Appeal to You (A Beyond the Cove Novel Book 3)

by Jaclyn Quinn

  He flattened his bigger frame against Ryder’s, heard the small, needy sound that escaped Ryder when their cocks came in contact. They were supposed to be talking, but how the hell was he going to pull away now that he’d finally gotten another taste? Last night had been the appetizer. Tonight? Avery wanted to devour the man, take him apart inch by inch with his tongue, his teeth…his dick.

  That thought had him slowing down and pulling back.

  “No! Shit, where the fuck are you going this time?” Ryder’s pupils were blown, his glasses were crooked on his face, his pink lips were swollen, and his voice was raspy and strained.

  Avery sucked in air and licked his lips, tasting Ryder and wanting more, but he had to bring this back around to the elephant in the room. “We’re supposed to be talking, remember?”

  “Can’t we fuck first and talk after?” As soon as Ryder said the words, his head banged back against the door, and he squeezed his eyes closed. “I know, déjà vu, again, right?” He pushed off the door Avery had pressed him against, shaking his head. “Look, whatever the fuck happened back then, I’m sorry, okay? I can honestly say I don’t remember it. Well, at least not all of it… Do you know how many times you said that fucking ‘from Jersey to anywhere and back’ line? Drilled it in my fucking head.” He tapped his forefinger on his temple and smirked. “If I add up all your digs over the last year, I’m guessing I came, I saw, I passed out?”

  Avery snorted. “Something like that.” He sighed, sitting down on the arm of the couch and gripped the back of his neck. “Honestly, I laughed it off at the time. Shit happens, right?”

  “Then why the fucking grudge, man?” Ryder took a step closer.

  Crossing his arms over his chest, Avery replied, “There really was no grudge. Hell, I even saw you a month later.”

  “You did?” Ryder took another step, gradually closing the distance between them.

  “Yeah. I went back to the bar, saw you with someone, and there was no recognition when you looked at me. So, I sat next to you, even laughed it off again when you sat there bragging about your nail-it-and-bail-it tactic.”

  Ryder’s head fell back and he groaned. “Fuck. I wondered how you knew about that.” He brought his chin back down. “If you laughed that off too, then what the hell is the problem?”

  “Ryder…do you even know how I was feeling when I saw you at the hospital? First of all, I was caught off guard that you were even there, but most of all, I was fucking gutted. My best friends had just died, and I was so goddamn angry. I was furious at the fucking world, and I couldn’t show it because I felt like I had to be strong and get Jake and the boys through the hearing. And at the same time, I was terrified that I would lose the boys too, and they’re my family. Because what the hell did I mean to Jake and all his friends?”

  He dropped his hands, gripping the arm of the couch on either side of his hips, needing something to steady himself from the memories that hurt so much. “The last thing I could handle, at that point in time, was you hitting on me like we’d never met before. It hit a fucking nerve, I guess. At least, that’s how it started out. You know it turned into something different. To be honest, dealing with your snarky ass took my mind off of things that were weighing me down.”

  With one more step, Ryder was standing between Avery’s legs, his hands on either side of Avery’s neck. Can he feel how damn fast my pulse is right now?

  “I’m really fucking sorry, Avery. Jesus, I’m such an idiot. Sometimes I have no clue how to handle tough situations, and my first thought is always…make ‘em laugh…ya know?”

  “Yeah, I know, and you’re not an idiot.” Avery felt some bone-deep need to be brutally honest, because he wasn’t just walking down a dangerous path, he was falling heart first down the damn thing. “I can’t shake the feeling that I’m going to get hurt in all this. I’m thirty-six years old, Ryder. I don’t want drunken nights and quick fucks. It’s not who I am. I’ve never been that person, really. That night at the bar, I’d had an argument with my dad and brother earlier, and I’d just needed to take my mind off everything.”

  Ryder took a step back and scowled bitterly, releasing a huff as he shook his head. “Right. Just don’t…” Ryder bit his bottom lip and looked away, stuffing his hands in the pockets of his worn jeans.

  “Don’t what?” Avery prodded.

  Ryder shifted those stormy eyes back to Avery. “Don’t fuck with my emotions just ‘cause you don’t think I have any.”

