Before I could talk myself out of it, I lowered my lips and had just touched mine to hers, when there was a loud knock at my door. We both froze a breath apart and I could feel the rise and fall of her chest, as she took in rapid breaths. The door to the suite began to open and we flew apart. My senses returned and I glanced over to see Kerr standing there, watching with interest as Cara brushed by him and left without a word. As soon as she was gone, he turned to me and muttered in a low voice that caused my temper to flare to life.
“Blake, you’re fucked. You need to stop this shit. She’ll lose her fucking job and she’ll end up resenting you for it.”
“Fuck!” I yelled, dragging my fingers through my hair because if he hadn’t have come in, I’d be right where I longed to be and right where I shouldn’t be.
I knew he was right and that it was a bad idea, but I fucking wanted her. She was the only person I saw when I was in a room full of people. She was the person I looked for and it was her smile that made me happy. Her eyes that caused my heart to soar and I couldn’t fucking have her. It fucking sucked.
“Come on,” he commanded as he tossed something at me, and I instinctively caught it. “We’re going out. Get fucking dressed.”
My eyes scanned what he’d given me, it was V.I.P passes to a club. I needed it. I needed to get out. To get fucked up and forget about her, but I could still smell her on my skin. I nodded over at him and rolled my shoulders, trying to relieve the tension as I walked into my bedroom. I pulled out some jeans, a shirt, and socks. I had boxer briefs on already and I tugged on my clothes. I thought of my grandma to get my boner to fuck off, as I quickly styled and gelled my hair, before going out. Just as I was leaving, my cell chimed and I saw a message from Cara, but I ignored it and left with my new one. leaving the old one on the nightstand and going out with Kerr, Ry, Doug, and some of the roadies. We went to a bar for a bit, but then people began to recognize us, so we quickly left and ended up in the club. I drank more tequila than anyone else and danced with a few girls, feeling them up, but not one of them felt right in my arms. After our dance, I went back to the bar and downed more Patron.
At three am, Yani came and dragged us back to the hotel because we had a show the next night and an interview at nine am, before our hospital appearance. In the car, I was sitting holding onto my takeout and sitting with my head resting against the seat.
“Blake, you alright, sir?” Yani asked and I glanced towards Ry who was snoring softly in the seat beside me. My eyes went to Ross the driver, then back to Yani and I shrugged.
“I don’t fucking know anymore,” I muttered, he glanced back at me with a concerned expression.
He didn’t say a word as he helped Ry out of the backseat, into the elevator and while I was drunk, I managed to call the elevator and open Ry’s door when we reached our floor. Just as I left Ry’s room, Yani called me back.
“Blake, I know how much you care about Ms. Daniels, but you need to be sure before you open that can of worms that she’s it for you. Don’t ruin her career over something that you aren’t completely sure will last.”
With that he nodded at me and brushed by me, leaving me alone in the corridor. I walked towards my room and saw Crystal passed out on the couch and I wanted to scream. How she’d gotten into my suite, I didn’t know, but I sure as fuck wasn’t going anywhere near her. I went into my room, closed, and locked the door, then stripped off before heading for a shower. Once I was in there, my fury at the situation took over and I sank to the floor, letting the water rush over me to stop myself hitting the tiled wall.
The next morning, I was rough as fuck and brushed Cara off when she tried to speak to me. I did the same later that day at the hospital, ignoring her as I played with the children and sang them songs. Later at the concert, she’d tried to speak to me, and I snapped at her.
“You’ve broken the fucking rules. You promised me you wouldn’t be here.”
My loud words made her step back, gasp in surprise and she turned tail and fled to the Green room. I didn’t see her for the rest of the show and during the next day, she avoided me.
After the show, the next day I almost kissed her. I’d gone to find her to apologize, but then somehow, we ended up alone in my dressing room so we could speak in private. She would barely look at me and I felt like such a shit for hurting her.
“Cara,” I muttered as I stepped towards her and she glanced over at me warily.
