He did. He reminds me that I’d felt guilty he was giving her the one-on-one time that with my other three kids and the club, I couldn’t. “Marc and I did stuff with her—”
“Not saying you didn’t. But wherever you went you had the twins and Alexis.”
I feel my own temper rise. “You saying I neglected her?”
“No,” he says, “but I saw she needed someone who would give her his full attention. I, too, was little more than a kid. Did me good to do kid stuff with her. Never had that before.” His head moves side to side. “You know this, Heart. You know how close we were. Fuck knows why you don’t think I’d want to know if there was something wrong in her life.”
“Well, now you do. And you can rest easy, I got it handled.”
He gives me a stare which comes close to rivalling one of Drummer’s.
“Sure you do, Heart. Sure you do.”
Chapter Eight
Amy
The sound of the door to the suite opening makes me jump. But then I relax. There’s no way it could be Flint, it will only be Xander.
“BDSM? Really, Amy?”
I swing around with my hand to my mouth. “Dad told you!” I scream accusingly. “How could he?”
“Nah.” Wizard steps closer and takes my hand away from my lips. “Well, he did, but only after I told him I could easily find out for myself.”
“So am I in for a lecture?” My eyes spark in challenge.
He shrugs. “Your life, what you get up to is your business. For now I want to know what’s between you and this Xander. Where is he, by the way?”
“He’s gone to get his bag from the car.” His toy bag as he wanted to play more later, but I’m not admitting that to Wizard. “And what’s between me and him is up to us and nothing to do with you.”
He walks to the door that leads out onto the balcony and stares out. I watch him. Drew—Wizard is his name now, I remind myself—had been my friend growing up. He’d also been the reason I’d chosen to move away to complete my studies and follow my chosen career. And why at first it was deliberate, then habit, that I hadn’t often returned.
I’d first met Drew, Wizard, when I was five and he was fifteen. He’d come to the compound, not seeming to be too sure what to do. Of course, I hadn’t understood what was going on then. But as often the way over the years, I’d picked up that something was wrong. He was here, his sister wasn’t.
It had always been in my nature to help where I could, so of course, when I’d overheard that Wizard was worried about Mariana being missing, I’d tried to help, in the only ways I could. Back in those days, it was trying to occupy his mind by me parading my series of toys in front of him.
It seemed while there had been little I could do, he’d appreciated me taking his mind off of whatever problem he was battling with and we’d drawn close. When Mariana had returned, and things had settled back down on the compound, I’d often caught him gazing at me when I was helping my stepmom with the twins, and later my baby sister when she’d been born.
I still remember the day Dr… Wizard had come up to me.
In my memories, in my head, he’s always been Drew. Damn it, unless he insists, I can’t change how I think of him now, and anyway, he was the boy then, not a president of an MC. As he continues staring out and not speaking, I find myself back in time.
I must have been about seven.
“Hey, squirt. Fancy escaping this joint?” Then he’d added, “I’m going to visit the Desert Museum. Wanna tag along?”
I’d startled and jumped at his voice and then leapt to my feet. Drew’s undivided attention for a few hours? Try and stop me. “Yes,” I’d cried, then added remembering the lessons drummed into me, “Thank you.”
I didn’t even care where we were going. It could have been grocery shopping just to have some one-on-one time with the boy/man who intrigued me.
I could barely contain my excitement. I’d been there before on a trip with my school, but to go with Drew? “Can we see the lizards and snakes? And can I play in the playhouse?”
A chuckle had come from his throat. Deeper now, unbeknownst to me at the time, it was a perfectly natural progression of him aging as his voice had completely broken. All I knew is it had seemed to vibrate through my mind.
“You want to be a packrat, do you? We’ll see what we can do.”
“And get ice cream?”
“We’ll see,” he said again.
One thing I already loved him for was that most of the men tended to preface my name back then with the word ‘little’ in front of it. Drew never did, treating me more like an equal than a kid ten years younger.
