The Love Playbook

by Suze Winegardner

  And yet he asked anyway. He’d felt vulnerable talking about his father and was stunned to realize that he remembered that his dad had cut the flowers he’d spent weeks growing and hadn’t given them to his mom. He’d given them to someone else. There was no way his mom didn’t realize. But it had felt natural telling Avery about it. And he’d wanted to prolong that connection with her.

  And he had, in a way. He’d got to hold her close, but he’d also felt her pain shuddering through him as he did. He’d wanted to feel close to her and had tapped into her worst memory to do it. He hadn’t done it deliberately, but it had happened out of his selfishness.

  And then there was the matter of their kiss. He’d expected her to want to talk about it, but he’d blown that out of the water with his question. He still wanted to know what she thought, though. Was it just a thing that happened one night? Or was it something else? Or, shit, could their kiss not have rocked her world the way it had his?

  He’d spent the rest of the day trying not to think about that, but to concentrate on the advice she’d given him. He’d been playing football for nearly twelve years—one way or another—and no one had ever told him to slow down or to look at the angle the defense moved at. Maybe he’d just been faster than the kids in the other league, and so his coach never bothered to show him other approaches. He’d always thought he was a star, but really, maybe his old coach only cared that he was a star on his team. Not about what happened afterward.

  He wished he could actually practice that on the field, but there was no way he was going to risk not being fit for his doctor’s appointment.

  After school, he went to the football field. It was early, and no one had arrived for practice yet—mostly everyone went home, got something to eat, and then drove back to the field. He didn’t have that luxury, so he did everything that a benched guy did, brought three nets of balls out, filled the ice chest, and dropped plastic bottles of water in it.

  Then he brought out the practice nets for Lonny to kick balls into. Lonny, Munch, Colin, LeVonn, Greg, Dave, Digger—he was gradually getting to know the guys behind the helmets. He knew LeVonn wanted to get a full-ride to Dollinger, he knew that Dave had a crush on Claire, that Colin…no—literally the only two things he knew about Colin was that he was obsessed with his “balls” and that he didn’t want Lucas having anything to do with Avery. Munch was like a goat—everywhere he went, he wanted to sit, stand, or climb higher than anyone—hence his broken ankle. He sat on the grass and smiled to himself. He wished he’d been at that party.

  For the first time, he really looked at the field. It was really well maintained for such a rural town. There were open air stands to sit on and covered ones like a huge stadium had, with corridors and tunnels for the players to come out of.

  For a second, his gaze lingered on the concrete tunnel where he’d kissed Avery. It hadn’t been like any kiss he’d had before. He didn’t have the words to describe the heat and need that had flooded him when she’d held him tightly against her. And afterward he’d felt drunk, even though he’d only had two beers.

  It was dangerous, you ass. She’s the one person trying to help you. But one look at her in her totally soaked dress, her long hair dripping, raindrops on her lashes…there had been no force in the known universe strong enough to stop him from kissing her. And now, he was getting to spend Friday night with her. Friday night lights and Friday night Avery. The only two things he wanted right now.

  He soothed the weird hollow feeling in his stomach by reminding himself that he was going to quit the team after this one game.

  Just this one game. He’d promised the universe. One game to help the team get to the playoffs and get people like LeVonn in front of more scouts. He owed that to the guys. The team had taken a chance on him, been patient while he worked out his football demons—okay, mostly worked out. He was still dealing with those. He’d do this one thing and get out before his past caught up to him.

  Unless—

  Before he could finish the thought, a voice came from the tunnel.

  “Hey, kid.”

  Lucas spun around to see Coach.

  “Sir,” he said respectfully.

  “How are you feeling? After last Friday, I mean.” Coach spun his hat in his hands.

  “Absolutely fine, sir. I’m hoping to get a clean bill of health from the doctor tomorrow.”

  “Let me know as soon as you find out.”

  “Yes, sir.”

