“Except you never know, I might give you my cock now and again.” I say it light-heartedly, but don’t want to hide my desires from her. It’s been getting harder and harder to stop my hands from straying. I haven’t wanted to push and have been respecting her boundaries not to touch her.
“You’ll be my Dom, I’ll be your sub.” She sounds a little uncertain.
“Will that be enough for you?”
She’s biting her lip. “Is this an arrangement or a relationship?”
I know what I’m capable of, and I won’t mislead her. “An arrangement. As for anything else, we’ll see where if takes us.”
I’m the recipient of an intense stare. Knowing I’ve laid a lot on her, I cradle the back of her head with my hand. “Just think about it, Amy. I don’t need your answer now.”
A little nod.
I hope she says yes. I’d enjoy having a sub to come home to, one I know I could be a good Dom too. Amy needs a strong man in her life, and that, for however long it lasts, is what I could be for her.
Chapter Seven
Heart
I was torn, torn between acting as normal and going out on the Christmas day ride or staying and talking with Amy. I’d have preferred the latter, but that would have sent a loud signal to Marc screaming that something was definitely wrong in the life of the girl who’s she’s treated as her daughter for almost twenty-four years. I haven’t missed a Christmas ride since I was patched in, and my clever wife would suspect I now possessed knowledge of what was the root cause of our eldest daughter’s obvious unhappiness. She’d be desperate to know, believing she could help. But this is Amy’s secret, one she can share or keep to herself. Fuck, I’m having a hard enough time processing what had gone on and am well able to understand why she tried to keep everything buried.
So to avoid suspicion, I keep to my normal festive routine, satisfying myself with a few quick words so Amy wasn’t left scared I’d criticise the path she had chosen.
I am having difficulty processing everything, and hopefully getting some wind in my face will give me time to think how I should approach the fuller conversation with Amy. I’m not blind to my own weaknesses, my temper’s quick to ignite, and I tend to jump straight in with both feet. My daughter deserves better than that. Somehow I’ve got to tamp down the anger of what’s happened to her. She’s fragile at the moment and could easily misinterpret any rage as fury at her. When I talk to her I’ve got to be calm and supportive. That will be hard.
My daughter’s been raped, for fuck’s sake. My hands grip the handlebars hard, and I’m glad Marc’s riding her own bike. If she was behind me she’d be able to feel the tension in my body.
I’d left Amy with Xander. The talk Drummer and I had had with him had left me with a sense that he’d do nothing to hurt her, but instead is doing his level best to bring her back to an even keel. While he’s not the type of man I’d normally brush shoulders with, I’m now convinced we have a common interest at heart. Amy’s happiness.
Will they end up together? If what I’ve seen is the true man inside him, as a parent I probably couldn’t wish for anyone better. A respected man with an incredible job. But it does irk me that he hasn’t done more to sort Flint out for her. I, or any of my brothers, would have left her rapist beaten and bloody by now. But perhaps that’s just our way, and not that of others.
Still, I think where it’s within his abilities, he will protect her. Will he make her happy? That’s for her to decide and not me. What concerns me about their potential union is the thought she’ll never be returning to the compound except for the brief visits that have become the norm over the years. I’d always hoped she’d eventually get fed up with her life in Phoenix and come home. Nurses can work anywhere, can’t they?
In the middle of the Christmas ride out, we stop off to let the old ladies stretch their legs, men to have a piss or just shoot the shit. Which is what it would appear I’m doing with Drummer while Sam and Marc are chatting, standing next to their bikes. But instead of chewing fat, we’re having a serious discussion.
“This Flint needs to be taken out,” I growl.
“I agree. Need Mouse or Wizard on board to track him down. See what we’re dealing with first.”
I can’t deny that he’s right, but I hate the thought of my brothers knowing her story. I glance around, shiver a little and pull my jacket around me. “What do you really think of this BDSM shit, Drum?”