I moved even closer and pulled her into my arms, holding onto her and feeling my heartbeat speed up as her rapid breaths caused her tits to hit my chest. I lowered my mouth and watched her eyes dart to my lips and back.
My mouth was a breath from hers when a loud noise caused us to separate and I knew I somehow had to stay away from her. I couldn’t cope with the feelings that surged through me when she was in my arms. Or on our bus when she curled into my side as we watched stupid reality TV shows, so I started to avoid her.
When I did see her, I was frustrated, angry and made her feel like shit. I even made her cry once and Drew gave me shit for doing it, when all she was doing was her job and she was doing it fucking well. I was irritated, horny, and sick of having to fight what I was feeling. I began to snap at her more and more, so she began to avoid me, which pissed me off as well.
The next four days passed quickly since I’d been tempted to kiss her. It’d been four days of hell as my temper flared and my guilt burned in my chest, because I’d been such a douche that day that I made her cry. She’d come over to me during soundcheck, looking amazing in tight, black jeans and a red, fitted tee with our lanyard around her neck.
My blood pounded in my veins and I watched her as she came nervously towards me to tell me that she’d arranged an interview with a popular radio station. I already knew because she’d told the guys already, but I hadn’t been there. I’d been too busy avoiding her.
“Blake,” she muttered, nervously, as she shifted from foot to foot and I glared at her.
“What?” I hissed and she stepped back from me with tears in her eyes.
I was hurting her and it was shit, but I had to stop myself from wanting her and having her hate me, seemed like the easiest way.
“I uh…. well… there’s an….” She stuttered and I snapped at her again.
“Spit it fucking out. I don’t have all day.” My words were vicious, she swallowed briefly and stared over my shoulder. She couldn’t even look at me anymore, it killed me and made me angrier.
“You have an interview in ten minutes with Radio Switch. It’s in the Green room.” She mumbled in a pained whisper, that told me how much my erratic behavior was hurting her.
She spun away from me and began walking, but I soon caught up to her and barged by her, hissing back at her.
“Gee, thanks for the fucking notice.”
Her sharp intake of breath told me I’d found my mark, as I stomped furiously away from her and into the room to find the rest of the band already seated. Cara tiptoed in at my back and I hissed at Kerr, who was sitting beside me.
“The fuck is she doing in here?”
He glanced behind me, saw Cara, and then turned back to me and snapped back at me.
“Her fucking job.”
His words made me feel even more ashamed, which in turn made me angrier. I spent the entire interview snarling at everyone, but my moody, Rockstar temper was legendary. Ry lightened the mood by telling everyone that I was pissed off, because I got my dick stuck in my pants, which had everyone laughing.
My eyes wandered to the mirror and I saw Cara’s reflection during the interval between the questions. Her shoulders were stooped, and her eyes were downcast. She was chewing on her lip and twisting a ring around her finger. I watched as a tear dripped from her eye onto her ring. She quickly brushed it away and began to lift her head, I dropped my eyes to the set up in front of me. I was such a shit. She didn’t deserve for me to treat her like I was. If I couldn’t at least be civil to her, then I had to try and avoid her
completely. It wasn’t fair on her to have to put up with my fury. She wasn’t the cause of it, just the catalyst. All I wanted was to take her into my arms and beg her for forgiveness, but I knew I couldn’t, because if she was in my arms, then I’d never, ever want to let her go, so instead I stayed away.
The next few weeks were tough, and I made it my mission to only listen to her when she spoke. I wouldn’t look at her, acknowledge or answer her. She tried to ask me what was wrong a few times and I just walked away, because I didn’t want to hurt her. Or make her worried for her job, but it was so fucking hard, and I missed her every day.
Her scent was all around the bus and I ended up scrubbing it out to get rid of the smell because it was driving me demented. My bandmates barely tolerated me anymore. Crystal started hanging around more and more since Cara wasn’t there, but I didn’t have the energy or the inclination to push her away, so I let her.