  Coach looked out at the players who’d just made it onto the field. “Not going to lie, kid, we need you this weekend. Not sure we’re going to make it to the playoffs without you this year. I mean, don’t get me wrong—your fitness is the first priority. Second priority is to cream Jefferson this Friday.”

  This was running away from him fast. Just one game. Just one game.

  “Um. How does it work? I’ve never traveled for a game.” This was running away from him fast. He’d gone from backing out to traveling to help the team to a needed win.

  “You get on the bus, you catch a few balls, you bunk down with a few people, you get a free breakfast, and we get on the bus to come home. Not rocket science. You can come to the away game, right? Did you mom sign all your papers when you transferred?”

  “She did, sir.”

  “Good.” He squinted across the field at the guys who were now goofing off. “Get your asses on the line! You’re running laps!” he shouted at them while patting Lucas absently on his shoulder. He ran over to the line and turned. “Let me know what the doc says tomorrow.”

  Lucas gave a half salute to agree, and Coach Stone turned back to the players. Lucas watched as they ran up and down the field, how they tried out various plays. He was able to replicate the play in his head as it was called, visualizing where he’d be on the field, thanks to Avery’s flashcards. He needed to return that favor.

  He would play on Friday. He’d make sure they won. Then he’d walk away.

  Chapter Nineteen

  Avery was about fit to burst by the time Lexi came through the door at Hardy’s Hardware Thursday evening. She jumped as the bell clanged and spun around, thinking it might be Lucas.

  “Wow. Do you have ants in your pants or are you just happy to see me?” Lexi said, dumping her air rifle case beside the counter and taking off her JROTC beret in one movement.

  “Well, I’ve always loved a girl in uniform, I do declare,” Avery joked back, giving her a good look up and down and fanning herself.

  “Damn straight you do,” Lexi replied. “But really, you jumped a mile.”

  “I was supposed to see Lucas at lunchtime to, you know, coach him some, but Mrs. Griffith made me stay late after Calc to explain why I was getting worse, instead of better.”

  “How is that even possible? You’ve been getting As and A minuses.”

  “I got a C on Monday’s assignment,” Avery said. Her heart had dropped when she’d got her paper returned. Her grade had slipped from an A, to an A minus, to a B, to a C in the past two weeks. “By the time I explained that I hated Calc and that it sucks and I also hated Calc teachers—”

  “You didn’t,” Lexi whispered in awe.

  “I didn’t, no. I told her I’d try harder. But that’s what I was thinking. Anyway, by the time I got back to the lab, there was no Lucas. And I couldn’t find him. And now I think he might think that I stood him up or something?”

  “You still don’t have his cell number?” Lexi asked with a disbelieving frown.

  “The last time I meant to ask, I got distracted by something.” Which was embarrassing, not least because she could remember really wanting his cell number and just plain forgetting to ask for it.

  “Maybe Mr. Hardy has it? Otherwise, you can explain on the bus when we’re on our way to Danvers City.”

  “I don’t want to ask Mr. Hardy. And I’m guessing he wouldn’t give it to me any
way. I mean, I hope he wouldn’t give my number to someone who asks. Oh, speaking of, has Colin called you?” She winced. “Or anything?”

  Lexi’s face fell a little. “I didn’t dream it, right? He did actually have his arm around me on Saturday, right?”

  They’d texted a bunch of times during the week—like a whole bunch—and Lexi asked her the same thing every time. They’d texted and talked and met for lunch and texted and talked. And Avery still hadn’t told Lexi about the kiss that she and Lucas had shared that Saturday. There were a million reasons, and she hated all of them.

  First, she didn’t want to make Lexi feel miserable that Colin hadn’t kissed her. Then she was kind of embarrassed about the feelings she’d felt for Lucas while he’d been kissing her—she’d never known that anything like that had even existed in her before. And lastly, it was weird enough listening to how firm Colin’s thigh had felt against Lexi’s leg or how he had smelled or… Avery shuddered. She needed a support group for that crap. If she could have rinsed her brain in disinfectant, she would have done. So she hadn’t told Lexi about Lucas, and it was kind of killing her.