  “I don’t think that”—Avery froze with Ryder’s hard stare—“anymore.”

  Ryder’s glare lessened, a smirk teasing that sexy-as-sin mouth.

  Avery stood up in front of the man who looked so broken at the moment. He didn’t want to be the one to cause that pain in Ryder’s eyes, but they needed to get it all out on the table. “If you want me to see the real you, then you have to be willing to show me everything.” Ryder opened his mouth, but Avery raised his voice and held up a hand to stop him. “No sexual innuendos. No jokes. No nail-it-and-bail-it Ryder. Show me you can go without fucking a different person every damn weekend. Show me you.”

  Ryder’s gaze dropped, his shoulders slumping. “And if I do all that…what if you still don’t like what you see?”

  Jesus. This man had a way of making him feel helpless and hopeful simultaneously. “I guess you have to decide if it’s worth the risk.” If I’m worth the risk.

  Avery hated leaving Ryder so vulnerable, but it was the only way Ryder was going to figure out what he wanted. Avery stepped around him and walked toward the door, but before he left, he turned quickly, grabbing Ryder’s face as he pulled him into another heated kiss. Ryder’s fingers curled against Avery’s stomach, gripping his T-shirt. The man kissed like he was starving, and Avery was the only sustenance he needed.

  So, of course, it was Avery who had to pull away. He leaned his forehead on Ryder’s, dragging in deep breaths. “I’ll see you on Friday.” He lifted his head and added, “By the way, that was a good thing you did for Chris.”

  Ryder looked confused for a second but then chuckled. “Right. Rollercoasters.”

  Avery turned for the door but looked back over his shoulder. “You have so much more to give than you think you do.”

  Ryder hung his head, staring down at his feet, but Avery didn’t miss the small smile curving his mouth.

  “I’m pretty sure I never need to go on that ride again in my life,” Avery groaned, sitting down on a bench with a bottle of water. Ryder rolled his lips in, trying to hold in the joke on the tip of his tongue because the man looked fucking green. Avery narrowed his eyes. “Oh, just fucking say it.”

  “No, no. I’m turning over a new leaf, so I most definitely will not crack a joke about how I can give you a ride that’s more your speed.” He gave Avery a wink and a facetious grin.

  “That was some real self-control you just had there,” Avery said sarcastically, but his mouth still quirked up in a yummy grin and a deep, sexy laugh rolled out.

  “I know, right?” He studied Avery’s face for a moment and noticed the color was slowly coming back to his cheeks. “Are you gonna be okay?”

  “Yeah, I’ll be fine. At least I didn’t lose my lunch in the bushes.”

  Ryder snorted at the thought of a perfectly put-together Avery tossing the contents of his stomach in the middle of an amusement park.

  “Ryder, look what I won!” Chris jogged over with Nick and Dylan, carrying a stuffed Pikachu bigger than his head.

  It had taken about thirty minutes for Chris to finally start warming up to the boys. Novak and Eli had clearly asked Nick and Dylan not to make Chris feel left out, because the boys did their best to bring Chris into whatever conversation they were having. That alone was leaps and bounds better than any experience Ryder had ever had in foster care.

  “Nice. How’d you score that?”

  “He got first place in the water-gun balloon race three times in a row!” Dylan said then looked up at Novak. “Can we get ice
cream now, Uncle J?”

  “You guys seriously are bottomless pits,” he responded, rolling his eyes.

  “You’re one to talk.” Eli slapped the back of his hand on Novak’s stomach. “All right. Let’s go get some ice cream.” They started to walk away but stopped when they realized Chris wasn’t following. “You comin’ Chris?”

  “Nah…um…I’m gonna stay with Ryder.” Sadness poured off the kid, but Ryder waited until the others walked away before he said anything.

  Ryder tapped his sneaker against Chris’s leg. “Hey, what’s wrong? You don’t want ice cream?”

  Chris shrugged and stared down at the ground. “Gram always said ice cream wasn’t something we needed to spend money on. Besides, I don’t have any money, anyway.”

