All I Want

by Jill Shalvis

  go back to her plan. Lifting her head, she looked into his warm eyes and promised herself she’d do just that. She’d go back to the plan.

  Tomorrow.

  For now, she simply breathed him in before gathering her strength and heading toward the door.

  Parker let her go. What the hell else could he do? She’d been so genuine and earnest, so sweetly apologetic, so absolutely positive they had to stop this madness.

  It had just about killed him. Because against all the odds, he’d liked the idea of them being a . . . well, them.

  But she needed him to stop messing with her. Except he hadn’t been messing with her at all. He’d been as shocked as she at their easy chemistry.

  But it was a lot more than chemistry. He knew that now. And yet the reality was that he was leaving, and he had to find a way to do that without further hurting her. That was a priority for him. She’d set the boundaries and he’d honor them.

  Even if it killed him.

  He could have changed her mind. There’d been a beat there when she’d hesitated, as if waiting for him to say something. And he’d known what she wanted him to say, that this didn’t have to end when he left.

  Just as he knew what he wanted to say—Let’s take this thing, this really great, hot, sexy, wonderful thing as far as we can before I have to go.

  No, that was a lie. That was what he’d have wanted to say when he’d first arrived. But things had changed. He no longer wanted to go—not that it mattered. His job was his life and he was going back to it.

  So even though she’d looked at him like maybe she wouldn’t argue if he made a good case for continuing their relationship, he wouldn’t. She’d been hurt enough in her life; no way would he add to it, ever.

  Twenty-four

  Parker slept like shit, his dreams mocking him with images of Zoe smiling at him, making his life better just by being in it.

  At some point before dawn, he was woken up by a notification on his phone. When he accessed the app, he couldn’t see much in the dark but there was definite movement. Trucks on the go, leaving the ranch just like the other day but more. Like all of them . . .

  Shit. He sat up and called Sharon. “He’s moving his stash,” he told her. “He’s got a buyer or he’s going to auction, or maybe he’s been spooked and is changing locales.”

  “Parker—”

  “Look, I’m working on accepting that this asshole got a deal even though he shouldn’t have been allowed one,” he said. “Just tell me you have someone on him, that he’s not getting away.”

  There was a beat of silence and there in the dark, Parker swore. “You don’t.”

  “It’s not my responsibility,” she said quietly. “He’s not our responsibility anymore. It’s out of both of our hands.”

  “Do they have eyes on him?”

  “A deal is a deal,” Sharon said. “He gave up intel and evidence on the militia that was needed, and in return he agrees to stay in Idaho and retire from his business of choice. You know this.”

  “And you believe him? You really believe that he’s not going to pull up stakes and simply move off the radar to continue his extremely profitable business somewhere else?”

  There was a long pause. “Not my call,” she finally said.

  So she didn’t believe it, either. Which didn’t make it any easier to swallow. Parker disconnected. He knew what he’d seen on the feeds, and it didn’t look to him like Carver had stayed behind. It looked to him like the entire operation had cleared out, and there was nothing to stop them from finding another isolated spot in another state to start all over.

  He called Kel, who answered with, “Was just calling you.”

  “What’s up?” Parker asked.

  “I think you know.”

  “Yeah,” Parker said. “There’s movement. Where is he going and why is he being allowed to go anywhere?”

  “Complicated,” Kel said. “Back before Carver landed on the FWS’s radar, the FBI had him with enough charges to put him away for a long time.”

  “So what happened? Wait, let me guess. The bastard was slick enough to make himself a sweet deal.”

  “Jackpot,” Kel said. “He remains free as long as he helps the FBI indict a large slice of the evasive militia group he funded, most of whom are wanted for a multitude of other crimes as well. The problem has been that Carver makes new deals, promises that are always juicier than the current evidence.”

  “So he keeps getting an extension on his lucrative deal,” Parker said. “Fucking unbelievable.”

  “It gets worse,” Kel said. “Every time he gets into trouble—like he did with your agency—the FBI has no choice but to step in and bail his sorry ass out of the sling or they lose their ground.”

  “Perfect setup for an asshole like Carver,” Parker said, impressed in spite of himself. “He’s got us over a barrel and knows it. And he’s extended his base of operations from illegal antiquities to funding the militia, so now what?”

  “The FBI and the ATF are in way too deep to back out,” Kel said. “Everyone thinks they’re in control, but it’s a political and red-tape nightmare, leaving Carver as the only winner. There are piles of charges that the FBI keeps promising all the other agencies that they’ll get to pursue, but they’re being strung along just as Carver is stringing them along.”