  By not talking about it, she’d started to feel like it had been a dream, as much as Lexi did.

  “It wasn’t a dream—it was a nightmare!” Avery said, dragging out the word as if she was voice-overing a horror movie.

  “Maybe he’ll notice me again in Danvers City?” Lexi asked plaintively.

  “Wait a moment. Are you telling me you’re only going to Danvers City with the team to see Colin?” Avery gasped and pressed her hand to her chest as if she were having the vapors. “You don’t want to share a room and watch iCarly repeats while stuffing Cheetos?”

  “Nope…” Lexi said, playing along. “I can’t believe it’s been that long since we did this, though.”

  “Then bring a mop for your blood.”

  “Gibbeh!” Lexi sighed. “You know, I miss iCarly so much. Maybe we should do a marathon.”

  “I’m here for it,” Avery said, checking the clock on the wall and taking her apron off. “Help me bring the baskets inside.”

  As she left the counter, she saw a person walking by, only illuminated by the light coming from the store.

  “Look—that’s him!” Avery said.

  “Who?” Lexi came to stand next to her to see who she was talking about.

  “I think that’s the guy that Mr. Duchamp wants to bring in to replace Dad. He was here the other day meeting Mr. Hardy.” Anxiety plucked at her intestines again. “I’d never seen him in Hillside before the other week, and now this is the second time I’ve seen him. He’s got to be hanging around for a reason.”

  Just when she was looking forward to seeing Lucas, to spending the night with Lexi and having fun—yes, yes, even though she was planning on bringing her index cards so she could plan the following week’s essays—Billy Seymore walks past Hardy’s and slams home the real reason she was helping Lucas. And the consequences for her family if the Hammers didn’t make the playoffs.

  Lexi held onto Avery’s arm in sympathy, as if she understood the thoughts speeding through her head. “Shit. The guys really have to win tomorrow. Is Lucas cleared to play?”

  Lexi’s mentioning his name brought her original angst back. “I don’t even know! I can’t contact him. He has no social media—not even Instagram—that I can find, I don’t know where he lives, and literally the only thing I know about him is his mom works at the hospital. And I can’t face her.” She went on to explain to Lexi about the sibling thing.

  “Why should she care about that? I see it in movies all the time. It’s like everyone pretends to be a relative to see someone in hospital. Unless you’re police. In which case your badge gets you anywhere.” She whipped out a pretend badge and said, “Police, ma’am.” And then she put her imaginary badge in her pocket and then whipped it out again. “Police—let me through.”

  Avery shook her head.

  “I need a fake badge. I feel like I could do all kinds of things with one.” She was still playing with her imaginary police badge.

  “Up to and including being prosecuted by your father for impersonating a police officer?”

  “You’re such a killjoy,” Lexi said, pouting.

  “You could always, you know, join the police after graduation,” Avery suggested as she pulled her Hardy’s Hardware apron over her head.

  “That feels like it would be a lot of work,” Lexi said, biting a cuticle.

  Avery paused and shook her head again. “Anyway, the reason it was weird in the hospital was that Lucas told the doctor I was his sister, and then when he came back with Lucas’s mother, he was literally just about to kiss me.” She frowned. “Or was I about to kiss him?”

  Lexi’s hand dropped from her mouth. “What?”

  In for a penny. “And then on Saturday night, we totally kissed.” There. No more secrets.

  “Oh my God,” Lexi said slowly and paused to reflect. “I can’t believe you’ve been keeping this secret from me. I’d be pissed, but I’m too interested. Tell me everything.”

  Warmth spread through Avery. All her reasons for not telling Lexi flew out of the window. After filling her in as best she could—some of what she’d felt defied description—she tried to explain how conflicted she felt. “It’s just confusing. He thinks I’m super nice to be helping him, but he doesn’t know I’m helping him to save Dad’s job. There’s nothing altruistic about this.”

  “Why didn’t you tell him about your dad?” Lexi asked, helping her sweep the old, creaky floorboards.

