal life—not the kind in a motel, but live in a real house where people care about you. All I want is a decent place to live, food, and people to love. What about you?”

  Pringle gave her a sideways glance. “I had all of that. I mean, it wasn’t anything great, but I lived with my dad in public housing. Most of the time we had heat and hot water.”

  Joon gasped. “Wait! What happened? Why aren’t you living with your dad?”

  “It’s a long story, but my evil stepmother moved in with us. She hated my guts. Used to hurt me and yell at me whenever my father wasn’t around. She said that I was ruining their life. Anyway, she tried to turn my dad against me, and for a long time, he didn’t give in. But then she got pregnant and my dad was so excited and I was forgotten. Before I knew it, my dad was sticking up for the bitch and my life sucked. I was constantly being attacked by her and my father would back her. The more pregnant she got, the meaner she was, and so I packed some shit and left.”

  Joon’s heart felt heavy. “Did your dad look for you?”

  Pringle shrugged. “I doubt it. I don’t really know and I don’t care either. I’m happier being away from them. It was just gonna get worse, so I figure I’m lucky I got outta there before things got really bad.”

  “What about your mom? Why didn’t you go live with her?”

  Pringle took a deep breath. “My mom died in a car accident when I was six. I had the greatest family when she was alive. I don’t remember that much, but I do remember being happy, and we didn’t have to live in public housing. After she died, my dad couldn’t work anymore and we lost everything. When my stepmom came along, he was happy again and that made me happy. Then everything turned to shit. I know my mom’s in Heaven, and I bet she’s pissed as hell at my dad for turning his back on me. I think my stepmom hated me because my dad loved me. Anyway, enough of that crap. We’re here,” she said, pointing up at the library.

  The girls were walking up the steps of the library when Joon stopped. Pringle was on the step above her and turned around. “Why are you stopping?”

  “I was just wondering why we’re being punished.”

  “I don’t know, girl. We just got a bad deal. Maybe someday we’ll grow up to be something great, and it’ll be because we had to put up with so much shit.”

  Joon nodded. “I hope you’re right. I wanna do something really special. You know, something to help people. Lots of bad things happened to me after my parents died. I just want to be happy.”

  Pringle took Joon’s hand and pulled her along. “You can help me right now by walking, so we can get inside where there’s heat.”

  The library hadn’t been open long, and only a few other people were inside. The woman at the desk looked up from her paperwork, eyed the two girls, and looked back down at her desk as the girls rushed into the ladies’ room.

  They washed themselves at the sink while studying their reflections. Pringle, a redhead with green eyes, watched her friend. Joon was pushing misplaced hair back in her bandana. Finally, Joon smiled at herself. Then she caught Pringle staring at her in the mirror. “What?”

  “Nothing.” Pringle rubbed the ghostly white skin under her eyes and looked back up at Joon again.

  “Come on. What?” Joon said.

  “It’s just that you’re really pretty.”

  Joon blushed. “I think there’s something wrong with your eyes.”

  “Nope. I see just fine. You’re really pretty. I wish I was pretty like you. I hate my red hair and super-white skin.”

  Joon studied Pringle for a moment. “I think you’re nuts. Your eyes are beautiful, and your hair is like a burning flame around your face.”

  The two girls stood a moment longer, watching each other in the mirror. Then they smiled at each other. They were lighthearted and feeling pretty.

  Chapter Twenty-Six

  As winter passed, Joon became integrated into the group of homeless teens. She and Pringle made it into youth shelters one night each week, and there were always different teens that stayed at the Tracks alongside the regulars. Joon felt at home when Pringle was with her. One night, a boy they hadn’t seen before came with a radio blaring. He approached the group with an air of confidence, bobbing his head to the music.

  Pringle grabbed Joon’s hand. “Let’s dance.”

  But Joon pulled her hand away, feeling suddenly shy. “I don’t know how to dance.”