I hadn’t known it at the time, but growing up with Mariana, Drew and his illegal immigrant sister had flown under the radar, and were also dirt poor. He’d never been to the iconic desert museum just outside of Tucson, he’d never been to Tombstone, or spent time in the film studios of Old Tucson. Now independent with his own car, he was making up for lost time. Old habits had died hard, rather than make friends at school, he’d bargained with Mariana that if he got good grades, he could get a motorcycle, and, by giving Heart and Marc time to concentrate on the babies without me under their feet all the time, he was giving back to the Devils who had taken him in.
“One day, I’m going to be a prospect,” he’d confided, on one of our trips out.
I’d felt a burst of excitement. That meant Drew would be staying around, even after he’d left school.
But things changed. I started to notice him in different ways as I grew into a teenager, noticing how handsome he was, his body so enticing and muscular, his chest a canvass of artwork as he began to add tattoos. My often made promises that I was going to marry him when I grew up, which had amused him and he’d laughed off while ruffling my hair, I began to keep to myself. My child’s dreams turned into more mature ones and I started to believe they could become a reality. I’d sensed my personal time with Drew would come to an end, if he knew how much I wanted to feel his mouth against mine.
My seventeenth birthday had come and gone, and as I was seeing Drew as a man, I wanted to show him I was a woman. So I flirted with him, wore skimpy clothes, not put off when that didn’t work. He just needs time. One day I was sure he’d notice me, and no longer see me as a little girl.
But he hadn’t.
So I took it further, making it obvious what I felt. Gradually he started pulling away, our easy relationship changed for good. Gone were our times alone together, I never went out with him again. He was reserved, no more joking or fooling around, him tickling me or pulling my hair. But still I tried.
One night, Heart sent me down to the clubhouse to grab a couple of bottles of beer. I’d been behind the bar, directly opposite the pool table when I’d seen what he was doing to Silky. Well, it wasn’t PG.
In fact, to me, it was downright disgusting. Drew’s fucking? He should have been waiting for me.
I’d stormed out in a flood of tears, my dreams shattered into so many pieces they could never be put back together again.
Prior to that Drew had been pulling away, and I couldn’t understand why, redoubling my efforts to maintain our connection. But from the moment I saw him with the whore our relationship was totally broken. I couldn’t bear the sight of him, even a glimpse of him had hurt. It had felt too much like a betrayal.
It hadn’t just been a child’s crush, I’d been devastated. I’d lost my best friend. I knew I couldn’t stay without my heart being broken, so I’d left for Phoenix as soon as I could. There, I found men who didn’t say no. And I got over the man who one day I’d thought would be mine forever.
Suddenly the man himself turns. “Want to go for a ride?”
My eyes widen. “On your bike?”
He shrugs, as if it’s of no importance. “Yeah.”
I’m stunned. These men seem to have a rule, they don’t take women on the back of their bike unless they’re family or they’re going to make them their old lady. But I shouldn’t
read anything into it. In his eyes, I’m like the little sister he never had.
“Xander will be back soon,” I remind him. “A bit rude for me to go and leave him alone.”
A sound, suspiciously like a growl, comes from his throat. “We won’t be gone long. Thought some wind therapy might be just what you need.”
Xander wants me, I know that. As a submissive, I balance out the Dom in him perfectly. He’s been so supportive and good, doing everything for me since the incident with Flint. Suddenly I ask myself a question, Do I love him?
A voice inside says it’s enough to enjoy the thought of serving him. It will settle that uneasiness inside me.
Can Xander really give me what I want from life? Sure, he can give me orgasms, but he hadn’t even said it was permanent. What had he called it? An arrangement. It sounds cold when I’m faced with Drew’s warmth.
Damn, I shouldn’t have come back. Should have stayed away. There’s no way Drew’s changed his mind. Nothing’s different in that there’s still a vast age gap between us, more than that, he’s now got far too much responsibility to want an old lady. If I hadn’t come home, I’d have been more than happy with Xander, now speaking to Drew is resurrecting dreams I should never have had.
