by Brisa Starr
20
Ash
It’s the middle of the night, and I’m lying in bed, wide awake. Crap.
Luke, you’re all I think about anymore! I promised myself I’d maintain the “friend” distance, but he’s messing with my plan. His sexy jealousy about Lance made my heart race. And the way he hugged me at the bar — oh my god — it’s like he was plugging into his only source of oxygen… it took my own breath away.
It didn’t help that Reese couldn’t stop talking about him after he left. “Luke this” and “Luke that” — claiming that he was everything but a friend to me. So, I wasn’t just imagining it. First, my dad. Then Sally. And now, Reese. They all say the same thing. There’s an undeniable chemistry between Luke and me.
But that doesn’t help me! It doesn’t change the fact that he lives in California, and I live here. Nor the fact that Dad and I are a package deal, so I can’t go anywhere, and I don’t hear Luke talking about moving here.
And, speaking of Dad, I’m proud of his progress in getting out of the house, driving, doing more, but I’m upset with his proclamation that I needn’t fuss over him... that I need my own life. He doesn’t know what he’s talking about.
Unsettled, I roll over in bed and lie on my side with a pillow tucked between my legs. I grab my phone and start a new letter in the Notes app.
Dear Mom,
Hi. It’s Ash. Where are you these days? What’s your life like? Things here in Prescott are OK. Dad is doing fairly well and there’s this hot guy across the street who’s here for the next month. My job is going well, too, and I am employee of the month, so I get the good parking spot. What’s the weather like where you are? It’s hot here, but it doesn’t stop me from getting outdoors, especially to run in the forest. Well, I hope you’re well.
Love,
Ash
P.S. Do you like corn on the cob?
I never do anything with these letters, but I keep them. It makes me feel better to pretend I’m sending them, and that my mom writes back. I pretend that she’s gone — not because she abandoned us — just because she had to leave for a while. I like to imagine she’s living somewhere else, but still stays in contact. Still loves me.
Silent tears burn my eyes. I wish she never left.
I feel myself starting to sink, deep into emotional fatigue, and I close my eyes, phone in hand, and fall asleep.
I wake up at my usual hour, before the sun is up, and I sneak off to the bathroom, careful to leave Reese sleeping. I dress in a pair of red running shorts and a navy tank bra. Then, I do my brush-my-teeth-during-squats routine. I add a swipe of mascara and lip gloss, because, well, duh... Luke is running with me. Then, I throw on my favorite baseball cap, the cream-colored one with a hole in the back for my ponytail to fit through.
I’m no clearer on my feelings with Luke, but I’m determined to stay the course. I hop down the stairs and pop into the kitchen for some water and a half a cup of coffee. I tap my foot impatiently while it brews, and I wonder if we should get one of those K-cup machines that make coffee faster.
A few minutes later, the coffee finishes brewing, and I pour myself a cup, blowing on it to cool it. I gulp some down — ouch! — I burn my tongue, but I don’t care because I have to get going. I grab my watch and sunglasses, and I head out.
I step onto the porch, and Luke is already waiting for me in the street, with Blitz running around him in circles without his leash on. I will myself to act cool and calm. Like friends, right? But who am I kidding? This god before me is tall and blonde, with green eyes I yearn to get lost in, and never find my way out of.
And, for the love of all things holy, he’s shirtless today. Double-fuck-me. Thank god my hat and sunglasses shield my eyes, so I can ogle him more than usual. It’ll be a long run.
Friends. Friends. Friends.
Just friends.
I jog over to him, and Blitz jumps up on me to give me a wet, sloppy kiss.
“Hey!” I say, breathless, from the sight before me.
I kneel, pretending Blitz is distracting me, but my heart threatens to choke me as it pounds in my throat at seeing his bare chest. I give my body a moment to slow down, and I hide in Blitz’s soft and furry, black neck.
After a moment, I stand up and look at Luke. His broad shoulders look powerful and hard, like massive boulders. His biceps are big and strong, round, like his skin is stretched tight over giant, brick-hard grapefruits. He has a small, golden patch of hair between the breadth of his huge, square pecs and I want to lick him there. What would he taste like?