  “Sure you do. Everyone knows how to dance. Just listen to the music and move your body. Come on, Joon. Don’t be such a downer.”

  Joon smiled, unsure of how to respond. Then she took a deep breath, grabbed Pringle’s hand, and got to her feet. When Joon danced, she felt awkward and silly, but as she watched Pringle flailing and shaking her body, she giggled and started to lighten up.

  She leaned into Pringle. “Everyone is watching us.”

  “So what? Let them watch. Come on, girl. Ignore all of them and let yourself go.”

  Joon tried to mimic Pringle’s dance moves, but she imagined she looked like she was getting an electric shock. She closed her eyes and focused on the music. Quickly, she found her muscles relaxing and her body flowing to the music. The girls danced for the next thirty minutes.

  When they finally sat against a log to catch their breath, Joon said, “That was so much fun.”

  “Yeah, I love to dance. It helps me release all of that crazy shit that gets caught up in my head.”

  Quinn had been mesmerized watching Joon dance. He made his way over to the girls, sat down next to her, slung his arm around her shoulders, and moved his lips close to her ear.

  “You’re a great dancer,” he whispered softly, his wispy breath tickling her ear.

  Joon smiled at him. “Thanks. I never danced before. It was a lot of fun.”

  He cocked his head. “It didn’t look like you’ve never danced before. I bet you could be a real dancer at a strip club. You have the body for it.”

  Joon flushed a deep red. She glanced down at her rail-thin body and small chest. “I don’t think so.”

  Quinn watched her intently. “They’ll grow more,” he confirmed, nodding toward her breasts.

  “Shut up, Quinn,” Pringle snapped, partly to protect her friend and partly because she was jealous of the attention he was giving Joon.

  He smiled at Pringle. “I’m just being honest.”

  She snarled at him. “That might be true, but you’re embarrassing her. You can’t look at a girl’s boobs and tell her they’ll grow. You’re an idiot.”

  “Come on, Pringle. Your boobs are gonna grow too,” he said with a smirk.

  “Fuck you, Quinn,” Pringle shot back.

  Joon’s happy feeling quickly faded. “Stop it, you guys. We were just having fun.” She turned to Quinn, her eyes sparkling with adoration for the older boy. “You better be nice to Pringle if you want to be around me. Pringle is my best friend.”

  Pringle sat up straight. “I am?” She smiled. “I’ve never had a best friend.”

  Joon gave her a warm smile. “Me neither. Well, I mean Ragtop was my best friend, but she was a lot older than me. More like my best mom-like friend.”

  Pringle jumped on top of Joon and gave her a bear hug. “You and me are unstoppable. Ain’t nobody ever coming between us.�
�

  Joon giggled and returned the hug.

  Quinn gave an exaggerated pout. “What about me?”

  The two girls looked at him and laughed. “What about you?” Joon asked.

  Quinn pushed his long hair behind his ears. “Can’t I be part of the circle too?”

  Joon locked eyes with Pringle. Mischievous grins grew on both of their faces. Joon exhaled loudly. “I guess so, but only if you treat us nice.”

  Quinn put his arms around the two girls. “I promise. I’ll always be nice.”

  Later that night, nestled inside a cardboard box, the girls lay side by side, snuggling together not only for warmth, but also to feel the love of another human. Joon rolled over to face Pringle.

  “Tomorrow is my birthday,” she said.

  Pringle sat up. “Really? Wait! What’s the date?”

  “February third. When I turned five, my mom told me that the night I was born, there was a big snowstorm. She knew that I was ready to be born and rushed to the hospital. She was with a nurse in the elevator on her way to the room where moms have babies. She told me that I didn’t want to wait and started pushing my way out when they were in the elevator. By the time they got to the room, I was already born.” She smiled sadly, thinking of her mother. “I can’t remember what my mom looked like. I try really hard to remember her face and her hair, but I can’t see her anymore.”

  Pringle threw her arm over Joon. “Maybe there’s a picture of her somewhere.”

