Lillian Rayne Trilogy: Book 1

by Ella Price

  “I don’t leave people behind,” I said softly, as I tried to come up with my next move.

  “Come on, Lily. You have to know what the hunters did to your family. What I did,” he said quietly.

  “I know, but it doesn’t change anything. I am angry with you, but you were my friend at one point in time,” I said softly.

  “I am still your friend, Lillian. I love you, you have to know that. I was young and stupid back then. I was determined to follow orders,” he argued.

  I groaned and sat up. “We all have choices to make. You made yours, and I made mine. Now look at us,” I said, trying to hide the annoyance in my voice.

  “I’m sorry for everything,” he said, as he watched me. He made no attempt to move. I was kind of relieved; I wasn’t in the mood to be touched.

  I climbed to my feet, then looked down at him. “We have to keep moving. The longer I stay still, the more I don’t want to move at all.”

  He groaned as I pulled him to his feet. “I’m telling you, you would move a lot faster if you would just leave me behind. You could come back for me.”

  “No, I…” I started, but quit speaking when I heard the howl of a wolf. A slight amount of relief washed over me. Somehow, I knew it was Drake. “Come on,” I said excitedly. I started walking deeper into the woods.

  “What are you doing?” Luca asked, sounding concerned.

  “We have to find the wolves. I can hear them. They aren’t far,” I said, as I continued to move into the denser woods.

  He stopped making me halt. “Werewolves are just as bad as vampires. They will kill me,” Luca said, sounding worried.

  “No. I know these wolves. They’re not like that. Drake isn’t like that,” I said, trying to make him understand.

  He shook his head. “Go without me.”

  I scowled and attempted to pull him. “No!” he growled, and shoved me backwards. I fell, landing with a thud. I felt my head hit something hard, and everything went black.

  Chapter 22

  I woke up with a start. I rolled off a bed and landed face down on the floor. I groaned in pain. The hunger was back, full force. It was what woke me up in the first place. I laid my head down, trying to focus.

  “You have to feed,” Aubrey said.

  The sound of his voice was both relieving and painful. I knew I was safe with him, but I knew he wouldn’t be happy with me for going after Cornelius. Now that I was a vampire, I wasn’t even sure if he would love me anymore. “No,” was all I could manage to say.

  “You will not die. You will only suffer. Feed, or I will make you. I refuse to watch you suffer,” he said angrily. I could hear him move closer to me.

  He grasped me around the waist and pulled me to my feet. I looked up at him. I felt so weak I didn’t think I could hold my own weight. “I know you are angry with me,” I said softly.

  His expression softened and he ran his hand over my cheek. “Don’t worry about any of that. I just can’t watch you suffer. Please feed. I will not let you hurt anyone. Luca is safe. He is recovering. You obviously have control, or you would have killed him.”

  I looked at him fearfully. “I had to fight so hard. The only thing that stopped me was my love for him. If I don’t have feelings for the person I know I won’t be able to stop myself.”

  He watched me for a minute longer then he lifted me, and carried me back to the bed. “I will get you someone you cannot hurt,” he said, and walked out, leaving me alone.

  My body felt weightless, but I was starving. I squeezed my eyes shut and tried to fight the feeling. It was getting harder and harder to fight.

  The door opened again, and Aubrey walked in, followed by Drake. Drake looked a little hesitant. Aubrey’s big idea was to have me feed on Drake. Drake was a werewolf, so I couldn’t hurt him very easily. He didn’t look like he wanted to volunteer for the job.

  Aubrey walked over to me and lifted me so I was in a sitting position. “Drake, please come here,” Aubrey said softly.

  Drake reluctantly walked over to us and offered Aubrey his wrist. Aubrey bit into it. The scent of fresh blood hit me. My mouth watered as my eyes stayed locked on the stream of blood coming from Drake’s wrist. Aubrey pressed Drake’s wrist to my lips. Hot blood filled my mouth. I cried in relief and grasped his wrist. I could feel Drake stiffen, and Aubrey tightened his hold on me. I felt my body strengthen and the hunger ease. It felt like taking a sip of cold water after having none for hours.