I brushed her advances off whenever she tried to get too close, but it was fucking hell. I spent weeks with the sick feeling in my gut that I was going to lose Cara and there was nothing I could do about it.
Chapter Thirty
Old or New
Cara
Blake had been amazing. He’d been sweet, kind, funny and his charm made him almost irresistible in the early weeks of the tour. I’d loved just sitting with him and talking about everything. Some nights after the show, we’d sit and watch reality TV and he’d joke about the people on there, as I sat curled into his side.
In the weeks since we’d reconnected, I’d witnessed a change in him, but he never made a move on me, apart from the one night in his hotel room, and he pulled back after it. So, I knew my crush was one sided, as we hit the sixth week on tour, he began to get annoyed with me, more and more.
Anytime I booked something for the boys to do, I was scared to tell them because he had begun to fly off the handle with me. I started to just text the boys from my work cell because Blake was starting to avoid me.
Gone were our fun days. Gone was the guy who’d made me go to the funfair with him and laugh until I cried, as he dragged me on rides that he ended up being scared of. I was looking at the tour schedule and trying to fit a club opening in that the boys had been invited to. The club was in Vegas, in four days and I wanted to make sure they could go, but it was on a day off. After the earlier arguments about my scheduling for them, I’d managed to reign it in and only booked them things on show days.
I picked up my cell to text Blake and swallowed. He’d been so distant since Phoenix and I missed him. We’d almost kissed, at least that was what I thought. He’d pulled back since that night and then his anger spilled over, but I had to text him. We’d set up a group text for the band with me, so I could make sure that they would attend press junkets, interviews, TV shows and appearances. I searched in my cell for the Band Group and took a deep breath before sending out a group message.
Cara to Band group - Hey guys, Quartz is opening up on the Vegas strip and I’ve scored you some VIP section tickets for Saturday. You in? Gotta let them know today. Thanks C xx
I put my cell down and began to organize the press for the next few nights on the tour, but I could feel it vibrating beside me. I refused to look as I typed up replies to emails and began sifting through the approved questions for the boys on the press tour again.
Kerr - Fuck yeah! I’m in. Cara you rock.
Doug - Okay. Count me in.
Blake - I thought we weren’t doing any more shit on our days off Cara?
Kerr - It’s a fucking club opening. She doesn’t control when the clubs open dude.
Blake - Yeah and that’s fair enough, but we did talk about not booking shit on our days off.
Ryder - Dude chill. Don’t go if you don’t want to. You can wash your hair that night.
Blake - Oh fuck off, Ry
Doug - Are we in or not?
Blake - Fine.
Ryder - Fuckin’ A. It’s a hotel stop over too, which means we can hook up.
Doug - Good.
Doug - Never thought of that Ry.
Kerr - Brilliant. Bring it.
I quickly scanned through the messages and was relieved that they were in. I quickly emailed the club back on my MacBook and told them that we’d be there for opening night. I also asked how many tickets we could get, because I didn’t doubt Crystal would want to go.
There was also a press conference to organize in the hotel to announce the boy’s new album. They’d been working on it before the tour and Mason wanted them to announce it from Vegas. It’d taken a lot of work, but I was feeling good about the press coverage of the tour so far, with only one exception, Crystal. She was unable to accept that Blake wasn’t interested and had continued to pretend to be his.
Over the last few weeks from what I’d seen, in my limited time with the boys, he was now encouraging her, not actively discouraging. It hurt me to see, but he’d barely spoken to me at all. He didn’t answer my messages and would go into the bedroom of his bus, if I went on to give the boys some information. I wasn’t sure what I’d done to piss him off, but he was distant, cold with me and it stung. My cell vibrated beside me, disturbing my thoughts and I glanced down at it, instantly wishing I hadn’t because there was a message from Blake on the screen.
Blake - Fuck yeah. I need to get fuckin’ laid. Random hookup with a hottie required.