  Joon shook her head. “I don’t know what they did with all the stuff from our house when my mom and dad died. I bet someone threw it all away.”

  “I’m sorry,” she said gently. “But hey, tomorrow’s your birthday. What do you wanna do to celebrate?”

  “Have a home,” Joon joked, but Pringle saw the sadness in her eyes.

  “Hey, listen, we’re houseless not homeless. The streets are our mom and dad. This cardboard box is our heavenly comfort at night, and we have a home because we have people here that care if we live or die. We may not live in a ‘real home’”—Pringle air quoted—“but this home gives us the things that a building can’t. We have each other.”

  Joon welled up. “You’re right. When I lived with Aron, there wasn’t anyone there who loved me. I was living in a house—well, if you consider living in the basement part of living in a house. Anyway, I was really lonely and scared.”

  “Was Aron ever nice to you?” Pringle asked.

  “Only when someone from social services was coming to check on me, which was hardly ever. And she wasn’t really nice to me then, but she’d let me take a bath and eat a little bit, so I didn’t look so ugly.”

  “‘Look ugly’—what does that mean?”

  Joon shrugged. “I don’t know. She said I looked ugly all the time. But when the people were coming to check on me, she said a little bit of food would put color back in my pasty face.”

  Pringle was quiet for a moment as she crossed her arms over her chest. “Aron’s a piece of dog shit and a big, fat liar. She just said that to you ’cause she was jealous that you’re pretty. We hate her.”

  Joon barked out a laugh. “Yeah, we hate her.”

  Pringle intertwined her fingers with Joon’s. “Back to your birthday. We gotta do something real special. How much money you got?”

  “I think I have eight dollars.”

  “Okay, I have six. I say we have a hot breakfast and then get a bakery cupcake to eat tomorrow night.”

  In the darkness of the cardboard box, Pringle couldn’t see the smile on Joon’s face. “That sounds perfect.”

  Pringle rolled over on her side. “Tomorrow is gonna be our best day ever. I promise. Night, birthday girl.”

  “Night, Pringle.” Joon put her hands over her heart and smiled. A sense of happiness fell over her as she closed her eyes.

  Chapter Twenty-Seven

  “Happy birthday, Joon!” Pringle sang as she came back into the cardboard box. “It’s about time you woke up. Man, you were sleeping for a long time.”

  “I guess all that dancing made me tired.” She stretched her arms and yawned.

  “Come on. Let’s get moving. It’s your birthday…we got lots to do.”

  Joon crawled out of the box and looked up. Even though the temperature was below thirty degrees, the sky was clear and the sun shining brightly. Joon wrapped her arms around herself. She lifted her face to the sun and let its warmth penetrate her skin. She walked over to a barrel with a fresh fire roaring inside and soaked up the heat.

  Pringle, who had been talking to Quinn and some of the other boys, moseyed over next to Joon. “First stop, Little Pete’s Restaurant for breakfast.”

  “Then where are we going?” Joon asked, her joy evident in her tone.

  Pringle nudged Joon’s ribs with her elbow and winked at her. “None of your business. But now that you’re thirteen, you’re officially a teenager, and that’s pretty special.”

  When the girls walked into Little Pete’s, the aroma of bacon and toast drifted into their noses and took hold of their stomachs. Holding hands, they made their way to the booth farthest from the door. A waitress approached and quickly assessed the two disheveled girls.

  “Hi, girls. You eating breakfast?”

  “Yes,” Pringle said with a victorious smile.

  “Okay then. What can I bring ya?”

  Several minutes later, when the waitress laid the plate in front of Joon, Joon’s eyes grew large and her mouth watered. There were pancakes with butter melting on top, bacon, and scrambled eggs. She picked up her fork, and, without a word, both girls dug into their breakfasts.

  Coming up for a breath, Joon looked over at Pringle. “I think this is the best food I’ve ever had in my whole life. I can eat this until I throw up.”