  “That’s enough, love,” Aubrey whispered as he pulled Drake’s wrist out of my grasp. Drake turned and walked out. Aubrey cradled me as he stroked my hair. I felt a lot better, but I was still tired. I wanted more, but I pushed the thought away. It was easier to do now that I’d had a little.

  “What happens now?” I asked, as I laid in his arms, content.

  “I don’t know,” Aubrey said, as he gently kissed my head. “I suggest you come see your friends. They are worried about you.”

  The thought was not an appealing one. I didn’t want everyone seeing me like this. I was a monster. I wasn’t even sure if I was the same person. “I don’t know if I can,” I said softly.

  Before Aubrey could speak, the door slammed open, startling me a little. Colin stood there, taking in the scene in front of him. “You went anyway? Against everyone’s warning!” he yelled.

  I sat up slowly. I knew he would be the maddest of them all. “I thought I was strong enough to handle him,” I said, feeling chided.

  He scoffed. “Aubrey can barely handle Cornelius. How could you possibly think you could?” he asked angrily.

  “I wasn’t thinking, and now I am paying for it. Yelling at me isn’t going to solve anything,” I countered, trying not to lose my temper.

  Colin looked at Aubrey. “This is your fault.”

  Aubrey stood obviously offended by his remark. “I suppose you thought it best that she be lied to. After all, you used to be a hunter. Now you are masquerading as a vampire who is part of a rag-tag resistance because you can’t make it with the real vampires,” Aubrey countered.

  Colin moved in a blur of speed and slammed Aubrey up against the wall. “I care about her! I knew this would happen if she was told. You led her right to him. I wouldn’t be surprised if you were working with your dear brother!” Colin spat.

  Aubrey shoved him back and straightened his clothes. “I did no such thing, and I won’t justify a fight with you over this. Perhaps your entire issue is over the fact that she is mine, not yours.”

  Colin scoffed. “You are no good for her,” he growled, then stormed out.

  I looked at Aubrey, unsure what to say. “I know everyone is angry. I can’t change anything now,” I said softly.

  He sighed. “They’ll get used to it. Just give them a while. Luca is asking for you; I suggest you go check in before he gets antsy.” He walked out without waiting for my reply. I knew he was angry at me, just like Colin. I didn’t know what to do. I didn’t plan on being changed. Cornelius claimed he was going to kill me. Part of me was beginning to think that would have been the better option.

  ***

  I knocked gently on the door to Luca’s room. I wasn’t entirely sure what I was going to say. We hadn’t addressed the fact that he had been lying the entire time I knew him. I wasn’t even really sure how I was going to handle it, or even if I should.

  The door opened and Luca looked me over. He looked slightly relieved. He pulled me into a hug. I stiffened a little. As much as I tried not to, I could feel the hunger just beneath the surface. I could hear his heart pumping the blood through his veins. I was starting to understand vampires, and I didn’t like it. I pulled away and pushed the hunger back down. “Aubrey said you wanted to see me.”

  He nodded as he pulled me into the room and shut the door behind me. “I wanted to make sure you were okay. I didn’t mean to knock you out like that. You were talking about finding werewolves. I didn’t realize they were your friends like that.”

  “It’s okay. I
understand you were afraid. I was, too,” I said softly as I sat down on the bed.

  “What are you going to do now?” he asked as he sat down next to me.

  “Stay here, I suppose. Find a way to kill Cornelius. I have a few plans,” I said absently, as I looked around. It looked like he had made himself at home in Aubrey’s hideout.

  “I was going to try to join Colin’s group, but as you can imagine, he isn’t very happy with me. He seems determined to blame everyone for what happened,” he said dryly.

  “I know; he was yelling at Aubrey earlier. So, are you staying here, then?” I asked, watching him. I thought it was a little amusing that he was going to stay in a vampire hideout. I frequented the place, but I didn’t stay permanently and never imagined I would.

  “Aubrey said I could. I want to stay wherever you are. I swear, from now on I will never lie to you again.” He sounded more like he was begging for my approval than asking.