My eyes rove over him more, and I enjoy how his bronze tan highlights the sharp lines on his torso and sculpted abs. Lord, help me. Then, I dare my eyes to travel south, and I’m treated to a glimpse of his trail to all-things-glory.
“Hey, how are ya?” he asks back, and I suspect he knows exactly why heat is pouring off me in waves. It’s like he’s seeing how far he can take this teasing-friend thing. Sexy bastard. I do my best to ignore him, but I swallow audibly.
“Mmm. I’m pretty good. Shall we go?”
We turn to start our jog, but Blitz suddenly freezes, his long black tail straight out, his nose pointed to the sky as he stares down a brown, bushy-tailed squirrel halfway up the trunk of a maple tree. They eye each other momentarily, until the squirrel loses his nerve and takes off, scampering up the tree on the far side where Blitz can’t see him. Blitz tears after it, barking like a maniac, trying and failing to jump and climb the tree, too dumb to know the squirrel is already three trees over by now.
“Blitz! Here! Now!” Luke yells, and Blitz whines more as he tries jumping up the tree. “Blitz! Now!” Luke gives him one more chance.
Having lost the squirrel, and hearing the tone of Luke’s voice, Blitz trudges over to us, tail down. “Well, that’s enough of that,” Luke says, and clips the leash onto Blitz’s harness since he can’t be trusted.
“Are we all ready then?” Luke says and smiles.
We fall into our usual, comfortable rhythm. The distraction of running helps tame my libido. Maybe if I start running ten times a day, I can work my Luke-desire out of me.
“How’s Maggie?” I ask.
“She’s great. Thanks for asking,” he says. “She’ll be home from the hospital on Monday, so my mom will stay with her at her house for a few days. Wanna come over for a sleepover?”
I trip over my shoe when he says this, flying forward, hands briefly landing on the ground, but only my hands touch down as the back end of my body catches up with the front end, and I right myself. “Oh my god,” I gasp and shake it off.
“Geez, Ash, you OK?” he asks and slows down, concerned, but he’s sucking his lips through his teeth, trying not to laugh.
“Yes, I’m fine,” I say through gritted teeth, though it’s more playful than anything else. Like I thought, sexy bastard.
“Sleepover?” I ask, and I return to running, making him catch up with me, as I try to ignore my embarrassment.
He shrugs. “Yeah, you know, like friends do.” He says with a flash of his eyebrows, and the hottest fucking smirk I’ve seen him make yet.
And now, I really don’t know if he’s messing with me.
He continues, “I was thinking we’d watch some movies, eat popcorn, play strip poker, and then fuck like rabbits.”
Whoah! Desire rips through me like a wildfire in a drought. I can barely run as my pussy lips swell with need. I can see the headlines now: “Prescott woman dies as her pussy lips engorge so much, she trips over them when running and splits her head open on a rock.”
Holy hell. What is he thinking? My breathing intensifies, and I try to play it off by increasing my pace.
He sees my discomfort despite my sunglasses and hat, and then he busts out laughing. “God, Ash, you should see your face! Ha ha! I’m only kidding.”
Oh.
Thank god.
I think.
My immediate relief and disappointment confuse the heck out of me, but I laugh with h
im to play along. I give him a sidelong glance though, and his eyes glitter with mischief, making me wonder how much of that was really a joke.
Well, that wasn’t funny, I think to myself. “Don’t quit your day job,” I snap and slap him on the shoulder, making a loud, smacky sound from my hand hitting his sweaty, bare skin.
“Seriously though,” he says, “I thought we’d get a bite to eat Monday night, someplace nice. I’ll pick you up after work?”
“Sure,” I say, too dumbfounded to pass on the offer.”
Then, the words “someplace nice” hit me, and I briefly consider protesting, but then I realize how fun that sounds. And frankly, I’m a little curious about what he has in mind. So I make a mental note to pack a change of clothes, so he doesn’t take me to a fancy dinner in my scrubs.
