I grin widely. As a young girl I’d loved feeding the horses and doing so now takes me back in time. In my head, Drew’s not an MC prez, he’s just the friend that I’d grown up with. He was the one who’d taught me to ride.
“It’s years since I’ve been on a horse, Drew,” I observe, breathing in that smell that’s unique to a stable yard.
“When are you going to start using my road name?” he asks with a boyish grin.
“You’ll always be Drew to me,” I remark, challenging him with my eyes. “Is it really that important to you?”
He’s quiet for a moment, thinking, before he seriously replies, “If it was anyone else, I’d give them a beatdown. Disrespect shown, punishment dealt. But you? Nah. As long as you’re not calling me an asshole, you can call me what you like.”
“And if I call you an asshole?” I can’t resist finding out.
“Then I’d spank you.” His eyes sparkle, and I notice he looks and sounds relaxed, but moves quickly on. “Come, let’s give the horses their Christmas treat.”
Still holding fast to my hand, he takes me past each stall. Some horses I remember, some, he tells me, had reached the end of their lives, including Patch, the plodding pony on whom I’d learned to ride. I remember the whole family had been heartbroken when Niyol, Mouse’s stallion, had died.
“Sunny?” I ask him. She’d been a palomino pony, my next step up. She was gentle with the children, but younger and livelier than Patch.
“Here.” He leads me to a stall.
My eyes open wide when I see she’s still here. “How old is she now?”
“Thirty-four,” he tells me proudly. “Retired now, but Mouse will give her a home as long as she lives.”
As I feed her an extra carrot, one of the hands calls out, “She’s due for turnout.”
“We’ll take her,” Drew shouts back. Expertly he puts a halter on her, and old as she is, she still does a little prance, anticipating her freedom.
“Want to take her?”
I do. Leading her to the field, waiting while Drew opens the gate, taking her inside, undoing the halter and freeing her seems to loosen something within me. Watching her trot away in search of a good place to graze, my worries subside. I feel tranquil for the first time since I was broken, and possibly for a long time before that.
Standing next to each other in a comfortable silence, I rest my arms on the railings and just watch the pony munching.
“I hate that you live so far away,” Drew says at last.
“Why?”
“Because you’re not here. And that’s where I want you to be, right here at my side.”
I’m really not sure what he means with his pronouncement until he turns me to face him and I see heat in his eyes.
“I wouldn’t be saying anything if it weren’t for the fact that I’m scared I’m going to lose you to that fucker who came with you.”
How can you lose something you’ve never had? Or does he just mean as a friend? Yeah, that must be it.
As my eyes show my confusion, Drew continues, “When you left, I was having inappropriate feelings toward you. You were seventeen, I’m ten years older. Seemed like far too much of a gap. I felt a pervert for my thoughts toward you.”
He’d had thoughts about me?
I don’t trust myself to say anything.
“I knew you had a crush on me.” He looks over at the pony, then to the next field where some horses are kicking up their heels. “I didn’t feel I could admit to feeling the same way. Well, I couldn’t. Heart would have killed me.”
My eyes widen. “You certainly didn’t show it,” I say, tightly.
“Oh, your Dad saw the way the wind was blowing and told me to put an end to it. He said you needed a chance to be you and to follow your dreams of becoming a nurse. I understood, it wasn’t unlike Mariana making sure I finished my education before doing anything else. Christ, Amy, you weren’t even of the age of consent.”
“You didn’t look like you cared much about me when you fucked that whore.”
“I knew you were there,” he admits. “But never dreamed of the result. You barely spoke to me from then on until you went to Phoenix.”
He’s being frank, I’m equally so. “You broke my heart, Drew.”
His lips quirk. “You know? I like that I’m Drew to you.” He muses for a moment, then says, “I like that balance. To everyone else I’m Wizard, have been since I patched in. Christ, that was fifteen years back. Until you came back, I’d almost forgotten who I was. You calling me Drew reminds me I’m a man and not just the prez with responsibilities.”