  I wanted to be angry with him, but for some reason I wasn’t. We had too much history. There were so many times when he was the only one there for me. He was my only family. In a way, I had betrayed him by joining the renegades just as much as he had betrayed me. He was young, and following orders; maybe I was just being selfish. Everything seemed so messed up. Nothing was as clear to me as it had been before. “I don’t really know what I am going to do. Whatever it is, I don’t want you getting hurt.”

  “I owe you,” he said softly.

  I sighed as I stood. “No, you don’t. You didn’t know any better. It would be safer for you to avoid me.” As I turned to walk away, he caught me by my wrist.

  “I won’t take no for an answer,” he said firmly.

  I smiled softly. “Just get some rest. I will see you around,” I said, as I pulled away from him. I walked out, leaving him sitting there. I wasn’t sure what I was going to do next, so I walked to the bar. I needed a drink. Vampires seemed to drink alcohol a lot. I hoped it would help me think more clearly in some way, but I doubted it.

  I stepped into the bar. The place quieted. It was probably shocking for some of them to see a hunter turned into a vampire. They were probably worried I would kill them. I could imagine a normal hunter would have been angry if he or she were turned. The vampires probably thought I was out for revenge.

  I ignored all the curious, worried stares and walked to the bar. I took a seat and the bartender looked me over. “Tough night?”

  “You have no idea. I’ll take anything as long as it is strong,” I muttered.

  He smiled and started mixing me a drink.

  “Well, I see you found Cornelius,” Justin said, sounding slightly amused as he took a seat next to me.

  “I am glad you think it’s funny,” I growled, trying to control my temper. I noticed I was really quick to get angry, but not very quick to get sad or happy. It kind of bothered me.

  He sighed. “It isn’t funny. It was kind of expected. Well, I thought you would be dead. I didn’t think Cornelius was dumb enough to keep you alive.”

  “You know what? It is funny. I thought he would kill me, too. I guess I am not that lucky,” I said dryly.

  “You really aren’t,” he said.

  I smiled and shook my head. At least he felt the same way I did about the whole thing. He was the only one not acting like I was an idiot. It was actually a relief to be around someone who wasn’t giving me a look of disappointment.

  “There you are. Did you check in with Luca?” Aubrey asked, as he came to stand beside me. He signaled the bartender to make him a drink as he did.

  I nodded. “I hear he is going to stay here for a while.”

  “Until I can get Colin to take him. But, as you can tell, Colin and I aren’t on the best of terms,” he said dryly.

  “What do I do now?” I asked quietly, as I spun the glass in front of me.

  He watched me for a second, then looked away. “You learn control, learn your abilities. You do what every other vampire in the world does.”

  I sighed as I stood. “That isn’t good enough,” I muttered, then downed my drink. I turned and walked toward the exit. I wanted to get out of the place. I didn’t want to be a vampire.

  Aubrey appeared in front of me. “Where are you going?” he asked in a clipped tone.

  “For a walk. Why?” I asked. I was a little annoyed that he was attempting to stop me from leaving.

  “You had a hard time resisting a hunter’s blood. That is far less appealing than a human’s. I cannot allow you to walk outside when a buffet is waiting,” he snapped.

  “I already fed. I will be fine,” I countered.

  He scoffed. “You had barely anything. Just enough to sate your hunger temporarily. I guarantee you, the moment you see a human, you will rip their throat out. Do you want that?” He was speaking louder than necessary. Everyone in the bar was watching us, and it was slightly embarrassing. I felt like a child he was reprimanding. In a way, I guess, I was.

  “Fine. I will go to my room,” I growled. I turned and walked back toward my room. I was furious that he was treating me like a child. I knew he was only doing it to help me, but it still irritated me.

  ***

  I really didn’t need to spend hours in my room alone with my thoughts. I was going stir crazy. I couldn’t calm down, and I was hungry again. I didn’t want to feed. The thought felt wrong to me. When I had finally fed on Drake, I’d felt guilty for liking it. I was beginning to think my hunter side was counteracting with my vampire side. I started to wonder how I was going to make it work. I wondered how Colin made it work.

  I found my phone and dialed his number. Maybe talking to him would help me.

  “I assume you are on lockdown, and that’s why you’re calling instead of coming to the warehouse?” Colin didn’t really sound that happy to hear from me. I wasn’t sure if I should just hang up or tell him the reason I was calling.