We’re farther along the trail, and the sun is higher now. It’s getting warm, especially in the sunny spots between the shade of the pines. I take a moment to enjoy the fresh smell of sunshine and pine trees... and Luke. Blitz is keeping pace and enjoying his run out here too, but I’m sure it doesn’t compare to the freedom of running on the beach.
“How’s Reese,” he asks. “Did you two stay out late after I left?”
I detect forced control in his voice when he asks this, and I delight in it. I’m going to take advantage of it. Payback is hell, Mr. Luke.
“Yeah, actually, those guys that wanted to buy us drinks came back after you left.”
“What?!”
“You remember, those guys? Well, the shorter one took a liking to Reese, so we all hung out for a while before bar hopping our way down Whiskey Row. Did some danc…”
He cuts me off, roaring, “You went to other bars with them?!”
“Yeah, why? I’m tired of sitting at home, and the taller one was cute, so I thought, why not?”
“Because they’re assholes, that’s why! He’s not good enough for you!” he snarls, and his eyes glimmer like angry jewels. “I can’t believe I left. I was trying to give you and Reese some time alone together. Had I known you’d go fucking around with those idiots, I would’ve stayed!” he yells.
And now, I’m more confused than ever, and only slightly amused. His tone is angry and dark. Sexy as hell, but kind of scary. I’d better let him in on the prank before he has a heart attack.
“Whoa, dude. I’m just pullin’ your chain.”
“What?” he says and pulls me to a stop, and we face each other.
“I said, I was only kidding. Of course we didn’t go out with them. We stayed another hour at Backdrop and then came home.” I hold my hands up in surrender to calm him down a notch, but with a smug, defiant, two-can-play-at-that-game smile. Payback… BAM!
“Oh.” Relief floods his face, and he shakes loose a breath. “Good.” He turns and starts running again, and I have to quicken my pace to catch up with him.
What the hell is that all about?
I smile inwardly. I don’t know where to plot that data point in my mind, but it’s worthy of plotting.
“Come on, Dad! Let’s go!” I holler to him while waving goodbye to Reese as she backs out of the driveway, headed back to Flag. I blow her a kiss.
“I’m coming, I’m coming,” he yells as he comes down the stairs.
“You drive,” I say, and I toss my keys to him as we step outside. I’m blinded by the sunshine and put on my sunglasses.
He slides into the driver’s side of my car as I open the passenger door.
“You know, Ash, don’t you think you’re ready for a new car?” He gives me a glance as he starts the engine.
I gasp, horrified. “How can you say that in front of Cherry Berry? You’ll hurt her feelings!”
He laughs and backs the car out of our gravel driveway. I roll down the window and enjoy the breeze on my face. On the drive, we chat about my night with Reese, my work, and how he’s happy to spend more time helping out at Sally’s Café.
“I even invited Rhonda over this week for a round of UNO and sandwiches,” he says, smiling.
I’m thrilled he’s doing more socially. It’s ideal for his brain and overall health, and it gives me more peace of mind about him. “I’m so glad you’re doing more these days.”
“Well, I figure I’d better, otherwise you’ll fuss over me like a crazy mama orangutan.” He laughs, but I know he’s serious.
We arrive at Sally’s and get out of the car. “Dad, I’m just watching out for you, that’s all.”
“And I’m trying to show you I don’t need looking out for. I have plenty of friends, and — I’ll say it again — it’s time you start living your own life.”
We enter the café and head straight for the counter where Sally is standing, her hands on her hips, a towel hanging off her shoulder, and a gigantic smile on her face. She’s wearing jeans that flair with bell bottoms at her feet and a pale pink button-down shirt under her white apron. As usual, her hair is up in a high, bouncy ponytail.
“You can’t live with me forever, Ash,” he says and then turns his attention on Sally. “Isn’t that right, Sally?” He winks at her.
“Damn straight,” she replies, not knowing what she just agreed to. We all laugh, and Dad eyes the pastry section of the counter.
“Dad thinks I fuss over him too much, and he wants to marry me off, so I’ll get out of his hair,” I say to Sally, faking a frowny face at her.
