“I missed you, my love,” he whispers in my ear.
“I missed you, too,” I say, as I snuggle into the crook of his neck.
Leaving my arms, he turns me so I can look at the table he set up. The candles give light to two tin cups and two white plates. Next to one plate is a small bouquet of wildflowers. His thoughtfulness never escapes me. The glimmering candlelight paints the barn, mimicking the stars in the sky. The little barn cat has made her way to a soft spot in the hay. I place the cheese I brought next to her.
“Go and sit. Pull up a pile of hay.” He smiles and gestures towards the makeshift table.
I walk to the crate, fluff up the hay in front of it, and sit. Bringing the bouquet of flowers to my nose, I inhale the sweet floral scent.
He ruffles the hay on the other side of the table and takes a seat.
I can’t hold back my questions any longer. I don’t want to ruin the moment between Henry and me, especially since with us, they’re stolen moments in a world of madness, but I need to know. “Henry?”
“Yes, my love?”
“Where is Mae?”
His smile falls into a frown and I know the news he has for me can’t be good.
“Estherly, you must believe me when I say I do not know. I will find out, though.”
“Why did they kill Mae’s father? Why were they at her home?”
“I will do all in my power to find out where they’ve been taken and why this happened. I know how much Mae’s friendship means to you, but for tonight, let’s pretend the world outside this barn doesn’t exist. I want to comfort you and show you happiness. Let me take your fears away, if only for this moment.”
While Henry’s words mean everything to me and they’re the air I breathe, I’m not sure he can take all my worry for the Steins away.
Opening a sack that sits next to him, he takes out a loaf of bread, some cheese, and some sausage. He places pieces of each on my plate.
I raise an eyebrow.
“It’s beef. Don’t worry. I know your family doesn’t eat pork.”
His thoughtfulness brings a smile to my face.
“I know it is not much, but the rest of the items are for your family, all but this,” he says with a smile, as he pulls out a bottle of red wine. He hands the sack to me. Peering inside, I see paper packages wrapped in twine. Henry explains what the packages contain: meat, cheese, bread, preserves, coffee, and four shiny, red apples.
“I know how much you love apples,” he says, as he brushes his fingers across my hand. “I’m sorry there are only four this time.”
“This is too much, I can’t—”
“Stop, my darling, I want you to have this food. I wish that I had more to give.” Grabbing my hand, he brings it to his lips and lets them linger on my skin for a moment. “I wanted to get an apple for each of you, but I was only able to get these.”
“We can share them. I’m so grateful. Thank you so much.” Tears stream down my face, thinking of how wonderful he is.
“Please don’t cry. It breaks my heart in two seeing you this way,” he says, grabbing for the wine and filling both of our glasses.
“I can’t help it, Henry. Each week, you keep giving us more and more goods. Without you, we would have so little food to eat. You have no idea what this means to me.” I look at him with tear-stained cheeks. “How can you afford to give us this?”
“Let me worry about that. I get what I need, and the rest I give to you. I’m one person, Estherly. You have a family of six. I don’t need much, and I will be damned if you and your family starve, not if I can help it.” He pounds his fist on the table, and it rattles the dishes a bit.
“Shh… we don’t want to get too loud.” I take his hand into mine and rub my thumb across the top of it. While his palm has calluses from his daily, soldierly duties, the skin on the top of his hand is smooth and inviting. “Thank you. I love you so much.”
“You’re welcome. Now, let’s taste this wine.”
Picking up my cup, I inhale the aroma of the wine. It fills my nose with a robust, fruity scent. Sipping the liquid, I let it remain in my mouth for a moment before I swallow. The taste, bittersweet, leaves me wanting more.
“Where did you get this? It’s delicious,” I say, taking another sip.
“I traded my cigarettes with a captain.” He laughs. “I wanted to make this night special for us.”
“Henry, anytime with you is special.”
Finishing our meal together, I stare starry-eyed into his gaze, remembering how we first met.
One day, I was approached by three soldiers in the school yard and they surrounded me. They kept pushing me from one to the other, calling me names and pulling at my hair. Finally, when they let me free, I ran to the classroom. Alone in the classroom, I broke down.
“Are you okay, miss?” Shocked, I jumped and turned towards the direction of the voice. I didn’t expect to see a soldier looking back at me.
“Are you hurt, miss?”
Frightened, I shook my head and looked down at the floor. “I’m not hurt.”
“Are you sure?” he asked, in a soft tone.
I lifted my eyes to his, and at that moment, I knew I was in no danger. His blue eyes captivated me, even though he was a Nazi. Henry didn’t earn my trust in the beginning. It took several months and kind gestures for me to realize he was different from the others. His heart was not filled with hate and disgust. I soon learned that it was only full of love for me.
Now, sitting across from him, my heart overflows.
“Dance with me,” he says, breaking our silence.
“But, there is no music.” I giggle.