  “I can’t. If it got out that I eavesdropped or, worse, that my dad could lose his job…I don’t know—it just felt weird, a stranger like Lucas knowing something that my dad doesn’t even know. I mean,” she said, trying to justify it to herself, “I seriously don’t know a thing about Lucas. Not really, anyway.”

  It was the second time she’d said that, and she realized how true it was. She was remembering a world-rocking kiss from someone she barely knew. She’d known Blaine for ten years before she’d kissed him. And then they dated for ten months before they’d had sex.

  And now, she was spending sleepless nights fantasizing about having sex with a boy she didn’t even know. “Oh my God. He could even have a girlfriend at his old school.”

  “Dude. You need to find out more about him. Ask him questions next time you’re alone with him. Figure out if you can trust him before you make yourself crazy. I haven’t seen you this distracted by a boy, like, forever.”

  Avery’s mind flickered back to the very last time she’d tried to ask him a question about his past. He’d all but jumped out of her car while it was still moving.

  It’d take some persuasion for him to spill; she was sure of it.

  …

  By Friday, Lucas was a mixed bag of emotions. He’d gotten the all clear to play by his very reluctant doctor, and he’d told Coach, who’d seemed happy.

  Lucas, however, was not. As much as he’d told himself that the universe had made this decision for him, he knew that he’d made it. He’d wanted to play football, and here he was. Despite all the trouble he had run away from, he was still making wrong decisions and was afraid that this was one of them.

  The only thing keeping him on course was the idea that he could maybe make amends for some of the shit show he’d left behind in Henderson, for the hell he’d caused his mom and himself. He could help the guys on the team who were relying on the Hammers’s success to get into a decent college. And Avery. He could help her and her dad and Colin, too.

  Sucking in a breath, he focused on being ready for the game. He’d concentrated on learning from Avery’s flash cards and visualized various plays while trying to muscle memory his way back to catching. He’d been…almost meditating to stop himself overthinking. He knew how to play; he was good. He wasn’t going to choke. He wasn’t going to cho
ke.

  Needless to say, he was wound pretty tight by the time he got on the bus to go to Danvers City. He felt like a stiff breeze would make his whole body explode. He had to relax. This was crazy. He was so freaking tense from trying to be calm, it was ridiculous.

  Avery was already on the bus when he got on. She was sitting with Lexi, right behind her father. He wanted to say hi and to ask her what had happened Thursday, but he couldn’t. Their eyes met, and he couldn’t figure out what—if any—message she was sending with her expression. Apology? Distain? Sadness? Horniness? He’d always wished girls had subtitles. Guys, too, come to think of it. Lucas wasn’t good at guessing. He opened his mouth to say “hi,” but she’d already looked away and was dragging her planner from her backpack.

  Everyone was subdued on the bus. This game was sudden death. If they didn’t win this one, the Hammers had no chance of getting to the playoffs.

  As they left the highway to take the surface roads to their opponent’s school, he saw signs for Dollinger College. The one that LeVonn was hoping for. The one that Mr. Hernandez scouted for. He’d give anything to feel that buzz of anticipation that hit when there was a scout in the stands. It didn’t happen very often anymore, but when it did, the whole football field would hum with anticipation. He was envious of LeVonn and the others. They still had a chance of playing football at college.

  All the more reason to make tonight’s game a success.

  They pulled up at a school that was much like his old school in Henderson. On the outskirts of a city, bigger than Hillside High, but the sports facilities that he could see from the bus window didn’t look anything close to theirs. It looked a little more like the fields he’d been used to playing in back home. A little rundown—the walls had peeling paint, and the gates were rusty—but the grass looked good, and the lines were fresh.

  The bus’s brakes squealed as they lurched to a stop. Doors hissed open, and fresh air blew in. He got up and grabbed his bag and headed down the aisle, cutting in where the others were waiting for their row to be next to leave. He managed to get behind LeVonn, who was just behind Avery and Lexi. As they disembarked, LeVonn headed back along the bus to help get the bags out, which left Lucas directly behind Avery.