“Each to their own. Xander made a good observation. His description of a dominant personality could describe many of us.” His eyes fall on the various couples standing next to their bikes before coming back to meet mine. He waves his hand toward the people he’d been viewing. “Who d’you think wears the trousers in our relationships?”
I can’t resist, “Er, Sam?” I deserve the clout around the ear.
“Well, okay, what about Joker and Lady then?”
“If we were putting them into Dom/sub roles?” At his nod of agreement, I continue, “I reckon Lady’s the dominant one.”
A burst of laughter gets my attention. Looking over I see Wizard slapping Throttle on his back. Hounds doubled up with laughter, and Hawk’s watching with his sharp eyes. The younger generation are our equals now. More than that, grown up and leading the club. No denying they earned their officer patches and deserved the votes they got. A new chapter in the life of the Satan’s Devils, and with Wizard heading it up, it’s a good team who’ll be leading us.
Drummer sees where I’m looking. “Suppose we ought to get Prez onside. Let him know what we’re up to.”
I shake my head. “Wiz would want to know why. It’s fuckin’ hard for me to understand the lifestyle Amy’s chosen, don’t really want to bring others into it, or at least limit the number who need to know.”
Drummer stares at me for a moment. “Am I hearing you right? You want to do something under the radar? Without the backing of the club?”
“We’re a big club now, Drummer. Old members have stepped down, but are still active, young’uns stepped up.” Viper and Bullet’s crew had to extend the meeting room a few years back. “While I trust all the brothers, this is personal shit. Rather keep it to just a few old hands.”
He gives me a considering look, then turns away for a moment. When he turns back, he gives me a sharp nod. “Okay, so you’re in the driving seat, Heart. Who d’you want?”
“Mouse, for information. Blade, ‘cause he’s good at this shit. Peg and… Wraith, of course.”
“What you two old’uns plotting?” A hefty slap to my back gets me reeling. I swing around angrily at Blade. “Who you calling old?”
Still adjusting to his new position, no longer being an officer of the club, Drummer often veers between his old role and his new one, and now he slips back into being the prez. In a voice dripping with authority, he snaps, “Need you to come up to the house later, Blade.”
The ex-enforcer pulls himself up straight. “Trouble?”
“Some law needs to be laid down.”
“Wizard know?”
I shake my head. “Prefer to have a limited team on this.” I eye him carefully in case he objects.
“Uh oh.” Blade grins widely. “Mutiny in the ranks.” But he doesn’t sound unhappy about it. “Who else d’you want?”
Drummer rattles off the names we’ve just agreed on. “We’ll get back, take a moment to freshen up then we’ll all meet at my house. Sam and the kids will be down at the clubhouse so we’ll have some space to ourselves.”
I crack my knuckles together. Despite the worry I have for the reason we’re doing it, getting the old team back together sounds like it’s going to be fun.
A loud whistle gets our attention, and Wizard gets on and starts revving his bike. Drummer and Sam, riding their vintage bikes today, show him how it’s done with real petrol engines and the genuine sounds of the exhausts rather than the electronic mimicry of the more modern bikes. As we get back into formation, I settle into my place. I fucking love this l
ife, and wouldn’t want anything different. When things go south like they have with Amy, I’m not alone, and have good men at my back.
When we return to the compound, it doesn’t take me long before I notice something has changed, and this time, it’s an improvement. There’s a genuine smile, instead of forced one, on Amy’s face, and seeing how Xander’s got his arm around her, I think he was probably responsible for putting it in place.
“Amy looks brighter,” Marc observes, nudging me in the side. “I like Xander for her.”
“Yeah?”
“You don’t?” She looks surprised.
“Jury’s still out on that.”
Marc stares at me, then grins. “I doubt, in your eyes, anyone would be good enough for our daughter.”
She’s probably right. “I’m going to have a word with her.” I kiss Marc and then step away, heading toward the girl who looks so much like her birth mother. That she so resembles her had been hard at first, but now I’m happy Crystal lives on in her daughter. She left something of her behind when she was so cruelly taken from me, from us. And I’ll never believe anything other than she sent Marc to save me.