“You’ve done well,” I tell him, giving credit where it’s due. To rise through the ranks in an MC, to be voted into the top spot by all members is no small achievement.
“The MC saved Mariana, and myself,” he tells me bluntly. “We both could have died were it not for their help. Such a big debt owed, I wanted to give something back. So I prospected and became a member.” His face tightens. “When you went away, I was lost, adrift, made to re-evaluate my life. I fucked up, Amy, I admit it. I’d lost my friend and realised I’d lost the girl worth waiting for. All I could do was throw myself into the MC. I aimed at becoming an officer when the old regime eventually retired. I lived and breathed the club, and I still do. Got to admit that.”
“How did they save your life, Drew?” I ask, curious. I’d been so young at the time, I hadn’t known what was happening.
He stares at me, and shakes his head, simply saying enigmatically, “Not sure the statute of limitations ever runs out when it’s murder. Let’s just say Mariana and I never had to worry about our psychopathic father again.”
He’s told me everything and nothing. But it’s was more than I could expect.
I’ve always known how important the Satan’s Devils were to him. Now having some inkling of how far they’d gone to save him and his sister explains why he owes them so much. Is he saying the club still takes precedent? That now as the prez, he’s no time for anything or anyone else? Having admitted his feelings, is he pushing me away once again? “What do you want from me, Drew?”
Again he seems lost in the view, and at the point when I wonder whether he’s going to continue speaking, he does. “I want an old lady. Someone to ride with me through life. Someone to share the worries and the triumphs with me. Well, except for when it’s club business of course. Someone to settle me, someone to come home to. Something more than just the club to live for.” He smiles a small smile. “Maybe even have a family of my own.”
Well, it sounds like items to be crossed off a shopping list. Then I wonder, “Have you found her, Drew? Is this what this is all about? Because you’re a free agent, you’re not tied to anyone, and don’t need to explain to me.”
He’s doing it again. Once more he’s pushing me away, though at least this time he’s using words and not giving me a demonstration of what he can do with his cock. I suppose I should be grateful he’s given me an explanation, when he owes me nothing at all.
I’m curious. If there’s a woman he cares for, why have I not seen her around the club? She wasn’t there yesterday, I’m sure of that. I don’t come back often, but I’d have noticed a stranger. It can’t be any of the other kids I grew up with, if age is a problem, as they’re all younger than me.
“Yeah, I’ve found her.”
“Has she been voted in?” I’m proud I’m able to keep my voice steady as I wonder whether I’m the last to know. A pang goes through me, a hurt I didn’t expect. It’s so deep, I can hardly bear it.
“Nah. No one knows my intentions.”
“Who is she?” I murmur, half to myself. Wondering whether she’s good enough for him. The first old lady needs to have a backbone, just like Sam, Drummer’s woman. She needs to lead the other old ladies and keep the sweet butts in line. She needs to be the prez’s rock, his anchor.
Now he turns, and his hand pushes gently on my shoulder, so I am forced to face him. “Never stopped having f
eelings for you, Amy.” He swallows, then admits, “It’s you that I want.”
Me?
Utterly stunned, I’m speechless, and my heart misses a beat. “Me?” I ask out loud, my voice almost a squeak. Surely it’s too late, and our time has passed.
He just stares at me, intently, making me list all the reasons why it’s a bad idea and incredibly bad timing.
“I’m not the woman I was, Drew.” I pull away from him, and it’s my turn to stare out over the scenery. “I’ve discovered who I am, and what I want.”
“And Xander can give you that?” He sounds annoyed.
“Xander’s a Dom, and I’m a submissive.” I know he knows that.
“So you like kink. I can tie you to my bed anytime you want to be restrained.” When I swing around, it’s to find him smirking as he goes on, “I can spank that ass as red as you want.”
“I’m not into spanking,” I say fast, while trying to ignore how his voice has deepened, and how what he’s suggesting is turning me on.
“Oh, I think you would be, when it’s my hand on your ass.”
As my nipples harden at just those words, I think there’s a good chance of that. Then I mentally slap myself. “It wouldn’t work, Drew.”