Ryder - Yes. We all fucking need it.
Kerr – Guys, I’m so fucking there.
I put my cell down as my eyes stung with tears and I tried to ignore the swooping sensation when I read Blake’s words. He was planning to hook up with someone. I didn’t think he did that on the tour. He’d been with me most hotel nights and we’d gone for dinner, drinks, went to the funfair or did a movie night with pizza, but in the last few weeks I didn’t know because he’d stopped hanging around with me.
I closed my eyes and scrubbed at my face as we pulled into a service station and I decided to go out and stretch my legs. Fraser, one of the roadies was waiting on me as I stepped off from the bus and together, we wandered between the buses chatting. He was a nice guy, who was funny and was missing his wife and kid while we were on the road.
We shared the same interest in TV shows and were talking theories about our favorite one, when Crystal appeared. I ignored her like I usually did, but my pulse hammered, and my adrenaline spiked, because over the past few weeks, since Blake and I weren’t speaking, she’d become more volatile. She barged by us and made sure to knock into my shoulder as she passed. I winced as I bounced off the side of the bus and fell roughly to the ground, but she didn’t stop and continued to prance away from us, with her nose in the air. My wrist was burning because I landed on it awkwardly and a squeak of pain left me, as I cradled my left wrist to my chest. My blood was boiling because I was sick of it. Sick of it all. I wanted to go home. I still had two weeks until Greg would be coming to relieve me, and I couldn’t bloody wait. Fraser glared after her and helped me up.
“She’s getting worse, huh?” he asked and steadied me as I tried to move my wrist, another wave of nausea and pain rolled over me.
“Yes. She. Is.” I said in a low voice, breathing in on each word as it began to swell.
Fraser glanced down at my wrist and I tried to swallow the pain, but I wanted to cry as it burned.
“Come on, let’s get Mervin to check it out.”
He wrapped his arm around my waist and led me towards the rest stop where we found Mervin, engaged in a conversation with Tracey, one of the roadies on my bus. Tracey was awesome and was a lovely lady, but she scared me a little. He cleared his throat and Mervin glanced around, took one look at me awkwardly holding my wrist. His doctor’s eyes scanned it and he moved closer to me.
“What happened?” he asked as he poked and prodded at my wrist, sending shockwaves of pain through me.
“Crystal.” I hissed as he turned it and began touching each of my fingers, sending shooting bolts of pain up my arm. Blake and the guys passe
d and none of them even glanced in our direction as they did. I watched them from the corner of my eye as they moved back towards the buses.
“Yeah, I think it’s broken.” Mervin said. “You’ll need to go to the ER.”
I knew there were a few guys with cars and that one of them would drive me if I asked, but I hated going to the ER.
“Do I have to? Can I not just wait and see if it’s okay?”
There were two reasons I didn’t want to go. One was because I hated the ER and the other was that I couldn’t afford the cost. Mervin gave me a stern glance and glanced back down at my wrist, which was throbbing painfully.
“You could but you risk damaging the surrounding muscle and tissue.”
Drew appeared beside us as Mervin was speaking, took one look at my wrist and grimaced. He turned and walked over to Declan, spoke in his ear and soon Declan, Fraser and I were all on our way to the ER. Once we were there, I was seen quickly, and my wrist was strapped up because it was indeed broken. I’d gone to pay for it, groaning when I saw the cost, but the nurse dealing with my paperwork told me it had already been covered.
I didn’t know who had covered it, but we drove back to the tour buses. I was a little woozy with the pain meds I was taking, but when we reached the buses, I was sure I saw Crystal and Blake together on his. My heart sank and I went back towards mine with heavy eyes and an even heavier heart. The buses weren’t due to leave for another hour, but I was exhausted and sore and all I wanted to do was sleep. I climbed into my bunk and was out within minutes. I woke up a few hours later when I heard shouting, yelling, loud noises and saw the girls all watching a drama on TV. I stuck my head back under my bunk and drifted back off to sleep.
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