A Hero of Our Time
Page 21
CHAPTER VI. 30th May.
ABOUT seven o'clock in the evening, I was walking on the boulevard.Grushnitski perceived me a long way off, and came up to me. A sort ofridiculous rapture was shining in his eyes. He pressed my hand warmly,and said in a tragic voice:
"I thank you, Pechorin... You understand me?"
"No; but in any case it is not worth gratitude," I answered, not having,in fact, any good deed upon my conscience.
"What? But yesterday! Have you forgotten?... Mary has told meeverything"...
"Why! Have you everything in common so soon as this? Even gratitude?"...
"Listen," said Grushnitski very earnestly; "pray do not make fun ofmy love, if you wish to remain my friend... You see, I love her to thepoint of madness... and I think--I hope--she loves me too... I have arequest to make of you. You will be at their house this evening; promiseme to observe everything. I know you are experienced in these matters,you know women better than I... Women! Women! Who can understand them?Their smiles contradict their glances, their words promise and allure,but the tone of their voice repels... At one time they grasp and divinein a moment our most secret thoughts, at another they cannot understandthe clearest hints... Take Princess Mary, now: yesterday her eyes, asthey rested upon me, were blazing with passion; to-day they are dull andcold"...
"That is possibly the result of the waters," I replied.
"You see the bad side of everything... materialist," he addedcontemptuously. "However, let us talk of other matters."
And, satisfied with his bad pun, he cheered up.
At nine o'clock we went to Princess Ligovski's together.
Passing by Vera's windows, I saw her looking out. We threw a fleetingglance at each other. She entered the Ligovskis' drawing-room soon afterus. Princess Ligovski presented me to her, as a relation of her own. Teawas served. The guests were numerous, and the conversation was general.I endeavoured to please the Princess, jested, and made her laughheartily a few times. Princess Mary, also, was more than once on thepoint of bursting out laughing, but she restrained herself in order notto depart from the role she had assumed. She finds languor becoming toher, and perhaps she is not mistaken. Grushnitski appears to be veryglad that she is not infected by my gaiety.
After tea we all went into the drawingroom.
"Are you satisfied with my obedience, Vera?" I said as I was passingher.
She threw me a glance full of love and gratitude. I have grownaccustomed to such glances; but at one time they constituted myfelicity. The Princess seated her daughter at the pianoforte, and allthe company begged her to sing. I kept silence, and, taking advantageof the hubbub, I went aside to the window with Vera, who wished tosay something of great importance to both of us... It turned out tobe--nonsense...
Meanwhile my indifference was vexing Princess Mary, as I was able tomake out from a single angry, gleaming glance which she cast at me...Oh! I understand the method of conversation wonderfully well: mute butexpressive, brief but forceful!...
She began to sing. She has a good voice, but she sings badly... However,I was not listening.
Grushnitski, on the contrary, leaning his elbows on the grand piano,facing her, was devouring her with his eyes and saying in an undertoneevery minute: "Charmant! Delicieux!"
"Listen," said Vera to me, "I do not wish you to make my husband'sacquaintance, but you must, without fail, make yourself agreeable tothe Princess; that will be an easy task for you: you can do anything youwish. It is only here that we shall see each other"...
"Only here?"...
She blushed and continued:
"You know that I am your slave: I have never been able to resist you...and I shall be punished for it, you will cease to love me! At least,I want to preserve my reputation... not for myself--that you know verywell!... Oh! I beseech you: do not torture me, as before, with idledoubts and feigned coldness! It may be that I shall die soon; I feelthat I am growing weaker from day to day... And, yet, I cannot think ofthe future life, I think only of you... You men do not understand thedelights of a glance, of a pressure of the hand... but as for me, Iswear to you that, when I listen to your voice, I feel such a deep,strange bliss that the most passionate kisses could not take its place."
Meanwhile, Princess Mary had finished her song. Murmurs of praise wereto be heard all around. I went up to her after all the other guests, andsaid something rather carelessly to her on the subject of her voice.
She made a little grimace, pouting her lower lip, and dropped a verysarcastic curtsey.
"That is all the more flattering," she said, "because you have not beenlistening to me at all; but perhaps you do not like music?"...
"On the contrary, I do... After dinner, especially."
"Grushnitski is right in saying that you have very prosaic tastes... andI see that you like music in a gastronomic respect."
"You are mistaken again: I am by no means an epicure. I have a mostwretched digestion. But music after dinner puts one to sleep, andto sleep after dinner is healthful; consequently I like music in amedicinal respect. In the evening, on the contrary, it excites my nervestoo much: I become either too melancholy or too gay. Both are fatiguing,where there is no positive reason for being either sorrowful or glad.And, moreover, melancholy in society is ridiculous, and too great gaietyis unbecoming"...
She did not hear me to the end, but went away and sat besideGrushnitski, and they entered into a sort of sentimental conversation.Apparently the Princess answered his sage phrases rather absent-mindedlyand inconsequently, although endeavouring to show that she waslistening to him with attention, because sometimes he looked at her inastonishment, trying to divine the cause of the inward agitation whichwas expressed at times in her restless glance...
But I have found you out, my dear Princess! Have a care! You want to payme back in the same coin, to wound my vanity--you will not succeed! Andif you declare war on me, I will be merciless!
In the course of the evening, I purposely tried a few times to join intheir conversation, but she met my remarks rather coldly, and, atlast, I retired in pretended vexation. Princess Mary was triumphant,Grushnitski likewise. Triumph, my friends, and be quick about it!...You will not have long to triumph!... It cannot be otherwise. I havea presentiment... On making a woman's acquaintance I have alwaysunerringly guessed whether she would fall in love with me or not.
The remaining part of the evening I spent at Vera's side, and talked tothe full about the old days... Why does she love me so much? In truth, Iam unable to say, all the more so because she is the only woman whohas understood me perfectly, with all my petty weaknesses and evilpassions... Can it be that wickedness is so attractive?...
Grushnitski and I left the house together. In the street he took my arm,and, after a long silence, said:
"Well?"
"You are a fool," I should have liked to answer. But I restrained myselfand only shrugged my shoulders.