Instead of protesting further, he seems to change the subject, taking me by surprise when he asks, “Why, Amy? Why did you want to get into kink?”
He’s been so honest with me, I’ll give him what I can to explain. “I grew up in the clubhouse, Drew. Sex was never something shameful. Men used the whores just to get relief, and, well, the whores enjoyed what they were giving them. Mutual satisfaction, no strings attached. Not that I’d ever want to be a whore,” I say quickly. “The way you were fucking Silky that night, well, I wanted some of that. Sex, with no strings attached.”
A hand brings out another pony, and we step aside to let him enter the pasture. Sunny gives a whinny in greeting, the other snickers in return. Then the man leaves us to get on with his work.
“I wasn’t frightened of admitting my sexuality, saw nothing shameful in going with a man, but not stepping into a relationship.” I feel my eyes glaze as I look back, knowing I’ve got to tell him the truth, wondering whether he’ll reconsider his position once he knows. “I lost my virginity soon after I got to Phoenix. I wasn’t a party animal as such, my studies were too important, but for relaxation, I’d hook up with someone. Oh,” I get in first before he has a chance to offer the observation he’s sure to make, “I was always careful. Never got drunk and went with someone on a whim. I always knew the men personally or by reputation via my friends. But yeah, I had plenty of variety if you know what I mean.”
I sneak a glance at him, seeing a muscle tick in his jaw. As I thought, my confession is making him ready to rescind his invitation. “It was never enough. I soon learned vanilla sex didn’t give me what I was looking for. When I went to a club, it was different. That’s when I learned I was submissive, I liked a man taking charge. I liked being able to trust him to focus on my pleasure.”
Drew’s so quiet, I don’t expect him to respond. In fact, I anticipate his next words being that he’s going to take me back to the compound, understanding now why I’m with Xander.
He responds after a couple of minutes, but in a way I didn’t see coming. He comes up behind me, and my God, presses a rock hard cock against my ass. “Feel what you do to me, Amy. And everything you ask for? Well, I can give you that. I don’t give myself a fancy title, but I take charge in bed. Once you’ve had my cock, you won’t want any other.”
His confidently spoken words, his closeness, and the evidence of his arousal at my back, send sensations through me. I can’t trust myself to speak.
“But I can give you more than that. I can give you my heart, Amy. Fuck, you’ve owned it since we first met. Has anyone else given you that? Has Xander?”
All I can think is no one but Drew has ever made such a promise.
I can’t speak. I don’t think I even dare breathe, fearing I’ll I wake up to find that this is all a dream.
Chapter Ten
Heart
“Whatcha got, Mouse?” Drummer asks when he walks in carrying his tablet.
Drummer had given us an hour after we’d returned from the ride—enough time for me to have a talk with Amy—and then we assembled at his house. His sons, Hawk and Zane are partying down at the clubhouse, his old lady Sam is supervising the preparation of Christmas dinner. Me, Wraith, Blade and Peg are currently sprawled on sofas and chairs, while Drummer strides across the room and back, his hand toying with his mostly salt beard now, a gesture he often employs as he thinks. Though I didn’t particularly like sharing Amy’s secret, I’d brought the men I’m closest to up to speed.
“Found shit out about this Flint.” Mouse purses his lips, and Peg, taking the hint, shifts up along the sofa, making room for the tech guy to sit. At Drummer’s raised eyebrow, he continues, “He’s married with a wife and a kid.”
My eyes narrow. “She know he plays at kink clubs?”
“Who knows? But she spent some time in a women’s shelter a year ago back.”
“She left him?” Peg asks, his brow creased.
“After a couple of visits to the emergency room, yes,” Mouse confirms. “But it would appear she’s living with him again now.”
“Why the fuck did she go back?” Blade asks, shaking his head. “Fuck, some women are gluttons for punishment.”
“Maybe she didn’t have a choice,” I put in. “Man like that is used to getting what he wants.” Just like he took from Amy. “If he wanted her back and was able to find her, he might have enticed her back somehow.”