  Pringle crinkled her nose, then let out a loud burp. Her hand quickly flew up to her mouth, and she looked around. “Oops. Sorry,” she said with hearty laughter.

  When they finished eating, the waitress came back, took their plates, and gave them the check. The girls counted out their money, then stood and headed back toward the bathroom.

  “Um, girls,” the waitress yelled after them.

  Joon and Pringle turned around.

  “Where are you two going?”

  Joon pointed. “To the bathroom.”

  The waitress sighed heavily. “Okay, now I know that ya ain’t just going in there to take a piss. I can see you two need a good cleaning,” she said as she waved her hand at their clothing. She paused, and, sensing trouble, Joon’s heart pounded hard. But then the woman’s gaze softened. “You go on and get cleaned up,” she said, handing each of them a dish towel. “But you leave that bathroom clean when you’re finished. My fat ass doesn’t want to clean it again.”

  “Thank you,” Joon said politely.

  “Yeah, thanks,” Pringle said. “Today’s her birthday.”

  “Oh yeah, well, happy birthday, kid.”

  Joon smiled and the girls rushed into the bathroom to wash up. It was rare that someone inside a business accepted the homeless teens, and Joon felt grateful. “This is already a great day,” she said. “Can you believe she’s actually letting us get clean?”

  Pringle pushed the hair back from her own face. “Yeah, I wish it was this easy all the time. Even when you buy shit, these people don’t let you clean up in their bathroom. I think you’re my good-luck charm.”

  Joon glared at her friend in the mirror. “Ha! Now you’ve lost your mind. The last thing I am is lucky. If you knew everything I’ve been through, you’d know that I’m the most unlucky person alive.”

  Pringle ignored the comment, and the girls left the restaurant to continue the birthday celebration. They walked to Edgar Allan Poe’s house and toured the building, Joon imagining what it would’ve been like to live in his house in 1843.

  “I bet there weren’t many other buildings here then,” Joon said, “and he could see the river from his front yard. Could you imagine how great it would’v
e been to live here?”

  Pringle, less enthused by history, shrugged. “I don’t know, I guess. This place is pretty cool though. It’d be perfect if all the kids at the Tracks could live here.”

  When they left Poe’s house, they visited the Liberty Bell. Joon had walked by these places before, but now, she actually focused on these landmarks and was interested in their significance.

  “Okay, last stop before we go back to the Tracks,” Pringle said, running ahead.

  Several minutes later, Joon and Pringle stood gazing into Elfreth’s Alley. As they took in the old-fashioned flower boxes, shutters, and Flemish bond brickwork, it was as if time had stood still.

  “Wow,” Joon breathed. “I never knew this street was here.”

  “Yeah, I saved it for last. I knew you’d like it given how obsessed you are with houses. Anyway, people have lived in these houses longer than any other street in America, and they still do. How cool is that?”

  Joon’s mouth hung open as she scanned the scenery. “I thought you didn’t like history.”

  Pringle bumped her shoulder lightly into Joon’s. “I don’t, but this place is awesome.”

  “Let’s look,” Joon said, grabbing Pringle’s hand. They walked slowly by each row home, taking in the architectural details of the buildings. “This is the most beautiful place I’ve ever seen in my life. The people who live here are so lucky.” She smiled wistfully. “Maybe someday I’ll live on this street.”

  “Whoa! Dream big, why don’t you!” Pringle said.

  “Hey, why not? I’m still here and going strong.”

  The day was special, and Pringle told anyone who would listen that it was Joon’s birthday. So many strangers said happy birthday to Joon that she was overflowing with joy.

  They got back to the Tracks just before dark. There were three barrels with roaring fires inside. As they walked closer, Joon watched a dozen of the regulars stand in two lines facing each other. They raised their arms above their heads and joined hands with the person on the opposite side.

  “What are they doing?” Joon whispered.

  “It’s your birthday canopy. When you walk underneath their hands, you need to make a wish.”