“Come on. You know you want to.”
Glancing up, I see Drew’s mouth quirking, his hand pushing back his hair. In that instant he looks more like the teenager who first took me out, than the president of an outlaw MC.
Biting my lip I wonder whether I should be doing this. But the day is fine, albeit with a nip in the air, and while going pillion on a motorcycle is far from new to me—I’ve been on the back of Heart and Marc’s bikes since my feet were able to reach the foot pegs—the thought of riding behind Drew holds a certain attraction. To feel my arms around him, just this once? It’s a chance I can’t give up.
“Sorry I took so…” Xander’s words trail off.
So intent on wondering whether I should or shouldn’t, I didn’t even hear the door opening behind me. Now I’m blushing like a child with her hand caught in the cookie jar, and I’m not even sure why.
“…long,” he finishes his sentence. He walks forward, politely holding out his hand. “Wizard. We haven’t really met as yet.”
“No.” Wiz draws himself up, and even I can see the persona of the prez as his palm meets with Xander’s. “We were at opposite ends of the table last night.” Completely unapologetic, and showing no guilt at all, he continues, “Amy and I have always been close. I wanted to check how she was doing.”
“She’s doing fine,” Xander answers for me.
I just turn to him, raising an eyebrow. Not what I’d call it. Better than three months ago, and sure, he’s helping me get to a better place, but I’m still far from that destination.
“I also offered to take her for a ride. Isn’t much shit that a bit of wind in your hair can’t blow away. Amy hasn’t been on a bike for some time, and I know how much she’d like to get out.”
I can tell Xander is torn. If he protests, he’s denying me a pleasure that, as Drew has said, I’ve loved from when I was a child. I wonder if he’s got suspicions about me and Drew? If he has, he can shut them down fast. Drew’s made it clear he doesn’t want me, pointedly so when I was in my late teens.
“Wizard, do you mind if I have a word with Amy first?”
Now it’s Drew put on the spot. He’s unable to say that he does. His face remains unreadable, but there’s a flare in his eyes. A sign I’ve seen before which demonstrates there’s something he doesn’t like.
But all he answers is, “Sure.” Then confidently adds, “I’ll be waiting down by the bike.”
The two men shake hands once again before he leaves, holding on a second or two longer than would be polite. I’m wondering whether it’s a test of some sort. Xander’s a Dom by nature, and Drew didn’t make prez without being a strong and confident man.
The door closes behind him. Xander walks over to me, and I immediately lower my eyes.
“Look at me, Amy.” His finger rests gently on my chin as he encourages my face to rise. “Are you comfortable going off with this man?”
“I’ve known Drew, Wizard, since I was five. I grew up with him. He was good to me then, watching out for me. He’d never hurt me now.” That’s the honest truth. Out of all the men here, possibly with the exception of Xander, Drummer and my dad, he’s the one I feel most comfortable with. He’d protected me as a child, saw I needed some me time without the babies around, and gave it to me. He might be the prez now, but in our conversation there were flickers of the connection we once had before he went and destroyed it. One thing I won’t admit to Xander or anyone, is that Drew’s the reason I left the compound.
Xander stares at me for a moment. “Okay,” he breathes at last. “I don’t like the thought of you being on the back of a motorcycle. You know only too well what medical staff think of them.”
I do. When I worked in ER, I saw a few motorcycle organ donors come in from a bad crash, end up with life changing injuries, or even die. I also have to live with the fact my mother was killed and my father almost joined her after their bike was run off the road. It hadn’t put Dad off riding, nor prevented him taking me as a passenger as a little girl. His love of bikes greater than his fear of the danger they represented. Some risks you don’t take, but it’s a thrill, like riding a roller coaster, a bug which gets its hold on you and won’t let go. While I know all the sensible reasons for not getting on a two-wheeler, I also know there’s nothing better than the freedom and excitement of riding on the back of a bike, being one with the elements, and seeing the scenery up close. It was so much more personal than driving in a car.