“I don’t care. I want to hold you in my arms and dance.” He stands, comes around the table, and holds one hand out. Grabbing it, he lifts me to my feet. He twirls me into an embrace and then places his hands around the small of my back. Henry’s touch sweeps my mind to a place hidden amongst the stars, and I throw my arms around his neck. Pulling me tighter against him, he puts his mouth to my ear and hums. His warm breath on my skin envelops every part of my body with love and takes my breath away. Swaying back and forth, we move together as if we are one. I pull slightly away so I can see his face, and his lips fall on mine. Rocking side to side, our tongues intertwine. Unable to control the passion inside me, I pull him down to the ground and let him consume me.
“When we are together like this, it’s like we are the only two people in the world,” I say, as I snuggle into his bare chest.
“I do, too, my love. I wish things could be different for us. One day, I know this horrible war will end and we can be married,” he says, as he pulls me in closer. “But for now, if this is the way we can be together, I’ll take it.”
“I’ll take it, too,” I say, hoping in my heart that the words that he says can be true someday.
“I have to tell you something. You may not like what I have to say, but I have to get it off my chest.” He pauses for a moment, and I sit up and turn towards him.
“I was part of the squad that burned down the school.” His eyes lower, as if he is afraid of what I will say. “Please believe me. I didn’t want to, but I had no choice.” Henry’s gaze lifts, meeting mine, and I sense he searches for what I may be thinking. “I have to play the part, Estherly, even if I don’t want to, you must understand. In the world out there, I’m your enemy.”
I place the tip of my finger to his lips. “I understand. You don’t have to go on any further. I am not angry with you.” I lower myself back down to his chest and run my hand along his side.
“I want you to know, if it ever came down to my life or yours, I would die for you. I would not hesitate.” He wraps his arms around me.
Turning me onto my back, he raises himself above me, and we embrace in a long kiss. I’m filled with such adoration for this man. My enemy. My love.
Chapter 7 – Ferrin
I spend Sunday as I normally would: shopping alone, wishing I had someone to go with me. As I walk u
p and down the grocery aisles, I realize how I take for granted the fact that I have food. My mind wanders to Estherly, her family, and how incredible it is that out of all the people in their world, Henry, a Nazi, was the one sustaining their life with goods. Reading the diary to Sam last night, both of us felt the strong bond and love between Estherly and Henry. We talked about them for hours after finishing the last words of her account. Their romance was hopeless, yet through all the turmoil and chaos, the young lovers made it possible.
Grabbing a bottle of creamer from the refrigerated section, I sigh. My heart is full of hope after reading how much in love Estherly and Henry were. Maybe one day, I’ll find a love like that. I can’t help wishing that Sam was the one, but in my heart of hearts, I know he’s far too attractive for a woman like me. I realize that looks aren’t everything, but with Sam having the looks of a GQ model and me with my plain, pale, freckled face, and red hair, I’m far beneath him in the looks department. Perhaps I can woo him with my amazing personality, I think, then remember there’s nothing amazing about me. I’m plain ol’ Ferrin Frazier. I roll my cart through the snack aisle because my internal dialogue sends me into a state of sadness and eating always soothes my soul.
As I’m about to reach for a box of chocolate iced doughnuts (that I plan on grabbing two of), my cellphone rings. I recognize the number as Sam’s because I entered it into my phone last night.
“Hi,” I say, intentionally trying to perk my tone up.
“Hey. What are you up to?”
“Grocery shopping. I bet you thought I’d have something more exciting to say.”
He chuckles before speaking. “I was wondering what you felt like having for dinner.”
It’s adorable how he thinks of me and I know, I know for a fact, that if we keep spending time together, I’m going to fall very hard for Sam.
“I’m really not picky.”
“I have chicken, ribs, pork chops, halibut, and a pork loin. Any of that sound appetizing?” he asks.
I laugh. “All of it.”
Sam joins me with a snicker. “You like eating, don’t you?”
“Food is probably my most favorite thing on earth, except for Otis.”
“How about I fire up the grill and throw on some chicken and ribs?”
“Sam, I think I’ve fallen in love with you.” The words slip from my lips, and I definitely wish they hadn’t.
“Wait till you taste my fall-off-the-bone ribs.”
Exhaling, I’m glad Sam didn’t take me seriously, even though I’m pretty sure I wasn’t joking. “I can’t wait. I’m actually starving. Do you need me to grab anything since I’m here at the store?”
“Nope, I have everything we need for a fantastic meal. I’ve been anticipating you coming over all day. Can’t wait for you to read me more of Estherly’s story.”
Yep, as I thought, all he’s interested in is Estherly. I’m competing with an almost one-hundred-year-old woman.
“I’ll finish up here pretty quick and come right over.”
“Cool. See you then,” he says.
I say goodbye and decide against the doughnuts. If I’m going to impress Sam beyond friendship, I need to watch my figure. Who the hell am I kidding? I ask myself and grab two boxes of chocolate bliss. One to share with Sam for dessert and one to get me through another week of work.