“Oh, then I definitely agree,” she says.
I gasp. “Hey, whose side are you on? I’m the regular here, not him,” I protest.
“Not yet,” Dad adds. “At the rate I’m planning on being around and helping Sally, I’ll be the regular, and majority will rule.”
Well, I can’t complain at this spectacle the two of them make. They’re laughing and enjoying each other, teasing and joking. It’s nice to see, and my heart softens. For once, I wonder if maybe my dad actually will be OK. I mean, who knows. I’ve never thought far enough into the future to question whether I’d live with him forever. I’ve always just taken things one day at a time.
21
Luke
My addiction to adrenaline is being replaced by a new, more inviting addiction... her. A smile spreads across my face. Dinner tonight with Ash. Having a source of hope in my life warms me, and I can’t get over how she flipped my life upside down so fast. Like the speed of a sneeze.
I go down to the kitchen for a robust, black coffee, and Mom is already awake. She sits at the kitchen table where my dad used to sit, and she looks happy. At peace. “Morning, Mom, how are you?”
“Hey, honey,” she says and looks up from her phone. “I’m doing great. You?”
“I’m doing great, too,” I answer, and she smiles a face full of love in my direction. “I see you have your overnight bag by the front door. I’ll bet you’re excited to stay at Maggie’s tonight.”
Her eyes light up, and I don’t remember the last time I saw her this happy. I wonder how many moments of happiness I missed over the years by hiding away.
I swallow and look up at the ceiling, quashing the wave of stiff sadness with a vow to change. I don’t know how yet, but I love being around my family, and they’ve helped my healing. I wish I hadn’t shut them out all these years, but it was how I coped. Things are different now.
“What are you doing today?” she asks.
“I have a few client calls, and my partners and I are meeting on Zoom. I also have some work to do on my own investments.” I pour my cup of coffee and sit down next to her. “I went through Dad’s documents. Everything is in great shape.”
I’d been wanting to tell her about that for a few days, but I didn’t know when the right time would be to bring it up. Sometimes talking about my dad makes my mom wistful, and other times, she’s happy from the memories. It’s all still fresh, raw, but I wanted her to know things are taken care of. It’s one less thing for her to worry about.
“Well, that’s a relief,” she says and puts her hand over mine. Her fingernails are pretty, with light pink p
olish, and I see she continues taking care of herself. It comforts me.
“And, Luke, I’m so grateful, again, that you’re here helping with everything, including all the investments and life insurance paperwork.”
I take another sip of my coffee, and I can already feel the caffeine gearing up my brain. “I’ll make sure everything is in order before I go back to California.”
I see a tinge of sadness in her eyes at the mention of my leaving, but she covers it up with a small smile.
I change the subject. “Maggie sent me some pictures, and she looks so happy and healthy.” I take another sip of my coffee, then stand up to take my cup to the sink. I grab my container of creatine powder and spoon a scoop into my mouth, washing it down with the last of my coffee. I wonder what Ash thinks about creatine. I should ask her.
I turn back to my mom as she says, “Yes, it’s going to be an exciting year. I can’t wait for all of Jack’s firsts! I’m even going to try knitting him a blanket. I haven’t knit in over twenty years, but I want to give it a shot.”
“That’s a great idea, Mom.” I bend over and kiss her on the top of her head. I grab a bottle of cold water from the refrigerator and go into my office. I fire up my laptop and buckle down to make a shit ton of money for my clients. And myself.
Four hours and five satisfied clients later, it’s time for a well-deserved break. I check things off my list and decide now is a good time to head over to the gym and get in a workout. It’s good to be back in the gym. I don’t like taking more than a few days off from it, but with everything that’s happened, the time got away from me.
I grab two dumbbells and lie back on a bench. While I’m lifting the weights, I push harder and go heavier, but this time, it’s not anger or sadness I’m working out of my system. No. This time, I’m pumping hard, going strong... and I suddenly realize I want to keep my body in shape for Ash. I want to keep my body hard for her. I think about how she looks at me when we go running, when I don’t wear a shirt, and I want to see that look in her eyes more.