“It’s Christmas day, Xander. There won’t be much traffic around, and Drew is a safe rider, he’s ridden for years.” Coming up on twenty if my memory’s right. I nibble at my lip then tell him, “But if you really don’t want me to go...”
“I’d be selfish denying you a pleasure that I can’t give you myself. You go, Amy.” He pulls my head back by taking a firm grasp of my hair. “Later tonight we’ll continue the conversation we started earlier.”
I shiver, by which he means he wants an answer to his question. Wants me to agree to becoming this dominant man’s submissive.
That’s what I want too. Isn’t it?
I grab a jacket and walk out of the suite, at first head down, then I feel a bubble of excitement growing inside of me. I’ll be riding with Drew, a first. Suddenly I itch to experience my arms around him, a dream I’d had before everything came crashing down. Of course, all that’s behind me now, but for just one moment maybe I can allow myself to pretend it all turned out as I originally desired.
Chapter Nine
Amy
As promised, Drew is waiting for me by his motorcycle. He’s polishing his bike, or at least, as I can see from the distance, wiping off a speck of dust that had dared land on it. As if he can sense me coming, he turns and stands, leaning back against his bike, his arms folded across his chest, and a smirk on his face.
God but he’s handsome. If anything, he’s grown into his skin over the years. At thirty-seven he now looks like he’s entering his prime.
It seems he’s not going to waste time. He walks his bike out of the parking space, then, holding it upright, jerks his head toward me.
When he passes me a helmet, I place it on my head and buckle the strap, knowing there’s no point in admonishing him for not wearing one himself. Then, with one hand on his shoulder, I sling my leg over the pillion seat, muscle memory taking over, even though it’s been years since I’ve been for a ride. Suddenly nervous, I place my hands on the sissy bars, getting ready to hold on tight.
He tsks, then reaches back, his hands closing around each of mine, and then my arms are pulled tightly around his waist. Confident in his knowledge I’m an experienced passenger, he says nothing as he starts the engine and heads down the track. The gates open automatically, I presume there’s some sort of rem
ote control on his bike, and then we’re out. I breathe deeply as we turn onto the I-10.
Coming home had been hard carrying so much baggage with me. Knowing at least some of the men here now knew more about me than I ever wanted them to know, and that Xander had shared the details of the worst night of my life, had opened the wounds once again. It had been as difficult as I’d expected it to be, so to have a reprieve if only for a short while is welcome.
As I expected, traffic is light, and there are no holdups as we make our way along familiar roads. I notice new estates, which have sprung up since I was a child, and a large store which I thought would be there forever, closed down. The changes strike me as sad, and a sign the years are passing. A world I’d willingly left behind was moving on without me.
After half an hour, Drew turns down a familiar track, and I realise he’s taking me to the stables that Mouse has owned for twenty years now. He’d taken it over when the old man who used to run it retired. Mariana, Mouse and their children live here now. I remember it had been Drew’s home too, from the time his sister and the computer guru married until he’d become a prospect and moved to the compound.
It’s quiet and peaceful. Drew pulls up in the now paved parking lot and taps on my leg.
Mouse, his wife and their children will all be at the compound. The horses aren’t left unsupervised though, there’s a couple of hired hands I can see mucking out. I remember Mouse taking on people to help as he couldn’t dedicate his time to the place full-time, he was too useful on the compound. But he and Mariana had built a new house, replacing the ramshackle building that the previous owner had lived in.
“Come.” Drew holds out his hand. With his other he gives a wave to the hands who give us just a cursory look and a nod. First, he leads me into a barn and leans over a food bin, coming out with some carrots in his hands.
Amy's Santa: Satan's Devils MC Second Generation #1 Page 9