  “So what’s his endgame?” Parker asked.

  “Anyone’s guess,” Kel said.

  Yeah, well, Parker intended to find out.

  Zoe got up early, ready for her day. Or so she told herself. She’d had a flight scheduled, but according to a text from Joe, it had been moved to another day. He said the Caravan should be fixed this morning and needed a test flight. He’d put it up for sale and had an interested buyer up north that he wanted her to go show the plane to after the test.

  She would miss the Caravan, but she’d do just about anything to keep her mind off Parker and all that they were no longer going to be doing together. Her eyes on her phone, she headed out of her room and . . . right into Parker.

  He’d come out of the bathroom, hair wet, body damp, one of her towels wrapped indecently low on his hips.

  Damn. Looking that sexy should be completely illegal. She nearly said I want to recant my statement, the one where I said to stay at least nine inches away from me. I spoke too hastily. Instead she said, “Sorry! I need to learn to walk and read my phone at the same time.”

  “You can get a ticket for that these days,” he said.

  She laughed, relieved that they were going to be grownups about this. It was a huge effort not to step close and run her finger over the cut on his forehead and demand to see his leg, but she managed by shoving her hands into her pockets. “So, where are you off to this early? More . . . sightseeing?”

  “Yes, actually.” He met her gaze. “I’m going up to Rocky Falls.”

  Her own hair was wet, too, still in a ponytail. She could almost feel his hand curl around the back of her neck, wrapping the strands of her hair up in his fingers as he slowly deepened their kiss. She had to shake the memory off. “Your cameras not working?”

  “Saw something that I didn’t like,” he said.

  “But aren’t the good guys watching, too?”

  “Yes, but as long as Carver feeds them the intel they want, they’re happy.”

  “And you’re worried that happy equals complacent or sloppy?” she asked.

  “Exactly. Carver’s cagey as hell. He’s a master at vanishing like smoke.”

  She marveled at his courage, at the strength of character it took to put what was right ahead of what was easy, even if it meant risking his job. Zoe’s job meant everything to her—flying meant everything, and she wondered if she could put the right to do that on the line and be willing to walk away from it if she had to.

  But that was just it; she’d never have to. It wasn’t her job to make those kinds of decisions. It was Parker’s, and she was beginning to understand what he had at stake.

&nbs
p; Everything.

  All the time.

  It was little wonder that he lived the way he did, with few to no distractions, no ties, and no real home base.

  “I’ll fly you,” she heard herself say.

  He started to shake his head, but she said, “The Caravan’s been repaired and Joe wants to sell it. I’m taking it up north today so the buyer can get a look at it. Rocky Falls is a barely there detour. You can come along and get a look at what you need to see on the way.”

  “No.”

  “No?” she asked, surprised.

  “I’m not going to ask this of you.”

  “Well, that’s the thing,” she said. “You didn’t ask. I offered.”

  He didn’t respond, and given his expression, he wasn’t going to change his mind, either. And suddenly she realized what she’d given up, because just yesterday he’d have moved toward her, taken her into his warm arms, and pulled her in tight like he’d done so often since he’d come to Sunshine.

  God. Had it really only been a little over a week ago?

  “Not happening,” he said, sounding different to her. A little cool, a little distant, and she found her mad.

  “Why?” she asked. “Because I’m not going to sleep with you anymore? We aren’t even friends now, is that it?”

  “Not what I said.” He paused. “And there’s been very little sleeping involved.”

  “You know what I mean!”

  He looked at her for a long moment, as if wrestling with himself. And given his overactive sense of privacy, he probably was. God forbid he just come out and say something about himself without being arm-wrestled for it.

  “When I first came out here,” he finally said, “I thought this case was about one thing.”

  “Yes,” she said. “The antiquities dealer making a boatload of money off his illegal gains, right?”

  “Right. But now it’s something else, something bigger, and I won’t drag you into it.”

  “How would me flying you around on a sightseeing trip drag me into anything?” she asked.

  “Maybe it wouldn’t, but you’ve already flown me over Cat’s Paw once. I’m not going to risk Carver noticing you for the second time. He might get suspicious and investigate, and realize he knows you. And if Carver found you, I’d never forgive myself.”

  “It’s not even the same plane as before,” she said. “It’ll be the Caravan today. It was the Cardinal last time.”