  Ryder glanced over at Avery and saw the same reaction to that statement that Ryder had. He knew all too well the feeling of not having money for things other kids took for granted. In his case, it hadn’t been that his parents didn’t have the money so much as they used it on drugs instead of food. Chris’s grandma, though, had most likely been frugal because she’d had to be. But Ryder knew there was also a whole hell of a lot of pride the kid was trying to hold on to as his life turned upside down.

  Still, a boy should have ice cream, right?

  “Well, I could go for some,” Ryder said, rubbing his stomach. “I want one of those ice cream sandwiches with the chocolate chip cookies, but trust me, I shouldn’t have too much sugar. Even I know a hyper Ryder is exhausting.” He laughed, catching a glimpse out of the corner of his eye of Avery nodding. “Wanna split one with me?” he asked Chris.

  Chris looked like he was struggling with the decision, wanting so badly to be a kid like Dylan and Nick but not knowing if it was okay to do that. Ryder stood up and walked in the direction the rest of the group had gone in. “You comin’?”

  “Come on. My treat,” Avery announced, tossing his empty water bottle in the recycling bin. As he walked past Ryder, they shared a look of understanding. Heat flared in Avery’s eyes, and he stared at Ryder like he was a fucking enigma. Which made no sense to Ryder. It was just ice cream, for fuck’s sake.

  Still, Ryder jumped at the chance to make Chris laugh. What could he say? It was just who he was. “You’re payin’?” he asked Avery then gave Chris a mischievous grin, rubbing his hands together. “Heck, we’re each getting our own then.” Ryder began walking again, spotting the gang in line at an ice cream cart. Chris fell in line next to him, worry no longer creasing his brow, and Ryder felt victorious. It wasn’t like he could promise the kid this every day. He couldn’t even promise Chris what tomorrow would bring. Chris deserved to be in a safe home, and it killed Ryder that he couldn’t give him any of that.

  He was going to make sure Chris had fun today, though.

  After they finished their ice cream, the kids agreed on what ride they’d go on next. Novak and Eli seemed game, but wariness covered Avery’s face. “I’m just going to hang here. No need to lose my lunch or my dignity.”

  “I’ll stay with you.” The words were out of Ryder’s mouth before he really had a chance to think much of them, but there Avery was again, giving him that damn look.

  “But then the group will be uneven,” Avery pointed out.

  “Nah, I’ll go by myself. More room that way,” Novak replied easily; no doubt folding those long legs into a tiny seat wasn’t easy.

  “I call sitting with Eli!” Dylan exclaimed. Everyone knew there was no malice toward anyone else, though. Dylan always clung to Eli like glue; he had since right after the accident.

  “Yeah! Let’s go,” Nick said to Chris, and Chris’s face lit up. “We get a row to ourselves!”

  As soon as the group walked away, Ryder faced Avery, laughing at the raised eyebrow he was now sporting. “What’s that look for?”

  “You didn’t have to do that. I know you love those rides.”

  Ryder scratched his head, giving a sheepish look. “Not really. Actually, I really fucking hate them.”

  “Seriously? But you said you love them—” Avery huffed then hung his head. “You made all that up, didn’t you?”

  Ryder rocked back on his heels and laughed. “Yep. Just white lies, though.” All of a sudden, he had a sinking feeling, and the smile dropped from his face. Had he fucked up again? “Look, I only did it so—”

  “—so Chris would want to come. Yeah, I know.” As they started walking again with no destination in mind, Avery asked, “Have you ever really been here then?”

  “Once, and that fucking Batman ride really did make my stomach drop…all over the asphalt. Felt sorry for the poor bastard who had to clean that up. Word of advice, never ride a rollercoaster after drinking three beers and scarfing down greasy onion rings.” He shivered at the memory. “I still can’t bring myself to eat onion rings.”

  Avery barked out a laugh. “No problem drinking beer, though?”

  “Let’s not get crazy.” Ryder reached in his pocket and pulled out a pack of spearmint gum. He offered Avery some then took two pieces out for himself.

  As Avery unwrapped his piece, he watched Ryder open his mouth and pop in the two pieces. “You always chew two at a time.” Avery said it like he knew, not like he was asking. Had he been watching Ryder that closely?

  Huh. “I do, yeah.”

  “I think if I did that it would be too much in my mou—” Avery snapped his mouth shut, pressed his lips together like he was holding in a laugh, and scrubbed a hand over his face.