“Dad.” As she greets me, the smile slips away, instantly replaced by a cautious expression.
It reminds me I need to choose my words wisely. “Can we talk?”
“You go ahead.” Xander places his lips to her forehead, suggesting I’m right. In the two hours we’ve been gone, something’s changed.
“Grab your jacket.” I jerk my head toward the picnic tables outside. It’s cool, but not cold out, and it gives us the privacy I want.
She sits on one side, I sit on the other. Her arms go around herself.
I give her a long look, then ask her, “Why didn’t you come to us?”
She counters with her own question. “How did you react when Xander told you what I do in my spare time?”
I stare down at the bench, suddenly realising the fact that it looks like it needs fresh varnish is more urgent than answering the question she’s posed.
“I suspect,” she says, her lips curving, “if he wasn’t as big, fit, and strong as he is, he might not be standing now.”
She’d be right. A quirk of my lips admits it.
I inhale deeply, then dive in. “He did say you were brought up in an environment where you saw people around you sexually active all the time. That that had an effect on you.”
“He’s right. It showed me sex was perfectly natural, normal and something to be enjoyed. It might have been different had I been raised in another club where women hadn’t been treated so well.” Her eyes crease. “I’m not saying that pushed me into exploring BDSM, but maybe it didn’t make me fear it. It was part of growing up, discovering new things and experimenting. I went to the first club for a giggle with a girlfriend. Found I liked it and went back.”
“I don’t mind that you have sex—”
“Dad!” she rolls her eyes. “I’m twenty-seven and hate to tell you but it’s been a long time since I was a virgin.”
I shake my head and make a mock show of covering my ears. “I’m not even going to go there, Amy. What I was going to say, there’s a lot of shit that goes on in those places. Just look how you got hurt.” Christ, I can’t even bear to think about it.
She reaches out and covers my hand with hers. “Dad, what happened to me was not normal. There are safety procedures, though this time they didn’t work. It wasn’t the club’s fault, Flint was just one bad apple.”
“Xander says you’re still having problems with him.” I stare into her eyes, making her look away.
In a small voice that shows me how scared Flint’s making her she replies, “Yes.”
“We’ll make him leave you alone.”
“I don’t want you to hurt him.” Her response comes fast and she sounds adamant.
“Sweetheart, we’ll just talk to him. Let him know what he can expect if he doesn’t leave you alone.” We won’t. She doesn’t need to know, but we’ll do one fuck of a lot more than that.
But even my innocent comment worries her. “Please, Dad, don’t make things worse.”
“Amy, I’m not going to do anything to hurt you or put you in danger.”
She stares back at me with her intelligent eyes. “I know you wouldn’t knowingly, but I’ve got Xander now. He’ll keep me safe.”
He will as far as he can, but Flint needs to be taken care of. I drop that topic and raise the subject of the man she’s with in its place.
“Is he good to you?” When she nods, I purse my lips. I always had hopes she’d end up with one of the members of the Satan’s Devils MC. I’d even harboured the idea she and Wizard would get together, even though I’d played my part in forcing them apart when it wasn’t their time. There’s a ten year age difference which once seemed too high to climb, but nine years on, well, now I wouldn’t mind. Is there still an affection between them? I’d seen his gaze go to her more than once as she grew from a child into a beautiful woman. Just yesterday, his hard prez’s eyes had softened when they’d settled on her.
Christ, all those years back when she’d persuaded me to let her go to college in Phoenix, I’d half expected her to come back at any time. Anticipating at the least, she’d find a job in Tucson after she’d gotten her degree. But she hadn’t, her visits were sparse even at first. It seemed she’d left us all behind. My last tangible link to Crystal taken away.
She shivers slightly, making me feel an ass for bringing her out here. “Get back inside and warm up.”
“What you grinning for?” Her eyes narrow.
“What Beef would say if he were here.” I wave up at the sun which is shining down. Though without the blazing heat of the summer months, while cold to us, isn’t anywhere near what my brothers in Colorado go through each winter. For us to experience any of the white shit we have to make the trip up to the top of Mount Lemmon.