  “And when you flew him before,” he asked, “or his men, was that always the Cardinal?”

  “Yes, I’m pretty sure.”

  Parker ran a hand down his face, and she knew she had him. She also knew nothing bad would happen to her while she was with him; he’d protect her, body and soul.

  The real question was, how to protect her heart?

  Their flight was quiet and—at least in Zoe’s case—a little awkward. She had no experience with this, falling for a guy, having sex—and not just any kind of sex, but the fantasy kind, where orgasms happen in a shocking blink without having to strain for them—and then having to act like they hadn’t.

  Parker didn’t seem to be having the same problem. He was calm, quiet. Focused. Like maybe she was pretty damn easy to get over. Her attitude deteriorated a little at that, but she was a professional, she reminded herself. She’d keep it bottled up tight.

  And for the most part, she thought she was successful with that as she handled the testing on the plane and then flew them over Rocky Falls, specifically Cat’s Paw.

  Parker had both his laptop and long-range camera, quietly scoping the place out.

  “Anything interesting?” she asked.

  “Yeah,” he said, dividing a gaze between the scope and the laptop screen, but he didn’t elaborate. He did, however, take out his high-powered binoculars as well and had her make a second pass.

  And then a third.

  She had no idea what he was looking for as he took a long careful look at the surrounding area before finally indicating that he was satisfied.

  After that, she flew onward, landing at the private airstrip of the Caravan’s potential buyer. That detour, the meeting, and the potential new owner’s inspection took the better part of the afternoon.

  When they finally landed back in Sunshine, Zoe turned to a very quiet Parker. “Everything okay?” she asked.

  “If anyone were to come into the airport asking for the flight logs from today, would they be able to get them?” he asked.

  “Why?”

  Face blank, he looked at her for a long beat. His expression was a visceral reminder that they were practically strangers.

  Except they weren’t. He’d helped her fix up her house. He’d rescued two kittens for her neighbor. He’d kissed her like she hadn’t been kissed in too damn long, making her feel sexy, wanted . . . “No,” she said. “No one should be able to get the flight logs without some sort of court order.”

  “Which doesn’t mean that they can’t,” he said. “They could get stolen. Or leaked.”

  “Well, yes,” she said. “But it hasn’t happened before, that I know of.” She paused. “Sorry about the bad day and all the dead ends.”

  “Nothing where I get to be with you is ever bad.”

  The man had a knack for saying things that hit her right in the heart, and she had to swallow past the lump in her throat.

  They exited the plane, Parker moving with the same easy confidence with which he did everything, when he turned to her.

  She couldn’t see much behind his mirrored sunglasses, which only served to make him appear even more badass. “It wasn’t a dead end,” he said.

  She waited for more and when it didn’t come, she blew out a sigh. “You’re pretty damn annoying sometimes; anyone ever tell you that?”

  “Every woman in my life,” he said without hesitation.

  This caught her off guard. “I was trying to insult you, but you don’t seem insulted in the least. And just out of curiosity’s sake, how many women are currently in your life?”

  “Too many,” he said a little grimly, and when he saw her expression at that, he reached for her hand and squeezed.

  Their first physical contact all day, something she’d yearned for, but all she wanted to do was smack him.

  “There’s my boss,” he said. “Sharon’s pretty certain I’m the most annoying man alive. And then there’s my sister. Amory loves me, but I annoy her big-time. It’s a special talent of mine.”

  “Hard to believe,” she said, hoping the teasing note in her tone served as an apology for sounding like a shrew.

  He brought their joined hands up to his mouth and brushed a kiss to her palm. “And then there’s you,” he said with one of his panty-melting smiles.

  She tugged her hand free. “Okay,” she said. “No more of that, because my clothes tend to fall off when you look at me like that.”

  He laughed, but his smile slowly faded. “Cat’s Paw has gone cold,” he said quietly. “They’ve moved out.”

  She took in the tight look in his eyes, the grim set to his mouth. “You’re frustrated.”

  “Frustration is a useless emotion. Goes against productivity.”

  “So you never let frustration get to you?” she asked.

  His gaze dropped to her mouth. “I didn’t say that.”

  She sucked in a breath and then another one when he pulled his sunglasses off and let her see the heat in his eyes. And then he slid a hand to the back of her neck and drew her in and kissed the ever-living daylights out of her.

  When he pulled back, he slid his glasses back on.

  “What was that?” she managed.

  “Me, letting my frustration get to me.”