Appeal to You (A Beyond the Cove Novel Book 3)

by Jaclyn Quinn

  “Maybe after a few drinks. Wanna test the theory? Or hell, at least maybe the alcohol will help you forget how bad they are.” Ryder chuckled but didn’t miss the look in Avery’s eyes or that it seemed he was holding back words on the tip of his tongue. What is it you’re not telling me? As soon as he’d had the thought, Ryder wanted to kick himself, because there sure as hell was something he wasn’t telling Avery.

  “I don’t forget anything when I’m drunk,” Avery said but quickly changed the subject. “Are you ready to go?”

  “Yeah, let me just get the lights.” Ryder went into his station and took one last look around to see if anything needed to be put away. As he made his way over to the light switch in the hallway, he could feel Avery’s eyes on him. If that made him shiver, he had no idea how he’d handle anything else of Avery’s on him. Most likely, he’d combust from the first touch. Like how you almost did today when he’d held your neck and arm. Finally, Ryder got to the last switch by the door. He flicked that off then followed Avery, locking up behind him.

  It was time to get his head in the game and remember what was important right now. Ryder may not have been ready to tell Avery about Chris, but he still scanned the area, hoping he’d spot him. Every time he saw a mass of brown curls, he got his hopes up only to be let down.

  Ryder knew one thing for sure, if Chris didn’t end up in the laundry room tonight, he’d never forgive himself.

  Ryder was holding something back; Avery was sure of it. Honestly, it wasn’t shocking that the man didn’t want to confide in him after the way he’d treated him this afternoon. Avery didn’t really know what that had been about. He’d had this irrational disappointment that Ryder wasn’t the man Avery was hoping he was under all those layers. It didn’t even make any sense.

  Why did it matter what kind of man Ryder was?

  Still, Avery had been unfair, and now Ryder was acting weird with him. It was as if he wasn’t sure how to act, actually. He’d been incredibly quiet as they walked around Brighton Pier. Now they were on the boardwalk and the sun was setting, casting the sky in shades of pink and coral. Had it been under any other circumstances, this might feel like a date. Hell, at this point, Avery would take that over a boy being all alone somewhere. Yeah, because a date with Ryder would be a real hardship. Although, if this were a date, Avery was no doubt striking out. Why does that even matter?

  “Listen, about earlier…” Avery began, hoping to get some kind of conversation going. “I really am sorry. I have this knee-jerk reaction to jump to conclusions with you.” Avery nudged Ryder playfully with his arm until he looked over at him. “You’re too damn quiet, and it’s making me nervous.”

  Ryder laughed. “Never thought you’d say that, huh?” He shrugged his shoulders, looking forward again. “Forget about it, man. Trust me”—he glanced back over at Avery—“I’m nowhere near perfect. I fuck up every damn day.” His gaze shifted forward again as they separated, letting an older couple walk between them. When they met up again, Ryder added, “Most of the time, though, even if it doesn’t seem like it, it’s with good intentions.” His eyes flicked again to Avery’s, but it was as if he didn’t want to hold eye contact and nervously looked ahead once more.

  “It hasn’t gone unnoticed. Not by me.” Avery owed him at least that much. Ryder’s surprised smile from Avery’s admission made him laugh. “Don’t look so shocked. I’m a very perceptive man. Not much gets past me.”

  All at once, the smile faded, and Ryder looked straight ahead again. “Is that so?”

  Avery stopped short in the middle of the boardwalk, crossing his arms over his chest. Ryder looked back at him as he also came to a stop and turned around. “Yeah, it is. Like the fact that you’re acting weird. What the hell is up with you today?”

  “Why does something have to be up?”

  “Are you only going to answer me with questions?”

  “Do you want me to only answer you with questions?”

  Avery hung his head back and groaned. “Jesus Christ, sometimes I just want to strangle you.”

  Ryder closed the distance between them with two slow steps. “I’ll try anything once. Didn’t take you for a breath play kind of guy, though. Do you make that groaning sound you just made while you do it? Because yes, please.”

  Avery straightened his back then leaned his face only a few inches away from Ryder. “You really don’t take anything seriously, do you?” His tone came out huskier than he’d meant it to, but this man kept him in a perpetual state of frustration—including sexual.