“He probably laid on the charm, convinced her he could change,” Drummer says decisively. “He had to be compelling and/or persuasive else Amy would never have trusted him. Fuck knows I respect that girl and she wouldn’t step blindly into something that didn’t look right. He’d have had to have been convincing to get to her. What hope would his wife have?”
Blade suddenly takes out his knife and plants it in Drummer’s coffee table, then, his arthritic ravished hands pull it back out and he looks around sheepishly. But Drum’s table’s got scars from over the years, sure Sam had complained when she’d seen the first one, but she’s given up since then. Blade expresses his anger in one way.
When he realises Drummer isn’t going to admonish him, his eyes roam the room, landing briefly on each one of us, settling finally on mine. I feel like an insect pierced by a pin with the intensity of his stare. “He’s got to die. Are we all agreed?”
“Vote?” asks Wraith, quite reasonably.
“Fuck yeah,” I say with feeling.
“No choice,” inputs Mouse.
After a moment, Peg gives his verdict, “Yes.”
“Sergeant-at-arms?” Drummer fixes his steely glare on him, having noticed his delayed response. “Got concerns?”
Peg chuckles. “Ain’t SAA anymore, Prez.”
“I ain’t enforcer,” Blade puts in. “But I’m still ready to tear off this fucker’s balls. He hurt one of ours, one of ours who we all but saw birthed.”
“One who I cared for like one of my own,” agrees Drum. “VP?” he raises his eyebrow toward Wraith, who’s gesturing he’s got something to say.
“I agree with everything said. Amy’s club, but more so to us than the youngsters. I don’t want the kids fighting our battles, taking over and spoiling our fun.” Wraith gives an evil smirk. “As Heart suggested, I’m happy we keep this discussion and outcome between ourselves.” His gesture encompasses the six of us.
I’m often touched by how my brothers rally around. Fuck, they’d had to when I went off the rails for six months, and before that when I was in a coma and then away recovering. Meant I hadn’t had any interaction with Amy for all but nine months, but even in my darkest moments I knew they were all watching out for her, like they’re still doing.
“Shouldn’t we at least tell Prez what’s going on?” Mouse looks concerned
. He unties the long ponytail he still always wears his hair in and ties it with the same leather thong, the only change visible are the white strands which now pepper his long straight locks. “We go take out a man up in Phoenix, what if there’s blowback on the club? Shouldn’t we be doing it with his blessing?”
“My concern hit right there on the head,” Peg nods. “Looking out for the club has been my habit for more than thirty years.”
“How would you feel, Drum? If you were still prez and several members went rogue?”
“I’d have fuckin’ killed them.” Drummer’s lips curve.
“If Wizard knew, he might stop us,” I add my two-cents’ worth. “I can’t let this fuckin’ lie, Brothers, I just can’t. Fuck, the damage that’s been done to her, I’m not sure she can find a way back from it.”
“Amy will get there,” says Blade firmly. “What she needs is a good man beside her to build her back up.”
I put my head in my hands, drawing my fingers down my face. Will that be Xander and is he up to the job?
“Heart?”
Slowly I shake my head, remembering. “She could have had a fuckin’ good man beside her, but I warned him off early on.”
“She was seventeen at the time, Brother. Not even legal.”
“She saw him plowing one of the sweet butts,” Mouse reminds me. “Wasn’t long after she left for Phoenix. Wasn’t your fault. Down to Wizard if you want to put the blame on anyone.”
I grimace. “Yeah, well I might have set that up. Backfired spectacularly.”
“No,” Drummer contradicts, pausing in front of me. “She was too young, there was too big an age difference. Going away to college was the best thing that happened to her. Allowed her to spread her wings, become a woman we can all be proud of.”
“Until it all went wrong,” I remind him.
“Who says she wouldn’t have gone to a kink club in Tucson?” Wraith suggests. “There’s always a risk there’ll be someone in that type of place with the wrong motive.”
Amy's Santa: Satan's Devils MC Second Generation #1 Page 10