“He’d say we were a bunch of softies.” Attuned to my wavelength, she laughs, then stands. “I could do with something to warm me up. You coming in, too?”
“Nah. I’ll stay out here a moment.” I’ve spied someone who looks like they’re coming over for a chat.
“Drew!” Amy says delightedly as she sees him hovering by the back door.
“Amy,” he starts, warningly.
She shrugs unrepentant. “Wizard,” she corrects. “Or should I bow down, kiss your feet and call you Prez now?”
His hand curls around the back of her neck, pulling her to him and laying a fraternal kiss against her forehead. “You’re still a pest,” he comments, while I’m noticing she doesn’t seem as nervous about him as she does the other men. If anyone else had touched her, she’d have flinched.
Hmm. I had noticed she’d seemed happier since we’d returned from the morning’s ride, maybe she feels easier after whatever Xander’s said or done to her. Or is it something about the new prez himself? Something to ponder.
“Prez,” I greet him though it still seems odd giving him that title. “What can I do for you?”
He gives me a chin lift, then turns around to where Amy’s retreating, watching her until she’s opened the door and has disappeared from sight. Then, without rushing, he takes out the makings of a joint and starts rolling up. A habit he caught from his brother-in-law. I swear when they’re working together, weaving spells on the dark web, you can barely see through the fog in the office.
It’s only when he’s lit the tip that he allows his eyes to meet mine. “You get to the bottom of why she’s like a cat on a hot tin roof, and who that fucker with her is?”
I answer in the affirmative on both counts. “Don’t like letting people into her business, so long story short, she ran into a sadistic motherfucker at a club she frequents. Xander has given her the support she’s needed ever since.”
“Club?”
I shake my head, but his eyes narrow, and then he casually says, “Will take me about zero point four seconds to find out the clubs she has a membership at on
ce I sit down at my tablet.”
Knowing he’s right, I grit my teeth. Hating I’m giving Amy’s secret away, but seeing no other option, I spit out, “A BDSM club.”
His eyes widen, and his mouth curves. “Well, fuck. Innocent little Amy into kinky shit. Wouldn’t have pegged her for that.” Again he swings around and looks back toward the clubhouse, gives a shake of his head then turns back, his face now serious. “I’ll keep it to myself, Heart. Don’t worry about that. Her secret to tell if she wants it to come out.”
I shouldn’t have doubted him, but it will take some time before I give him the trust I’d not hesitate to afford Drummer.
“And Xander? He her Dom?”
He certainly knows the terminology. “He’s a Dom, and I think he wants to be her Dom.” Maybe he already is, something’s altered since we rode out this morning.
“What did the fucker do? Hurt her?” When I nod, he asks lazily, “He still breathing?”
“For now,” I tell him, then my own eyes narrow. “I’ve got this handled, Wiz.”
“Like that is it?”
“She’s my daughter.”
“She’s club.” Wizard sighs heavily. “Never easy handing over to a new guard, Heart. But at some point, you’ve got to let Drum off the hook. May not have his experience, but my shoulders are as broad as his.”
“I’m not questioning that, Wiz. Drummer’s got a soft spot for Amy, she stayed with him while I was away.”
“Before my time,” he amicably agrees, before slamming his palms on the table between us. “Amy was five when I arrived at the compound, I was fifteen. She was the oldest of the kids after Jayden left to go to Colorado. It was Amy who stepped up to help with the babies and toddlers. You remember the things I did?”
“Took time to play with her.”
He raises his chin. “Soon as I could drive and take a passenger, I took her out on trips. We went to the Arizona Sonora Desert Museum numerous times, fuck she loved that place. Took her to Old Tucson, down to Tombstone and watched the shootout at the OK Corral. Took her to the caves and other shit too. Got Mouse to let her ride one of the ponies at the riding stables he and Mariana took over.”
Amy's Santa: Satan's Devils MC Second Generation #1 Page 8