  “Sex. I take sex very seriously,” Ryder retorted, but his face didn’t show the conviction of his words. Damn, Avery was so tired of staring at the same fucking wall Ryder had built around himself. Ryder was, surprisingly, the first to break eye contact, moving his gaze to the ocean.

  This wasn’t accomplishing anything, and they sure as hell weren’t going to find Chris by standing here.

  Yet, Avery refused to let the man get the last word. He lifted a finger to Ryder’s cheek, turning his head so he was looking at him again. “You’re acting weird, and it has nothing to do with sex.” Avery stepped around Ryder to continue walking, pissed that Ryder always had a way of pushing his buttons. So, push back. He turned abruptly, making Ryder bump into him. He stared down into gray eyes and couldn’t help himself when he said, “Although, if we were talking sex… Breath play? No. But I can make you come so hard, you’ll be gasping for air when I’m done with you.”

  “Hot damn,” Ryder whispered right before Avery forced himself to turn around again, holding back a smug smile as he began to walk and scan the area.

  They searched for another hour with no luck…in relative silence. He didn’t care what Ryder said, something was on the man’s mind. And even after a year of them being in the same circle of friends, it irked Avery that Ryder wouldn’t tell him what was bothering him. He hadn’t allowed himself to be on that level with Ryder; although, if he was being honest, he wasn’t sure Ryder knew how to be real with him. He had a feeling he didn’t know Ryder…not really. And damned if that didn’t irritate him too.

  By the time they’d circled back around to the shop, which was pretty much in between where they both lived, Avery couldn’t help but feel like they’d failed Chris. Where the hell would a kid go? It was still summer break, so no one would even bat an eye that Chris was hanging around somewhere, instead of in school. Brighton Pier was full of kids in the summer months, crowding the boardwalk and beaches and hanging out in arcades and by snack stands. They’d checked them all, but who was to say they hadn’t just missed him? The beach was free after five o’clock, so he could sit out there for a bit and go unnoticed, but there weren’t many people out there now.

  Avery made a quick call to Branson, but unfortunately, the police hadn’t found the boy. He couldn’t quite read the look on Ryder’s face when he broke the news. “Well, I guess we should call it a night. I don’t know where else to look. I was hoping Chris wouldn’t get far, but it’s not looking good.”

  Ryder took his glasses off, exhaling as he hung his head and pressed his fingers into the inner corners of his eyes. Avery could see how exhausted he was and had no doubt that he’d truly lost sleep last night. Which, of course, made Avery feel even more guilty for his earlier assumption.

  “Yeah, I guess. Fuck.” Ryder ran a hand back through his blond hair as he put his glasses back on. “I…”

  “What?” Was he going to talk now? Tell Avery what was going on?

  Instead, Ryder shook his head. “Nothing.”

  Of course, he’s not going to tell you. Avery pushed down his aggravation, biting his tongue so they didn’t get into another argument. “I’ll talk to you tomorrow.” He began to walk away, but something was compelling him to say one more thing to try and break through to Ryder. He turned around, finding Ryder hadn’t moved from the spot he’d been in. “If I could…if I was legally allowed to take a child in, I would.” He paused for a moment before adding, “Just
to take that haunted look out of your eyes.” That last part shocked even Avery, and he hadn’t meant to say it, but looking at Ryder right now, he wasn’t going to take it back. “I won’t pretend I don’t know something deeper is going on with you, but we’re on the same side here.”

  For once, Ryder seemed speechless as Avery, once again, turned and walked away.

  Ryder watched Avery as he got farther and farther down the sidewalk. His mind was screaming at him to tell Avery everything, but everything included things he’d never talked about to anyone before. Not even his closest friends. Because living his life for himself meant blocking out all the nasty things in his past that he’d had no say in. They hadn’t been his choices, so he refused to let them define him. In a way, though, he knew that was a load of shit, because no matter how hard he tried to deny it, those things had helped to shape who he was today. And on most days, he was a man who tried to show the world that he didn’t take life too seriously. Taking things too seriously meant facing a past he wanted nothing to do with—and also things he’d had a say in but wasn’t proud of.