  Ryder stopped abruptly and threw his hands in the air. “Oh, come on! You gotta be doing this on purpose now. You’re killin’ me, Smalls!” They stared at each other for a beat. Avery glanced at some of the people around them, and Ryder could hear the chuckles—probably from The Sandlot quote—and then Avery lost it.

  He bent at the waist, leaning his hands on his thighs, laughing harder than Ryder had ever seen, and Ryder couldn’t help but join in. By the time they stopped, they both had tears lining their eyes. Avery stood back up, his laughter easing. “I swear”—he wiped his eyes—“I don’t mean to. Man, I lose my damn ability to say anything that can’t be twisted into something inappropriate when you’re around. I guess you just do something to me.”

  Ryder’s laughter stopped, his breath catching as the air between them thickened. Over the past week, Avery had said things to Ryder he never in a million years thought he’d hear. There was a shift happening, an evolution that both terrified and exhilarated Ryder. “You’re killin’ me with that shit, too.”

  Avery tilted his head to the side, narrowing his gaze. “Do you want me to stop?”

  Exasperated, Ryder blew out a humorless laugh. “No, I don’t want you to stop. I just…” I just…what?

  Avery saw the doubt swimming in Ryder’s eyes and felt guilty knowing it was his words that had suddenly shifted the mood. “What are you so afraid of?”

  Ryder looked around, crossing his arms over his chest. “You’re asking me that in the middle of an amusement park? This is where you wanna have that convo?” He locked eyes once again with Avery, and the intensity…the pure anguish…coming off him was as real as it could get.

  “Ryder! Uncle Avery!” Dylan called out as the group approached, but their eyes remained on one another.

  “Judgment.” It was whispered so softly, Avery almost hadn’t heard it.

  “From me?” Before Ryder could respond, a small body slammed against Avery’s leg, and he took a couple of steps to the side. “Hey. Did you have fun?”

  “It was so cool!” All three boys rapidly started retelling every twist and turn the rollercoaster had apparently made, talking over one another and laughing.

  As the group started heading in the direction of the next attraction, Avery leaned closer to Ryder and said, “To be continued…”

  Ryder looked over at him but didn’t say a word, which was fine with Avery because he chose to take it as a good sign.

  The group stayed another hour before heading out. A
very had to admit, it felt like he’d won the damn lottery when he saw the genuine, vibrant smile spread across Chris’s face. He didn’t have to be a genius to know that Ryder’s experience in foster care hadn’t been full of smiles and laughter. Had he ever had happy moments in his childhood?

  Surprisingly, Chris was the one who kept the conversation going as the three of them drove back to Nina and Stan’s. It really drove home the fact that deep down, he just wanted to be like every other kid his age. Seeing that Nick and Dylan wouldn’t treat him any differently because of what he was going through seemed to have boosted his confidence. Nick had suffered a great deal with some of the kids in his class when his parents had passed away. It wasn’t surprising that he wouldn’t want to make Chris feel bad about his situation. And Dylan…well, Dylan had the purest heart and always followed his big brother’s lead.

  Judgment. That probably had been just as scary for Chris as, apparently, it still was for Ryder.

  Avery glanced to his right at Ryder, who was too damn quiet. He was leaning against the door, and somehow, it was making Avery feel like he was too far away.

  In the week Chris had been with Nina and Stan, Ryder was still the only one he truly opened up to. Those two people downstairs will never make you feel like they don’t see you. Ryder’s words from Chris’s first night with Nina and Stan had been swimming around Avery’s head since he’d overheard them. He wasn’t sure what had prompted them, or what they had been talking about before that. The words felt heavy; words Avery wasn’t sure he was meant to hear. So, he’d backed away from the door and had gone back downstairs.

  Now, all he wanted to do was ask if Ryder had ever felt that way. Had he felt invisible? Had Avery made him feel that way?

  Avery pulled into the driveway and they all got out. Nina was standing in the doorway, ready to hear how it all went. He had to be honest; he didn’t think it was going to go as well as it had.

  Chris’s whole demeanor changed, though, as soon as he got inside the front door and saw Nina, and everyone just…froze.