Walking through Sam’s outdoor oasis, I set a bowl of tossed green salad on the picnic table that sits under a beautiful wooden awning, and then I turn to face Sam’s back. He stands near the barbecue a few feet away, and for a moment I pretend we’re a couple, enjoying our lazy Sunday evening together. The music of Journey’s Faithfully comes from inside Sam’s home. A cool breeze kisses my skin. I take in a deep breath through my nose and let it out, relaxing. A savory scent wafts on the light wind. I haven’t felt this content in years. Being with Sam makes me forget about all the hours of misery I endure at my go-nowhere job. This must be what it’s like to live, I think, as I approach him. As I walk to him, I notice his shoulder muscles through his fitted, gray cotton shirt and long to run my hand over them. Standing next to Sam, I smile. “Is there anything else I can bring out?”
Sam turns and faces the table I’ve set. “It looks like you got everything. You did a nice job.” He grins.
“I hope you don’t mind that I brought wine,” I say.
“I don’t drink it much, but no, I don’t mind at all.”
“You don’t drink, or you don’t drink wine?”
“I’m more of a beer guy. I probably drink about three times a month when I go out with my buddies or if we’re watching a game. What about you?”
Embarrassed, I shrug. “I haven’t had a drink in years. I don’t really get out much.”
Sam turns back to the grill and flips ribs that have barbecue sauce dripping off them, causing my mouth to water. “You’ve always been a mystery.”
“Really?”
“Yeah.” He faces me. “I see you when you come home at night. I rarely see you in the morning because you leave for work before I get up. Once in a while, I’ll see you out back or through that window.” He points to my kitchen. “But other than that, I don’t see you often.”
Crap! Has he caught me spying on him before?
“That’s cause I’m a recluse.”
Sam tilts his head. “Why’s that?”
“Most of my friends are married with kids now and are too busy to get together, or they prefer friends that have lifestyles more like theirs. I work so much overtime, sometimes twelve hours a day, and that sucks up a lot of my spare time.”
“When you talk about work your shoulders slump. I can tell you don’t like your job,” he says.
“Oh, I don’t not like my job, I detest it.”
“Then why do you stay? You said you’ve been there for years. Why stay at a job that essentially makes you miserable?” Sam grabs the chicken and ribs with tongs and places them on a plate. He turns and nods in the direction of the table.
I follow him, taking his words in. Why? What a spectacular question. Why do I subject myself to so much abuse?
“I guess because it pays really well, and I have fantastic benefits.”
“All great, but if your job makes you unhappy, why not find one that you enjoy? Let me ask you this,” he says, sitting at the table and motioning for me to join him. “If money and benefits weren’t a factor and you could choose any career in the world, what would you do?”
Sitting, I think about his question. “I’d love to work at an animal shelter. Not one of those kill facilities. I’d have to murder someone if they hurt an animal, but I’d like to work at one of those that rescues abused or injured animals and helps them recover.”
“That’s a good one.” Sam smiles, as he places a chicken breast on my plate, followed by a couple ribs. “I’m surprised you’re not a vegetarian given how this beef and chicken got to our plates.”
I hold my hand up. “Stop right there. If you say any more, I won’t be able to eat. Ignorance is bliss.”
“Let’s get back to your job.”
“Do we have to?” Sarcasm drips from my words.
“Yes, because there’s a light burning behind your eyes. It’s there when you read Estherly’s diary. I see it when you smile. It’s dying to get out, and I want to help that happen. You need someone in your corner, and I think I’m the guy to coax you on.”
A lump forms in my throat, and tears well in my eyes as I melt right where I’m sitting. A fire in my eyes? Mine? What the hell is he talking about? Is he referring to the same Ferrin that drags her unhappy ass out of bed each day? The same Ferrin that mopes around her house? The same Ferrin that isn’t living life but rather existing?”
“I didn’t mean to upset you.” Sam’s voice comes soft and low.
I shake my head, unable to speak.
“Before I started my contracting business, I was employed by one of Seattle’s largest construction companies. I was a lot like you. I worked long hours a
nd didn’t have much of a life outside of work or friends from work. In fact, those are the same guys I still hang out with. But, there came a time when I had to ask myself, ‘Are you working to live or living to work?’ The answer I came back with was that I was working to live. If I was going to do that, I wanted to do it for myself and not some corporation. So, I started Landry Construction, and five years later, I bought this house, and I live a life I’m proud to say I enjoy.”
“You’re amazing.” I sigh.
“You are, too. Each of us has the potential to fulfill our dreams. You may think you’re different, and maybe you think that you can’t or don’t deserve a life you love, but, Ferrin, I’m here to tell you from experience, you do.”
I shoot him a weak smile before grabbing a rib and chomping down on it.
He smiles. “I know, I know… enough with the guru crap, right?”
“No, not at all. You’re making me feel better about myself than I have in years,” I say, after chewing.
“You’re a lovely, intelligent, and funny woman. I’ve learned that from our time together over these past few days. If you hate your job, quit it. Start a new adventure.”
A moment of silence passes before he speaks again. “Best damn ribs you ever had, right?”
A huge smile tugs at my lips. “Yes. Best damn ribs ever.”
We finish the scrumptious meal with small talk and then head inside.
I help Sam wash and put away all the dishes, and then we go to the living room to snuggle against the couch. I wish he was snuggling with me. A woman can dream.
Once we’re settled, I ask, “Do you think Estherly is going to survive?”
“I sure hope so.”
“I really wish we could find her.”
Remember the Stars Page 6