  Here was this man—this gorgeous, genuine, successful man—keeping Ryder at arm’s length because he saw exactly what Ryder had wanted him to see. Except, he didn’t, did he? Just to take that haunted look out of your eyes. Did he have a haunted look in his eyes? Was it something he just couldn’t see when he looked in the mirror or something he chose not to see?

  Ryder headed in the direction of his place, and as he had for the last couple of hours, he searched the area for a smaller frame with chestnut curls.

  I won’t pretend I don’t know something deeper is going on with you… Avery’s words suddenly made Ryder feel more exposed than he had in a long time. He had no idea how to process that. Would Avery really take Chris in if he could, just to ease Ryder’s mind? Had anyone ever done anything like that for Ryder before? He didn’t even know what Avery would have to do to legally be able to be responsible for Chris. Maybe Novak and Eli would know?

  Ryder stopped in his tracks, his heart pounding as he pulled out his phone. He almost called but realized it was kind of late. This wasn’t something he could just send in a text, though. So, instead, he texted to make sure his friends were still awake, breathing a sigh of relief when they answered that he could stop by.

  It took Ryder around fifteen more minutes to get to his car and head over to Novak and Eli’s home. As he stood out on the front stoop, he rubbed his clammy hands on his jeans, so fucking nervous about what he was about to do. Eli opened the door after Ryder knocked, and Ryder’s nerves kicked into overdrive.

  “Hey, man. What’s up?” Eli stepped back, letting Ryder pass by. “Jake’s in the kitchen. We’re just cleaning up.”

  “Thanks for letting me come over.” Ryder followed Eli to the kitchen. Eli crossed the room and picked up a towel, drying dishes as Novak washed them. It was all so fucking domestic, and a joke begged to come out—until he remembered the reason he was here. He sat down at the island, clasping his hands together on the counter so they couldn’t see how nervous he was.

  “So, what’s up, Ryder? You never stop by this late. Strike out at Jimmy Mac’s?” Novak laughed, handing Eli a wet plate to dry off.

  “I don’t strike out, remember?” Ryder cocked an eyebrow. It would be so much easier if that’s what he’d been doing tonight. Shit, he hadn’t even hooked up with anyone since Saturday night. “No, uh…I have a favor to ask you. Well, I guess it’s a favor…though, it’s a pretty big one. Not that it’s anything illegal, ‘cause it’s not.” Because you’ve asked them to do illegal shit for you before, asshat? What the fuck is wrong with you? Now both of his friends were looking at him like he’d lost his damn mind. Jesus, maybe he had.

  “Spit it the hell out, man,” Novak said, looking like he was holding in a laugh.

  Just ask them. “You know how I told you that my neighbor died?” Novak nodded and must have told Eli, because he nodded too. “Well, she had a twelve-year-old grandson.” Ryder moved his hands to his thighs, rubbing his palms on his jeans. Just get it all out as fast as you fucking can. “And uh…well, no one can find him, but if they do find him, he’ll most likely go into foster care because I don’t think he has anyone else, and foster care is fucking hell, but since you guys took the boys in, I thought maybe you could take Chris in ‘cause you had to be approved and all that shit, right?” Breathe. Holy shit.

  Both of his friends stared at him, probably processing the info-dump he’d just spewed at them. Eli was the first to speak up, except all he managed to say was, “Whoa. I…whoa…” He rubbed the back of his head, his eyes widening.

  “Ryder…shit.” Novak looked at him in disbelief, and a wave of nausea washed over Ryder because he already knew their answer. “It doesn’t work that way, man.” Okay, so it hadn’t been outright refusal, but it still made Ryder’s heart sink. “My brother and sister-in-law made me guardian in their wills. We’re not licensed to take kids in.”

  Ryder looked back and forth between them then closed his eyes. “Right.” He opened them again and sighed. “It was a long shot.” Eli and Novak shared a look that Ryder couldn’t quite decipher, like they were having a fucking conversation with their damn eyes. Could people do that? You do it every weekend across a crowded bar. “What?” he asked because clearly there was something they weren’t saying. “What the hell is that look for?”