  “I don’t want to fight, Colin. I need help,” I said softly. I knew I sounded pathetic, but I wanted him to talk to me.

  “I’m sorry, Lily. What do you need?” he asked, softening his tone.

  “I want to know how you feed,” I whispered.

  “What do you mean?” he asked, sounding slightly confused.

  I rolled my eyes at the ceiling. “I don’t mean the mechanics. I mean… How do you do it without feeling like you are doing something wrong?”

  He paused. “It never goes away. All you can do is try to bury it.”

  “I don’t know if I can bury it. I fed on Drake’s wrist, and I felt like I shouldn’t have. I feel like such a monster.” I knew he had to feel the same way. He used to be a hunter. He had to know how it felt to be different from other vampires.

  “Most vampires don’t fear killing. Their sole mission is to survive, and in order to survive they hunt. Even though we are vampires, the hunter part of us remains. The part of us that wants to help instead of hurt. It is what makes us stronger than them. We can fight the urge to kill,” he said, like it would make a big difference.

  “But we have to feed, so what does it matter?” I asked, confused.

  “Because that is what makes you more human and less of a monster. It will keep you from being a tyrant like Cornelius. You have to learn to live with it, and realize it isn’t a bad thing,” he said softly.

  “You say I’m not a monster, but I feel like one. I feel like if I even attempt to feed I will hurt someone,” I said, trying to make him understand.

  “Listen to Aubrey. He will train you. It is not as impossible as it seems,” he said, sounding confident.

  “Thank you. It’s nice to know I am not the only one who feels like this,” I said, smiling.

  “If you need anything, just call. I will come see you when I can,” he said, then hung up.

  I sighed, tossed the phone aside, and closed my eyes. I felt a little better, but not much.

  My door opened and Aubrey came in, followed by a young man. I sat up a little straighter when I caught the man’s scent
. He was human. I felt the hunger hit me hard, but I stayed where I was. “Don’t bring him in here!” I said angrily, glaring at Aubrey.

  “You have to learn to be around them, and to feed on them. You will not be able to reach your full potential without human blood,” he said.

  He took the guy’s arm and brought his wrist to his mouth. Aubrey’s eyes locked with mine, as if he needed to keep his eyes on me. The second Aubrey’s fangs broke the man’s skin I knew it. I scrambled backwards; off the opposite side of the bed. I pressed my body to the furthest wall, trying to get as far away from them as I could. I squeezed my eyes shut; tried to fight the hunger, block the scent.

  “You cannot fight it. The more you fight, the hungrier you will get. The hungrier you are, the faster you will kill,” Aubrey said firmly.

  “I will feed off a werewolf. Please, Aubrey, don’t do this to me,” I begged as I crouched down. The pain was unbearable. I could see why Aubrey refused to let me leave.

  He cussed and pushed the man aside. He walked around the bed and grabbed me by my arm. He yanked me to my feet and dragged me toward the man. I struggled, trying to fight Aubrey, but he was strong and I was weak. He grabbed the man’s wrist and forced it to my mouth.

  “No!” I pleaded as the hot blood touched my lips. The scent was overwhelming. It was all I could smell. I refused to open my eyes. I felt like if I saw it I would want it more.

  “Stop fighting, Lillian!” Aubrey ordered, as he pressed the man’s wrist firmly to my mouth.

  The sweet hot blood filled my mouth. I cried in pleasure and grasped the man’s wrist. I drank quickly, savoring the taste. I wanted to pull away, but I couldn’t.

  “That is enough,” Aubrey said softly, but I ignored him. “Lillian!” he growled as he pulled the man’s wrist from my grasp. “Leave now,” he ordered the man.

  I attempted to go after the man. I wanted more. The hunger was still there. It still hurt. I needed more blood. Aubrey wrapped his arm around my waist and pulled me back to the bed. I struggled, trying to fight him, but he had an iron grip. I wanted it. I couldn’t fight it. I had to think of something else.

  I pressed my mouth to Aubrey’s, trying to distract myself. I was surprised when he kissed me back. I was beginning to think he understood what I was trying to do. He relaxed his grip and deepened the kiss. It was working; the hunger was easing, and lust was taking over.