  Novak exhaled and grabbed the towel from Eli, drying his hands. “After everything that had happened with the boys”—he looked at Eli, who nodded—“Nina told us about how she and Stan used to foster years ago. They’d stopped, and we didn’t ask why because, honestly, it didn’t look like something she wanted to go into. Anyway…” Novak looked back at Eli.

  Then Eli continued, “She said she and Stan made sure their license was up to date, God forbid they would one day need it. She didn’t say they’d done it as a precaution for the boys, but it’s clearly what she’d meant.”

  Ryder stood abruptly. “Do you think she’s still awake?”

  “Ryder…” Eli began, shaking his head. “I’m not sure we were even supposed to tell you that. I mean, it’s not like they specifically said they didn’t want anyone to know, but—”

  “The kid’s twelve, Eli. Fucking twelve years old. I can’t just do nothing. I can’t let him go with strangers who’ll do fuck knows what—”

  “Hey,” Novak said firmly. “Ryder, calm the hell down. I’m sure there are plenty of other people out there like Nina and Stan. Isn’t finding him and getting him into a home the most important thing? How do you know…?” The light dawned in Novak’s eyes as his words trailed off, and the last thing Ryder ever wanted to see on his friend’s face was sympathy. This kid was forcing Ryder to unveil things from his past that he’d never revealed before. He felt like he was about to crawl out of his fucking skin, but he held his ground and his friend’s questioning gaze. “Shit…you were… Fuck, Ryder, I didn’t know…”

  “Don’t sweat it. How could you know?” Ryder looked through the window to his right and saw Nina’s kitchen light was still on. “It looks like someone might still be up over there.” He turned back to his friends, ignoring the pity on both of their faces. “I’m gonna take a chance. See what they say. Thanks, guys.”

  As he walked toward the front door, Eli called out his name. Ryder stopped and took a deep breath before looking back over his shoulder. “Good luck.”

  Ryder gave a small nod and smile before leaving. As soon as he got outside, he pushed down the shame of what he’d inadvertently—without even having to say the words—told Novak and Eli. Didn’t matter now. He knew how to move past it; he was a fucking pro at it. But for some reason, he felt a desperation to make sure Chris was okay. That was his main concern right now.

  He walked across the lawn and breathed a sigh of relief when he saw Nina in the living room through the window, watching TV. Softly, he knocked on the door and waited for her to answer.

  “Ryder? Is everythi
ng okay?” Nina asked after she opened the door, taking his arm and pulling him into the house. Her overwhelming kindness when he’d first met her had caught him off guard, but it didn’t take long to grow attached to the woman. She was happiness and sunshine and love—all the things Ryder could never say about his own parents.

  “Hey, Nina. Sorry to bother you so late.” She led him into the living room, and he sat on the couch.

  “Oh, it’s not too late. Stan and I are night owls. He has a bit of a cold, though, so he went to bed early.” She sat across from him then popped back up. “Do you want a drink? I have iced tea.”

  Ryder held up his hands. “No, I’m good. I have a question for you, though. Kind of a heavy one so if you could just…” He pointed to the chair and Nina sat back down.

  “What’s wrong, honey? Are you okay?” Worry creased her delicate brow, and Ryder knew he had to just get this over with.

  “There’s a kid. His name’s Chris, and he’s twelve years old, and”—he blew out a long exhale—“he’s gonna be put into foster care.”

  Nina sucked in a breath, obviously figuring out where Ryder was going with this. She shook her head slightly, and Ryder’s hopes deteriorated.

  “I know I have no right…”

  “How did you find out?” she asked in a small voice.

  Uh oh. “Don’t blame Eli and Novak for telling me. I kinda put them on the spot, and in their defense, they didn’t want me to ask you.”

  “So, you are asking us to take that boy in?” She must have realized his silence was confirmation. “Ryder, Stan and I are both in our sixties now. We haven’t actually fostered a child in years.” She looked down at her lap, her hands fidgeting when she softly added, “Quite frankly, I don’t know if I’d be able to handle it again.” She glanced across the room absently, but when she slid her eyes back to Ryder, the sadness in their depths was overwhelming. “I think you already know, but Stan and I couldn’t have kids. What we don’t talk about is that we’d decided to adopt and were so excited. Unfortunately, the adoption fell through at the last minute. I was devastated. So was Stan.